Total verrückt: Kreuzfahrt mit Hindernissen (German Edition)

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When the Crofts called this morning, they called here afterwards, did not they? And upon looking over his letters and things, she found it was so, and is perfectly sure that this must be the very man, and her head is quite full of it, and of poor Richard! So we must be as merry as we can, that she may not be dwelling upon such gloomy things. Wohnung, wohnend, Behausung, Wohnhaus. He had been several years at sea, and had, in the course of those removals to which all midshipmen are liable, and especially such midshipmen as every captain wishes to get rid of, been six months on board Captain Frederick Wentworth's frigate, the Laconia; and from the Laconia he had, under the influence of his captain, written the only two letters which his father and mother had ever received from him during the whole of his absence; that is to say, the only two disinterested letters; all the rest had been mere applications for money.

In each letter he had spoken well of his captain; but yet, so little were they in the habit of attending to such matters, so unobservant and incurious were they as to the names of men or ships, that it had made scarcely any impression at the time; and that Mrs Musgrove should have been suddenly struck, this very day, with a recollection of the name of Wentworth, as connected with her son, seemed one of those extraordinary bursts of mind which do sometimes occur. She had gone to her letters, and found it all as she supposed; and the reperusal of these letters, after so long an interval, her poor son gone for ever, and all the strength of his faults forgotten, had affected her spirits exceedingly, and thrown her into greater grief for him than she had know on first hearing of his death.

Mr Musgrove was, in a lesser degree, affected likewise; and when they reached the cottage, they were evidently in want, first, of being listened to anew German abbreviation: Jane Austen 47 on this subject, and afterwards, of all the relief which cheerful companions could give them. She found, however, that it was one to which she must inure herself. Since he actually was expected in the country, she must teach herself to be insensible on such points. And not only did it appear that he was expected, and speedily, but the Musgroves, in their warm gratitude for the kindness he had shewn poor Dick, and very high respect for his character, stamped as it was by poor Dick's having been six months under his care, and mentioning him in strong, though not perfectly well-spelt praise, as "a fine dashing felow, only two perticular about the schoolmaster," were bent on introducing themselves, and seeking his acquaintance, as soon as they could hear of his arrival.

The resolution of doing so helped to form the comfort of their evening. Ankunft, Eintreffen, Versorgung, Kommen. It had been a great disappointment to Mr Musgrove to find that no earlier day could be fixed, so impatient was he to shew his gratitude, by seeing Captain Wentworth under his own roof, and welcoming him to all that was strongest and best in his cellars.

But a week must pass; only a week, in Anne's reckoning, and then, she supposed, they must meet; and soon she began to wish that she could feel secure even for a week. Captain Wentworth made a very early return to Mr Musgrove's civility, and she was all but calling there in the same half hour. She and Mary were actually setting forward for the Great House, where, as she afterwards learnt, they must inevitably have found him, when they were stopped by the eldest boy's being at that moment brought home in consequence of a bad fall.

The child's situation put the visit entirely aside; but she could not hear of her escape with indifference, even in the midst of the serious anxiety which they afterwards felt on his account. His collar-bone was found to be dislocated, and such injury received in the back, as roused the most alarming ideas. It was an afternoon of distress, and German alarming: Beiseite, Abseits, daneben, seitlich, zur Seite.

Jane Austen 49 Anne had every thing to do at once; the apothecary to send for, the father to have pursued and informed, the mother to support and keep from hysterics, the servants to control, the youngest child to banish, and the poor suffering one to attend and soothe; besides sending, as soon as she recollected it, proper notice to the other house, which brought her an accession rather of frightened, enquiring companions, than of very useful assistants. Till he came and had examined the child, their apprehensions were the worse for being vague; they suspected great injury, but knew not where; but now the collar-bone was soon replaced, and though Mr Robinson felt and felt, and rubbed, and looked grave, and spoke low words both to the father and the aunt, still they were all to hope the best, and to be able to part and eat their dinner in tolerable ease of mind; and then it was, just before they parted, that the two young aunts were able so far to digress from their nephew's state, as to give the information of Captain Wentworth's visit; staying five minutes behind their father and mother, to endeavour to express how perfectly delighted they were with him, how much handsomer, how infinitely more agreeable they thought him than any individual among their male acquaintance, who had been at all a favourite before.

How glad they had been to hear papa invite him to stay dinner, how sorry when he said it was quite out of his power, and how glad again when he had promised in reply to papa and mamma's farther pressing invitations to come and dine with them on the morrow--actually on the morrow; and he had promised it in so pleasant a manner, as if he felt all the motive of their attention just as he ought. And in short, he had looked and said everything with such exquisite grace, that they could assure them all, their heads were both turned by him; and off they ran, quite as full of glee as of love, and apparently more full of Captain Wentworth than of little Charles.

The same story and the same raptures were repeated, when the two girls came with their father, through the gloom of the evening, to make enquiries; and Mr Musgrove, no longer under the first uneasiness about his heir, could add his German accession: Only think if anything should happen? It must be a work of time to ascertain that no injury had been done to the spine; but Mr Robinson found nothing to increase alarm, and Charles Musgrove began, consequently, to feel no necessity for longer confinement.

The child was to be kept in bed and amused as quietly as possible; but what was there for a father to do? This was quite a female case, and it would be highly absurd in him, who could be of no use at home, to shut himself up. His father very much wished him to meet Captain Wentworth, and there being no sufficient reason against it, he ought to go; and it ended in his making a bold, public declaration, when he came in from shooting, of his meaning to dress directly, and dine at the other house. Your sister being with you, my love, I have no scruple at all. You would not like to leave him yourself, but you see I can be of no use.

Anne will send for me if anything is the matter. Mary knew, from Charles's manner of speaking, that he was quite determined on German absurd: Jane Austen 51 going, and that it would be of no use to teaze him. She said nothing, therefore, till he was out of the room, but as soon as there was only Anne to hear-"So you and I are to be left to shift by ourselves, with this poor sick child; and not a creature coming near us all the evening!

I knew how it would be. This is always my luck. If there is anything disagreeable going on men are always sure to get out of it, and Charles is as bad as any of them. I must say it is very unfeeling of him to be running away from his poor little boy. Talks of his being going on so well!

How does he know that he is going on well, or that there may not be a sudden change half an hour hence? I did not think Charles would have been so unfeeling. So here he is to go away and enjoy himself, and because I am the poor mother, I am not to be allowed to stir; and yet, I am sure, I am more unfit than anybody else to be about the child. My being the mother is the very reason why my feelings should not be tried.

I am not at all equal to it. You saw how hysterical I was yesterday. You will not be hysterical again. I dare say we shall have nothing to distress us. I perfectly understand Mr Robinson's directions, and have no fears; and indeed, Mary, I cannot wonder at your husband. Nursing does not belong to a man; it is not his province.

A sick child is always the mother's property: I have not nerves for the sort of thing. Jemima is so careful; and she could send us word every hour how he was. I really think Charles might as well have told his father we would all come. I am not more alarmed about little German alarmed: I was dreadfully alarmed yesterday, but the case is very different to-day. Leave little Charles to my care. Mr and Mrs Musgrove cannot think it wrong while I remain with him.

To be sure, I may just as well go as not, for I am of no use at home--am I? You, who have not a mother's feelings, are a great deal the properest person. You can make little Charles do anything; he always minds you at a word. It will be a great deal better than leaving him only with Jemima.

