Crush (The House On Glass Beach Book 1)

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All I'm going to say is that it was a gift. It was something I wasn't sure I was going to get and when i did get it? It was like sunshine after a year of darkness. It's very hard for books with angst to get five stars from me because I feel like most of them try to hard and force emotion. I'm very critical of books with angst but this book met and surpassed all of my expectations. Were there small things that might have been better?

Yes but, to me, all of the things that were done just right totally eclipsed those things that could have been done better. This is a book that I recommend to everyone. It's a scary undertaking, yes, because it is a heavy book but it's worth it. Please read it because it's worth it.

View all 8 comments. Probably this is one of the saddest book I ever read in my life, but I didn't drop neither one tear. I didn't have tears to cry, just pain. I must start saying it's not a book for everyone My noncon-dubcon tag is not enough to tell you this story will talk about rape, and the horrible consequences of it. It's a dark, but a MUST read romance for the follow reasons: This story is brutal, but also full of hope and love. Jamie and Tammy, from childhood to adulthood, fighting to survive and pretend they are normal.

Can love heal both? There is hope, even in such desperate cases? Jamie want to love and be loved. He can't imagine Tammy, the school stud, not just is also attracted to him, but know what it to have the childhood interrupted by a sick adult. They are in love, and nothing, neither their hard past can stop both to try to be a couple. Jamie is a religious person. For him God is what save him, gave him a loving foster father, gave him his beloved Tammy. There is a lot of religion in his narration, but don't worry, he is not trying to convert you to his religion As I said, I couldn't cry.

I was numb, with so much pain and hate. I ache for them, and hate each time they cry.

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Even now, after I finish it I will hate everything both went through. I hate it is happening right now, while I'm writing this review somewhere in the world it's happening right now, to a very real person, not a fictional character as Jamie or Tammy. I almost took one star because of the both point of view. Many chapters are the "repetition" of acts, but from different point of view. I said "almost" but as you may see I didn't took it out.

The repetition is not a real copy and paste I notice I was having problem reading when both were sad, in pain, not while it was the narration of a happy moment. THAT was the moment I got it I can't give less than 5 stars to this book and I must admit I wish I could reread it, but I can't. Maybe someday I will brave enough, but now I just.. If you are curious, and want to know if there is a happy end that's the reason you are still in doubt if you should read it click in the spoiler, I will tell you view spoiler [Yes, after so much pain, they will have it, they happiness, and more View all comments.

Mar 19, Debra rated it really liked it Shelves: This book was just emotionally draining, but underneath the horrific subject matter of this book is a beautiful love story. Be warned that the graphic, horrifying child abuse that is portrayed made the book very hard to read. The story is told in alternating POV's of Jamie and Tammy from the time they are children up until they are in their 30's.

While the chapters do not just rehash each other, the same events are often portrayed from each man's perspective. Both are abuse survivors. Jamie is re This book was just emotionally draining, but underneath the horrific subject matter of this book is a beautiful love story. Jamie is rescued at age 13 after spending most of his life abused and then as a chained prisoner of his parents. Tammy also suffers abuse at the hands of a family member. Both boys handle their situations very differently. While there are so many acts of hate and abuse perpetrated against Jamie and Tammy, there are also lifelong bonds of love and friendship that are forged.

The love and support that Jamie and Tammy give each other is tender and heartwarming. I found the book tended to get a bit preachy towards the end, and would benefit from a bit of editing, but it is a very well written story that will stay with me for a very long time. View all 9 comments.

Crush is a difficult book to both read and describe. Two young men, both abused by the people who they were supposed to be safe with, find their way to each other some 30 years after they first met. As they learn to deal with their past, struggle to trust each other, and perhaps find love together, both men find that their suffering has not yet ended. This is definitely not a story for everyone - think of Matthew Shepherd and you'll have some idea of what this book contains.

Yet for all the pain Crush is a difficult book to both read and describe. Yet for all the pain and violence, there is also a strong message of hope under it all, so while your heart aches for these two men, it is eased by the love and happiness they finally find together. What an amazing book! I am still sitting here is shock and in love w both Jaime and Tammy.

Crush (The House on Glass Beach #1) by Laura Susan Johnson

I would love to be able to step into this book and give them a hug and tell them what special people they are. She has a baby in her cart. He smiles, leans down over the safety bar in front of him, and kisses my mouth. Then she takes him away from me. Jamie is a two-year-old kid when he meets a four-year-old Tammy for the first time. They were meant to be one, but fate chooses to break them apart several times along their lives. Two broken souls meant to be one. Time goes on, and Jamie is broken by a Daddy that abuses him and a Mommy that beats him.

