Bringing Mom Back From Dementia

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So she can wind up in a nursing home? At this point, my family has no life taking care of her either. For the past 20 years, all we have done is taken care of an elderly parent while the other siblings enjoy life. Soory to be a crabapple. My mother has gone mad, we have placed my grandmother in a home after she fell down. She feels this ultimate guilt. Today at the home, my grandmother had an accident and it took them an hour to change her.

Caught off guard

She had other accidents throughout the day but they only changed her once! How are we so indifferent as humans? I am sure we have lost our humanity. Like what is wrong with us? My family will never recover from this, and the indifference displayed by humanity toward this disease makes me so angry. You work your whole life, you go to school and your parents support you. You either abandon your own life and children or you take care of them.

If their disease is bad and they get violent… they might injure you! This disease is deadly and so is indifference. I agree with Hillary on here, we need to support each other and sign petitions. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but this disease is genetic! The fight is NOT over once your loved one passes from the disease. You and your children are vulnerable! We must band together just like Breast Cancer Awareness families do. There are 5 million people in the U. So please, lets fight this! With this, there is hope. My grandfather is 98 years old, he turns 99 in Novemeber. His house has become his personal potty.

My mum has lost weight, and she never sleeps anymore more than an hour. We tried to get assistance but since my grandfather owns a house, he cannot receive any help. I have a little sister who never sees our mum anymore. My mum and papa never see each other either anymore. Sometimes I get so depressed seeing how others do not care and my family suffers so much while the others in my family have no care for the situation. But, seeing all this makes me want to. People make all the effrort when its too late, and they never came to visit when they were alive.

Despite all of this I know I love my grandfather, but I hate to see him suffer in this way. How it not only affects one person, but so many others around them. I wish more help could be given to families with loved one who suffer from the disease. At the moment there is little to no hope for us.

Children should have to take care of their parents in some way not just ignore their condition. I do not believe that they should leave all the work on one person. That is entirely disgraceful. I know one day we will be closer to achieving these wishes. I pray for everyone going through a similar experience.

I feel so guilty. And it breaks my heart.. She is getting much worse. She asked me who I was today and it crushed me. She is in good physical health. I pray God will take her soon so her suffering is over.. Such a cruel disease. My mom is 93 with short term memory, declining, I take care of her. This is the hardest thing anyone of ever do. An you are like a prisoner in your own home, it has put a strain on my marriage, life style, everything. To read your stories is uplifting, an strength for me.

I am not alone. How do you get to that forgiveness?? I profess to be a believer, yet I still fall every day. I have to ask for forgiveness every day. So many of you say the same. I pray for all of us. God bless you all. Thank you for posting this. Definitely speaks to what we are going through right now. It is horrible and there is no happy ending in store for mom.

It is good to not feel that we alone. I share this agony with you all. But why does nobody mention the added nightmare of limited money with which to pay for care? They only help you if you have almost nothing! I am just the daughter in law. My life is consumed by her needs. My own health is in decline am I am Your family has to come first. Guilt can be powerful. You all still can give to humanity. They would if they could. Why do we feel the need to let our elderly suffer so much in their last years and just sit back and watch. Why dont we do the same thing for our loved ones. I have discussed this with my very ill mother and she knows if she cant take any more, to ask me to put an end to her life — and I will do so.

I have researched many ways of doing this and have decided on what I will actually do, and am ready and willing to do so. This would be considered murder by our legal system. Barbara, I was very moved to read your post on dating dementia. Very brave of you. It will be oral, and end her ordeal and let her carry on to the happier spiritual path that awaits her.

I hope your mission was carried out. I feel the same way. I want to be put down when my time comes. I do not want to be the burden to my kids or anyone, like my mother is to me. I feel very strongly about this. Today, for the first time I experienced this! I guess its the first stages of something that we are not prepared for. Mom was hallucinating and saying her time was here, she had received her calling. Her heart, bloodpressure and breathing were normal. She kept saying it was time. My mother had a stroke 3 years ago, left her paralyzed and trouble speaking.