Persuasion (Webster's German Thesaurus Edition)

I shall certainly go; I am sure I ought if I can, quite as much as Charles, for they want me excessively to be acquainted with Captain Wentworth, and I know you do not mind being left alone. An excellent thought of yours, indeed, Anne. I will go and tell Charles, and get ready directly. You can send for us, you know, at a moment's notice, if anything is the matter; but I dare say there will be nothing to alarm you.

I should not go, you may be sure, if I did not feel quite at ease about my dear child. If I were to shut myself up for ever with the child, I should not be able to persuade him to do anything he did not like. Anne will stay; Anne undertakes to stay at home and take care of him. It is Anne's own proposal, and so I shall go with you, which will be a great deal better, for I have not dined at the other house since Tuesday.

Bequemlichkeit, Leichtigkeit, lindern, mildern. Vorschlag, Antrag, Angebot, Anerbieten, Gebot. They were gone, she hoped, to be happy, however oddly constructed such happiness might seem; as for herself, she was left with as many sensations of comfort, as were, perhaps, ever likely to be hers. She knew herself to be of the first utility to the child; and what was it to her if Frederick Wentworth were only half a mile distant, making himself agreeable to others? She would have liked to know how he felt as to a meeting.

Perhaps indifferent, if indifference could exist under such circumstances. He must be either indifferent or unwilling. Had he wished ever to see her again, he need not have waited till this time; he would have done what she could not but believe that in his place she should have done long ago, when events had been early giving him the independence which alone had been wanting.

Her brother and sister came back delighted with their new acquaintance, and their visit in general. There had been music, singing, talking, laughing, all that was most agreeable; charming manners in Captain Wentworth, no shyness or reserve; they seemed all to know each other perfectly, and he was coming the very next morning to shoot with Charles. He was to come to breakfast, but not at the Cottage, though that had been proposed at first; but then he had been pressed to come to the Great House instead, and he seemed afraid of being in Mrs Charles Musgrove's way, on account of the child, and therefore, somehow, they hardly knew how, it ended in Charles's being to meet him to breakfast at his father's.

He wished to avoid seeing her. He had inquired after her, she found, slightly, as might suit a former slight acquaintance, seeming to German charming: Mary, very much gratified by this attention, was delighted to receive him, while a thousand feelings rushed on Anne, of which this was the most consoling, that it would soon be over. And it was soon over. In two minutes after Charles's preparation, the others appeared; they were in the drawing-room. Her eye half met Captain Wentworth's, a bow, a curtsey passed; she heard his voice; he talked to Mary, said all that was right, said something to the Miss Musgroves, enough to mark an easy footing; the room seemed full, full of persons and voices, but a few minutes ended it.

Charles shewed himself at the window, all was ready, their visitor had bowed and was gone, the Miss Musgroves were gone too, suddenly resolving to walk to the end of the village with the sportsmen: She had seen him. They had been once more in the same room. Soon, however, she began to reason with herself, and try to be feeling less. Eight years, almost eight years had passed, since all had been given up. How absurd to be resuming the agitation which such an interval had banished into distance and indistinctness! What might not eight years do? Events of every German acknowledged: Jane Austen 55 description, changes, alienations, removals--all, all must be comprised in it, and oblivion of the past-- how natural, how certain too!

It included nearly a third part of her own life. Now, how were his sentiments to be read? Was this like wishing to avoid her? And the next moment she was hating herself for the folly which asked the question. On one other question which perhaps her utmost wisdom might not have prevented, she was soon spared all suspense; for, after the Miss Musgroves had returned and finished their visit at the Cottage she had this spontaneous information from Mary: Doubtless it was so, and she could take no revenge, for he was not altered, or not for the worse.

She had already acknowledged it to herself, and she could not think differently, let him think of her as he would. She had seen the same Frederick Wentworth. Yet she soon began to rejoice that she had heard them. They were of sobering tendency; they allayed agitation; they composed, and consequently must make her happier. Frederick Wentworth had used such words, or something like them, but without an idea that they would be carried round to her. He had thought her German alienations: He had not forgiven Anne Elliot.

She had used him ill, deserted and disappointed him; and worse, she had shewn a feebleness of character in doing so, which his own decided, confident temper could not endure. She had given him up to oblige others. It had been the effect of over-persuasion. It had been weakness and timidity. Her power with him was gone for ever. It was now his object to marry.

He was rich, and being turned on shore, fully intended to settle as soon as he could be properly tempted; actually looking round, ready to fall in love with all the speed which a clear head and a quick taste could allow. He had a heart for either of the Miss Musgroves, if they could catch it; a heart, in short, for any pleasing young woman who came in his way, excepting Anne Elliot. This was his only secret exception, when he said to his sister, in answer to her suppositions: Anybody between fifteen and thirty may have me for asking.

A little beauty, and a few smiles, and a few compliments to the navy, and I am a lost man. Should not this be enough for a sailor, who has had no society among women to make him nice? His bright proud eye spoke the conviction that he was nice; and Anne Elliot was not out of his thoughts, when he more seriously described the woman he should wish to meet with.

If I am a fool, I shall be a fool indeed, for I have thought on the subject more than most men. Sensation, Empfindung, Sinn, Aufsehen. They were soon dining in company together at Mr Musgrove's, for the little boy's state could no longer supply his aunt with a pretence for absenting herself; and this was but the beginning of other dinings and other meetings. His profession qualified him, his disposition lead him, to talk; and "That was in the year six;" "That happened before I went to sea in the year six," occurred in the course of the first evening they spent together: There must be the same immediate association of thought, though she was very far from conceiving it to be of equal pain.

They had no conversation together, no intercourse but what the commonest civility required. Once so much to each other! There had been a German absenting: Verlobung, Verpflichtung, Verbindung, Verabredung, Einstellung. With the exception, perhaps, of Admiral and Mrs Croft, who seemed particularly attached and happy, Anne could allow no other exceptions even among the married couples , there could have been no two hearts so open, no tastes so similar, no feelings so in unison, no countenances so beloved.

Now they were as strangers; nay, worse than strangers, for they could never become acquainted. It was a perpetual estrangement. From thus listening and thinking, she was roused by a whisper of Mrs Musgrove's who, overcome by fond regrets, could not help saying-"Ah! Miss Anne, if it had pleased Heaven to spare my poor son, I dare say he would have been just such another by this time. When she could let her attention take its natural course again, she found the Miss Musgroves just fetching the Navy List their own navy list, the first that had ever been at Uppercross , and sitting down together to pore over it, with the professed view of finding out the ships that Captain Wentworth had commanded.

Quite worn out and broken up. I was the last man who commanded her. Hardly fit for service then. Reported fit for home service for a year or two, and so I was sent off to the West Indies. But they have a great many to provide for; and among the thousands that may just as well go to the bottom as not, it is impossible for them to distinguish the very set who may be least missed. Never was a better sloop than the Asp in her day.

For an old built sloop, you would not see her equal. Lucky fellow to get her! He knows there must have been twenty better men than himself applying for her at the same time. Lucky fellow to get anything so soon, with no more interest than his. It was a great object with me at that time to be at sea; a very great object, I wanted to be doing something. What should a young fellow like you do ashore for half a year together? If a man had not a wife, he soon wants to be afloat again. She did all that I wanted. I knew she would. I knew that we should either go to the bottom together, or that she would be the making of me; and I never had two days of foul weather all the German afloat: Geliehen, lieht, lieh, liehen, liehst, verlieht, verliehst, verliehen, verlieh, Fastenzeit, geborgt.

