THE PROMISE OF MELUSINE: Book Three of Swordfish Island Trilogy

Swordfish Island Trilogy by Stephen C. Graves

---

James Cowles Prichard, Medal Medal Mncdonald, Lieut.

Harold's Bookshelf

Robertt Late of R. Mackenzie, Colonel Colint Madras Eng. Sir Fitzroy Grafton, lit. The preceding night, when he'd returned from his conversation with the Savoys, Claire wasn't home. First he wrote upa report on thatmorning's interviewwiththe officials of the Pied-Noir Circle, and then readhis colleagues' reports asthey came in. The above mentioned catastrope effect the population of following rural wildlife animal which are on the verge of extinction or threatened.

Ramesh Kumar Jha, The Girgit The following memorandum in regard to the " Girgit " I found among my papers: Load a random word. Every now and then I remember sitting in the theater, staring at the stupid, desperate to figure out why someone had recommended either of these. The first was later clarified: By now I thought at least someone would have proposed Natural Borne Killers.

I hope this is because no one has seen it. I kept promising myself I would leave when the protagonists were killed. Nothing could have kept that crapfest going but the survival of the miserable protagonists. I hope that film failed financially or we are all in big trouble. We knew these things already. But West Side Story is a perfectly entertaining film. I just watched it on tv last week. Kiera Knightly, a Wiccan priestess fights of multiple lb Saxons in hand to hand combat. My parents should get an honorary award for picking out obscure European dud after dud.

One was a French movie that involved nuns, and pigs farting or maybe it was the nuns? All she can do is simper and cry. I wanted to throttle her. Bollywood or the Hong Kong martial movie industry could surely beat Hollywood. The worst movies are the disappointments, so I think these would belong on any list: Then, at the very end, there is gunfire from unseen attackers as the holocaust survivors take refuge the year is given as Perhaps the most endearing character in of all was the S S officer or was it gestapo?

Two stinkers from Queens Logic, Meeting Venus. Did anyone mention Keanu Reeves? I recently watched Sweet November on TV. After noting that it began with Boy meets Girl and then nothing much happens for a while except that Girl is cute and wacky! Nuns on the Run. A movie with Lakota language was a good thing to do, and it had landscapes. Hush, Hush, Sweet Charlotte. I never realized it was supposed to be good. I thought it was the best bad movie of all time.

I Walked With a Zombie is in the same vein, I thought. I thought it was great, but even if not, the opening shot should keep it out of the reject pile. Never could get into any other JJ movies. On the Shyamalan things. They might be interesting if the ending were the premise, and they proceeded from there. Pretty to look at, but people offer bullshit through the entire film.

Oh, yes, I forgot about Mr. In this case, the character does not even change, but reveals that his manipulative, abusive behavior is part of a compulsive dysfunctional pattern. We are meant to feel good about that. And yes, saw it cuz a girl made me watch it. Which opens a whole another category: The following films should be nowhere remotely near this conversation, IMO that is, I regularly actually recommend them to people:. Dances with Wolves is a worthy entry being largely a remake of Little Big Man except with absolutely none of the wit and requiring the device of a white male Jesus-surrogate to draw out the nobility of the savages.

But hands down worst — the move is so bad that when I think about it I feel pangs of guilt for having seen it, kind of like when I think about that picture of the naked girl running away from the napalmed Vietnamese village — Nacho Libre. As Louise Pendrake might have advised: A Space Odyssey , whilst perhaps not as absolutely awful as some others mentioned, is my all-time most overrated movie.

Admittedly, there is one good jump cut from the bone to the spacecraft, but the rest is pretentious drivel. Yet ended up as bonobo poopoo. Michael Caine was right. Signs — artful and suspenseful allegory of lost faith and redemption or aliens spraying poison gas from within cheap bodysuits, taken down by an all-American, faith-based baseball bat? And if these malevolent and covalent ETs are allergic to water, what are they doing invading a planet where the ecosystem and top species all depend on water?

They were excruciatingly smug and boring together. OK, Stan cast them, so he should share the blame. And like all bad Spielberg films, it ended with a cute kid staring winsomely into a bright light. I can see the Spielberg memorial now. Reality Bites — a film that commodified youth culture to make the point commodifying youth culture is bad. A Space Odyssey, whilst perhaps not as absolutely awful as some others mentioned, is my all-time most overrated movie.

