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This is at least in part because self-discipline facilitates learning and information processing. In addition, self-disciplined kids cope better with frustration and stress and tend to have a greater sense of social responsibility. In other words, self-discipline leads not just to school success and sitting nicely at the dinner table but to greater happiness, more friends and increased community engagement.
Help kids learn to distract themselves from temptation. One way to do it is to obscure the temptation—to physically cover up the tempting marshmallow. When a reward is covered up, 75 percent of kids in one study were able to wait a full fifteen minutes for the second marshmallow; none of the kids was able to wait this long when the reward was visible.
More on increasing self-discipline here. We read a lot about mindfulness and meditation these days — and both are quite powerful. Most kids already practice mindfulness — fully enjoying the present moment — when they play. Researchers believe that this dramatic drop in unstructured playtime is in part responsible for slowing kids cognitive and emotional development… In addition to helping kids learn to self-regulate, child-led, unstructured play with or without adults promoted intellectual, physical, social, and emotional well-being.
Unstructured play helps children learn how to work in groups, to share, negotiate, resolve conflicts, regulate their emotions and behavior, and speak up for themselves. No strict instructions are necessary here: Budget more time for your kids to just get outside and simply play. More on the power of playing for kids and adults here.
Your efforts will be constrained by time and effort, while context affects us and children constantly. Sociologists show that happier people tend to watch considerably less television than unhappy people. But we do know that there are a lot of activities that will help our kids develop into happy, well-adjusted individuals. More non-television happiness activities are here. Sometimes all science does is validate those things our grandparents knew all along.
Yes, family dinner matters. Studies show that kids who eat dinner with their families on a regular basis are more emotionally stable and less likely to abuse drugs and alcohol. They got better grades. And they are less likely to become obese or have an eating disorder. Family dinners even trump reading to your kids in terms of preparing them for school. And these associations hold even after researchers control for family connectedness…. More on the power of family dinners here.
The most important work you and I will ever do will be within the walls of our own homes.
How much of what your parents told you was wrong? Happier kids are more likely to turn into successful, accomplished adults. Get Happy Yourself The first step to happier kids is, ironically, a little bit selfish. She started sleeping better, feeling more present at work and at home, and realized it had changed her interactions with her children. Sures believes yelling is often about more than a misbehaving child—it can be an outward manifestation of our own unmet needs.
Did I not get enough sleep? Do I feel unappreciated? Have a yelling debrief So you lose it. She adds that saying sorry models appropriate behaviour for children to follow when they lose their temper. Yell less, and you may soon find you have fewer reasons to get shouty. When is it OK to yell? The three types of yelling There are three types of yelling parents generally use. Are some cultures just shoutier than others?
Angry outbursts directed at children frighten them, but sometimes—no matter where we come from—we lose it on our loved ones. We've sent an email with instructions to create a new password. Your existing password has not been changed.
If you are a woman aged between 25 and 45, you will almost certainly have attachment parenting offers clarity and promise: follow these steps and you will . Attachment Parenting Book including a guide to being a working mother – even Yes, I met mothers like this when my eldest was tiny - in They want their children to be happy. Via Raising Happiness: 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents: Now there’s tons of info on raising smart kids and successful kids, but how do you raise happy kids?.
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If your child says he has to tell you something, make sure you take this seriously. If the timing is right now, drop everything you're doing to listen properly, or set up a time to talk when you can really listen. Don't underestimate your children's intelligence. They often have insights to share or a way of sensing when something is wrong or right.
Take the time to hear their perspectives. Make time for your children. Be careful not to stifle or smother them, however. There's a big difference between protecting someone and imprisoning them within your too unyielding demands. You want them to feel like your time together is sacred and special without making them feel like they are forced to spend time with you.
When you're spending time with your children, turn off your technology.
Though I knew most about what I read, I felt as if I were reading this the first time. English Choose a language for shopping. If you were too busy to be there for your child's first day of school or another important milestone, you may regret it for the rest of your life. It's normal for a 3-year old to be scared of the dark. Criticize your child's behavior, not your child.
Keep your phone put away so that you can focus your attention on your child without the temptation to answer messages, check your email, or log on to social media. Spend time with each child individually. Try to divide your time equally if you have more than one child. Listen and respect your child and respect what they want to do with their life. Remember though, you are the parent. A child who has been allowed to behave as they please and had their every whim indulged will struggle in adult life when they have to obey the rules of society.