I brought her into Plymouth; and here another instance of luck. We had not been six hours in the Sound, when a gale came on, which lasted four days and nights, and which would have done for poor old Asp in half the time; our touch with the Great Nation not having much improved our condition. Four-and-twenty hours later, and I should only have been a gallant Captain Wentworth, in a small paragraph at one corner of the newspapers; and being lost in only a sloop, nobody would have thought about me.

Charles, my dear," beckoning him to her , "do ask Captain Wentworth where it was he first met with your poor brother. Dick had been left ill at Gibraltar, with a recommendation from his former captain to Captain Wentworth. The girls were now hunting for the Laconia; and Captain Wentworth could not deny himself the pleasure of taking the precious volume into his own hands to save them the trouble, and once more read aloud the little statement of her name and rate, and present non-commissioned class, observing over it that she too had been one of the best friends man ever had.

How fast I made money in her. A friend of mine and I had such a lovely cruise together off the Western Islands. You know how much he wanted money: Absatz, Abschnitt, Paragraph, Alinea. Jane Austen 61 worse than myself. He had a wife. I shall never forget his happiness. He felt it all, so much for her sake. I wished for him again the next summer, when I had still the same luck in the Mediterranean. We shall never forget what you did.

I assure you, Captain Wentworth, we are very sorry he ever left you. They were actually on the same sofa, for Mrs Musgrove had most readily made room for him; they were divided only by Mrs Musgrove. It was no insignificant barrier, indeed. Mrs Musgrove was of a comfortable, substantial size, infinitely more fitted by nature to express good cheer and good humour, than tenderness and sentiment; and while the agitations of Anne's slender form, German barrier: Korrespondent, Berichterstatter, Reporter, Journalist, Entsprechend.

A large bulky figure has as good a right to be in deep affliction, as the most graceful set of limbs in the world. But, fair or not fair, there are unbecoming conjunctions, which reason will patronize in vain-- which taste cannot tolerate-which ridicule will seize. The Admiral, after taking two or three refreshing turns about the room with his hands behind him, being called to order by his wife, now came up to Captain Wentworth, and without any observation of what he might be interrupting, thinking only of his own thoughts, began with-"If you had been a week later at Lisbon, last spring, Frederick, you would have been asked to give a passage to Lady Mary Grierson and her daughters.

I am glad I was not a week later then. He defended himself; though professing that he would never willingly admit any ladies on board a ship of his, excepting for a ball, or a visit, which a few hours might comprehend. It is rather from feeling how impossible it is, with all one's efforts, and all one's sacrifices, to make the accommodations on board such as women ought to have.

There can be no want of gallantry, Admiral, in rating the claims of women to every personal comfort high, and this is what I do. I hate to hear of women on board, or to see them on board; and no ship under my command shall ever convey a family of ladies anywhere, if I can help it. But I cannot believe it of you. I believe I have lived as much on board as most women, and I know nothing superior to the German abused: Jane Austen 63 accommodations of a man-of-war.

I declare I have not a comfort or an indulgence about me, even at Kellynch Hall," with a kind bow to Anne , "beyond what I always had in most of the ships I have lived in; and they have been five altogether. Where was this superfine, extraordinary sort of gallantry of yours then? I would assist any brother officer's wife that I could, and I would bring anything of Harville's from the world's end, if he wanted it. But do not imagine that I did not feel it an evil in itself. Such a number of women and children have no right to be comfortable on board. Pray, what would become of us poor sailors' wives, who often want to be conveyed to one port or another, after our husbands, if everybody had your feelings?

We none of us expect to be in smooth water all our days. When he is married, if we have the good luck to live to another war, we shall see him do as you and I, and a great many others, have done. We shall have him very thankful to anybody that will bring him his wife. Melodie, Lied, stimmen, abstimmen, Weise, anpassen, Liedchen, adaptieren. I have crossed the Atlantic four times, and have been once to the East Indies, and back again, and only once; besides being in different places about home: Cork, and Lisbon, and Gibraltar.

But I never went beyond the Streights, and never was in the West Indies. We do not call Bermuda or Bahama, you know, the West Indies. When you come to a frigate, of course, you are more confined; though any reasonable woman may be perfectly happy in one of them; and I can safely say, that the happiest part of my life has been spent on board a ship. While we were together, you know, there was nothing to be feared. I have always been blessed with excellent health, and no climate disagrees with me.

A little disordered always the first twenty-four hours of going to sea, but never knew what sickness was afterwards. The only time I ever really suffered in body or mind, the only time that I ever fancied myself unwell, or had any ideas of danger, was the winter that I passed by myself at Deal, when the Admiral Captain Croft then was in the North Seas. I lived in perpetual fright at that time, and had all manner of imaginary complaints from not knowing what to do with myself, or when I should hear from him next; but as long as we could be together, nothing ever ailed me, and I never met with the smallest inconvenience.

Jane Austen 65 "Aye, to be sure. Yes, indeed, oh yes!

Total Verrücktes > Sammeln & Seltenes - Dealvue Österreich

I am quite of your opinion, Mrs Croft," was Mrs Musgrove's hearty answer. I am quite of your opinion. I know what it is, for Mr Musgrove always attends the assizes, and I am so glad when they are over, and he is safe back again. On its being proposed, Anne offered her services, as usual; and though her eyes would sometimes fill with tears as she sat at the instrument, she was extremely glad to be employed, and desired nothing in return but to be unobserved. She felt that he had every thing to elevate him which general attention and deference, and especially the attention of all the young women, could do.

The Miss Hayters, the females of the family of cousins already mentioned, were apparently admitted to the honour of being in love with him; and as for Henrietta and Louisa, they both seemed so entirely occupied by him, that nothing but the continued appearance of the most perfect good-will between themselves could have made it credible that they were not decided rivals.

If he were a little spoilt by such universal, such eager admiration, who could wonder? These were some of the thoughts which occupied Anne, while her fingers were mechanically at work, proceeding for half an hour together, equally without error, and without consciousness.

Once she felt that he was looking at herself, observing her altered features, perhaps, trying to trace in them the ruins of the face which had once charmed him; and once she knew that he must have spoken of her; she was hardly aware of it, till she heard the answer; but then she was sure of his having asked his partner whether Miss Elliot never danced? The answer was, "Oh, no; never; she has quite given up dancing.

She had rather play. She is never tired of playing. She had left the instrument on the dancing being over, and he had sat down to try to make out an air which he wished to give the Miss Musgroves an idea of. Unintentionally she returned to that part of the room; he saw her, and, instantly rising, said, with studied politeness-- German attends: Ehre, ehren, beehren, verehren, Ehrung, Gewinn, Ehrerbietung erweisen, achten, hochachten, Aufwendung, huldigen.

His cold politeness, his ceremonious grace, were worse than anything. Verzeihung, Begnadigung, Vergebung, verzeihen, entschuldigen, amnestieren, Entschuldigung. He had intended, on first arriving, to proceed very soon into Shropshire, and visit the brother settled in that country, but the attractions of Uppercross induced him to put this off. There was so much of friendliness, and of flattery, and of everything most bewitching in his reception there; the old were so hospitable, the young so agreeable, that he could not but resolve to remain where he was, and take all the charms and perfections of Edward's wife upon credit a little longer.

It was soon Uppercross with him almost every day. The Musgroves could hardly be more ready to invite than he to come, particularly in the morning, when he had no companion at home, for the Admiral and Mrs Croft were generally out of doors together, interesting themselves in their new possessions, their grass, and their sheep, and dawdling about in a way not endurable to a third person, or driving out in a gig, lately added to their establishment.