More complaining, no leaving. There was not a second date, not with someone that off their rocker. The dilemmas posed by the film are entirely false wholesome vs. I disagree about the The Magnificent Ambersons. AI on the other hand just gets worse and worse as it drags on and on. The fact that Ben Alpers liked this movie is making me reevaluate my whole commitment rationalizing the US primary system.

Ooooh, yeah, Requiem for a Dream. Good lord that guy sucks as a director. A brilliant and funny film. It gets my vote. Can someone who had better command of his faculties tell me if I am right that we learn at the end of the movie that the Aliens are not carrying weapons because they believe that if they did there would be an arms escalation that would lead to a nuke war that would make the planet uninhabitable?

Are they really trying to persuade us that if the invaders come unarmed we would feel morally obliged to fight them unarmed? Leaving aside that anyone with a power shower is effectively nuked up anyway. This is an embarrassing and disheartening thread. Like a firstyear undergrad discussion. The tendency to list arguably mediocre films that made an effort to be good, but that are thought by many knowledgeable people to be very good. And, at the same time, a tendency to defend choices e. It is possibly one of the worst films I have ever seen.

And a pick that shows some imaginatio,n at least. So many of this picks are too bland to be bad. Albeit with considerably less animation. Here our pearly-teethed teens are beset with those eternal problems of the spirit: Who will win the big football game?

Who shall I go to the prom with?

Shall I join the military, dress up as a Nazi and lay waste to the known universe? Or was I the only person who saw it? Most of the movies listed as bad are simply time-wasters with little mental nutrition. Fans of the books will hate it because it will soil the memory of the story for them, while newcomers will bemoan the convoluted and confused plot. A special hell is reserved by me for The Da Vinci Code.

This is hardly surprising, given how much I hated the book, but when I flicked through the book I felt it would at least make a watchable film. As Steven Fry called it: Vastly overrated, die before seeing: And I know any movie thread will eventually end in every possible film that can be called to mind being denounced by somebody-or-other, but one might suggest that calling down Magnolia, There Will Be Blood, Gangs of New York, The Magnificent Ambersons, and The Graduate just for starters is perhaps trying just a little too hard.

This is a description of Robocop — a far superior film — not Starship Troopers. Add to the trying-too-hard list: Pulp Fiction , The Princess and the Warrior. Also Juno , fashionable backlash target-of-the-moment. At least keep the backlash straight. Hey dexter sounds crabby. I vote Juno on the movie front. Thanks to that film I am more reflective about cheating on my wife with hipster teens. But I am still getting the band back together. Who knows but there may even be a good reason for that.

The process whereby a small-budget film garners widespread critical and audience praise, wins an Oscar or two and thereby forces film geeks to distance themselves from it at all costs, no matter what absurdities this requires. The cinematic version of the sort of thing that happens when an indie band hits the big time. A certain breed of film geek will confess to liking Juno or The Blair Witch Project as readily as a certain breed of rock snob will admit to liking The White Stripes.

Good call on Liquid Sky and Betty Blue. Arguably two of the worst lines in the history of film. Never underestimate the jiggle factor, I guess. But it was a film critical of a militaristic society that was entirely constituted by a fictional romantic militaristic propaganda film made within that society. Also with dexter on this one. That said, all three of the young protagonists in the movie actually find something like redemption at the end of the movie. I think you missed the part about the film being manipulative, which IMHO it is and in a bad way.

Is there really a movie in which California invades Buenos Aires? As a former Californian, I must point out that Argentina invaded California first in , as a matter of fact. Which is how I almost said we got more flags than Texas. When it comes to films I watched this year, it has to be I am Legend. I have found few that agree with me, but I thought the movie was terrible and went nowhere. Liquid Sky is one of those movies that are so bad as to redeemably amusing—alien endorphin junkies with their frisbie-sized space ship—kinky sex, drugs and bad club music—vintage Soviet special effects—how could you not like that?