She says she is so tired and is ready to go. She cries out to us and all we can do is hold her hand, massage her head or her neck and let her know we are here for her and that she is safe. It breaks my heart to see her when she has these episodes. She is given medication to calm her down.

I will pray for you and your mom. I know exactly what you mean but my mom gets violent physically along with the screaming. My father was a minister and I have a hard time understanding why my Godly woman has to suffer so. She had lived 91 years and is so ready to go to be with God and my dad but now she hardly remembers him. Gix bless and be with you your family and mother. I am so conflicted about wishing that my beloved mother would be allowed to pass away. She was the center of our family and is now in a late stage of Alzheimers but in reasonably good physical health.

This is the very saddest end of life scenario — thanks to all for the honesty. Now the big question is how will our medical and legal communities help us with this? Who will help us? There is no joy, no pleasure, no comprehension for our beoved parents. Maybe we need to lobby the states to allow assisted suicide. I know some states already do. I lost my father last year. Have a advance directive and a post form done. I am living this nightmare again now with my mother in law.

Family dumped her here. They knew I would care for her and I will. They just want her money. Seems like it always comes down to that. My mother took care of my dad for over 8 years until he passed. She widowed at the age of 32 with 2 girls. She took care of her mother for about 3 years until she passed. My mother now 72 and has had dementia about 4 years. We grew up worshipping the Lord.

Dad always said he would rather be sick and know the lord like he knows him than not know the lord without sickness. My faith is soo weak I have cursed the lord. My mother is the last person on this earth that deserves this suffering. I am her caregiver. I can handle the dementia. What i can not handle is the sadness she feels day in and day out. Always crying Wanting to go home. I tell her We are home and the only other home is the heavens above and the good lord must not be ready to bring you home. I do have faith in God and have sent up similar prayers for my Dad with dementia.

I believe why they still live is because God has some purpose. In our case it has brought our family close as we take turns care giving. It has given my sister, their primary caregiver, a chance to repay him for his patience and support with her over the years. Maybe in your case you will find God in all this. I pray for you too. My mom went through many of the different situations you all discribe and yet I know feel a bit of comfort in your agonizing accounts. God knows, many was the night I sat up struggling with the thought of wishing for my mother to pass on and being a bit disappointed when she showed a little improvement.

What a horrible daughter I was and all along my friends and even my mothers friends would tell me what a good daughter I was. It was a tough pill to swallow. To be so selfish as to think I could phone in my request to God and he would fill that request that was not mine to make. In a twisted way the request for your parents to pass on comes from the most profound love that IS.

It was like living out an after life with someone paying for their sins. It was Gods call and once I stopped begging and pleading and just showed up everyday and just was there for her no matter her mood towards me and praying everyday for her, he granted her the ultimate gift of PEACE that she had never had in this life. We all will take one on our way out of this lifetime and I think our suffering is what gets us to heaven faster and how we suffer. My mom knows now and it was hell but I sit in the knowledge of that experience and I hope one day maybe I can help unburden someone else who must go through it.

God bless all of you and your parents and family who are taking that journey. I hope is that it ends peacefully for you all. I know exactly what you went through. Please Pray For My Mother. She is 89 and in her few brief moments she has of clarity each day says how she hates being bedridden and how humiliating it is to have me tend to her very personal needs.

Yet as LKB said I feel like a horrible person praying for my mom to die even if it will end her suffering, but I do it anyway, and I guess I just have to keep doing it until…. I appreciate everyone being so honest here. I need to express my feelings. I visited my mom today in the nursing home, she has dementia and heart problems. Last week it seemed like she might pass soon, she was short of breath and sleeping more. I visited today and she seemed a little better sitting up and talking. I was actually angry that she seemed better, which I feel so guilty about.

