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This early lesson was validated through the years: Always wanting sex is the mark of manliness for many. So, what do men want more than sex? Sure, there is the physical pleasure, but there is a deeper need that is being satisfied. I call it the need for a safe harbor. The world of men is a world of competition. On the most basic level, males compete with other males for access to the most desirable females.
Males make the advances and females decide which males they will accept. Getting taken into her body gives us a sense of peace and homecoming that goes way beyond simple sexual pleasure.
Many of us remember the early school dances we attended. If you wanted to hold a girl in your arms, you had to make the long walk across the room with everyone watching and ask the girl to dance. If she accepted, you were in heaven. If she refused you were in hell.
The key here is that you must make yourself vulnerable to rejection to hold and be held by a girl. We long for someone who sees us for who we are and wants us anyway, who can hold us and touch, not just our body, but our hearts and souls. What we really want is a safe harbor where we can take refuge, relax, and be cared for. But admitting these needs makes us feel like little boys, not big strong men.
One of the things I love getting from my wife, Carlin, is to lie in her lap and have my scalp rubbed. This is one, wonderful, safe harbor. I just have to ask for it. I just must be willing to be deeply vulnerable.
Just as its difficult for men to ask to be held, nurtured, and touched; its often difficult for women to give that kind of intimacy. There are three main reasons, which are often subconscious:. It takes a lot of time and maturity for men to admit to themselves that they need a safe harbor where they can be nurtured and embraced by a woman. A s a sex writer and lifelong woman, I found it fascinating that there were some tips about pleasing a woman I only really came to understand from finally sleeping with another one myself. This book is intended for an audience of women who sleep with women — but men who sleep with women definitely have lots to gain from studying it.
I picked up all kinds of tricks in this guide. Seriously, get it on your e-reader, stat. While that can be the case, slowing down can also actually be quite dominant and aggressive. Apply some of those same principles: When her hips are bucking at you from all this teasing, ask if you can see her vagina now.
Press down firmly on the side of her thighs, and let her watch you look her straight in the vagina. Focus all your attention there; take a finger and gently part her labia, getting the lay of the land.
Make her feel you find what you see beautiful and arousing. Cup a palm over her entire vagina and gently get the blood flowing before you touch her clitoris directly. Lightly pull back the hood of her clitoris.