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Or have you judged your self harshly and need to be a bit kinder and gentler to your self? Or a dream of a baby may be about becoming more playful, lightening up and not taking things so seriously. This kind of dream could also be indicating that you have become jaded or cynical, and perhaps need to regain more of a child-like sense of wonder in life. They may remind you to nurture yourself, tend to old wounds so that you may heal and let go of the past, and not give up what is most important to you. Just as a baby in a dream can mean a special new project or creative endeavour in life, to lose the baby can relate to your fear of this new project being unfulfilled in someway, of losing your creative expression, or losing the ability to execute the new idea that is so precious to you.
Losing a baby can also be a sign that you have lost your innocence, and perhaps some of the trusting qualities you had. There may be a sense of mourning and letting go with this dream. But while lost innocence can never be entirely regained, with time and work, we can learn to find and new joy and trust in life that comes with maturity. Make sure you avoid saying the wrong thing with our list of do's and don'ts. DO keep it simple. No explanations or rationalizations are necessary.
DON'T say "You can always have another. Although it's meant to be encouraging, the phrase can make it seem like you're diminishing the mother's pain. DO consider giving a lasting tribute. One of the most touching sentiments that I received was a lovely magnolia tree that three dear girlfriends ordered from SeedsofLife.
I know I will always treasure this living tribute to my second child's brief life. When my sister lost a baby in her fifth month of pregnancy, a relative planted tulips in her yard, a beautiful reminder that comes up every year around her loss date, and her coworkers bought children's books for the local library in her daughter's name. Another mom I know gave her husband a canvas print of their deceased son's name written on a beach at sunset http: DON'T say "Everything happens for a reason. DO bring a meal to the grieving parents.
When my sister lost her baby, a neighbor brought her a meal a week for six weeks. As the woman explained, she would have done the same if my sister had brought her little girl home alive, and she figured it was needed even more now. The gesture meant a lot to my sister, and not only because she was trying to cope with her grief while working full-time and caring for two other children.
It was a simple way to say "Your loss matters, and I'm here for you. But like so many other aspects of parenting, unless you've lived through it, you really don't and can't know what it's like to lose a child. People often compare grief. The mother who loses a 3-year-old in a drowning accident is expected to grieve harder than the woman who loses a pregnancy at 8 weeks.
But grief is grief. I personally lost a twin pregnancy at 13 weeks, and I spoke to two mothers who have also lost children. One mother lost her child in utero at 39 weeks, and another mother lost her daughter three days after she was born. Each had her own perspective, but the common thread among parents who have lost a child seems to be that this loss is like no other. It's a subject so taboo and painful for people to think about that those who haven't gone through it often don't know what to say or how to support a parent who has lost a child.
Sometimes a little insight can make all the difference. So here are ways you can help support someone who has lost their baby. Melissa Clark, a licensed clinical social worker, lost her daughter Eva at 39 weeks gestation. One day everything was fine, and the next it wasn't. Clark said one of the hardest things to deal with was the way her friendships changed. Her advice to friends of a mother who has lost a baby is to not expect that she will ever be the same. She is rougher, wiser, less judgemental, kinder and more compassionate. She has a new understanding for life, but honoring her baby will forever be a part of that life.
Losing a baby will forever change her. You never know how you'll react to something so earth-shattering until you live it. Don't judge a mother or a father in their grief. Clark said if you see concerning behavior like the mother expressing a lack of desire to live, address it with her. But listen to her, and be aware of what normal grief looks like. Just don't try to tell her how to feel. Clark said some friendships can't survive the loss. Not only will the parents of the baby change, but they may not be able to give anything to the friendship for a while. Just be comfortable with what you decide, and know that the grieving parent will not be able to keep the friendship alive.
If you show up, then do so without expecting her to be the same person she once was, or even contribute any wonderful dialogue.
A baby's death is never an easy thing to witness, but for some it's beyond traumatizing. Amy Martin, an emergency room physician, lost her daughter Savannah at 3 days old. Savannah had a terminal brain disorder and was placed on anti-seizure medication that suppressed her respiratory drive — so, basically, in order to stop her brain from seizing, her life depended on a ventilator.
Martin had to make the decision for her daughter to seize to death or suffocate, a choice no mother should have to make. She made the decision to let the anti-seizure medication wear off and keep her on the ventilator until her last breath. When she should have been deciding on which outfit to leave the hospital in, Martin was making an informed choice on how to let her baby leave this earth. The day Savannah died, Martin and her family all drove to Pensacola, Florida and watched the sunset.
But since it was three days after birth, Martin's milk came in on the way home. Breast milk and postpartum depression are often salt in the wound for mothers who lose their babies. Martin said she didn't know about milk donation, but looking back she wishes she could have donated Savannah's organs and her milk. Some parents find that donation gives their babies lives more of a legacy.
The only place a grieving parent wants their child to be is in their arms. Even the most spiritual person is human. They want their baby to take their first steps, get paint smudged on her face on her first day of kindergarten, and have a favorite movie they watch over and over. While the sentiment is nice because it's meant to offer comfort, to a grieving parent it's a slap in the face and a reminder that their baby isn't with them. If other people get to have their children on earth and in Heaven, why shouldn't they?
Don't ask "How are you" unless you really want to know. Clark said she has one friend who asks and actually really wants to know how she's doing. She'll listen to rants and raves and tears with no judgement — only concern.
the lost baby poem. By Lucille Clifton. the time i dropped your almost body down. down to meet the waters under the city. and run one with the sewage to the sea. Dive deep into Thelma Lucille Sayles' The lost baby poem with extended analysis, commentary, and discussion.
If you aren't sure you're prepared for that, try saying "I am thinking about you" or "I know you are hurting — I care and I'm sorry. Don't say "At least you have other kids" or "At least you can try again. Don't equate the baby to a pair of tennis shoes that can be replaced. That doesn't help them feel any better. Recognize the life that these parents lost.
Telling a parent to be thankful they have other children is like saying "look at your living children, which of them would you be okay with dying," Clark said. If someone's grandmother died you wouldn't say, well at least you have some grandparents left. Take a moment to realize the baby was a person.
Asking "How can I help" is basically giving the parent a task. They don't really know what they need. If you want to do something, then help however you'd like. The meals, cards texts and gifts are comforting, but there's actually nothing you can do to "help.
Being accepting, patient and non-judgemental of their grief is the greatest help of all, Clark said. One of the greatest ways to acknowledge the life that was lost is to say the baby's name. If the parents have named the baby, try not to refer to her or him as "it" or "the baby. That baby was someone's son or daughter.