Hitherto there had been but one opinion of Captain Wentworth among the Musgroves and their dependencies. It was unvarying, warm admiration everywhere; but this intimate footing was not more than established, when a German arriving: He was in orders; and having a curacy in the neighbourhood, where residence was not required, lived at his father's house, only two miles from Uppercross. A short absence from home had left his fair one unguarded by his attentions at this critical period, and when he came back he had the pain of finding very altered manners, and of seeing Captain Wentworth.

Mrs Musgrove and Mrs Hayter were sisters. The small city is incredibly loud, alive, colourful, poor and dirty. There's always something going on in the streets and you hear loud reggae at anytime. We easily get to know nice people and make new friends. The area around Porti offers a lot, from beaches, bays and lagoons at the seaside to jungle, waterfalls and rivers in the mountains. We try to see everything and spend a long time there.

With our minds filled with lots of experiences and interesting people we hardly manage to leave this place in the end. Es gibt kaum Touristen, alles hier wirkt sehr echt. Schnell lernen wir sehr nette Menschen und auch neue Freunde kennen. Actually we don't like Montego Bay. The city has not much to offer and is crowded with cruiseship-tourists. The local yachtclub is way to expensive, but unfortunately there is no other harbour in the area.

Jamaica is not as used to sailors as the small antilles are. We always have to come back to Mo'Bay for clearing in and out. Luckily there is the Pier 1! So we connect the necessary with the playful things and party there at two weekends. Friday night the Pier 1 is the place to be!

The Project

The location at the waterfront is awesome, music is good and the people, mostly Jamaicans, are really in a party-mood. At the other days, it's also worth a visit. There is yummy food and drinks and live reggae from the early evening on. That's how you enjoy a beautiful sunset! Die Stadt hat wenig zu bieten und alles ist voller Kreuzfahrt- Touris. Auch an anderen Tagen ist der Laden einen Ausflug wert. Leaf spinach, a handful of mushrooms, sweet potatoes, tomatoes a delicious chicken and juicy beef! The chicken gets marinated with lemon grass and chili, the sweet potatoes find their way into the oven.

The grill is on fire! The crew gets comfortable at the foredeck. The crown corks pop off from cider and beer, blue sky, sea gently burbles, sun is shining. The meat gets cut in fine slices and everybody takes it with their bare hands. That's how it should be - we enjoy the small things really big! Die Crew macht es sich auf dem Vordeck bequem. This is one of the places we could stay forever. The two days we spend there are definitely way too short!

Especially because we missed the good swell and therefore we have to surf small waves. The small, round bay is opened to the north and with a good, northern swell meter waves aren't rare. The wave is a left point break and runs out over sandy ground. A nice extra is the path on the left hand side of the bay, where you get to a rock at the end of the bay from which you can jump behind the line up. A paradise for us who hate paddling out all the time. Beside surfing, the bay is a great place to chill and enjoy the weather.

There's a sandy beach and next to the rock on the left hand side you'll find the private beach of a luxury hotel. Just open the door and enter, the security guards are quite nice and probably allow you to stay. There you'll find hammocks and outdoor beds, build into the picturesque rocks. Die zwei Tage, die wir dort verbringen, sind definitiv zu wenig! To all the Foodies out there: Jamaica is way more interesting for you than the smaller caribbean islands! There's lots of streetfood and many small and cheap restaurants.

Most of the time we're the only white people there, but that's great! They come with plantains, rice, beens, fries, sweet potatoes, or fried sticks made of dough. But nothing is as typical and omnipresent as the jerk food! Everywhere you'll find chicken and pork cooking in it's spicy marinade boiling over glimmering coal. The hot marinade is made out of black pepper, piment, cinnamon, muscat and other different spices. Tasty but super hot! In Boston you'll find the best jerk food on the whole island!

After a long surfing day we enjoy the whole package with jerk chicken, pork and jerk sausage. Kulinarisch hat Jamaika mehr zu bieten als die kleineren karibischen Inseln. Es gibt jede Menge Streetfood und viele kleine, preiswerte Restaurants. Sehr lecker, aber halt sauscharf! Since we left the European seas, our passports went through many hands of officials. Your passport is stamped at the Immigrations Office and a Custom Officer checks the boat for declaration goods. It is common practice to fill out the same forms with vessel and crew details when you clear in or out.

Additionally, you have to sign a sheet stating that you have no weapons, drugs or refugees on board. The officials' job really is no fun at all. They never joke, look miserable all day and let you feel their power to refuse your entry into the country. If they had awesome speed boats to check all incoming vessels on the water, they would probably be more friendly.

Inspections like this are rare here though, which makes the process of clearing in and out very easy. Therefore, many cruisers don't take it seriously. They don't raise the yellow quarantine flag for instance, as there are no doctors to check the crew's health anyways or they sail to the most 'comfortably' Port of Entry and clear in a little later. In Jamaica and Cuba this is different. Here, the officials follow every step of protocol. Nobody leaves the boat until a doctor has testified the crew's good health. Nobody leaves the harbor until Immigrations, Customs, the police, Ministry of Agriculture and many more stopped by.

The procedure takes longer, but you get to shake many hands and get a first impression in return. It takes a while for us to get used to doing everything according to protocol even for short distances from bay to bay. We don't bother because it's actually nice having the officials on board. Von Polizeibooten und Kontrollen auf dem Wasser fehlt hier aber jede Spur. Somit ist das Ein- und Ausklarieren ziemlich easy und dauert auch meist nicht lange.

Etliche Langstreckensegler nehmen das auch nicht all zu ernst. In Jamaika und Kuba ist das anders. Dort wird es vollzogen, wie es im Lehrbuch steht. Dayja is our Jamaican BFF. He is our age, works as lifeguard and shares our interests. Plus, he is a Maroon. Maroons are descendants of slaves who were freed or able to flee. In the 18th century they fought for their freedom against the British. Today, they live almost autonomous on their own land. Most of all, Maroons are extremely religious. For the main part they are Christians whose belief is mixed with African and Caribbean elements. They practice some sort of positive anti-voodoo to fight voodoo that is widespread in Jamaica.

He managed to have his day off work on Mondays and Tuesdays. He invites us to join him next time. The moment we step out of the car, we hear loud music which gets louder the closer we get to a small church. A tiny band of two people plays endless church songs extremely loud. A keyboard player and a drummer who sings simultaneously, are sitting next to a small altar.

We step into the church and timidly sit down on one of the benches. Dayja walks up to the front and takes over the drums without stopping the song in the process. Together with other believers, the singer is dancing and singing in front of the altar now. The music and the dancing started in the morning and won't stop until the sun goes down. The music is ecstatic and many sing and dance along. It is very impressive, inspiring and thrilling. What we witness is not a church service. The people here are waiting to be seen by the healer and prepare themselves for the meeting.

After one hour — we completely lost track of time — Dayja hands over the drumsticks to the singer and leaves with us. We meet two of his friends who know a lot about life and nature in and around town. We leave the village together and walk through tiny paths deeper into the forest and the mountain. The boys show us herbs against every possible disease and potency stimulating plants. They harvest fruits and build bowls from it for the girls. It's impressive how they live in accordance with nature here! We undress ourselves and jump into the water with our new friends, show off special jumps and climb over and under water.

What we experience that day is exactly why we started our trip in Germany: It feels amazing to make these experiences! Unser bester jamaikanischer Freund ist Dayja.

Und er ist Maroon. Maroons sind Nachfahren von entflohenen und freigelassenen Sklaven, die im Heute haben sie ihr eigenes Land und sind quasi autonom. Aber Maroons sind vor allem eins: Ein Keyboarder und ein Schlagzeuger der gleichzeitig stimmgewaltig singt sitzen neben dem kleinen Altar. Die Musik treibt, bis zur Ekstase tanzen einige, andere singen mit.

