Poetic Chaos
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Of course, I wanted to be out doing something fun, something that was exciting. Today, my purpose was to be still, to care for my kids, and to cherish the task. Finding in Our Disappointment I found that in my disappointment, the quiet moments of being still were necessary. Entertaining the desire to live what you are not has healthy benefits, not all is considered bad. There are moments, as I had this weekend, that are still. Moments that I yearn to be somewhere else but my purpose is to be still.
This thinking too has caused me to analyze my mindset, checking my actions with my words, with what motivates those actions. Here are a few realizations: Though often easier said than done, stop comparing, it little good but destroy. Here, this tactic, as simple as it is, serves as the best reminder for me. Learn from others, not envy them. We all have our own journey, tonight might mean its being still, next week it may mean traveling.
Listen to Steez of Change now.
Plots of a Story In all, the weekend was sweet. I began to own the need to be still. Where are you today? After a while, I wanted my husband to chime in, to stand alongside me to echo what I was communicating. As a matter of fact, he looked at me quietly, watching me make a fool of myself. Upset, I walked to bed. I was annoyed and boycotted. The Following Morning The following morning, the joy of punishing him resided. I sought confrontation, assuming he would wrap me in his arms and share his fault.
He would share that the communication had broke down and he empathized my upset. Yet, I found I had been mistaken.
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He instead spoke his thoughts of the previous night. I assumed he would agree that I had been justified, that I was rationale, but he spoke anything but. Yet, he shared annoyance in the lack of control I had in the way I spoke. Call Me Crazy Following this conversation, I felt disappointed. I planned it out differently in my head. I had become so focused on how I felt he ought to respond, that I missed what he was communicating. I selfishly found that I was so caught in what I expected that I lost sight of what was occurring.
Ironically, he was demonstrating love to me in a way I needed most. He spoke words of articulation, choosing the right moment to share his heart. We stunk at communication for years which effected other areas of our marriage. Hang in there, friends. I am, I just had no desire to share. I simply found myself uncertain how to share what I needed most. A wife can encourage her man to talk by writing a note and leaving it by the door or in his lunch.
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My wife has been doing this for some time, leaving a nice note in my lunch bag for me to think on. A little encouragement from her will go a long way with him. My wife does this for our children every morning, showing how much she loves them and how appreciated they are. Saying thanks for everything he does no matter how big or small it may be. Always tell him that you love and cherish him no matter what the circumstances may be. Touching goes a long way, no, not always that touching though it is welcome. Make sure you are truly interested in what he has to say, even if it is job related.
He might have something important to say or just needs to expel what is heavy on his heart. Listen, say little, just listen. Make sure you understand where he is coming from and try not to be forceful about wanting change. It takes time and trust. God made us all unique, yet, demanding more than asking may direct change in the opposite direction you set out for.
More by Poetic Chaos
Make sure you have smile plenty at one another, encourage laughter. Yet, it can be the easiest task to bring you together after a busy, long day as well. Plan a date night at home when the kiddos are in bed or find a babysitter to watch them so you can go out and then finish the date night at home.
My need for conversation is less than hers but it still is necessary for the marriage. Yet, I know this is an area important to my wife and thus, it needs to be important to me. We continue to have to work on communication and honestly, this our area of vulnerability. Yet, I realized as a husband that I built up walls that I was responsible for that hindered our marriage.
I intentionally stopped engaging at moments because my flesh was broken, stubborn. We were on our way to divorce.
He instead spoke his thoughts of the previous night. Would you like to tell us about a lower price? I simply found myself uncertain how to share what I needed most. A little encouragement from her will go a long way with him. Poetry has depth and beauty.
It was a conversation we had that stung deep. I knew if the patterns of my ways did not change our marriage would be no longer. It was then things began to change, yet so many years of damage occurred prior that I knew it would take time and grace. Who We Are Megan and I are simply broken people who had all of the odds against us. We had astronomical school debt, we were on one income, we lost hope and turned from one another.
It too was the dependence on our faith that pulled us through the deep valley to solid ground. I rationalized, I attempted to talk myself out of any work I knew I had to do to improve trust in our relationship. This is poetry written from the heart, about my life and how I view the lives of those around me. Meanwhile, gaining strength through writing.
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