Jamie is a sad boy. Tammy is an angry boy. Broken by people who are meant to protect them, they meet again in their teens. But they are separated again. By cowardice, by terror, by no acceptance. To never be happy and never feel complete. Destiny makes them meet again. And this time they are determined to not be apart never again. But hate is difficult to get over. Self-hate is even more difficult to erase.

The story is compelling. It had my heart in a fist in the first two pages. With no shades of gray. I tried not to be dragged into sadness, but there were moments I really felt devastated. There were moments I could barely breathe They paths cross several times during the years. But obstacles and bigotry and pain get them apart from each other.

Their inner struggles catch you to never let go. Their thoughts attract you like a moth to a fire. Their feelings hurt but also heal. The pov alternates between Jamie and Tammy. You understand each of them from their own positions in the game. A game ruled by more than two players. The chess pieces are moved and we need to see the consequences on the two main victims from the perpetrators. The kings want to be together but their movements are aborted by other pieces, and by their own fears.

Because two kings are not meant to exist in the same chess board. They are apart most of the game, and if they get to be together, jaque mate. Jamie had been pursued his whole life. He was a toy for his parents. He was used, manipulated, abused. He lives in self-hate, in sickness. That unforgiving minute ruins him.

There would be no other than Tammy. He never missed anything until Tammy takes his hand. He is destroyed beyond repair and he knows it. Every sound around us is suddenly muted, except for the water, splashing softly. The palpitations tickle my ribs as we stare at each other, our smiles unchanging, but our eyes transforming. I see it in his, I feel it in mine.

Our smiles follow the course of our eyes. Tammy gazes down at me, his eyes and lips gentle, soft, dreamy. My eyes are locked with his, and this moment expands into a small forever… Tammy was a happy boy till the day his uncle stopped using him.

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Tammy loved his uncle, and loved his touch. But one day his uncle says no, and his devastation makes Tammy chase his uncle pursuing other little boys. He feels like trash.

He hates those little boys. He hates his cousin. He writes stories marked with hate. He begins to harm animals. Does he know how close I am…? So he turns into girls to forget the violence. The most subtle movement, a tiny contraction of his hand around mine, and my focus is fully stolen from Yvette in spite of her iniquitous attentions. I turn my head to the right, remembering the odd little flutter that happened inside me when his fingers curled just a little tighter around mine for that instant. Our eyes meet a second time as he looks up at me.

The contact lasts for a few beats, but time is stretched like a rubber band. There is very much hate in this book. They talk about God a little too much. They talk about animal violence a little too much. They talk about abuse a little too much. I think sometimes it's excessive. This is a story about how hate and violence take two people apart. It made me sick that two souls meant to be one have to be apart because of what the people surrounding them believe. How they hurt them. There is enough sadness and there is enough hate in the world, and in their hearts.

I cry because my dream has come true. This book is brutal. And now realization avalanches onto me. It is a video depicting two adults defiling the body, and crushing the spirit of a beautiful, innocent child. It is a crush video. The cold penetrates every layer of me. My hand tightens around my angel. I love you, Tammy, I said tonight. I felt like my emotions were being played by some kind of puppeteer the whole book. But in a good way. What they did gets into everything, taints it, ruins it. I should never have gotten with you, because I knew, deep in my heart, something would ruin it.

I should have stayed alone. I just can melt the copper and with luck it would be similar to a prettier metal. But I hope at least I could make something similar and transmit what the book make me feel.

Mar 09, Elizabetta rated it liked it Shelves: This is an unbelievably grim, wrenching depiction of two very young boys in extreme, brutal abuse and neglect at the hands of their parents and family. Some people should never have kids. If you can make it past these early years the story opens up into one of sweet yearning and angst when Tam and Jamie finally find each other. They are truly kindred spirits. What I especially liked was their portrayal as high schoole 3.

What I especially liked was their portrayal as high schoolers.

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The uncertainty and awkwardness and the denial because of ignorance and fear seemed spot on. Perhaps part of the answer is that they cannot find the beauty in themselves so they seek to destroy it in others. And this is what Jamie and Tam must do, set out to re-find that beauty before they themselves become perpetrators. The story worked best for me when it focused on Tam and Jamie together. They dragged the pacing down and were frustrating to read. The long discourses on hospital events were perplexing and distracting. It is dangerous when an author has knowledge of a specific skill, occupation, or experience because they can be tempted to teach or preach and this can interrupt the flow and dilute the impact of the core story if not well done.

