1st Meeting -- BDSM Dominant Female / Submissive Male
Contents:
That's a good one, but I'd like to substitute that here with the guiding phrase we use: RACK stands for risk-aware consensual kink , and is often used to describe situations in which some risk is known. Perhaps your play partner is autistic, or under treatment for depression. Perhaps they get panic attacks every now and then, and while they are eager to play, want to talk about what you can do if they start getting a panic attack in the middle of playtime.
Or - more visibly - perhaps you have back pain you need to adjust for, or an old ankle injury. Other aspects of risk are included as well; with things like flogging, or hot wax, or rope, where pain and pleasure are blending together, it's very possible to forget that you are in fact causing harm for the sake of ecstasy. There's a line there can be crossed very very easily. Why Pain Makes Us Horny: Sexual risk is another factor included in the RACK system - from effects of prescribed antidepressants to risks like STIs or pregnancy. It's not like you cannot participate in kink, but any risk does need to be discussed and mitigated.
How you discuss this, and what you decide to do, is up to you and your partner.
That, of course, takes time. I'm a straight male dom; this is what I've learned on my journey. I am 37 years old and have been married for 19 yrs. What am confused about is why he hasn't arrange a meeting yet. I want to know if this is true. I have always been confident in who I am and had a healthy sense of self worth. My husband was my highschool sweatheart and is the only man I have ever known.
Sometimes it's just a few words, sometimes it's a longer conversation and sometimes a continuing dialogue is needed. This ties in to the second point. Skills and limitation awareness seem like a no-brainer, but in my partner Lily's early days as a Dominant, she handled her tools awkwardly because she was afraid of them she had baggage surrounding bondage and gender roles. But once she unpacked her feelings about WHY she was handling her tools awkwardly, she became a much more capable Dominant.
It also helped that she habitually makes certain to handle her tools herself first - feeling how the rope holds knots when tied to her arm or wrists first, for example - before applying untested rope to her partner during play. But we've seen prospective Dominants who think that all you need to be dominant is to shout at or threaten your partner, and have gear like chains or rope or a gag.
We all have read about a certain trashy novel that suggested that chains and cable ties are a good thing. And an experienced Dom will know this. They will be familiar and comfortable with their toys and tools. They will observe their subs and act according to what makes them feel comfortable. Dominants may shout at their partners, certainly, but only within boundaries the partners set together.
This goes for faults just as it applies to Dominants knowing what their skills and limitations are. Dominance contains all that too. Know thyself, the saying goes, and a Dominant should at least be on the journey to know themselves and what they want in order to best provide, give, and nurture their submissives. If you're interested in becoming a Dominant, you do not need to have all the answers, but you do need to be willing to explore where your baggage came from, and what you can do about it.
You need to take responsibility for your own actions. Will you make mistakes? Yes, you're a human; people are going to make some mistakes along the way, sooner or later. That's part of gaining experience and leveling up. Now, this also means that if there are risk factors or hard limits you have, that you discuss them with your prospective partners as well. Just because you are a Dominant in a relationship does not mean your partner does not have agency or power.
What would happen if you are sick? Do you want your partner to be able to look you in the eye and tell you something is wrong or that something you did or said bothers them? Does the submissive partner - if the submission is outside the bedroom as well - have the agency to make the choice to call after you, to send you a card, to pay any shared bills? If you are sick and cannot meet a play date, is there any protocol or ritual to deal with that? Is there a protocol that will help you and your partner feel secure? Does the submissive have the agency to leave you for another Dominant if your time with them is not to the benefit of both parties?
The third key thing to keep in mind as a Dominant is to be aware that people are all different.
1st Meeting -- BDSM Dominant Female / Submissive Male - Kindle edition by Susie Taylor. Download it once and read it on your Kindle device, PC, phones or . The first time I ever found myself in a bedroom, surrounded by rope and in the presence of a willing girl, I will Read: BDSM kink and in sex in general: the submissive partner - whether known as a bottom or . If you are sick and cannot meet a play date, is there any protocol or ritual to deal with that?.
Even if there are two Dominants using similar tools say, both use flogging who come from similar backgrounds, they are still two distinct people. There are many types of dominance and submission play, and Dominants also have different flavors, even if the tools they use are the same. Have a nice trip to the doc.
