Mature Misbehaving 3
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For example, saying "I'm proud of you for sharing your toys at playgroup" is usually more effective than punishing a child who didn't share.
The Surprising Secret to Raising a Well-Behaved Kid
And be specific when giving praise rather than just saying "Good job! This makes them more likely to happen in the future — the more attention we give to a behavior, the more likely it is to continue.
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If your child continues an unacceptable behavior no matter what you do, try making a chart with a box for each day of the week. Decide how many times your child can misbehave before a punishment kicks in or how long the proper behavior must be seen before it is rewarded. This will give your child and you a concrete look at how it's going.
Once this begins to work, praise your child for learning to control misbehavior and, especially, for overcoming any stubborn problem.
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Timeouts also can work well for kids at this age. Pick a suitable timeout place, such as a chair or bottom step, that's free of distractions. Remember, getting sent to your room isn't effective if a computer, TV, or games are there. Also, a timeout is time away from any type of reinforcement. So your child shouldn't get any attention from you while in a timeout — including talking, eye contact, etc. Be sure to consider the length of time that will work best for your child. Experts say 1 minute for each year of age is a good rule of thumb; others recommend using the timeout until the child is calmed down to teach self-regulation.
Make sure that if a timeout happens because your child didn't follow directions, you follow through with the direction after the timeout. It's important to tell kids what the right thing to do is, not just to say what the wrong thing is. For example, instead of saying "Don't jump on the couch," try "Please sit on the furniture and put your feet on the floor. Be sure to give clear, direct commands. Instead of "Could you please put your shoes on? Again, consistency is crucial, as is follow-through.
Nine Steps to More Effective Parenting (for Parents)
Make good on any promises of discipline or else you risk undermining your authority. Kids have to believe that you mean what you say. This is not to say you can't give second chances or allow a certain margin of error, but for the most part, you should act on what you say. Be careful not to make unrealistic threats of punishment "Slam that door and you'll never watch TV again! If you threaten to turn the car around and go home if the squabbling in the backseat doesn't stop, make sure you do exactly that.
The credibility you'll gain with your kids is much more valuable than a lost beach day.
Huge punishments may take away your power as a parent. If you ground your son or daughter for a month, your child may not feel motivated to change behaviors because everything has already been taken away. It may help to set some goals that kids can meet to earn back privileges that were taken away for misbehavior. Kids in this age group — just as with all ages — can be disciplined with natural consequences.
Disciplining Your Child
As they mature and request more independence and responsibility, teaching them to deal with the consequences of their behavior is an effective and appropriate method of discipline. For example, if your fifth grader's homework isn't done before bedtime, should you make him or her stay up to do it or even lend a hand yourself? If homework is incomplete, your child will go to school the next day without it and suffer the resulting bad grade. Kids see what behaving improperly can mean and probably won't make those mistakes again.
Removing privileges such as electronics can be an effective consequence for this age group. If your child is a champion whiner, he may just be mimicking how you sound when you ask him to clean up his messy room. Typical trouble spots General compliance: Discipline tips to use with your tween Take a coach approach: Coaches use questions beginning with what and how to help team members reach their goals, says Carson. Push the rewind button: When possible, give your child a second chance.
And thank her when she gets it right, says Carson. If your eight-year-old is late for school because she had trouble getting up in the morning, make bedtime earlier the next few nights rather than revoking her TV privileges. The best consequences are the ones whereby your child learns something. A seismic power struggle. Typical trouble spots Backtalk: These are prime years for backtalk as tweens gain independence and want to see how you respond if they exert control, says Michele Borba, author of The Big Book of Parenting Solutions.
Explain your position, listen to his, and then compromise where you can.
If your year-old wants to bump up his bedtime to 10 p. Use when and then: Whenever your tween uses a sassy tone or engages in yelling, name-calling, put-downs or insults , call her on it immediately, says Borba. Typical trouble spots Major attitude: Keep setting appropriate limits: Sit down with your teen in late August and hammer out the rules for the upcoming school year. Remember as well to build in more freedom and responsibility as your child grows.
If you can do that, you can do no wrong.
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Set clear rules and expectations. A carefully selected bunch of age-appropriate rules can make family life a whole lot smoother and easier, says Radcliffe. We've sent an email with instructions to create a new password.
Build Problem-Solving Skills One of the major reasons children behave badly is because they feel frustrated and powerless. Yet research has clearly shown that the "clingy, dependent" toddler, who is given sufficient opportunity to bond closely with his parents and is not required to mature faster than he is capable of doing, is the child who grows up to be an independent, self-reliant adult. You can't explain empathy to a toddler , but you can begin to get her thinking about other people's feelings. I'm so proud when you behave like a big boy! No doubt there will be times when they misbehave, no matter how hard you've tried to prevent it. For specific medical advice, diagnoses, and treatment, consult your doctor.
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