This is and yet another book that showed great promise in the first third and then got seriously bogged down. The brutality returns as more horrors are visited upon Jamie especially and Tam. Buckle those seat belts again. When the resolution comes it is a very necessary and well earned relief and the reader is more than ready for it. The flavor of this last part of the book seems very much a chronicling of events and feelings so the story loses the lyricism of the early chapters, reducing the romanticism; and the end is way too long in coming.

The alternating POV changes done by chapter of repeated scenes could have alienated, but here, they are helpful. At the core, this is a deeply passionate love story at times heartbreaking and uplifting, and at times nicely written. My rating reflects its great need for restraint and pacing in the middle and especially at the end , which would be found hopefully, with a good editor.

View all 11 comments. Dec 21, Purplegirl rated it really liked it Shelves: Overall, this was a really good book. I was in the mood for a deeper and emotional read and this fit the bill. Tammy and Jamie were soul mates and we are taken through their lives from very young children to adulthood and them finding each other again. They both suffered bad childhoods of abuse,loneliness and violence. Others have written more about the story so I won't go into that. This book did make me feel for and connect with the characters. At times, there were too many unnecessary details Overall, this was a really good book.

At times, there were too many unnecessary details and I felt that it dragged. The author was able to make somethings that usually do not sit well with me, work in this story. We get the story, alternating between Tammy and Jaime, and the same periods of times are rehashed but the author does it in a way that it is not just a straight retelling of the same time frame, you do get different bits and pieces from each person. The first part of the book is a flashback but it is not a typical flashback and actually added to the story. There are a lot of italics, which I am not a fan of, but in this book, they were necessary because there was a great deal of dialogue that Tammy and Jaime had with themselves.

It was something that you would expect as they were both trying to get over their abusive childhoods. I'm glad Tammy, Jaime and the rest of their family had a happy ending. They went through so much heartache that they deserved it. This was a solid 4 star read for me. View all 6 comments. This is the story of Jamie and Tammy pronounced Temmy , a powerful, emotionally-charged gut-wrenching and painful story of their early lives, when each suffered from child sexual abuse, as well as their later years when they experienced hate crimes against gays.

It is very dark and explicit in places, covering topics which many people cannot read, including incest and graphic rape and violence. But, it is very well done and necessary to the plot line. The author tore me apart emotionally for th This is the story of Jamie and Tammy pronounced Temmy , a powerful, emotionally-charged gut-wrenching and painful story of their early lives, when each suffered from child sexual abuse, as well as their later years when they experienced hate crimes against gays.

She did it with great skill and instilled a beautiful, spiritual message as well. I definitely highly recommend this story to those who can read it. Kudos to Laura Susan Johnson for this amazing work of fiction. This novel surpasses almost every book I have ever read; I'm not entirely sure I could say I 'enjoyed' reading it, as the subject matter is at times very moving and upsetting. However, I have rarely, if ever, come across a book written in such a way that invoked such powerful reactions and emotions within me as a reader.

A bold, stunning, hard hitting, harrowing and yet delicate and tender story of two men who had been in love for a very long time, but had denied themselves each other due to fear This novel surpasses almost every book I have ever read; I'm not entirely sure I could say I 'enjoyed' reading it, as the subject matter is at times very moving and upsetting. A bold, stunning, hard hitting, harrowing and yet delicate and tender story of two men who had been in love for a very long time, but had denied themselves each other due to fears of how their small town society would react.

There are some very difficult to read passages dealing with child abuse, animal abuse and the emotional scars and impacts this has on the protagonists' lives later on; they are described quite graphically but are in no way gratuitous. I have to confess that I had never been more convinced that a story would not have a 'happy ending' than I was reading this novel, yet the characters were that well written that I couldn't help hoping, against all odds, that love might triumph.

Jan 10, Jucilene rated it really liked it Shelves: Very sweet love story.

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One of my favorite parts is when Jamie is petting one of his cats in his lap and Tammy to catch some attention for himself, mumbles: More details about this book, please read this marvelous review, right here Thanks for the rec, Cat-Trisha! Jan 10, Kristy Maitz rated it it was amazing Shelves: I don't know why authors have to write such painful and sad stories. I even asked my sister what she thinks and she answered "because a lot of people are ignorant and have to be informed", and sadly she is right.

Story plot was really shocking from my point of view. Both main characters Jamie and Tammy have horrible, horrible childhood and I wouldn't wish that for nobody. I recommend that book to those who are prepared to read a story full of pain, suffering, sadness, hatred. Thank the God we ar I don't know why authors have to write such painful and sad stories. Thank the God we are given happy ending if not I would be screaming right now. View all 3 comments. It's difficult to think that this type of abuse actually happens, that such evil exists in the world.

