My Little Pussy Collection #1

Owl and the Pussycat Hotel, Talpe

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Connect to your existing Cracked account if you have one or create a new Cracked username. We previously chronicled how in the Internet age, the whole sex toy thing has gotten completely, terrifyingly out of hand. Well, there's a whole new generation of devices that will get your blood pumping for all the wrong reasons. So have your nightmares welcome their new guests Admit it, every time you visit your local sex store you look up and down the aisles and are secretly ashamed and disgusted that there's not a single toy that can also double as some kind of medieval siege weapon.

Lucky for you, some perverse engineers thought the same thing and nipped that problem in the bud. As with all of the devices on this list, we'll leave it to your imagination as to what the thing looks like in use. Ah, from medieval weapon to medieval torture device. If you're into that sort of thing, or if you're conducting your own inquisition, then this tiny Iron Maiden for a schlong may be right up your alley.

For those of us who prefer not to have metal spikes jammed in our units, it probably keeps a mean grip on hot dogs when you're cooking over an open fire. It's a sign of our throwaway society that people can't even be bothered to use reusable canned vaginas anymore, but the convenience of a Pepsi sized tube of greased up, squishy polymers just can't be beat. We're guessing on every corner in Japan they've got these in vending machines. Two things that any good sex toy should have are the ability to both scratch those super hard-to-reach places and the ability to warp the mind of a child should they ever stumble upon it by accident.

This nightmarishly well-endowed bear accomplishes both rather nicely.

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We wonder if they ever made a tie-in cartoon starring this little guy. It's a little known fact that not all sex dolls are made for personal enjoyment. Some, like this sagging septuagenarian doll, are just made to haunt the recesses of your psyche for all time. And force you to buy denture cleaner. It's pretty much a given that intimacy can't be achieved very well without making use of the sense of touch. On the other hand, you'd figure it's a given that you shouldn't be trying to get intimate while wearing a poor man's Freddy Krueger hand accessory on each finger, but not everyone rolls the same way.

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So cram these on your fingers and get the Emergency Room on speed dial. It's sad that looking at a selection of dildos modeled after animals and mythical beasts is barely shocking in this day and age. When the two come face to face, her fears are realized as they don't get along. Will this couple work out their differences, and will her wedding night be everything she dreamed it would be? But when a traveling salesman stops by with some sexual products, Amanda feels like she has something to prove, and accepts a challenge between her faith and his toys.

An erotic short story. Her parents are away, and Mandy just wants to have some fun. And he knows just what she needs to keep her in line. But they soon discover the punishment exposes hidden desires in both of them. Jamie has a college photography assignment due, but no nude model to pose for him.

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His older sister Amber tries to help, hooking him up with a friend.

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