But when I came home I was consumed with dark thoughts. I took a walk which helped get some of the foul energy out of me, but the anger and the guilt are still lingering. This feels like it will never end, the poor dear is wasting away, how long can this go on? I guess I have a different view. Although my mom suffers from dementia, I believe she is still with me and aware. I too have faced challenges, admit this roller coaster of emotions, but I can see the disease from a different perspective.

Nancy, thank you for writing what many of us are thinking. My almost 85 year old Dad is in the advanced stages of dementia. I pray every day for a quick soft landing for him and anyone else affected by this.

In the meantime we can be the best advocates we can for them and make sure they are treated with respect and dignity. Thank you for such an honest account — caring for someone with dementia is a bit like having a newborn and feeling like the worst mother in the world when everyone else seems to be managing brilliantly.

For those out there who are coping well and are constantly able to find endless supplies of love and tolerance I salute you but sometimes it really helps to have a bit of brutal honesty and for someone to tell it like it is. My mum is still young only 64 and physically robust but she is deteriorating rapidly from a mental capacity point of view. It seems highly likely that her body will carry on with the daily task of living long after her mind has gone.

I am sure that I too will get into this vicious cycle of resenting her then feeling desperately guilty for it. We need to look after our carers much much better. Dear Nancy, Dad and I just visited Mom at the nursing home today, soon to ne our 5th Christmas at the home. I ask myself what is the point.

She was hurting so bad and it broke my heart. I felt so helpless. I too pray that she will soon be released, and yet I know it will be terrible because my family will mourn this secondary loss. I now ask for help understanding why Mom lingers. I pray it is peaceful and that she goes quietly in her sleep.

It would be selfish of me to wish for another day. Please God wherever you are , take her by the hand to be at your side. God forgive me but last night I totally lost it with my mum. I can deal with all aspe ts of her care but dealing with some of the most personal hygiene issues is sometimes more than i can deal with.

Yesterday I had a battle with a 81 year old toddler who woud not sit on the loo but kept walking round the bathroom, leaving mess on floors and walls to clear up. This battle went on for over an hour and I was so drain that I went to bed at 9pm without eating again.

I have suicidal thoughts most days and wish for either her or me to be dead. I know when she finally goes I will be riddled with guilt. Dear Nina, my Mum 89 with Alzheimer, we live together for the last 3years. I have a brother who refused to get involved in his mother condition even he said it clearly not to come to visit! Also, I have a sister 5minutes away from us, but she comes and goes according to her feelings! I write now from the kitchen at 2: No medication, no reliefs, but a night mares every nights.

I too prayed for God to take her out from her and my suffering and into His mercy. I forgot to tell you I am at my 64 and start to loosing it too. I can relate to anyone who is tired of taking care of their parent with this disease. My mom is 93 and has later stages of dementia. She had a moment last night saying she is dying and maybe she had a anxiety attack. She is pretty healthy for the most part. She does not drink enough fluids.

She hates water and the only fluid she will take is tea. I tried to encourage her but I am tired too! She does have a good appetite though. I am on an emotional roller coaster ride. My husband is not emotionally supportive and probably because it has taken a lot from our lives and what can I do. These are the hard times and you need support from your spouse. I am the only child and my older brother lives out of state and my children have a lot with their family.

I only pray I can get through this and I make the right choices and yes I will probably have guilt and I just hope it is short lived. Hang In There to everyone going through this and God Bless! My 78 year old mother has severe dementia. During her time in hospital she refused to eat or drink so was not going to survive much longer, we were told she had 48 hours to live. Unfortunately, she was returned to the care home where they have spent many hours cajoling her to take Complan.

I am angry that the care home staff did not allow her to slip away peacefully. I am angry that last week I said goodbye to her but there will be no funeral. It is a living hell. Have you tried calling an Hospice Organization to see if they offer any Social Workers that may be able to offer you support during these very difficult times. They are a very companionate group. And may be able to give you information and even some time for yourself if your the primary caregiver. They were very helpful to me in a similar compasity.