This is a painful read, but ultimately, quite a beautiful love story. I'm not sure that I could survive even a fraction of what Jamie suffers. Thank Heaven he finds love in the end and is able to overcome much of the self-loathing that continued to torment him even after the external abuse ended. I hope Jamie and Tam have many happy years ahead of them, and that when it's time for them to leave It's difficult to think that this type of abuse actually happens, that such evil exists in the world. I hope Jamie and Tam have many happy years ahead of them, and that when it's time for them to leave this world, they leave together peacefully.

Jan 24, Cassie rated it it was amazing Shelves: What a terribly heartbreaking all to believable story. Crush will absolutely crush you, wring out all your emotions and stomp on them. Very well written story about love and a very real hate. Sickeningly, shockingly, brutally life altering events that happen all to often, but its also about love that is true, and powerful, lasting and strong, love that is said "will last the test of time ". View all 5 comments. View all 17 comments. Dec 18, Debbie McGowan rated it it was amazing Shelves: Crush is the most traumatic reading experience I've ever endured, and the first time I tried to read it, I had to stop because I couldn't stand the suffering.

The blurb does make it clear that there is abuse detailed within, so it's no spoiler to comment on this, but it is worth mentioning that it is graphic. It is also entirely necessary to the story. Once I got past the first couple of chapters, it was the most beautiful journey, getting to know the two main characters.

They become real people Crush is the most traumatic reading experience I've ever endured, and the first time I tried to read it, I had to stop because I couldn't stand the suffering. They become real people very quickly, which makes their experiences all the more difficult to deal with as a reader, but worth it by the end of the book. I can't say much more than this without spoiling the story, but what I will say is this: However, if you find child abuse unbearably distressing, then you may want to skip Chapter 2, but you MUST read this book.

It's truly one of the most wonderful stories you will ever read. This is probably one of the most challenging books I have ever read. There are some VERY difficult to read passages here but all completely necessary to tell the story. Basically a story of two men in love kept apart through circumstance, bad timing and intolerance of small town America. It's probably not giving too much away to say they do finally get together but the build up, subsequent relationship and final shocking scenario make this book compelling reading.

Certainly not for the feint of h This is probably one of the most challenging books I have ever read.

Certainly not for the feint of heart, this book is an exceptionally well crafted work of fiction that deals extremely well with issues most would shy away from. For this, Laura Johnson has to be congratulated. Highly recommended for everyone over the age of 18 as long as you approach it with an open mind. Thank you Laura for sharing your obvious talent. Crush has reached reviews as of Sept. I would like to do the st review of my novel from my author's POV.

I have considered what some readers have said about Crush. There are 46 chapters. As human beings, when we've done something wrong, we rehash it in our heads, we feel guilt. Guilt does not magically disappear. Tammy speaks of his dog "Cotton" many many times throughout the book. He relives his guilt, an emotion that does not magically disappear no matter how badly we want it to. Jamie's guilt, the guilt that was injected into him during the hellish 7 years he spent being abused by his parents, does not magically go away.

I do not recommend Crush to anybody who is easily upset to the point of feeling tortured when they hear about child abuse on the news. I do not recommend Crush to people who are disturbed by the very mention of animal cruelty. There are no graphic details. There are only implications. The child abuse in contrast is written graphically, from the eyes of the children it is happening to. I am glad I wrote it in the first person POV because to me, it makes the characters human beings who know what is going on.

I want to empathize, not just sympathize. Jamie and Tammy are fully human, not simply victims we hear about on the news whom we are helpless to reach out to. These things ARE happening to children, right now, all over our world, and I hate that. I know there are people who will attempt to read Crush and find that they simply cannot do it. I was on AOL the other day and saw a link to an article about a man arrested for posession of sadistic child pornography.

I did not click on it to read the article. Because it would have tortured me. I would not last 5 mins. I am like many of you. These things torture me. All I can do is say a prayer for those who are being abused and murdered by people who are so cruel that the only explanation I can conjure up in my human mind is that they have no souls. They are the walking dead. Crush is a story of survival, a story of overcoming being the victims of evil.

Jamie and Tammy are gay. Their sexual orientation should have no say whether or not they deserve to be loved, comforted, and respected. They found each other, and it is not less than a miracle. In a world that threatens them for being who they are, they find strength, love and the presence of goodness and mercy.