Das Ganze ist kein Gottesdienst, die Menschen um uns herum warten darauf zur Heilerin vorgelassen zu werden, bereiten sich auf die Begegnung vor. Wir treffen noch zwei seiner Freunde, die hier immer Leben und sich mit der Natur bestens auskennen. Gemeinsam verlassen wir das Dorf und gehen auf schmalen Pfaden tiefer in Wald und Berge hinein. Beeindruckend wie man hier zusammen mit der Natur lebt! Was wir an diesem Tag erfahren und mitnehmen ist genau der Grund warum wir uns vom fernen Deutschland hierher aufgemacht haben, in eine andere Welt.

Caribbean Curry with different sweet potatoes, juka, green beans, bae leaf, lemon gras and coconut milk. On our journey a lot of locals come by to check out what kind of business they can do with us. At all the hot spots with its gorgeous beaches, reefs, turtles and that kind of stuff, the boatboys are on tour all day long.

When we're anchoring there, a lot of local boats pass by. Most of them are multi-talents in selling things like fruits, shirts, BBQs, cleaning services and anything else you want. With the Cruising Guide from Chris Doyle we manage to get through reefs, sail to the best anchoring spots and find some really nice places. The locals use the Cruising Guide for advertisement.

Another guy is Sydney. He is a young man selling shirts with a big smile on his face. All the ads are similar. You always can see the products and the people who sell it. Once we reach the anchoring spot we're surrounded by boat-boys who offer every kind of help and business. Anyway, after we thought we'd know every boat-boy in the bay, one more is passing by.

He's a rastaman with an orange hat driving an orange speedboat and wearing an orange shirt. His shirt has got a picture on it, which is exactly the view we have of him when he comes closer:. A smiling rasta with an orange hat, driving an orange boat and wearing an orange shirt with an picture of himself on it. Sydney is a professional! We are impressed - 27 years selling shirts with a smile on his face.

He tells us his story of the time when he got an infection after he had a surgery. He tells us how he nearly died and how he got healed with old school medicine by a shaman. We buy two shirts, give him a seasick sticker and wish him all the best. Auf unserer Reise begegnen wir oft Einheimischen, die an die Yacht kommen und abchecken, wer wir sind und auf was wir Lust haben.

Der Aufbau der Anzeigen ist immer der gleiche. In den Cays lassen wir den Anker fallen, da kommen auch schon die Boatboys zu uns ans Schiff. Wir nehmen ihm zwei Shirts ab, geben ihm unseren Sticker und schauen dem leuchtend orangenem Typ noch eine weile hinterher.

This group of islands between St. Maarten and Puerto Rico is one of the best sailing areas existing. These 50 islands offer everything you need to enjoy your trip! There are countless beaches with white sand and palms and you'll even be on your own on some of them. The sailing conditions are perfect with consistent winds and small waves, there are fantastic snorkel spots between all the reefs and rocks and we even found some surf spots!

How tight can it get?! But it's completely different to all the southern islands, with more tourists and more american influences. Das alles finden wir auf den vielen kleinen Inseln. After we spend the last days on lonely beaches we now want to visit the Virgins most attractive spot: We already expect the worst and prepare for tons of cruise ship tourists, but luckily there are none. Indeed there are lots of yachts in the bay but there are only a few other people at the beach. We leave LIV at a buoy and swim the short distance to the beach. The Rocks are awesome!

Now that's a thing! The trail leads over rocks, sand and steps, through narrow passages and hidden pools, and we stay under the giant rocks all the time. After a 15 minutes walk we reach the beautiful Devils Bay and jump into the water! That's no secret tip, but if you're around you have to go there! Die Bucht ist zwar voller Yachten. Am Strand selbst ist aber fast nichts los. Und der ist einfach nur geil!

Das ganze ist zwar kein Geheimtipp, aber in jedem Fall einen kurzen Stopp wert! While looking for a good bay to anchor for the night we stay close to the cost and can't believe what we find! Real surfable waves with some dudes paddling in the line up! We have to go there, that's for sure! We anchor in the northern part of the bay of Spanish Town, Virgin Gorda. We throw our boards in the tender and there we go! The wave has got one peak which you can surf in both directions, but the right one takes you on a longer ride! The locals are nice and the wave is just perfect!

We stay for two days and enjoy the good swell. After longer rides or involuntary wipe outs it might get shallow and now you should be aware of sea urchins! Vinegar, vinegar and more vinegar seems to be the cure for over 30 spikes in one foot. Wir bleiben zwei Tage und nutzen den guten Swell. Besides naked-sailing one oft he most extraordinary experiences you can make aboard. And as always — preparation is everything. Before leaving you should check the weather forecast and the planned route in your charts.

We do always go on three hour shifts during the night. Safety is even more important:. On deck, outside of the cockpit only with lifejacket and safety rope. If not, it depends on the weather and your preferences. In addition you can adjust the sails during daylight. We can only recommend to do a night trip in your charter-holidays. Breathtaking stars, sunrise and sunset, sparkling plankton and the completely different atmosphere and perspective are definitely worth the lack of sleep!

Vorbereitung ist die halbe Miete. Vorher Wetterbericht und geplante Route auf der Karte checken. Wir fahren nachts immer einen drei Stunden Rhythmus. Sicherheit ist doppelt wichtig: Innerhalb, wenn man alleine ist, am besten auch. Caribbean grilled chicken with ginger-chili-garlic marinade with sweet potato chips and spicy coleslaw. It's completely different to the other caribbean islands, it feels more like Europe or the US with perfect weather and beautiful beaches. We never saw somebody using the local currency and nobody spoke dutch beside some dutch tourists from Europe.

But there's always something going on, the people are very nice and we made a lot of new friends there! Because the evenings and nights around Simpson Bay are one big party! You see, if you want to party and enjoy the beach, St. Maartens Simpson Bay is a pretty good spot!

The next time we'll come for the Heinecken Regatta, but than we'll need a faster boat to participate! Aber hier ist ordentlich was los! Aber da brauchen wir dann ja eh ein schnelleres Schiff ;. The entrance to the bay turned out to be really rough and thrilling, we approach the narrow passage between the rocks on high speed, with 3 to 4 meter waves from behind.

Filmography

But once we're in the bay we enjoy a wonderful view! White sand, lots of palms and we're the only yacht there! We chill, swim and play on the beach, until we get interrupted by a police officer on his holidays. Rudely he tells us to leave the bay because anchoring is prohibited he'll call his colleagues if we don't leave in the next 15 minutes. We spend the next two days in Guadeloupe and enjoy an incredible weekend there with nice tours, parties and way too less surfing!

But like the island this much we'll come back one day. Because as long as you got a car and a surfboard, Guadeloupe is paradise! Und wir sind das einzige Schiff in der Bucht! Angeblich ist ankern hier verboten, er gibts uns 15 Minuten um abzuhauen bevor er seine Kollegen ruft. Denn solange man ein Auto und ein Surfbrett hat ist Guadeloupe das reinste Paradies!

Since we met caribbean cruisers for the first time we were looking forward to get to Dominica. But as we stayed there for a couple of days the rain didn't stop. And rain sucks when you live on a small boat. That's why experienced only a few of all the beautiful things Dominica could offer. One of the public busses takes us up in the mountains and then we only have to walk a few kilometers to reach the Trafalgar Falls. Since we started walking the rain got stronger and stronger, there's nobody walking outside beside us.