I understand very well the experiences you may go through, as I have been in a similar situation not only with one person. And at that point I would feel just as angry and frustrated. If there is a God do you think he will listen your selfish heart to aliviate not your moms situation but your own inability to deal with her situation because it has become a shame and a burden in your life?

We selfish creatures think its only about our own perspective. What if instead of praying for her death, you pray for her soul to be at peace to be forgiven by God and you to forgive her. I never thought I would say this, but, I wish she would go already. Rid herself of these daily struggles and burdens to her and everyone around her. This is NOT who she wanted to become.

This is NOT my mother. I guess I too, like Nancy, pray for the end. When will it be? She has lost most of her functions. She constantly asks why this strange man is following her. Her brain is mush. She is aggressive and mean. This is not how my mother wanted to live her life. She has been very vocal about her fears of this disease even before diagnosis and has openly said if this were to ever happen to her, let her GO.

My sister is tired. My father is tired. I want to run far away and never look back. But then I also want to be there for her till the end. But then I want to remove myself from this horrible situation. I feel crazy, just like my mom. I am tired and exhausted. And thank you for allowing me to express my own. I could not have expressed my feelings, identical to yours any better!!

Caregiver live-in , to my 76 year old mom with Dementia and Copd. Thanks so much for sharing and saying the things that are hard to say. There is no way my mom would want to live like she is not knowing her family and needing complete care. We talked about this years ago. I am beside myself dealing with the memory care staff that calls her cute. She was never cute — she was a confident woman who very much loved her family. They act like they know her better than I do. They only know her ill…. I feel so much of what you shared here — — except the hate. She too would not want to live like this, but we have no choice.

She has been transferred to a behavioral hospital to get her meds adjusted — they keep adjusting and it lasts for a day or so and then here we go again. Once it sticks she will return to the nursing home where we finally had to make the horrible decision to take her a couple of months ago. Thankfully so far she has not realized where she is it seems. I use the excuse that I have to let my puppy out which is true , but not necessarily right then. We pray daily that there will be a cure or some kind of help for this awful disease.

Bless all of you that are there for your parent. I love my mom very, very much and it breaks my heart to see her changing the way she is due to this incurable illness. We sit and talk to her about dementia but she refuses to believe there is anything wrong. She can no longer be left alone at night, so my sister and I rotate weeks and thankful for our caregiver that comes during the day.

Just like most of you, I find myself talking to God and let him know we love her very much and to please keep her painless and peaceful. Thank you everyone for your postings you are a tremendous amount of help in preparing for the hard times ahead. I know our family is not alone and will continue to reach out to you all.

Thank you Gloria — — this is exactly where we are with my mom…maybe a little further. She is not talking to dolls, rocking them and trying to feed them. My dad wants to keep her home with him as long as he can and refuses to have someone come in to sit with her to give him a break. He is 81 and mom is Dad is not in the best of health — so I worry about him as well. But the majority of the time, she is in another world and has no idea who we are.

Sometimes she gets angry and we try to keep that under control. Sometimes my playing the piano will calm her, other times she wants nothing to do with me. I try to change the subject and sometimes that is helpful as well. It is helpful to know you are not the only one dealing with this as sad as that is. So no matter how difficult our times are, we still have to trust that God is in control. I understand how you feel. I wonder when the time comes will I mourn his passing? It seems like he is already gone to me.

It is so hard to understand what we are going thru as children of a Dementia parent. You are filled with so many emotions.. Before putting my mom into. She hated me and my kids. We cared for her the best we could for three years…. I sometimes resent her because I lost my youngest daughters years I had no support from my siblings…They blamed me. Now the time has come and it seems like the end…She has given up and I am having trouble dealing with seeing her like this.