If I recall correctly, the reviewer liked it, too. Lots of movies I like up here, esp. Luv the post-apocalyptic stuff, no matter how bad Warriors of the Wasteland! Liquid Sky was epic. I have a poster of that one. On the bad side, anything with Adam Sandler or Paulie Shore. Looking for Mr Goodbar. Nicholas Cage seems to come up a lot. Wicker Man , bad. National Treasure , yuck. Starship Troopers is remarkable because the director had the gumption of delivering an in-your-face parody of the book he was supposed to be adapting to film. That alone is more than enough to keep it off any worst-films-evah list.

Williams is a sort of everyman through history. A misconceived and stupid movie. Ends up not being suspenseful, just unpleasant. My European film-buff friends used to point to the deliberate casting of actors with lots and lots of plastic surgery as one of the funnier bits of Starship Troopers. Starship Troopers is good and funny work. Angel Heart — I wholeheartedly agree. Every Robert Rodriguez movie since El Mariachi. The dialogue is sooo awful in everyone of them. All first-takes spliced together. Any movie featuring Ryan Reynolds. Oh yeah, Rob Schnieder too.

Let me contribute to that project. Once I decide I want to see a film, I make a point of avoiding reading, seeing, or listening to anything about it. This somewhat helps avoid disappointment. Beyond a certain point no film can ever live up to its hype. Now, as a comic buff, I find that to be a most fascinating train wreck. The film is a gem due its unintended humour, of course. These days, who is the underdog, and who wields the craven weapons that kill from a safe distance, or the heavy war beasts?

Last but not least, my reptile brain tells me that the ripped abs and the stylised bloodletting are yummy. Well that and the ceiling fans. And it has Chippendale Spartans. There are thousands of those. Just to add an international perspective: As a rule, Danish folkekomedier should be avoided at all costs. Fortunately, only very few ever reached the international market and by the mids the genre was almost extinct. In case any Germans read this I will make an exception for Olsenbanden, although Olsensbandens sidste stik was and is a terrible misunderstanding.

All copies of this film should be deposited in the Mariana Trench. The Spanish Prisoner is another good suggestion, altho it did have a couple of decent scenes. I must agree that Requiem for a Dream was a useless waste of celluloid. For that matter, Pi was colossally overrated. But those are mere trifles compared to a movie like Across the Universe, which was so bad that it became good and then went back to being bad again. I can just imagine all the washed up sixty-year olds who were never even part of the counter-culture to begin with tearing up in nostalgia while watching this endlessly crass, hamfisted repackaging of their adolescence.

Really, though, what evil genius thought to film Beatles songs as though the lyrics were literal blueprints for a scene? I want to see a movie that covers the Kinks oeuvre, about a boy who loves his village green in England and ends up meeting a magnificent flying cat who introduces him to a transgender person in America. Then they travel through time to fight in the war. Expectations and money spent really matter. I thought Planet of Apes would actually be good and saw it in a theatre with my wife. I still feel ripped off. Van Helsing way unthread 35 and 55 was like the third free video, watched late at night, and I thought it would be incredible stupid but maybe stupid fun.

Using the standard of a movie that purports to be high art but fails seriously e. God what an odious compendium of cliches and the subtlety of anthrax wrapped as an alleged anti-war film. They should have ended it after the wedding scene. The Russian Roulette scenes were nothing but racist claptrap. Three hours of sheer tedium and macho posturing. You all have a weird threshold for what constitutes a bad movie.

The Dark Wind, an adaptation of a Tony Hillerman novel is so bad that you can see the boom mic in a bunch of the shots. Most of the rest of what you all have mentioned are at least technically competent. Okay, Liquid Sky was really bad but I saw it for free. There is a difference between bad and cliche. Nobody has mentioned 8MM a Nicolas Cage flick.

A truly horrific movie. Awful not only in the artistic sense but in the moral sense. Watching the movie itself degrades the viewer. I loathed Crash , violent, sexist, homophobic. And Chronicles of Riddick was in incoherent mess. I hope Judi Dench got good money for being in that stinker. And I actually won two tickets to Howard the Duck. I was embarrassed for the actors.

The original comic was, in fact, great…. Some very good nominations here. I agree with most, but I have yet so see, unless I missed it, a nomination for the movie that is without a doubt the worst ever:. Talk about poisoning the springs of humanity! If you think that Brendan Fraser sucks in his other movies and he does, btw , you have yet to endure this epic failure of a movie.

