NO BLAME/NO SHAME:Self-Empowerment Tools for Healing and Building Stronger Families

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Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and words of encouragement! We do have one concern, and that is the suggestion of going to counseling together. We do not recommend that couples seek counseling together if the relationship is abusive — this post over at the National Domestic Violence Hotline explains further.

However, seeking counseling and support for yourself is a great option. Thanks again for sharing! Definitely dealing with shame. But thats what brought me to him in the first place.

It was familiar for me. My dad was the first one to originate the shame in my life at a young age. And finally admitting it has been very healing alone, but still not yet there. Thanks so much for reading and for your comment. It can be so hard to deal with the pain and shame that others have caused, especially when these feelings are with us from childhood. You did not deserve to be treated badly, not by your partner and not by your father — not by anyone. We are glad to hear that you have started a journey of healing.

If you ever need support, resources, or just someone to talk with during this process, please reach out to us! After a whole week of listening him tell me how he has no other friends, how if I left him even though hes moved on.

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How he is in love with another woman that but I am still hot. How he would have no other friends if it wasnt for me being so good and standing ny him. I felt like second choice, left overs, consolation prize. I felt like if I left him he would have no one. I can now see he was keeping me around to fortify his self esteem and feed his self worth. I can now see that so much I gave to him, I didnt give myself.

I appreciate being able to talk it out so I can see it through to the healthy side of life.

The healthy side of love. Self love and care. Thank you for being there for me tonight.

I felt like I should know better although I did know better. I know now I can do better because I deserve better.

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Thank you so much for sharing this! This insight into your relationship is so moving, and we wish you the very best as you move forward in healing and love. He beat me into submission shortly after we were married. But the shame is intense. Some of our friends now know, the pastor at our church now knows, and the shame has only intensified. It makes me want to run away and hide from all of them.

Thank you for your comment. It is heartbreaking to hear about the abuse you have experienced. We want you to know that you are NOT worthless. You are worthy of love, kindness and respect, regardless of how your husband has chosen to act. The abuse is not your fault, and you never deserved it. No judgment, just support.

Just call , chat here on our website or text loveis to I personally love kickboxing, yoga, dance cardio and running while listening to empowering music or listening to positive affirmations. Using physical exercise as an outlet should be an act of self-care, not self-destruction. For abuse survivors who struggle with symptoms of PTSD or complex PTSD, mindful breathing exercises and meditation are especially helpful in managing our fight, flight, freeze or fawn responses to flashbacks and ruminating thoughts.

Taking time to observe our breath, whether it be for five minutes or an hour, can be immensely helpful to managing our emotions and non-judgmentally addressing our painful triggers.

5 Powerful Self-Care Tips for Abuse and Trauma Survivors

In addition, meditation literally rewires our brains so that we are able to mindfully approach any maladaptive responses that may keep us locked into the traumatic event. If you have never meditated before and would like to try it, I would highly recommend an app known as Stop, Breathe and Think , recommended for people of all ages.

Art therapy is especially helpful to survivors of PTSD because it enables survivors to find modes of expression that allow them to create and integrate rather than self-destruct. It can shut this area of the brain down, disabling us from expressing what is occurring. When we are dissociated from the trauma, our brain protects itself from the traumatic event by giving us an outsider perspective to the trauma, disconnecting us from our identity, thoughts, feelings, and memories related to the trauma.

Since trauma can disconnect us from both our minds and bodies through processes of depersonalization, derealization, and even amnesia, art can help us reintegrate the trauma where we were previously disconnected from the experience. Contrary to popular opinion, asking for help does not make you helpless or powerless.

It is in fact, a strong recognition of your own power to be able to seek help and be open to receiving it. Sharing your story with other survivors can be incredibly healing and cathartic. If you are struggling with the effects of trauma, I highly recommend finding a validating mental health professional who specializes in trauma and understands its symptoms in addition to finding a support group of fellow survivors.

Having the support of a mental health professional throughout the process can ensure that you are able to address your trauma triggers in a safe space. It is important to choose a validating, trauma-informed counselor who can meet your needs and gently guide you with the appropriate therapy that addresses the symptoms and triggers.

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Some survivors benefit from EMDR therapy , which is a therapy that enables them to process their trauma without being re-traumatized in the process. However, a therapy that works for one survivor may not work for another depending on their specific symptoms, the severity of the trauma and the length of time a person has been traumatized. Be sure to discuss with your mental health professional what the right type of therapy is for you. As a supplement to therapy, you may wish to also consult the resources on this excellent list , which includes free or low-cost mental health resources.

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Throughout this journey of healing from trauma and abuse, make sure that you are being compassionate towards yourself. Learn more about Amazon Giveaway. Set up a giveaway. There's a problem loading this menu right now. Learn more about Amazon Prime.

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