You are NOT a bad parent if you don't allow your children to have everything they want. You can say no, but you should provide a reason for saying no or offer an alternative. Set aside a day to go to a park, theme parks, museum or library, depending on their interests. Do homework with them.
Be there for the milestones. You may have a hectic work schedule, but you should do everything you can to be there for the important moments in your children's lives, from their ballet recitals to their high school graduation. Remember that children grow fast and that they'll be on their own before you know it.
Your boss may or may not remember that you missed that meeting, but your child will most certainly remember that you didn't attend the play they were in. Though you don't actually have to drop everything for your children, you should at least always try to be there for the milestones.
If you were too busy to be there for your child's first day of school or another important milestone, you may regret it for the rest of your life. And you don't want your child to remember his high school graduation as the time when his mom or dad couldn't show up. Part 1 Quiz What is the best way to praise your children? Emphasize their good behavior as much as their bad behavior. Tell them, "Good job!
Enforce rules that apply to every person leading a happy and productive life — not model rules of your ideal person. It's important to set rules and guidelines that help your child develop and grow without being so strict that your child feels like he can't take a step without doing something wrong.
Ideally, your child should love you more than he fears your rules.
Communicate your rules clearly. Children should be very familiar with the consequences of their actions. If you give them a punishment, be sure they understand the reason and the fault; if you cannot articulate the reason and how they are at fault, the punishment will not have the discouraging effects you desire. Make sure that you not only set reasonable rules, but that you enforce them reasonably. Avoid overly harsh forms of punishment, ridiculously stringent punishments for minor infractions, or anything that involves physically hurting your child.
Control your temper as much as you can. It's important to try to be as calm and reasonable as you can when you explain your rules or carry them out. You want your children to take you seriously, not fear you or think of you as unstable. Obviously, this can be quite a challenge, especially when your children are acting out or just driving you up the wall, but if you feel yourself getting ready to raise your voice, take a break, excuse yourself or let your kids know that you are beginning to get upset.
We all lose our tempers and feel out of control, sometimes. If you do or say something you regret, you should apologize to your children, letting them know that you've made a mistake. If you act like the behavior is normal, then they will try to mimic it.
It's important to enforce the same rules all the time, and to resist your child's attempts to manipulate you into making exceptions. If you let your child do something he or she is not supposed to do just because he or she is throwing a tantrum, then this shows that your rules are breakable. If you find yourself saying, "Okay, but only once If your child feels like your rules are breakable, he'll have no incentive to stick to them.
Be a united front with your spouse. If you have a spouse, then it's important that your children think of you as a united front — as two people who will both say "yes" or "no" to the same things. If your kids think that their mother will always say yes and their father will say no, then they'll think that one parent is "better" or more easily manipulated than the other. They should see you and your spouse as a unit so there's order in your high school, and so you don't find yourself in a difficult situation because you and your spouse don't agree on certain things when it comes to raising the kids.
But it does mean that you should work together to solve problems that involve the children, instead of being pitted against each other.
You shouldn't argue with your spouse in front of the children. If they are sleeping, argue quietly. Children may feel insecure and fearful when they hear parents bickering. In addition, children will learn to argue with each other the same way they hear their parents argue with each other. Show them that when people disagree, they can discuss their differences peacefully.
Provide order for your children. Your kids should feel like there's a sense of order and a logic to things in their household and in their family life. This can help them feel safe and at peace and to live a happy life both in and outside of their home. Here are some ways that you can provide order for your children: Establish and follow a family schedule so that your children know what to expect. Set bedtimes and wake up times, serve meals at the same time each day, and set time for homework and play. Keep up with your own hygiene, such as showering and caring for your teeth, and teach your child that the same is expected of them.
Set boundaries such as bedtimes and curfews, so they learn that they have limitations. By doing so, they actually get a sense of being loved and cared about by their parents. They might rebel at those boundaries, but inwardly enjoy knowing that concerned parents guide and love them. Encourage responsibility by giving them jobs or "chores" to do and as a reward for those jobs give them some kind of privilege money, extended curfew, extra play time, etc. As "punishment" for not doing these jobs, they have the corresponding privilege revoked.
Even the youngest of children can learn this concept of reward or consequence. As your child grows, give them more responsibilities and more rewards or consequences for completing those responsibilities or ignoring them. Teach them what is right and wrong. If you are religious, take them to the religious institute that you follow, if they are interested. If you are an atheist or an agnostic, teach them your moral stance on things.