I totally agree with beebklarg The fact that the two main characters continue to survive through the movie is a slap in the face of the viewer. A totally undeserved ending as well. The epitome of treacly awfulness. First Blood Part 2. And he will be exactly right. It is for me the apotheosis of the giallo, and the first film I would recommend to Argento newbies. Thanks hp, I had not heard of Dario Argento before.

Cod-Nietzsche meets cod-Fraser meets cod-sci-fi. May eventually go down as the undisputed champion of this thread. Not Knife in the Water or Chinatown , mind you, but masterfully filmed by Polanski. Cassavetes is wonderfully creepy in it. Mia Farrow is not entirely unwatchable a high achievement for her, in my book.

Despite the fact that this is a serious film, it has a lot of irony and humor in it. O Lucky Man A mixed bag, but still worth seeing, if only for the music. Not as good a film as If… ; a much better film than Brittania Hospital. Spider I was very frustrated by this one until the very end. The anti- No Way Out. Pulp Fiction A very good film, imo. Lots of fun, fairly interesting, well made and well put together. If Tarantino had cast just about anyone other than himself as Jimmie Dimmick, it would have been even better.

Totally agree about the Juno backlash phenomenon. I just saw the film a few days ago I was out of the country when it came out. It was perfectly pleasant. I thought it was just fine. If you refuse to recognize the unbridled visual genius of a film like Suspiria, you are truly not deserving of your eyesight. Films like Juno , Little Miss Sunshine , Napoleon Dynamite , and Sideways are all calculated, mediocre pieces of insincere crap that deserve every ounce of derision they receive.

Even if their popularity is causing them to be hated when they normally would only have been dismissed, they still stink! Pretending that they are actually acceptable works of art and that they are only experiencing a backlash because of their popularity is just an attempt to justify an extremely high tolerance on your part for utter junk. Or, perhaps you think you need to act as a counterweight to all those people who think they need to act as a counterweight to all those people who originally liked the film.

What kind of humorless 50 year old pantywaists hate that movie? The characters in the movie may not be all that likable, they may kind of stupid, but, for better or worse, they resemble a lot of people I know.

Nothing redeemable at all. On my list of bad movies is The Last Emperor. Without question the stupidest ending to ever movie ever made. Narrated it to my husband after he gave up 2-plus hours in. Waves it around just before being executed. Everyone starts having sex! Then something else and something else happens, and the dude gets eaten by rats. So you think French Kiss was better? The category is movies to avoid. I think almost everybody acknowledges that there is entertainment value in the awful. Let me plug Heironymous Merkin Blah Blah Blah again, a movie so wonderfully off-putting that the trailer does not mention anything meaningful about it except that it provides boners:.

Wife Joan Collins is in the film — as his wife — but is renamed Polyester Poontang. Which would rule out, e. That anyone would put Bringing Up Baby or Arsenic and Old Lace on such a list completely destroys my faith in the smallest trace of goodness in the nature of human beings. I only had a very small trace of such faith. I can understand not liking Pulp Fiction, but to put it on this list seems like an overreacting—and not liking it is a pretty good litmus test of humourlesssonofabitchedness.

And the script will sear itself into your memory. Not in a good way. The plot of both movies: But she gets a brain tumor and dies leaving the man with the memories of their time together, and his renewed faith in love. Juno- Yes thats right, there was no Juno backlash, it was the feel good movie for the pro-lifers with a plot that was pretty far-fetched. All of those movies that try to parody other movies: Of the ones I did go out of my way to see, even with truckloads of dread about them, were: If I had to rank the worst of the worst, Miles would do it for sheer lack of likable characters and waste of a concept.

Believe it or not, the worst film ever made just came out last week: Every second of this film; every word spoken; every shot filmed is terrible. The problem is a lot of the movies listed I saw different things out of them that redeemed the movie. But something like that would be ghoulish, so we get aliens. But for what it is, it still works. Starship Troopers took the message of the original book and threw it on its ear. The Matrix trilogy at least the second and third movies , are more decipherable when you realize that the major influence, both storywise and stylistically, is Hironobu Sakaguchi, the long time head cheese behind the video game Final Fantasy series.