I am filled with guilt over not being there. I put her in a HM near my brother so he could visit but he always has an excuse. I have three kids,he has none and is on third marriage…. The thought of going to the nursing home puts me in a panic…I have anxiety over it. I cared for her for three years. Now its my bros turn. What do I do? The thought of going there makes me faint. I love my mom but want to remember years ago,not the past years with this disease…and even now.

I know I have to take care of myself for my kids.

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I am useless when over whelmed and full of anxiety. I also have a dad that has dementia. He is 91 and his dementia is getting worse every day. I wish i could say that all he has is dementia but not true. He has diabetes, vascular disease, Congestive Heart Failure, Ulcers that turned into gangrene and infection. He was so healthy up until He was still able to stay by himself when we were at work. But I had to fix breakfast, lunch and dinner and he did really good for 2 years and then in June, things started happening along with his dementia.

I feel so bad for him…He also is hard of hearing. Its been a nightmare for me. Thank God for my husband who supports me with my Dad and tries to help when he can. He never calls and never came to visit. He is going to regret it. I thank God you have taken care of me. But now its too hard to take care of him and the doctors said he should go into a nursing home to eventually pass away.

I would have to hire 3 caregivers. He has gotten louder and louder and yells a lot. My husband and I would never get any sleep anymore. I feel so bad for him and so guilty. I love him so much and going to miss him. I know its getting close. Its so sad to watch him. He says he is not ready to die yet which makes it harder. We all have hard choices to make with our parents.

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Yes dear friend I can observe the agony and the pain that you are going through. My mother had Alzeimher s whcih was a terrible experience for me. I kept her and managed her. Being a doctor by proffession but the hopes gradually diminished and I knew the end that devastated me from within. Dear friend every time watching her made me miserable as I knew that one fine day there is an end to the road for her. I can understand your apprehension as to what next and I can express it that the end has to come either today or the next day.

Actually taking care for such a patient is a Herulean task and the worst is that no cure has been deviced yet. I prayed for her with tears but it didnt work. She was previously very healthy best mom ever! Why would God do this? I am 27 and have no career, no life, no friends, no children no husband and all I can do Is be mad about why my mother was taken so early when she was perfectly healthy but this ok lady is kicking.?

Kristina, Thank you so much for coming to my blog and for the comment.

I am sending good thoughts your way…caregiving is such a difficult experience. I hope you have people to talk to and can vent your feelings. Losing your mom so suddenly and now having to care for her mother — I understand how you feel that is so unfair. Nothing about this terrible disease is fair. I was about your age when my sister and niece were tragically killed in a car accident.

My sister was age 40 and my niece was only I can understand you questioning g why your Mom died so young, and you feel that you have no life. Let me reassure you that you do have a life! The situation with your grandmother is temporary. Yes, you are still young and there is plenty of life left … Take comfort that everything that you love about your sweet mother is hidden or inherent in your grandmother.

I loved my grandmother and I now care for my 95 y o Mom. It might help you to either talk to a therapist or a social worker. You are dealing with some anger that your Mom is now gone, leaving you to be the caregiver. There are resentment feelings, which I understand. There really are people who are … And I bet that some of your Moms friends would offer you their support if you will reach out to them. We all need people who care in our lives. Please reach out to some professionals and trust me; you will have friends, and many people do care!

Reach out for the help and blog about it. Reach out for a professional to help you cope with your feelings. But last year, she fell in the bathroom and broke her hip and our lives have changed ever since. Even though her surgery was successful, mom had lost all motivation to get back on her feet again. Her physiotherapy was and still is being marred by her progressing dementia. She is basically bed-ridden now. Now she is completely dependent on us for everything. Recently, she has stopped opening her eyes. She keeps her eyes closed even while eating and keeps sleeping most of the time.