You shouldn't use Vaseline, it's a petroleum based product and could cause a yeast infection. Better to use a water based lube such as KY Jelly. A young slut must learn to be a good anal whore for big cocks like Pam Pussy ;-. OMG,That was so hot! Watching him caress Miss Puss so gently, then back to her anus. Rimmimg her then back to Puss, over and over. Gentlemen, you should learn this technique.
Thanks for sharing, super sexy. One of my favs: He is a real man. Dominant and caring at the same time: Thanks for the sharing. I wish the same.
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- Insanity Part 3.
- La mente malata: 3 (Studi e ricerche) (Italian Edition).
- Diary of a Worm: Nat the Gnat (I Can Read Level 1).
- On Top: How to Be a Dominant!
- Accountants Handbook, Financial Accounting and General Topics: Volume One.
The first session establishes Obedience, submission and the desire to learn. This is what I want for you. Im 25 and I'm still a virgin. I'm not the typical women. Um the bdsm "world" is what I wanna be in, but I have been told that I would never fit. I want to know if this is true. And if so why would any of that really matter? Rosa, apologies for the delayed response.
You've really answered your own question; why would virginity or weight prevent you from fitting in with other kinky people?
Kinksters look like the rest of the population; they come in all sizes, ages, amounts of experience, etc. Whoever told you that you wouldn't fit either didn't know much about kinky people, or was being unkind. Some BDSM enthusiasts do prefer to play with people who have prior experience, but there are a lot of kindly kinksters who enjoy sharing their kinks with newbies. As for being a virgin, I suggest you don't share that fact with someone until you get to know and trust them, as there are sadly a lot of players and abusers who seek inexperienced subs to exploit, and so claim to be dominant.
Please Sir, i am really new to this, and i broke one of the above stated rules. The first and only Dom i talked to, in our second mail conversation asked me to call him Sir or Master. He didn't apologise, not in those exact words. But today in our third conversation he described what he expects from me, and given how new i am to all this that really upset me. Again i was honest about it. He amended by telling me that i where he want this to go. And then asked me to tel him if i want to continue and have that relationship. What should i do now? I find this to be to early for me. Just not now, so early.
What i would like is a mentor, and friends with who i can share this newly discovered me. AeonRoaSofia, your instincts seem to be good! There's no harm in exchanging visions about the kind of relationship each desires, so you know that you have compatible intentions. But placing demands or expectations on someone you hardly know and have never met is just foolish, or even manipulative. For a mentor, find someone more experienced in the role you aspire to, another submissive woman in your case.
And for friends, only get to know folks who are genuinely interested in getting to know you.
BDSM: Things You Need to Know: How to Interview a Dom/Master Prospect
I just met someone myself I would like to email u the convo for ur thoughts I met him my job and he is soooo much younger then me but im sooo turned on by him I'm not sure you'll find a reassuring description of "the difference between freak and sub" — any number of kinky people embrace the term "freak": More importantly, you should pick a kink partner who cares about your well-being and is sensitive to where you are in the moment.
I wish I had read this before reaching out to any doms. I felt unafraid and ignorant of the consequences of getting tangled up with the wrong dom. I'll keep the sordid story to myself. This is my first time knowing there's a whole lot of community immersing into this kind of lifestyle.. I know i'm too ignorant about the truths behind this. I'm afraid that a plain relationship will bore me out. My last relationship ended 3 years ago. Till now i dont feel any attraction to any girls i'm bisexual or a guy i still find myself lured to some men. It confuses me when my body craves the rough kind over the sweet lovemaking.
Is it wrong to feel this unknown dark desires?
Submissive slaves first training session, anal and fingering
I feel like i wont ever find my match. Sometimes i just get off reading bdsm erotic fictions and fantsize that its me doing all those things. I know its pathetic. I dont know what to do: Hello and am I ever glad I found this blogg! I have a question that has been bothering me about a recent ecounter. Life story aside, I am fairly new to the sex scene in general, and have always been intrigued by the lifestyle but never really considered myself a sub definitely not a dom!
I have done some research and whatnot so while I'm most definitely a newbie, I'm also not completely ignorant. However I am confused about an experience I've recently had. I met L online, talked to him for months before agreeing to dinner face to face. We had many similar interests and hobbies and got along great! In general he behaved like I imagined a Dom to but didn't mention it until he asked if I was a sub later that week.