The story plays second fiddle to the setting. Same with The Matrix movies. Most of my favorite books are like that as well actually. There are very few BAD movies, or ugly movies out there. Eyes Wide Shut, for one. The piano in that alone made me turn it off. Keith M Ellis My Dinner with Andre demonstrates why actors are the most boring and uninsightful people alive. This is essentially never the fault of anyone who made the film.

It is almost always the fault of the projectionist for failing to set the masking on the projection equipment correctly. I actually like the former… and the first Alien v. Predator was in this category. Hence, the two hours of my life I wasted on the sequel. Both actual moral decay and simply being a waste of time are good reasons not to see a film. That means that if someone mentions a film they thought to be a mere waste of time, that does not mean that they think it degrading or reprehensible.

So I agree, Batman and Robin , which I must again stress to have been just awful and a complete failure , is not in remotely the same category as what I imagine 8MM to have been based on the trailer and reviews. Nor, of course, is Bringing Up Baby. I see we all have our favorite examples of this phenomenon from the Miramax catalog — thanks, I guess, to smaug for reminding me of The Piano. Anyway, perhaps a more positive cinematic thread is in order? I have spots of memory loss as a side effect of my auto-immune problems hint: Cronenberg, Fiennes, et al put that experience up on screen and then amped it up.

The Promise of Melusine - Book Three of Swordfish Island Trilogy (Paperback)

I do agree with comments up above including that some people are reifying their dislike of a genre or other feature into a standard of quality. Anyone else had the misfortune to see it? This is a movie that lost so much money it literally drove a major American studio out of business. This is a movie about Harvard-educated gunslingers who face off against eastern European sodbusters in an epic struggle for the soul of America.

This is a movie that stars Isabelle Huppert as a shotgun-toting cowgirl. This is a movie in which Jeff Bridges pukes while mounted on roller skates. This is a movie that has five minutes of uninterrupted fiddle-playing by a fiddler who is also mounted on roller skates. This is a movie that defies belief. Ben Linus gets beat to death with a toilet. None of my posts are showing up for some reason. They are all still waiting for moderator approval. And ditto to all those who mentioned Crash. Both version are trash. Cuba Gooding as an equally cloying angel. Heroic dead doctor, bound for heaven, decides to risk a trip to hell to save his wife from the punishment for suicide!

I bet I know! What do you think of Piero della Francesca? Did you ever see the Flagellation of Christ? And that architecture, where was anything like that ever in the Middle East!?? Saw does provide opportunity for inappropriate Princess Bride quotations. Not enough to make the movie worth watching, but a nice touch. Bringing Up Baby, seriously? When you see a film and its makes you look back on every previous work of the directors with suspicion, when a film makes you discount the collective wisdom of your peers and feel like a stranger among them, when a film leaves you worried for the fate of humanity then you know it has made the list.

For me the top contender for most morally reprehensible film of the last twenty years has to be Saving Private Ryan, a film that actually got people killed. I left the cinema snarling at its simple minded bellicosity and horrified that it had been so generously reviewed. It amazed me that it was more racist and less humane then propaganda films made during the second world war. A completely unironic paean to killing, mercilessness and the evil of the other. On the other hand Van Helsing needs to be taken seriously as a bad film as it was so wilfully stupid, incoherent, visually messy and loud that it hurt to be in the cinema.

Saving Private Ryan though, that film could convince benevolent aliens not to contact us, even if they were bored. Luther van Pumpernickel The Official Story — a mediocre movie about the Argentine dictatorship. You probably saw it in a Spanish class. Worst, most cloying movie music ever. Speed — the movie that created Sandra Bullock. The scene with the handgun is amazing. Other movies mentioned so far by people whose taste I consider suspect: Any of the modern series of torture porn splatter flicks, including Wolf Creek, the Saw movies, the Hostel movies — the entire genre and the people behind them need to be fired into the sun.

So, at least one category of Filmi Avertendi is the antinomian, soul-sucking anti-humanist kind. Hearing 8MM mentioned reminds me of the existence of Se7en. It sounds like the Saw things are similar. It makes one wonder why it is we humans love pulp stories, and it strongly implies, the way pulp detective fiction does, a continuity between modern trashy fare and Arthurian legend.