Obviously the locals now when you should stay at home. As we walk through a small village we pass by a women sitting under a covered veranda. After a short hike through the jungle and rain we reach a little hat from where we see the two gigantic waterfalls. A sign says it's possible to get closer to the falls but you do that on your own responsibility and you should be aware of flash floods in case of ongoing rain. But because we see some german AIDA tourists climbing around the rocks between the two falls, we don't even hesitate for a second and start climbing to reach one of the falls.

We climb up wet rocks, wade through lots of basins and worm through narrow cracks, and get higher and closer to the cascades. After 20 minutes we reach the top of the rocks and stand directly next to the falls. It's breathtaking up there, it's only us and the water with the green jungle behind us. After a few minutes we start our way back to the hat, but after we climb down the first few meters the whole situation changes completely! The thundering noise from the falls became twice as loud as before and as we turn around we see what happened:.

From now on the amount of water coming down the cascades has doubled. We need to get back to that hat as fast as possible! The water in all the basins around us is coming higher and higher and some of the passages we used to get up are now impassible. We run, jump and climb down the rocks as fast as we can, but after a while we recognize that's impossible the reach the side of the valley we came from.

Anyway, we have to get somewhere else, because we're standing on the rocks right in the middle between the two waterfalls. We try to get closer to the other bank, jump over a slope and reach the bank. We slide jump and climb down next to the river, over rocks and fallen trees and try to find a possible passage to cross the river. But there is none! And then after 45 minutes of climbing and running we finally find what we gave up long ago: Als wir dann ankommen macht und das Wetter das ganze leider etwas mies.

Es regnet quasi ununterbrochen. Wir sind klatschnass, schon nach ein paar Minuten. Oben angekommen ist die ganze Situation einfach nur atemberaubend! Aus dem Rauschen ist ein bedrohliches Donnern geworden. Die Becken um uns herum schwellen rasend schnell an und alles was gerade noch trocken war, ist voller Wasser! Wir rennen, springen und rutschen die Felsen hinunter. Egal, weiter auf die andere Seite. Wir helfen uns gegenseitig und geben uns Halt bis wir am Ufer des Flusses in Sicherheit sind und nicht mehr auf rutschigen Felsen in der Mitte des Flussbettes herum turnen Das dumme, wir sind auf der anderen Seite des Flusses.

Wir laufen weiter und irgendwann steht sie einfach vor uns, als wir uns schon damit abgefunden haben noch den ganzen Nachmittag nach einer zu suchen: Imagine being on a gorgeous island. There is beaches, palms, corals, fishes, coconuts and from a small hill you have the best view at the sunset. Wilson and Tom Hanks. We meet locals, blue water sailors, drop-outs, vacationers, hitchhikers and many more people with whom we share our stories or who tell us theirs.

We want to tell you a bit of these encounters in our future blog entries. Du bist dort alleine. Du bist gestrandet im Paradies, wie Mr. Wilson und … unter der Palme. In Gibraltar we already met one of those hitchhikers. He just stood on the peer, dressed in dungarees with nothing but his backpack, a gopro and a big teddybear. At the time he was looking for a boat to do the crossing. Eleven weeks later we meet him again in Martinique.

During the crossing, we had an accident.. But then, miles off the coast their mast breaks. With pure luck they reach a motoryacht on vhf. Emaciated like Robinson they come aboard of the 40 metre Megayacht. The two shipwrecked guys help the crew with all the small jobs on the yacht, while their own sailing boat is towed behind. His plans to go back home to Australia after the trip already changed! Despite of surrendering after this adventure, he wants to hitchhike to Antigua and become a rigger there.

Sie sind nur zu zweit, plus Teddy. Das Wasser ist fast aufgebraucht. Als Gegenleistung helfen sie beim Polieren. Voller Freude noch am Leben zu sein verballert der Aussie in der Hafenkneipe seine letzten Dollar. In seinem Plan kommt Australien mittlerweile aber auch nicht mehr vor, denn er ist bereits auf dem Weg nach Antigua, um sich dort als Rigger ausbilden zu lassen.

Als Rigg wird der Mast und das stehende Gut auf einem Segelschiff bezeichnet. We fell in love with the jungle! Everytime we can, we hike up the mountains into the rainforest and always try to find a waterfall. This touristic hot spot isn't the waterfall we want to visit, but it's on the way. We leave the big, but ugly waterfall behind us, cross the river and hike up the mountains.

We take a small path, used by the mountain farmers, through banana palms, small patches, nutmeg trees and hundreds of different trees, bushes and flowers. We follow the small path for an hour and cross the river several times. The valley becomes narrow and we climb up rocks and bassins until we reach the Au Coin Falls. The 25 metre Waterfall, the rocks, the plants, it all looks like paradise or the Jungle book. We jump out of our clothes and right into the water. It's cold but the feeling and the whole situation are just great!

We stay for a while, then we put on our wet shoes and start our way down the valley. Also Dschungel ist ja so voll unser Ding! Zuerst durchqueren wir den Fluss und gehen danach bergauf. Etwa eine Stunde folgen wir diesem Trampelpfad. Je weiter wir das Tal erklimmen, desto mehr erinnert alles an das Dschungelbuch. Wir fackeln nicht lange, springen aus den Klamotten und rein ins kalte Nass. On a whim we decided to visit this small Island without knowing anything about it.

On the first sight Calvigny is a small Island with two beautiful beaches. But there is kind of a resort build over the whole Island. Luckily all beaches are opened to the public, and as we're here with the boat we can enjoy a wonderful lonely beach with white sand and palms around us. Because the Wind is strong enough how it's normally we start a short Kite Surf session at this magnificent spot.

After the session we can say, Calvigny is a perfect Kite Spot with the right winds! As long as you get along with the security guys. The big bay with lots of yacht is the sailing hot spot in the south of Grenada. Beside a few beaches there are two big points why you should definitely come here! At the south east end of the bay you'll find a small reefbreak.

Normally the waves stay quite small, but the caribbean isn't Hawaii. You'll probably need some neoprene shoes, because it really gets flat after a longer ride. Despite the small waves we have lots of fun there. After you spend a exhausting time in the water you should visit the second big point in Prickly Bay, the West-Indies Brewery.

There's lots of craft beer and different cider waiting for you, everything is extraordinary tasty, and there's good food as well. And luckily the prices are fair. Aus einer Laune heraus machen wir uns auf den Weg hierher, ohne zu wissen was uns erwartet. Aber auf den zweiten Blick erkennen wir, dass auf der ganzen Insel Anlagen eines Resorts stehen. Bei ausreichend NO-Wind, den es hier nicht zu selten gibt, ist Calvigny ein tip top Kitespot, solange man am Strand bleibt und sich nicht mit den Celebrities in der Anlage oder den Securitys in den Golfcars anlegt. Zugegeben, die Wellen sind meist klein, aber die Karibik ist halt auch nicht Hawaii.

Nach einem langen, anstrengenden Surftag kommt das zweite unschlagbare Argument ins Spiel: The private administrated island is a popular travel destination for the rich and famous. Mick Jagger or David Bowie are landowners here — just to give you an idea. After we paid a small fortune for a loaf of bread, we've finally been convinced that this island isn't for low budget sailors like us.

But for a short stay — it's worth it! The second night at the mooring is for free after the first was pretty expensive. Since the most visitors are staying in there rented mansions, that you only can imagine from MTV Cribs, we had the magnificent beach all for ourselves. Between big palms we find a small wooden hut with benches, perfect for us.