Like some of you, I feel confused about what to pray for. I still pray for her to be at peace but silently wish for God to ease her misery and call her peacefully. Please pray for her…. Benzer, the signs your mother is exhibiting sleeping all the time, eating with eyes closed, etc.. My grandmother was like that a few before she passed away. All you can do is pray that she die a peaceful and happy death. If you are Catholic, call a priest to give her last rites. Dear Nancy My mum died last year after 7 years of living with Lewybodies dementia. I cared for her all that time and was terrified by my anger and hardness on occasions, although like some of the people above laughed and loved her as well.

I have been tormented with guilt since about the times when I was beside myself with exhaustion and was impatient and cross. All those who have written their deepest dark thoughts and who expeienced exactly the same challenges as me have been a tremendous support and I am so grateful for their honesty. I genuinely thought it was only me who wished my mother would die peacefully in her sleep. Mum had a lovely quiet and peaceful death and 8 months later I can talk to her in my head as I feel now she is whole again and with God.

I know she would absolutely forgive me and I hope other people will know the same. Thank you Nancy for letting us all tell it like it is for us. Bless you and all who have written! As caregivers we have all been in that situation — I understand completely. Sending good thoughts your way and do stay in touch. The healing process takes a very, very long time…. I know my friends are sick and tired of hearing me complain. My husband, son, and daughter are also tired of listening to my daily problems involving my aging parents. She no longer knows me or my siblings, can hardly see, and needs care for every task, from being fed, clothed, bathed, put to bed, etc.

My Dad was her caregiver for the last few years, but now he, too, has developed dementia and heart problems among other things. He yells at my Mom, stomps his feet and refuses to eat what the caregiver cooks, he verbally abuses the caregivers two have quit already and the third, after only one week, is complaining about his abusive behavior. I order their groceries, pay their bills, fill their respective pill boxes for the caregivers, and receive almost daily phone calls from either my sister or a caregiver about what is going on in the house usually bad news.

My Mom has been sick and in and out of rehab facilities since , mostly from falls, although now she is in a wheelchair. My Dad has been hospitalized five times since mid-April. Like the original comment, I find myself praying, not for a cure, but for God to take them. I find myself losing compassion and gaining resentment. Then, of course, I feel guilty for having those thoughts. I want to help when I can, but this has completely taken over my life and is negatively affecting every aspect of my life — my marriage, my relationship with my children, my social life, and my job have suffered.

Oh Liz, I so feel for you and send you my best thoughts. It really would be helpful for YOUR own wellbeing. Hang in there and feel free to check in when you need to do so. You can connect with me personally at nwurtzel yahoo. Please take care of yourself…if someone has not caregiven they really do not understand so look elsewhere for support.

Sending you a hug. Hey everyone, I need help. Please please do reply and tell me what I am doing wrong and how am I suppose to cope. I am turning into such a mean person myself. I say mean things to her when she does something wrong. I am always frustrated. I feel no compassion, and my mom was my best friend. So please do tell me if I am the only one who is this angry.

Instead of being angry at Demetria or the disease itself I am angry at her. SD — I understand so well what you are going through. My mom was my best friend, yet, as her primary only caregiver, I find myself frustrated and angry and exhausted. My mom does some crazy stuff, and it used to really bother me, but the truth is that most people realize that you are caring for someone with diminished capacity and are quite understanding.

What does matter is helping my mom enjoy, to whatever capacity she can, the end of her life. Not an easy task, as she was horribly abused as a child and that is the time period she is living in. But that is what matters. What you are experiencing is normal for a caregiver. Hang in there, get breaks when you can, and know you are not alone.

Thanks for both of your comments. I do read every comment I receive and your feedback is most appreciated. I can really relate to what you are going through with your own mom. Thanks for sharing and for your good advice. It does help to know we are not alone in the caregiving journey. Thinking of you and please know that others have felt the same way you do. I was and AM still angry. Try to find a support group or someone to talk to…it does help. Take care of yourself!

