Beyond Birthday Depression: Reclaiming Your Special Day

Kelly Brogan on Naturally Dealing With Depression To Reclaim Your Health

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The hormomes over the past weekend for me also.. I had 2 very dark days, after Mr. Does her birthday count as an upsetting anniversary? I do feel bad. Though I know you have improved your relationship with your mother, you mentioned less-resolved father issues in another post. Hell, last night I even slipped in to a brief fantasy about Mr. Messiah of all people. It was comforting for about one minute before I became a bit a lot disgusted and had lots of negative flashbacks which stopped me sleeping.

I try to fight the hormones with evening primrose oil, no idea if it helps. Struggle with this too. A lot of the time I feel strong. I think about it more than I would like still, but the emotional weeping times have lessened. I said I had no idea. She said that they ex had on his facebook page that they were in a relationship.

Then I burst into tears and had to call my best friend. That if he tried to convince our mutual friends that I was clingy or co-dependent or crazy, they would laugh in his face. No one is feeling sorry for me, because I was the rock star. Sorry the Facebook acquaintance felt the need to ask her disengenuous question. Some people just go fishing for gossip without considering the effects of their actions. Of course I am staying NC, and trying to move on.

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Well at one stage I did tell him to go away and stop contacting me not in such polite language, mind you. After all, he is the one who chose to end our relationship and move on with someone else. Kaz, 18 months of him breaking NC is a hell of a long time. I am considering changing my phone number if I get any more messages. Have you ever considered that? I changed my phone number after initiating no contact. Well, actually I just turned my phone off for a month, then changed the number when I was ready to turn it on again.

I was so lonely and had managed to let him use and toy with me via the phone. He was a heavy texter. Sometimes I feel like throwing mine in the river. After this last year, I no longer feel the need to do so although his latest lives in that town. Not worth the energy nor the fuel. Dread having to deal with AC again come Monday, but he will face a stronger, tougher Noquay this year.

Sals, I am really sorry for the loss of your mom, keep strong. I have an old boyfriend that I let go of about 4 years ago and he sends me a text on my birthday every year. I like myself so much better now and my boundaries are in place. Life is sooooo much better. Sals so sorry about your mum. Stay strong with the NC but do make sure you have other people around you. On previous occasions I have called or at least text to say thanks, thereby starting the whole sorry charade again.

But not this time. My son told me he said thank you so I need do no more. Oh Liz, that is really a low-down dirty ploy your ex uses. He uses your son to get to you. Where is my horned hat, breastplate and broadsword???? I feel a need to create some mayhem for this AC! LaPinturaBella- I love all your characters in your posts! I loved your reference to the queen in Alice in Wonderland, your description of a Viking here…I can see your emotions through your choice of characters.

I appreciate this in your posts. That really is very sweet, and I do appreciate it! Sals, your post appeared same time as mine. Sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is also a time to re-examine who you are. I made some big changes when my dad died. It was a positive catalyst for me. But I still miss him, six years later.

Glad to realize that. How disappointed , no, hurt and let down, I would have felt if I did go to lean on her for some support. It would not be there. I get the not shutting the phone off. I was an angry wreck of a woman that really needed some complete me time, though I never want to be in a place where I was then when I took such measures to gain grieving time. I often turn my phone off now, or put it in a drawer, or leave it in another room for a few hours. No more giving my number out to strangers.

In the past two weeks, I have had no less than FIVE men from my past contact me, including one guy from a dating site at least years ago who I never even met. Peanut, sorry for you were ever in such a state to take those measures. I always thought I had to as not to be impolite or awkward. He was a rage-filled addict! When we are unaware and live without mindfulness, the mind will surely play tricks on us. Occassions… hmm thats a bummer.. I was all worked up the whole week before. Kept myself occupied and let the day pass.

Anyway last week was an occasion for me not bday or anything and all of a sudden he texted me. Wow was i surprised. Part of me, the ego bit was smirking thinking.. I replied and we exchanged few messages. I am not reading anything into them though he shared some info that i really didnt need to know about his fam etc. I was friendly but you know what?

I am not oversnalysing the stuff he says etc. I thought that i would still be v much affected. I know i am not completely out of the woods yet but i am trilled and i just wanted to shere this. Up Down Hot Cold Every thing but the kitchen sick which was physical abuse. I just wish he would leave me alone!!!