I said no but I was curious about the lifestyle so we discussed some basics, slept together again, then this last weekend we tried some non-vanilla activities and it was fun, to me at least. I crashed, then left in the morning for work.
Self Control and Safety as a Dominant
Because he said I should ask questions if I needed to, I asked if I had been any good at playing a sub. Hours later I get "hey [my name], sorry I'm just not feeling it" and nothing else. I asked what the issue was, because I was fairly certain he enjoyed himself, and it was so sudden and out of the blue, but haven't gotten any replies. Did I get douped by a fake, in your opinion, or did I manage to put him off or what? I can handle him being a player but to just suddenly disappear after months of discussions and whatnot was more than a little confusing, especially after all the talking we did about me trying out being a sub.
Well I'm afraid I'm no better at reading his mind than you are! People disappear for all kinds of reasons; maybe he met someone else, rekindled an old flame, or liked you so much that it scared him. And yes, some players have figured out that they can take advantage of newbie subs by claiming to be dominant. All you can really do is interview someone as discussed above as you get to know them, and try to spot any red flags before you run into a flagpole: How do I know which dom to chose from?
I am currently under review by one but then another has come along.. I have never had a sub dom relationship before.. The original dom has a temporary sub atm! That, of course, takes time. Being "under consideration" as it's commonly called is another term for "getting to know you". Some doms ask that you not talk with other doms while you're under said consideration, which is silly if you don't know the gent well enough to start going steady.
As it can be a challenge to find a match in both vanilla and kink aspects, it's not uncommon for kinky people to have play partners, so that might account for the "temporary sub". Hello Sir, where can I find your email? But you are very experienced and I would like some advice from you! Thank you, Mary Clare. You can message me on Fetlife or email me at thejourneyofwill on gmail. I've shared it on my author FB page, because I think the word ought to get out.
Possibly ALL relationships ought to be addressed in a similar manner! I had a terrible experience recently that I hope no one goes through. I have been looking for a link to chat honestly about bad experiences. I am new to BDSM and have spent 4 months just learning as much as possible and being very cautious. I never tried anal sex and did little oral sex. I just realized I am a sub sexually but in the real world am not and have had a career. I always liked dressing sexy however and knew I had a strong sex drive.
My first experience was this. I met the dom online and chatted for several weeks, asking many questions. I kept telling him most 1st meetings are just talking first. He said I can back out but said 'this is what you want right'? I was a virgin with anal sex and we did that. I have have since felt numb and sick to my stomach and have cried a lot. I was obviously not informed enough about how to proceed in the beginning. I have found your pages to be very helpful in answering a number of questions for me, Thank You!
I am currently interested in finding a Daddy Dom but am still inexperienced. For the past couple of weeks I have been exchanging texts with someone that interests me greatly. We encountered each other online about a month ago and exchanged pictures and mails for a couple weeks before beginning to text.
Lesson One: The Dominant Is Not (Really) In Charge
I am concerned about a number of things: These are mainly in regard to his identity. What are your thoughts? I really want to have a better understanding of the feelings this is invoking in me, as well as understanding things from his side. I often feel he has a road map and I do not. Thank You again for posting so much useful information! So very helpful - thank you. I am a newbie, well relatively new and appear to have done the classic fall into Gravity.
However I've found it incredibly hard going from lots of contact, flirtaceous IM to intermittent sporadic IM. Just left me feeling used and flat. If they could before we met why not after? Felt very little emotional aftercare. I used these for interviewing a friend of mine last night, and he didn't seem at all upset.
He gave me a small taste a few years back but neither of us had much experience with bdsm. My only question is how long you should wait after an interview before making a decision? Thank you so much for this article. I'm curious and have seen myself as a sub. Mostly researching and chatting online. Most of the men I've come across immediately start issuing commands. As someone unfamiliar with the lifestyle, I didn't know if this was normal. This article has helped me see the difference between real Doms and men pretending.
Absolutely awesome so glad this page came up Met a Dom and we haven't gone out or anything yet.
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- A Guide to Creating Sigils and how to make them work for you?
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But he asked me if I knew bout lifestyle I've never had Dom yet but tried finding one and first one I talked to was out of control..