The hit men, etc. What was the movie with Bruce Willis as the leader of a team of oil drillers who go into space to stop and asteroid from hitting the earth. Someone please tell me the name of this thing, so I can warn the next generation. This far into the thread? Google Joe Queenan Worst Movies and click the first link. Soldiers are armed with thermonuclear hand grenades? You want a film to never see? It happened to be at a rental house on the beach, and I watched 15 minutes of it with family while a storm was passing.

Oh, and Fever Pitch. Shoulda been banned in Boston. Brooks was a terrible movie I would recommend avoiding. Just when you think your at the merciful conclusion, they tack on two additional endings. De Palma had some of the same problems, but at least he has proven that he can deliver ever so often. I wish it were different, since he has some good ideas. What a pointless piece of excrement and a waste of film stock that could have been used to make millions of badly posed picture frame inserts. The action scenes are boring and stupid. The only way to enjoy this movie is to realize that the 2 leads Ben Affleck and Josh Harnett are closeted gay lovers.

Then, the scenes almost make sense. I like Signs a lot. After two hours of being harassed, frightened and picked on by aliens, grabbing a bat and beating the shit out of one was very satisfying. I thought Mel did good as a depressed man gritting his teeth to get through the day. This is why Starship Troopers is such a popular cult movie. You instantly feel intellectually superior to anyone who criticizes the film, because the criticism usually only shows to what extent they completely missed the point of the film.

ST is really one of the best comedies of the 90s. Giovanni da Procida The movie that convinced me that cinematic violence caused violence in real life. By the end of that sucker I wanted to hit everyone involved in the film with a crowbar. Apocalypto should be on the reprehensible films list, too, for its egregious caricature of the Maya and for being a really stupid chase film dressed up in period costume.

Re Grave of the Fireflies: Because it portrays orphans dying from malnutrition in war as tragic, or because it portrays them at all? From the Fashionable Backlash files: Films like Juno, Little Miss Sunshine, Napoleon Dynamite, and Sideways are all calculated, mediocre pieces of insincere crap that deserve every ounce of derision they receive. How terribly fashionable of you. And what I especially love about this sort of fashionability is the superpowers it confers on its representatives.

As Keanu Reeves would say: More from the trying-a-little-too-hard files: I swore off Hollywood blockbuster after seeing this. But do me a favor: Sorry if I touched a nerve! Armageddon—it was called armageddon. The worst movie I ever saw. Maybe because I saw it on a large screen, and that magnified its badness. Love Story — utter crap, especially the idea that getting cancer makes you more beautiful the sicker you get. Before Sunrise and Before Sunset in no way belong on this list. Henry not the famous one Characters without motivation, actors without enthusiasm, no direction, plot holes as big as all of outer space, misogyny, marital rape and Charlize Theron before she somehow got an Oscar for not wearing make-up on set , I had to press my hands to my head to keep my eyes from leaping out of their sockets.

My date liked it. Someone earlier mentioned the Island. Does a brilliantly made, morally bankrupt film such as Birth of a Nation come out better or worse than the horrifically poorly edited, but basically innocuous Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets? Does a movie have to be both bad and morally bankrupt before it fits? For my personal experience, Starship Troopers is great. Heinlein wrote a book in which militarism and fascism save us from the scary bug aliens.

Seller information

Verheoven made a movie based on the book about his thoughts as a guy who grew up in Nazi-occupied Holland about fascism and militarism. And that the central premise of the movie, that both characters are unaware of their secret romance, is violated about a third of the way through, leaving the last two thirds of the movie to Hanks creepily manipulating Ryan like a puppetmaster?

Truly, it restores my faith in humanity to see so many people dumping on Jim Jarmusch. Two for the most awful of all time: Inchon made by the Moonies and pulled permanently after 1 day in the theaters, and The Three Amigos for a movie that anyone may have actually seen. I keep a copy of Amigos in my first aid kit in case I have to induce vomiting…. I also thought Bringing Up Baby was hilarious. The Natural and Field of Dreams—I love baseball, but these 2 movies manage to make it boring! Bull Durham remains my favorite baseball movie.