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All these one word texts Really!!!! I broke NC can you believe it I did and why a family cookout. I have a real close family that love to throw cookouts and just sit in the backyard and have fun. Thats one the things I love about my family. I guess i was feeling lonely that all the family was around with there bfs and gfs and hubbys and wifeys.

And it hit me I was alone and i sent a short one word text.

Happy Birthday: 33 Thoughts on Relationships, Self-Esteem, and Life!

I alone brought this on myself. But I knew this was going to happen for a split second and i do mean split I thought i would be different. One day at a time. Sorry for the long ramble I just wanted to let you know how I so needed to be where you are feeling the way that you do about him. But i could not help it. I guess i needed to get some things input hint lol. Enough, I hear you. I keep going back and forth. I think this time I am able to not contact him. I realized last night that he really can say some mean things. Well obviously he is not, but I have had him on this pedestal.

I need to get him off. Sorry to hear about your breaking NC: And if you have the urge to break NC again write in BR. It really helped me. As for me , i am not totally out of the woods yet. It is so easy to get sucked back in, especially after only 6 months. If you do, you will lose your power and he will win.

Just like i wonder too. So sorry to hear about your Mother. I wish you strength. Treat yourself gently and be careful as this is a vulnerable time. On the subject of no contact…well…a relationship that nearly brought me down…. After eight years have finally come to my senses. I never knew such pain but have managed to claw back some self esteem and respect and boy, does that help me in those difficult times.

My birthday was in April. He rang me four times but I did not respond. Will never give him another chance to hurt me in any way, shape or form. I did go through my day planner from last year and saw a few things I forgot about. And there were alot of them! Trying not to give myself shit for not heeding my own awareness back when it was happening.

It is cathartic, detoxifying and sends a message to my subconscious that I am moving on via shredding. I have heard that some people like to keep them and look back. It helps in the formation of thoughts, expressing of emotions, decluttering the mind, and connecting beliefs to thoughts and behaviors. Hey Peanut, If I remember correctly, you an artist, as am I. I am a fierce journaler and doodler. I have been looking at where I was last year at this time.

When I read back on the crumbs I was kneading into a giant loaf. I have to wonder what the hell I was on? Journaling is a great tool and def helped save my sanity. But you can set boundaries with family, stand your ground, stand up for yourself, say no, call the cops on them if need be, leave them in the dust, move, etc. Family ties happen via procreation but no where is it set in stone and even if it is, so what?

Real, worthwhile bonds take love, care, honesty, respect, and boundaries blood relation or not. Anything less is not worth it. After he sent me a lame birthday greeting a few months before, I was determined not to do the same. First, there were the silly doubts that show up: Would he feel ignored? Would he even notice? How will I look if I act this way? Here I had been empowering myself to ignore him, feeling strong and able, and doing the right thing, and and… nothing happened.

If he noticed, I never knew. Rationally, I knew that it was the right thing to do for myself, but then what? NC meant that I had no new topics to speculate about him, to feel angry at him or disappointed or whatever. It was boring, to be honest. And I guess that was the most difficult thing to deal with — that it was boring. And that hurt my ego. So, of course I reached out to him, because I needed to know that he did care. And he assured me that he did. He really could give a shit about me. I am just too into my own ego to accept this.

He could go for ages without contacting me because he has his life, his new girlfriend… and only when he wants sex with me does he reach out. But honestly it is usually me to reach out. Micheyl, If I could find anybody vaguely acceptable that wanted to sleep with me I would do it.

Count yourself extremely lucky. I have been there believe me! But, even though it can be nice in the moment, I realize I have to change. I look to sexual intimacy like it is real loving intimacy and it is NOT. I like to think I am sexually liberated, but it is not even that. I am really finally ready to accept that I need to wait to have sex with a man. My pattern is to sleep with them asap because I am pretty sexual, so it is easy for me… but obviously, it has not worked for me.

I think if I wait, and really get to know them like Nat says, then the relationship can start off normally, not from 0 to because we had sex. But, if you are just referring to plain old sexual action, then I know it can be frustrating when it is not looking like it is in the near future. If he is relationship material, wait to have sex with him and try to build a relationship the BR way. If he is not relationship material, but is acceptable, have sex with him once or twice and then disappear. I am implementing this plan because it is what I have come to realize is how men operate in the dating world.