In either case, don't be hypocritical or be prepared for your child to point out that you are not "practicing what you preach". Criticize your child's behavior, not your child. It's important to criticize your children's actions, instead of your actual child. You want your child to learn that he or she can accomplish whatever he or she wants through his or her behavior, instead of being stuck being one kind of person. Let him or her feel like he has the agency to improve his behavior. When your child acts out in a harmful and spiteful manner, tell him or her that such behavior is unacceptable and suggest alternatives.
Avoid statements such as: Be assertive yet kind when pointing out what they have done wrong. Be stern and serious, but not cross or mean, when you tell them what you expect.
If they misbehave in public, take them aside, and scold them privately. Part 2 Quiz How can you enforce rules for your children? Show that the rules are unbreakable. Say "no" even if your spouse has said "yes. Raise your voice to show that you are serious. Teach your children to be independent. Teach your children that it is okay for them to be different, and they do not have to follow the crowd. Teach them right from wrong when they are young, and they will more often than not be able to make their own decisions, instead of listening to or following others.
Remember that your child is not an extension of yourself. Your child is an individual under your care, not a chance for you to relive your life through them. When your children get old enough to make decisions for themselves, you should encourage them to choose which extra-curricular activities they want to do or what friends they want to play with. Unless you think an activity is very dangerous, or a playmate is a very bad influence, you should let your children figure things out for themselves.
A child may have an opposite disposition, such as being introverted when you are extroverted, and will not be able to fit into the pattern and style that you choose, and will make his or her own decisions instead. They need to learn that their own actions have consequences good and bad. By doing so, it helps them to become good decision makers and problem solvers so that they are prepared for independence and adulthood.
Don't routinely do things for your children that they can learn to do for themselves. While getting them a glass of water before bed is a nice way to make them get to sleep faster, don't do it so often that they come to expect it. Be a good role model. If you want your child to be well-behaved, then you should model the behavior and character you hope your children will adopt and continue to live by the rules that you set. Show them by example in addition to verbal explanations.
Children have a tendency to become what they see and hear unless they make a conscious and concerted effort to break the mold. You don't have to be a perfect person, but you should strive to do as you want your children to do, so you don't look hypocritical if you tell your children to be polite to others when they find you getting in a heated argument in the supermarket. It's perfectly okay to make mistakes, but you should apologize or let your child know that the behavior is not good. You can say something like, "Mommy didn't mean to yell at you.
She was just very upset. Want to teach kids about charity? Get involved and take your kids with you to a soup kitchen or homeless shelter and help serve up meals. Explain to them why you do acts of charity so they understand why they should. Teach kids about chores by setting a schedule and having them help you out. Don't tell your child to do something, but ask for their help. The earlier they learn to help you, the longer they will be willing to. If you want your son or daughter to learn to share, set a good example and share your things with them.
Respect your child's privacy. Respect their privacy as you would want them to respect yours; for example, if you teach your child that your room is out of boundaries to them, respect the same with their room. Allow them to feel that once they enter their room, they can know that no one will look through their drawers, or read their diary. This will teach them to honor their own space and to respect the privacy of others. If your child catches you snooping through his or her things, then it may take him or her a long time to be able to truly trust you again.
Allow your child to maintain their personal space and accept that it's normal for them to sometimes keep secrets from you, especially as they get older. You can balance this by having an open door policy so that they can approach you if they need help with an issue. Encourage your children to have a healthy lifestyle. It's important to make sure that your children eat healthy food as much as they can, that they get plenty of exercise, and that they get enough rest every night.
You should encourage positive and healthy behavior without harping on it too much or making it seem like you're forcing your children to eat or act a certain way. Be the adviser, not the dictator. Let them come to these conclusions on their own while helping them see the meaning and importance of a healthy life. One way to encourage them to exercise is to get them to play a sport early on in life, so they find a passion that is also healthy. If you start over-explaining to the child that something is unhealthy or that they shouldn't get it, they may take it the wrong way and feel like you are condemning them.
Once this happens, they may no longer want to eat with you, and they may feel bad eating around you, which could make them want to sneak and hide junk food from you. When trying to enforce healthy eating habits, start it at a younger age. Giving rewards of candy to children may create a bad habit, because once they get older, some may feel they should reward themselves which can lead to obesity. While they are young, start them out with healthier snacks. Instead of chips, try goldfish crackers , grapes, etc. The eating habits they learn as they are younger are the ones they continue to have.
Emphasize on finishing their plates, and teach them to take a small portion at a time; they can always take more afterwards, but they can't put food back after it has been on their plate. Emphasize moderation and responsibility when it comes to alcohol consumption. You can start talking about this even when children are young.