The same guy who made DWW came up with this dreck? Ditto the small part of the Postman I caught once on TV and quickly turned off. American Beauty—Turned off the DVD after about 20 minutes, with the enthusiastic approval of my husband. Manages to be both disgusting and boring, except for the 10 minutes of Sting at the very end. I almost forgot the English Patient. I stayed until the bitter end, since so many people had said it was good and I kept thinking it had to improve. What a waste of almost 3 hours. That movie enraged me: And again, I stuck with it to the bitter end.

A lot of you are a bunch of pretentious nitwits. Is there ever an explanation in The English Patient for why a person seriously wounded in a plane crash in North Africa is being lugged about behind the front line in Italy, instead of being transported on a hospital ship back to England? It is recursive, insofar as Far and Away is far and away the worst movie made with intent-to-be-good I can remember.

Not just sorta bad movies…. I remember, back when I was 16 or so, About Last Night came out. It was some italian movie, translated, happening in a house, with just absurd special effects you could see every prop , horrendous over-acting — just bad bad bad bad bad. Since then, NO movie has reached the nadir of that particular excrement. So my tolerance for sort-bad movies, is clearly higher than a lot of commenters here. Star Wars Episode I: But, as I said, jc points at some of the same things I was trying to get at.

The Hands of Fate are all really bad movies. You guys are whinnying over movies that you thought were good and they ended up ok. You need to have watched movies that you knew where going to be bad from the startling and you still gave them a chance. Wait a minute, are we talking really bad or overpraised?

ILLUSTRATIONS

Because a lot of these moves qualify for the one but not the other. Magnificent Ambersons for example is overpraised, but not among the worst. There could be weight for Cost of film Box office gross Proportion of pay to director Proportion of pay to actor Running time Length of script Total dialogue word count Total exclamation points per script.

Legally blond 2 was pretty awful it made me loose IQ points. Never try to make sequel out of a semi ok movie. Also adam sandler and polly shore movies not the best movies but not exactly the worst. It should come with warning label do not drink and watch this movie, it my cause depression and suicidal thoughts. The Phantom of The Opera the recent musical version is the last movie that I just flat out loathed.

My mother picked that one. A paint-by-the-numbers Oscar machine. Bad movies are one thing, but vehicles like this — pompous, boring, cliched— are the worst. Hollywood makes a statement! Also the same guy who wrote clueless also gave birth to the bastard child of pride prejudice we call Emma with Gweneth paltrow. I think it was called illegal aliens. Where is Joe Bob Briggs when we really need him? I kept waiting for cream pies to fly out of wings and let me know it was all a joke.

Not even strong narcotic drugs could help this film. A bit like a modern Plan 9 but with Eurotrash pretension. But for bad without any redemption, Commando with Stallone. D B Carroll New Rose Hotel Really, really the worst movie I have ever seen. Why was he in Italy?

But why should he have been in England? I saw something by Hitchcock recently that sucked, to my surprise. Natural Born Killers I have this theory about Oliver Stone, when he is allowed to do whatever the hell he wants, he puts out dreck like this and U-Turn. Highlander 2 The Terminal Spielberg at his most schmaltzy and sappy. Made even worse by completely obnoxious and very frequent product placement.

I felt like they should have paid me to watch it. I took to announcing out loud the name of each brand, which was about every two minutes. Walked out halfway through. Cabin Boy I am a complete nut for Chris Elliot, so imagine my surprise when I could not make it more than halfway through this piece of shit. Ending totally ripped off from Ingrid Bergmann is alternately prissy, mushy, and hysterical without any noticeable transitions between.

The music is unbelievably overbearing. And the psychoanalysis stuff is of course ludicrous. Southland Tales — A pretentious David Lynch Wannabe film with a tremendous mess of a history and laughable actings by the Rock, Sarah Michelle … err, Buffy, that highlander guy and stifler from american pie. Really, the story is such a mess full of elements that it would be needed a TV series to show it all, and it would remain a bad written, uninteresting and stupid plot.

Specially when you see that there was some good ideas only a few that were completely misused in the movie. As far as Japanese horror movies adaptations go, this one has hit the pits bottom. They refresh the ability to appreciate the less bad. I missed the above nomination of Shakes the Clown. Now in absolute terms it is one of the worst films ever made. But it is the best alcoholic clown comedy of modern times.

The image of mime bars haunts me still.