Anyway, the fault in the plan is at step 1; i. Sue, There are enough ACs in the world without you joining the ranks! How about employing some of what you have learned on BR and behaving with integrity? It is not all or nothing. Let him make his own choice. If you like him enough to have sex with him, you can be a decent human being for your own sake as well as his. You see, that man that maybe gets hurt by the EU behaviour of a woman may then find himself set back in his own self development, theoretically making it harder for me or someone else to try and establish a co-piloted mutual relationship based on trust, respect care and love with him.

The ripples on a pond effect. Ladies, please be careful not to spread mistrust out there.. And I am not saying I am perfect. I will be honest with the person about what I am doing. You guys are right. And sure enough, if you go on a dating site you soon find ACs willing to have a booty call once or twice. The thing is to discern their intentions: On the other hand, I also met a nice and polite but extremely unattractive guy who was recently single and insecure about it.

That was the one I felt I had to be decent to and not behave like an AC myself. It did work physically but there was no emotional connection whatsoever. It was like doing an errand. I closed my account on the dating site soon afterwards. Yes, I kept a journal when I started to see him again and after I reviewed it one last time, I destroyed it.

I think journaling can be cathartic, but it can also help us to see patterns and learn from them for the next time. I have also kept journals now they are just an embarrassment sitting on a shelf. They are full of angst and stress and how difficult I found no contact and how if he got back in touch I had a fleeting high going to crashing disappointment when it led to nothing. I have planned a bonfire to burn them all. I would really dread for someone to find them and see how one man who is not that special could bring me so low. His birthday is soon and just by pure coincidence we maybe in the same place on that day just hoping we completely miss seeing each other which is more likely than actually seeing each other phew.

This is a big test for me I have never been no contact on his birthday before. But the upsetting part for me after reading this was realising that I had no chance, absolutley no chance at all to be in a relationship that would have ever worked out with him because of how he is, I gave him chance after chance after bloody chance but if I had read this book before meeting him I would have walked away right at the start.

Sandy, I read that book, too. We have lived and we have learned. We are here, now.

Trying to stay strong today. Stuck in the office. I realized when I cried a few times the first few days, after a fairly non-tearful summer, that I had to take care of myself. I also realized how much further my career has come this past year than the years prior. In other words, since I stopped spending several days a week helping my friend without getting credit for it, ever, and concentrated on my own work.

My new British co-worker says that American schools are completely weird to anyone from anywhere else because we have middle management, and a caste of thoroughly useless folks in levels of upper management. So, I am still a teacher, and useful, but I am now in a position of limited leadership in the school. Not quite as high as ex-friend yet, but I worked on his career for four years, and only worked on mine for one.

Marie, yep I did that too. I was lucky my friends just let me go at it. It took me about a month of self editing. Believe me, the obsession will get old. You will find new things to discuss. Wondering how it could have gone so wrong? You can do it! LOL I know what happens tomorrow. We leave them choking on our dust, buh bye! Remember, you are on a BS diet. These assclowns never end up well. You have evolved, they never will. I bet you have it in spades. Amazing that my ex used the same exact phrase: Lara, I think I saw that and answered you in another post.

It is beyond bizarre. But I am grateful he said it to me. Sheesh, they all use the same tactics, spew the same lines. Totally unoriginal, uncreative, unimaginative. I just think our minds are flawed, somebody up in heaven just made a mistake. Our minds are flawed. However we humans came about has surely resulted in some whacky mis-wiring in the dating realm.

You are not alone. For whatever reason childhood, biology, who knows for sure, you are heavily attracted to someone not good for you. The thing about leaning in is it gets us through to the self-esteem side. But here is the kicker: The need for it never stops. If you stick to no contact, the desire will fade in totality. And the speed depends on how much you lean into the wanting while abstaining. I sound like a youth pastor.

The thoughts about and longings in regard to my ex are fading faster and faster. And also understanding that this is an illness like any other. I hope we all form a bond somehow, so we know we have each other to rely on, even though we have never met, for we know what it feels like. I am seeing doctor and under care of mental health team now,also on strong mood lifters, antidepressants and some antibiotics as I also have a chest infection and something else which made it worse……. Thanks for responding and i hope my comment helps someone understand how we are thinking in the midst of it all.

Hi Crystal I had some combination of physical pains too. My married daughter is suffering from depression. The Xanax really kicked my butt today. I want to tell her not to post things on Fb about the medicines she is taking or her current stratus. Is it okay or necessary for posting stuff like that. I want to be supportive. Is she wanting responses?? The ony thing I ever really say is that I love her. Why does she post stuff like that? How do we respond? Sorry to hear about your daughter. It might turn her away from you. I kind of hid my posts frm my mother for a while. But if she wants to post, I think let her be.