We stay the only people here and enjoy chilled wine, coconut juggling action and a round of world famous beer boccia. What a good life — without butler and infinity pool! A pickup of the private security firm is passing the beach every now and then but we stay undisturbed and enjoy the night in our own way. When leaving this special island the next day, we want to say good bye in a proper way.

Without engine, we turn the boat with the genoa and lift the parasailor in the same second. With fair speed we exit the bay passing huge impressive yachts. Sheesh, this is how we roll! After a last dreamy glance on the luxury mansions we wave goodbye. Perhaps Mick Jagger is watching us from his residence.

And perhaps we'll come back to Mustique in the remote future for one's bachelor party. You got to keep dreaming! Das geht sogar wirklich. Ohne Motor, nur mit Genua drehen wir uns von der Boje weg und ziehen in der gleichen Minute den vorbereiteten Parasailor das blaue Segel auf den Bildern ; aus seinem Easy Snuffer. Sheesh haben wir's drauf!

Candide (Webster's German Thesaurus Edition)

Mit neuem Outfit und einer schicken neuen Frisur bereitet sich Elton auf seinen Job als Moderatorin vor. See you later Alligator: Aber er hat auch ein neues Projekt: Eine Sendung rund um seine Heimat Ostfriesland! Daher kommt auch Nacktrichtensprecherin Angie, die in Aurich Veranstaltungstipps gibt und dabei immer weniger an hat. Das waren noch Zeiten: Im Juni schaute Bully vorbei, um seinen neuen Film vorzustellen. Ein kleines, aber feines Projekt namens "Der Schuh des Manitu".

Doch London konnte ja nicht ahnen, dass das Schlimmste noch bevor steht: Stefan Raab is in town! Licht aus, Spot an: Zum Sommerausklang hat sich Stefan zwei sexy Damen eingeladen: Der Schuh des Manitu ist ein echter Kassenschlager! Die Hauptdarsteller Abahachi, Ranger und Dimitri sind gemeinsam ins Studio geritten, um diesen Megaerfolg mit Stefan zu feiern und die Goldene Leinwand entgegen zu nehmen.

Geburtstag von Biene Maja vorbei. In der ersten Sendung nach dem Mit ihrer Band wollen sie das Jodeln wieder bekannt machen. Und wenn es schon um Sport geht: Eine TV total Classics-Folge, die es mal wieder in sich hat. Es ist einfach unglaublich: Heiner Bremer ist und bleibt der Stefan Raab der Nachrichten, also einfach fehlerlos! Und das ist noch nicht alles! TV total zeichnet die wahren Fernseh-Talente des Jahres aus. Davon sichtbar angetan versucht sich Stefan ebenso an einem kleinen Liedchen. Achtung an alle TV total-Fans: Er ist an allem schuld: Elton wird von Stefan in einen Supermarkt geschickt und ferngesteuert.

Und in der Dieter Jansen ist nicht nur Kiosk-Besitzer, sondern auch noch Wetterfrosch! Pulleralarm bei Zorro, Heulalarm bei Verona Feldbusch. Denn Journalismus ist immer noch Handarbeit! Vielleicht spart sich Ralf Schumacher deshalb den Anruf bei seiner Mutter, die den Namen seines Sohnes ja wohl genauso gut aus der Presse erfahren kann. Und sogar Erkan und Stefan lassen sich nicht lumpen und haben ihrem Gastgeber viele Geschenke mitgebracht!

Ja, ist denn heut schon Halloween? Zumindest bei den TV total Classics wird das Gruselfest gefeiert. Stefan sucht die geilste Krankenschwester Deutschlands. Sauer macht lustig, zumindest wenn es um Grapefruits und Vera Int-Veen geht. Nette Damen mildern das Horrorszenario ab: Alles andere als blutleer ist auch der heutige Gast: Mal wieder eine Ladies Night bei TV total. Bienvenidos bei TV total: Stefan als Elvis-Imitator, was will man mehr? Elton wird einer harten Probe unterzogen und muss beweisen, inwiefern er ein guter Moderator ist.

Diesmal ist Stefan ganz besonders gut gelaunt. Was sagt der TV total-Moderator zu diesem Thema? So viel geballte Intelligenz gab es noch nie bei TV total! Doch nicht nur Raab ist in Gefahr: Elton wird wieder ferngesteuert und terrorisiert die ahnungslosen Menschen im Supermarkt. Volles Programm bei TV total: Schockierende Neuigkeiten gibt es hingegen von unserem Heavytones-Mitglied Klaus, der sich als Pornostar noch ein paar Mark dazu verdient hat.

Der Lachsack von Sat. Wie wohl die kleinen Verwandten des Menschen reagieren? Stefan will Esel und Schweine reiten. Nach so viel Risiko ist dann wieder Elton dran. Schlimme Bilder - aber noch schlimmere Musik. Stefans Interesse war geweckt und so hatte er sie flux nominiert. Kameraassistent Gerd ist doch wirklich sehr leicht beeinflussbar - beim einem Hypnosezahnarzt haut es ihn so richtig aus den Latschen.

Dabei sollte doch eigentlich nur der Patient ein Nickerchen machen Das bei dem Talk die Grammatik mal wieder auf der Strecke blieb, war ja klar! Generell sollte Thomas Gottschalk bei der Moderation von "Wetten, dass? Erst einmal die Woche, dann zweimal, direkt danach dreimal und zu guter Letzt viermal - so startet TV total in die neue Saison. Die Menschen sind verunsichert - TV total beantwortet alle Fragen! Nun spricht eine Betroffene: Hach, das waren noch Zeiten. Doch irgendwie sind die Talente dann doch unterschiedlich verteilt. Die Talkshow von Frau Int-Veen feiert 5. Geburtstag - und Stefan gratuliert.

In der Show "Quarks und Co. Und das alles nur, um den Raab der Woche abzustauben! Gerd, David oder Ranga? Stefan schwingt die Ukulele! Dabei legt er sich vor allem mit Johnny Mac an - mutig, mutig, unser Cheffe! Heiner Bremer-Syndrom - zumindest laut Stefan. Sind die beiden etwa ein Paar? Eigentlich sollte Thomas Gottschalk beim Eurovision Songcontest auftreten. Daraus ist leider nichts geworden.

Neben seiner Gottschalk-Parodie ist Ingolf auch ein ernstzunehmender Schauspieler - naja, fast. Aber kennt ihr auch Schwefelhexafluorid? Einen Haken hat die Sache aber: Eine Karriere bei der deutschen Nationalmannschaft kann er sich somit abschminken! In einem Interview wird Herr Becker gebeten, seine neue Flamme?

Das ist nicht jugendfrei!? Was der spanische Song im Hintergrund aber wirklich vermittelt, versteht nur unser Mann an der Trompete: Die sexy Frauenstimme fordert das Paar zum Kopulieren auf! Umso bemerkenswerter, dass sie erstmals eine Frau gewonnen hat? Darauf hat die Welt gewartet: Die GeeGees bei TV total! Hatten Sie heute schon Stuhl?? Die Aussteller reagieren entsprechend gereizt. Wer hat mehr Sexappeal: Jennifer Lopez oder Madonna? Die Abstimmung ist eindeutig: Doch so eindeutig ist das gar nicht, wie Stefan ausrechnet Ein Mann, der alles tat, um seine Angebetete "Sabina" rumzukriegen.

In der Talkshow "Nicole" schwang er sogar das Tanzbein - er hat "Sabina" nie wieder gesehen Dumm nur, dass sie ausgerechnet in diesem Moment moderieren musste. Stefan fragte via Telefon-Schalte nach ihrem Wohlbefinden.