My Shopping Bag

Frank Miller is one part simple fear of female sexuality, one part testosterone poisoning, and one part gender bending genius interpretations of heroism…. The gender-bending is to be found mostly in the comics, though. In the film version of it clearly takes a back seat to the testosterone. This is not the definition of a film to be avoided; this is the definition of a reprehensible film to be studied.

Both the film and its enthusiastic reception in wingnut circles. People in Iran got very angry when the film was released. For me I think the essential quality that marks a film to be avoided at all costs is not just that it fails in itself but that it spoils other pleasures.

The spectacle of Woody Allen raiding his own grave and defiling the corpse of Crimes and Misdemeanors for Match Point ruined my enjoyment retrospectively of the earlier film. Its like if you had a charming but enjoyably disreputable friend who out of the blue sexually assaults a drunken unconscious teenager one night making you feel soiled by your own friendship.

Is this the third time? This will not stand. Of course, critics can be wrong. But top movies to devote a lifetime to avoiding? Get your tastebuds checked. There is something wrong with you. Instead of selling it to him, the widow puts it up for auction. An American buys it in the play he was a Brit and hilarity ensues. At the time, watching Richard Harris chewing up bits of the auld sod and spitting them out, I thought Harris had reconciled himself to the fact that he would never play Lear on the screen, so he would do the role in this film instead.

What was interesting to me was learning that when the play was first presented in Ireland Keane wrote it in , the audiences were known to applaud when the interloping Brit gets killed. There are so many categories of bad movies that entries hardly seems a big enough list. She agreed that it was pretty stupid, so thank you, Jim Cameron, for that opportunity.

No plot man walks out on family and travels round, meets homeless woman. Which was, for a very great many critics and audience members alike apparently, an enormous relief. Allen in whimsical mode is many years past his sell-by date. Of course, when the car chase happens, they go straight through the stack…. So glad to see both Chasing Amy and Dogma mentioned. For a while I felt like the only person who thought Kevin Smith movies sucked. His scripts are so self-consciously clever that every character seems to be constantly delivering a rehearsed monologue.

All his movies drive me nuts. Dogma is by far the worst. Ed S, Lexington KY I liked Starship Troopers. He essentially said that W was a fascist, and America would regret electing him. Avoid that movie like the plague. Precious bullshit, harmful to the soul. Will give you nightmares for weeks. The best book becomes the worst movie.

But only a 3rd-grader raised in LA would make it so vapid. Anti-Japanese paranoia and auto-erotic asphyxiation. The mirror image of a sappy rom-com, and just as fake. I love many David Altman films but this one just drains your will to live. Waterworld is actually quite watchable. At least the makers bothered to create a somewhat interesting setting. For mine, a fascinatingly bad movie is one that is made by a bunch of really talented people, but turns out pear-shaped nonetheless. I had the advantage of watching it in with my parents I was 15, they were 45 , who recommended it to me and rented the video.

The growing look of horror on their faces as the first 20 or so minutes past, and it slowly but not that slowly dawned on them that this movie that they claimed had moved them as youths was the most unbelievably wretched, unwatchable piece of crap in the history of creation was absolutely PRICELESS. My girlfriend made me go to this movie against my will. Not many people showed up in the theater and most of them left by the time the flick reached the halfway point.

I stayed on until the bitter end to satisfy my girlfriend and her newfound interest in art movies. The movie descended into an artsy cannibalism scene at the end that strained all credibility and taste. What was left of the audience stumbled out in stunned silence. Most of the people had the good sense to walk out of that one, too, except for me. I agree with Perfume is the worst film ever made. I watched it all the way through, it transfixed me with its beautiful, stylish awfulness. Same goes for many of the other films knocked above. I knew it was going to be a bad movie, but more like pure crap.

• Kids Birthday Cakes: Imaginative, eclectic birthday cakes for boys and girls, young and old (The Australian Womens Weekly Essentials)
• Eyewitness Reliability in Motor Vehicle Crashes: A Primer for Practitioners, Second Edition
• HOW TO DRAW A SPORTSCAR?
• Handbook of Asset and Liability Management: Applications and Case Studies: 2
• Spielarten des Alltags: Kurzgeschichten (German Edition)
• LAmour comme au cinéma (Editions 1 - Documents/Actualité) (French Edition)
• O Ovo do Elefante (Portuguese Edition)