Anger and frustration are very common feelings to have as a caregiver. Try your best to remind yourself that it is the disease that is causing these changes and try to be mindful of that. If your mother was your best friend then try to treat her the same way. Trust me I know it is hard. I can assure you though that it will be even more difficult if at the end of the day you have regret and punish yourself for not being nice. You will live with that forever. This disease will take enough from you, try as hard as you can not to let it rob you of your compassion and kindness. Dig deep and you will find it for your mom and for you.

I have sent nothing. My mother no longer knows me and is in the later stages of Dementia. She knows no one. My guilt for not sending gifts or visiting for that matter is horrible. My mothers mind and all that she was is gone. She is now just a shell. My husband and I are watching his 92 year old mother in her final stages of dementia with Lewy bodies. This is the hardest thing he has ever gone through. I prayed over her today as she lay curled up in her nursing home bed and pleaded with God to gently take her.

Thank you for your blog. My lovely Dad is 73 years old and for the past 4 years has been suffering from dementia. I just thought i would post about my lovely father My Dad, my hero and my absolute closest friend He really understood, loved and accepted me more than any other person I know My Mum is 61 and has finally admitted that she cannot cope with Dad anymore and with the help of my family Dad has his ups and downs and recently he has shown signs of distress and deterioration and often cries when we visit, especially when we leave him.

His life is just an existence now and though we believe he is NOT in pain physically, the mental pain is clear to see. He is confused, often angry and upset and I just want to scoop him up and take him home even though I know I cant. He is incontinent, fragile and has a lack of coordination and often cannot feed himself. Anyway dementia is robbing my father of his body and mind… but having to watch him every other day just getting worse and worse is killing me slowly, i have a young family of kids and i am having trouble even doing the most simplest of tasks.

He loved and protected me all my life and now I feel useless as I cant do anything to make him better. I am now suffering from depression. I dicided to move to be closer to my dad and help in his long term care. I am out here. The same for me. No support, no one to talk to my mother in law is dying. My husband has no patience and no brain apparently. My sister in law is in another province and appears not to give a dam. I am loosing myself slowly throught this long 7 year process.

No help not peace and no one cares. My Mum has been in a nursing home for nearly 10 years. She is now She had a stroke which rendered her brain damaged and paralysed. She now longer can communicate properly, just a few words here and there and makes repetitious noises. She does not know us anymore. I wish she would die. The home takes really good care of her but they are instructed to minimal non sustaining care now.

I was the one in the family who did the most for her, and my brother who was mentally incapacitated, died 3 years ago. I am the only one in the family who lives alone and without a partner. If I could press a button that takes her out gently and with dignity, I would. I worry there will be nobody to look after me when I am old and I hope I can choose my own exit when the time comes. I feel hopeless and all I do is cry. I keep praying for a miracle. Seeing her this way is tearing me apart…how do people cope? Please pray for me to be strong…. Accepting where your mom is at this point is so difficult…and it sounds as though she has deteriorated quickly.

Can you reach out to a therapist or support group? It is amazing how much it can help to talk about your situation and get some perspective. Wishing you the best, Nancy. I travel 7 hours every weekend. It used to be that I cared for both my mother, diabetes, fibromyalgia, and herniated discs and HER mother my granma; dementia, failing knee implants, and 94yra old. My mother passed away last year from cancer, a few months after her mother was placed in a dementia care facility. I come down on weekends to take care of the house, and buy the things she needs, but I can no longer talk to her.

Hi Michael I travel 2 hours every other weekend to see my elderly Mum and Dad, he has dementia and no longer wants to live. He is loosing his speech, and I hate the words that he says, unkind, unloving words. He is a different person, withdrawn and cut off from us.

Dear God, My Mother Has Alzheimer’s Disease, Please Help Her Die

To be with my horse, my loyal dog and my 2 beautiful kids. I just wanted to say I understand what you say, but there is something to live for, I found out what it is, yourself, and by making yourself happy, in that process you alter so many lives, not just your own. Nancy your story is my reality exactly.