Der Kandidat hat sodann die Chance auf 10 Millionen Mark. Der Zeiger kommt bei einer netten jungen Dame zum Stehen. LL Cool J in da house! The Greatest Of All Time. Der Meister des Ulks? Das zumindest fanden findige User im Internet heraus. Stefan begibt sich in ein weiteres? Zum Schluss der Sendung hat sich Stefan etwas ganz besonderes einfallen lassen: Im Splitscreen kommentiert Cheffe den Busenanteil der Shows?

Was letztes Mal in die Hose gegangen ist, soll diesmal klappen: Aber was Stefan hier entdeckt hat, stellt die Sangeskonkurrenz in den Schatten. Unser Moppelchen - damals noch gerstenschlank - ist sichtlich aufgeregt bei seinem ersten Auftritt bei TV total. Wie die Dame wohl auf die Pointe reagiert? De Boris hat wieder zugeschlagen! Ob die kleine Anna bald die kommende Nummer 1 im "Samentennis" wird? Vom Samenraub zum Bankraub: Kein Wunder, wenn ihm sein Vater im Publikum die richtigen Antworten vorhustet.

Sie kann auch anders. Gute Laune verbreiten zum Beispiel: Yo, Baby, Yo, Baby, Yo! Werbefachmann Stefan John hat eine besonders ausdrucksreiche Mimik - und dementsprechend lustig findet's Stefan! Wer kann diesmal den goldenen Raab der Woche abstauben? Ranga, Adonis oder Stefan John? The Revenge Of The Killerplauze! Der Mann kann alles verkaufen: Soul-Legende Lionel Ritchie ist zu Gast! Ein Kindheitstraum wird wahr: Ja, sind die denn alle betrunken bei der ARD?

Das ist Stefan sonst nur von seiner Redaktion gewohnt. Das Prinzip ist denkbar einfach: Du - der Kandidat - musst versuchen, einen florierenden Puff zu Ruhm und Ehre zu bringen.

Ab unter die Dusche! Stefan wird zum Duell herausgefordert! Ob Katzenhirn, Wixhausen oder Pissdorf: The Godfather Of Versprecher ist zu Gast: Bei TV total stellt er sich seinem Versagen! Gebt dem Mann ein Megaphon, und er bringt euch zum Lachen. Auch als blutjunger Showpraktikant macht unser Elton eine gute Figur. Im Girlscamp weht ein neuer Wind - denn Nadja hat gepupst! Aber auch bei Big Brother geht es unappetitlich zu: Katja betoucht ihren Freund unterhalb der Bettdecke und pult ihm die Flusen aus dem Bauchnabel.

Ach, der feine Herr Kuntze. Nimmt den Mund einfach zu voll. Im Morgenmagazin kann er es einfach nicht lassen unseren Cheffe zu provozieren. Doch Stefan setzt zum Konter an: Stefan ziehe seine Stadt in den Dreck. Wer kann sich diese Woche den begehrten, vergoldeten und einzigartigen Raab der Woche mit nach Hause nehmen? Quicky oder Gitarren-Gott Michael? Aber wegsehen kann man irgendwie auch nicht. Thommy rockt "Wetten, dass Stefan hat das Duell angenommen, und ist bereit, dem Morgenmagazin-Moderator die Ausscheidung seines Lebens zu verpassen!

Nicht, wenn es nach den TV total-Usern geht: Die Geburtsstunde von Elton ferngesteuert: Der Mann ist nicht nur Franzose, er spricht auch wie einer: Der ein oder andere von ihnen mag ihn vielleicht kennen: Die Regeln sind denkbar einfach: Das beste Mittel gegen Harndrang: Sven Kuntze - Meister aller Tassen. Herr Kuntze und Herr Raab haben jedoch ihren eigenen Kopf, und trinken wie wild weiter - auch in der Werbepause. Showpraktikant Elton gesellt sich zu den Kontrahenten, und genehmigt sich auch einen Schluck - auf Ex, versteht sich. Um den molligen Praktikanten besser kennenzulernen, stellten wir ihm 9 Fragen zu seiner Person: War er immer schon so dick?

Endlich gibt's die passenden Antworten! Es ist Karneval - doch Stefan hat nur Urin im Kopf! In der letzten Sendung kam es zum alles entscheidenden Aufeinandertreffen der Darm-Giganten: Stefan Raab gegen Sven Kuntze. Doch nun der Skandal: Kennt ihr noch Superball? Kandidaten Birgit musste nichts weiter tun, als mit einem Ball vor den angreifenden Invasoren auszuweichen - allerdings, bevor die Gegner den Ball treffen. Schlagergott und "Soullegende" Karl Moik ist zu Gast! Doch was ist Volksmusik eigentlich? TV total geht dieser Frage auf den Grund!

Karneval, ein Fest der Liebe. Die Show beginnt mit eine unverzeihlichen Fauxpas: Dem Unterhaltungswert tut dies jedoch keinen Abbruch. Dopingskandal in der deutschen Leichtathletik! Werner Franke in the house! Vielleicht sind ihm ja die Pillen ausgegangen? Mic check, 1, 2, 1, 2 - Schlagergott Andy Borg ist zu Gast! Die Antwort hat mit unserem Gast zu tun Stefan gibt nicht auf! Stefan und das Publikum finden das lustig - das muss reichen!

Nachdem Regina Halmich am Wochenende erneut Boxweltmeisterin geworden ist, sollen nun die ganz schweren Brocken folgen. Stefan ist so ein Brocken. Ja, was ist denn hier los? Das ist also das "r", das bei "Kaiserlauten" gefehlt hat: Dem Mann geht nie die Puste aus: Doch die Wahrheit ist: Die Pfui-Kelle hatte Stefan schon lange nicht mehr ausgepackt, doch jetzt muss es sein: Dann ziehen seine BB-Kollegen nach: Was alle Beteiligten damals noch nicht wussten: Der deutsche Vorentscheid zum Grand Prix steht an!

Doch nur einer kann es schaffen. Dieter Bohlen nimmt die leicht bekleideten Kandidaten ganz genau unter die Lupe, doch auf den Gesang achtet er dabei - wie so oft - kaum. Heute steht alles im Zeichen des Grand Prix. Georg Uecker erweitert die Expertenrunde und gibt seine Prognose ab. Wer wird das Rennen machen? Gemeinsam singen die beiden den Beitrag von Schlagersternchen Michelle nach - und gucken sich dabei ganz verliebt in die Augen. Eine fette Ente will gestopft werden! Der Bully ist da! Der Schuh des Manitu - heute erfolgreichster deutscher Film aller Zeiten.

Stefan gibt nicht auf: Aber wieso hat der Herr Karasek denn ein Taschentuch zwischen seinen Beinen liegen? Hat der kleine Helmut vielleicht Schnupfen? Der Junge hat's drauf! Doof nur, dass sie vor einem Millionenpublikum ihren Dienst verweigert - bei TV total bekommt der Knabe eine zweite Chance! Hurra, Hurra, die Post ist da!

Wer kennt sie nicht? Hier gibt es einiges zu lernen! Nach leichten Startschwierigkeiten ging's dann aber so richtig ab! Stefan und Elton waren mal wieder in einer ganz besonderen Mission unterwegs. Mit einer mehr als genialen Antwort in der Quizshow "Jeder gegen Jeden", machte Ilka auf sich aufmerksam. Nachdem Elton und Stefan ihn vor einigen Wochen kennenlernen durften gingen seine Kontaktdaten leider verloren. Elton begab sich also auf die Spuren des besten und unbekanntesten Fernsehkritikers in ganz Deutschland.

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