Crush is an erotic story. Erotica is not evil. Sex is a bodily function. Sex with love is the best sex of all. Sex is a miracle, a gift. It is wonderful, and this is coming from an asexual woman who has never had sex. Crush illustrates the difference between sex used as violence and sex used as communication between loving partners who are healing together. On their journey, Tammy and Jamie learn what it is to differentiate between self-punishment and the true joy of sexual union. Crush has no intentions of indicting religion OR glorifying it. There is a vast difference between religion and the simple belief in a higher power.

It will not shove any doctrine or set of beliefs down your throat. I love Crush and even after reading it another time the other day , I feel it. I see the repetative statements, thoughts and scenes, but I feel they belong there. I am looking for a clue that I've written it the wrong way, and can find none. Some of you will love this book, some of you will think it's alright, and some of you will hate it, whether you hate the story itself, or the execution of the story.

I love anyone who tries to read it, whether or not they can finish, whether or not they end up hating it. Anyone who cannot read it will not be less of a person because they can't. Anyone who hates it or feels it is false has the right to feel anyway they want about it. We are all different. Our lives shape who we are.

Writing Crush has been one of my life's most wonderful experiences. While Crush is not a hugely revolutionary piece of gay fiction, it is timely in the era we're living in, and I am honored to have left a tiny piece of literature that will one day be considered a "period" piece. My only wish is that those who are homophobic, indoctrinated into hate, and narrow minded today would open this book and read it Can love conquer hate? I was conflicted as to whether or not I wanted to write a review of this book.

Generally speaking, I don't tend to do so, but after waiting a week and allowing myself time to reflect on what I'd read I found myself needing to express my opinion. And it is just that; only my opinion. But I'm giving it because the story moved me and quite honestly, if I could write half as well as this author, I'd be overjoyed. That being said, firstly, I must compliment the author on the choice of storyline. It wa I was conflicted as to whether or not I wanted to write a review of this book.

It was very bold and I appreciate an author that is willing to cross that line into subject matter that may make people uncomfortable, because the truth of the matter is abuse happens. It's nasty and it's ugly and it leaves scars; physical and emotional. The writing was beautifully done throughout most of the book I'll come back to this later , pulling me into what these two men were experiencing and the struggles they were having in regards to their feelings for each other, and within themselves.

There were many scenes that had me in tears, and others that upset me enough to set the book down to come back on later. I'm making an assumption here. If there was a professional editor involved, I apologize. You can smack me next time you see me. It was on sale when I purchased it. But, in my opinion, this book would've benefited from an emotionally disinterested third party pulling it apart and putting it back together again.

If I had to rate this aspect of the book separately, I would only give it 2. I'll start with the gripe that bothers me the most, being that, in places, I felt as if I were being preached to; politically. It's obvious that the author is passionate about the real world parallels that exist and I applaud that, but those parallels and their accompanying causes and the author's personal viewpoints on them were expounded to the point I ended up skimming.

I hate being forced to skim as I know firsthand how carefully each word in a piece of text is examined and weighed by the author. And that leads me to my second gripe. Far, far too long. There were large sections of what appeared to be hurried text amongst the beautiful pieces, which pulled me away from the story. Sections that were essentially unnecessary; repeating information we'd been told already, sometimes more than twice. And I think the author knew that, hence the discrepancy in style. Also, I got the impression I was being taken on a spiritual journey with the author as they tried to fully express everything they were personally feeling in regards to the disturbing portions of content as it was being reflected upon in later text.

As an author myself, I can appreciate the emotional toll writing a book like this might take on a person, but I don't want to sense it in the writing. I prefer imagining a story just 'is' and wasn't written by anyone in particular. Laura Susan Johnson Language: First published 30th September Raw, graphic, candid portrait of two young gay men whose love affair is deeply affected by the scars they sustained from childhood sexual abuse.

Tammy and Jamie are soul mates, but their love is thwarted for years by bad timing, fear of ridicule, and the damage that lingers long after childhood. Along with the internal, there are external forces that threaten to separate them forever. Can love overcome any obstacle? Can it erase the shame and horror of the past?

Can it triumph against hatred, even the hatred of one's self? In a small California town, a young boy loses his innocence when his manipulative uncle molests him. Only a few miles away, hidden from the outside world and subjected to cruelties beyond imagining, another little boy pleads for mercy. When the two children meet in a supermarket, a lifelong bond is forged - one that is fatefully reinforced when they fleetingly cross paths again in high school. The years pass, but they cannot forget each other An old enemy watches and waits, eager for an opportunity to destroy them,igniting a bitter, wrenching battle in the war between love and tolerance, and hate and bigotry.

The characters have so much spirit and presence that it feels like you know them I felt a connection to each of the characters as they try to survive their personal hell

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