So hard to see her like that. We realized that it was time to start looking into a community specifically for people who need memory care. Due to her dementia, mom already had some issues with paranoia. Unfortunately, bringing a PCA in only made mom more paranoid. This meant that she had a hard time connecting with most of the residents and staff in her community.

Without dad, she was truly alone much of the day. I also hired an aging life care manager to help me find the best memory care community for mom. She helped me understand and recognize the key attributes of a good memory care community. Assisted living communities are designed to help people navigate physical limitations in order to complete daily functions and activities. She had been complaining about back pain, so her doctor prescribed her Tramadol.

Mom ended up on bedrest and behaved as if she were on hallucinogenic drugs. We later found out that the medication caused this reaction because of the type of dementia that she had. The possibility of such a reaction was never mentioned to me when she was receiving her prescription. It took nearly 3 weeks for the drug to work its way out of her system. She spent so much time in bed recovering that she became weak and unsteady. Several months passed before she was able to walk on her own again. Once mom was stable, we moved her into a memory care community.

We moved her on January 17, We knew the transition would be difficult. Often, for people with dementia, switching residences can result in a recognizable decline. Although she adapted quite well, she had a fall that landed her in the emergency room after only a few months in the new community. She was unable to fully recover from the fall and could no longer walk unassisted. She would try to get up and go whenever the notion struck her.

To keep her safe, we brought a new PCA back on staff. Mom lived in the memory care community for nearly a year. We were lucky to have found a PCA that doted on mom and that mom trusted. It was nice to have someone I could contact to know how mom was doing on a daily basis. In December , mom tipped over while washing her hands. She never hit the ground, but she complained of hip pain, so she was taken to the ER. When I arrived, I immediately recognized the significance of her injury.

Sometimes, when bones grow frail, a simple twist is all it takes to break a hip. While they took mom to X-ray, I found a private restroom and sobbed. I knew that elderly women who break a hip are at an increased risk of dying within a year of the incident. The surgeon repeated that to make mom comfortable, we should operate, and to do that, I needed to lift the DNR order. I called the aging life care manager back in and a geriatric doctor to help me navigate my choices for mom. The first test identified a heart and lung issue, eliminating the option for surgery.

She was alert even after four courses of morphine. And at some point during her stay at the ER, she had a small stroke. My mom no longer recognized me, and she was unable to remember that she had children. It had become clear that our only choice was to move mom into hospice care. Her health was fading fast, and we wanted to make her last days as comfortable as possible.

We moved mom back to her community where she had hour support and hospice care. I called all of my siblings and they scheduled one last trip to see mom. Over the next week, mom mostly slept. By the end of each visit, I would end up crying at the foot of her bed. I told her how much I would miss her, but reminded her that dad was patiently waiting for her to join him.

When I visited her on Christmas Day, her breathing was jagged. The memory community nurse called at 5: Even though I felt it coming, I was still stunned. Thankfully, my husband and children were with me when I received the news. They were able to take me to see mom one last time and say my goodbye. If I knew how things were going to progress, I feel like I would have made many different decisions throughout my caregiving journey.

A wonderful social worker told me that I should forgive myself, because I made the best decisions that I could with the information I had at the time. I often share this advice with other caregivers who feel the same remorse about their caregiving journey. I was told quite often to be kind to myself during my journey. Now that my family caregiving journey is over, I believe that this is the best advice I was ever given.

I hope that after reading about my experiences, you can take this to heart and find peace on your journey. While I was caring for my parents, I started to build a part-time business focused on helping other caregivers. This part-time business would become MemoryBanc. For several years, I balanced work by limiting the number of clients I helped so that my parents would always be the priority.

After a few months, I started to take on more clients. It felt good to be able to put my caregiving journey behind me, but also to use what I learned to make me a valuable resource for so many other families. Catch up on part two: Dementia can be a devastating diagnosis for both patients and their families. Find out what you need to know about dementia, and learn how it's….

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