I strongly suggest that she find some expert help in counselling and to talk things through with someone who can coach her. However, it might also need to eb done delicately, as I rejected the notion of psychologist from the beginning and my fiance had to drag me there. He knew I was getting very very worse.

If her husband has trouble dealing with her depression, feel free to email me and I can connect them to my fiance. Please let us know how it works out and how she is. Please realize I am obviously on the outside looking in and can only give advise from my own life, I am not a doctor, ect. First of all, your daughter, did she get the Xanax from a psychiatrist? I take Xanax too for amazing anxiety, and it really can make you really tired, enough to post about it, trust me! She could have hidden the post from you, she did not. My parents saved my life.

By watching and listening. Sure I was about 13, but you never stop being her parent right? If you want, friend request me on Face book and we could talk more there. If not I understand, I just felt compelled to say something to someone who obviously needs to talk! Thanks everyone for your input. She is seeing a counselor. Husband has also attended with her. I hope she will find strength in herself. Lots of love Noch Noch. She also pointed out that I hardly had any friends and I felt as if that was my fault and something was wrong with me that no one liked me even though I was being intensely bullied for years before and still then, at the time I realized then that that my mother was right and sank into a deep, deep, depression that lasted in various forms for the better part of the rest of my teenage years.

I still struggle with depression but not to that extent, I know more now who I am and what I am interested in and passionate about and I finally have a good support system and friends. I have nothing to live for. Other things to add to the list: It feels nosy, partly, like your trying to find gossip fodder, not that you care. But I think if you maintain a good balance of good boundaries and self care for yourself while also leaving your own agenda out when supporting someone, then you can be helpful to that person, to as much an extent as you can be. Thank you so much for writing this. What heartfelt comments you made.

I empathize, and also a big thank you for sharing your story here so openly. It has to be about the person we are caring for. The world needs more kind hearted people as you, who knows that when we care, we simply, care, with no agenda. Just wanted to mention keep up the good job! Hi Noch Noch, I found your blog via the Forbes article you wrote about success tips for expat execs. This post about depression could help a lot of people. Please can you get in touch with me about potentially sharing this on our Expat Women blog? Thanks so much, Andrea x. Thanks for dropping by, and I completely understand where you are coming from.

I was guilty as charged too, for before my depression I also did not understand why some people think the way they do. My best friend just talked to me everyday with messages on email, because we were not in the same city. It served to distract me a bit. I have been seriously depressed, and am mostly functioning now, plan to be taking meds the rest of my life, and really really hope that I never sink into that black space again.

Yet, I have to admit that I am guilty of saying platitudes to my sister, who is in the midst of a great depression. Maybe not these ones exactly, but close enough to have gotten her angry at me. It shows that other feelings are starting to poke through. Still I respect her wish not to be given those platitudes. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Sorry to hear of your plight. But yes writing helps a lot. I drown myself in writing and trying to flesh out my thoughts. I also write occasional articles for publication. Not enough to earn a living, but it is still good for me. A tool to empower the powerless… Depression can be as lethal as addiction and it is certainly as isolating and misunderstood.

I struggled with it from 14 to 35 before I was diagnosed with bi-polar two and went into treatment. Today, with the help of good medications and an exceptional psyciactric councler, I live a stable and beautiful life. Who would have thought that was possible???? I wish you all the very best. Wow — that was a long time and kudos to you for hanging on in there.

You sound very cheerful and content. I will get out of this too and be more stable!! Indeed I think we are very misunderstood, so I want to share my story and tell it for other people to understand us. I really enjoyed reading this and the rest of your blog. Thanks for coming by and happy to hear you like my blog. Yes I think depression is misunderstood a lot, as is many other mental illnesses.

So hopefully a few more people can understand. I went in search of an article like this because last night I was bombarded with terribly insensitive and arrogant statements just like it. I mean where do I start? So I went home thinking I was this joy vampire that sucks the life out of everything. No wonder I have so few friends. I completely feel you.

Perhaps all those phrases we loathe have truth in them for someone who does not have depression, and some people play victim or are indeed too negative. So rest assured you are not the only one. I hope you find solace somewhere else who can comfort you, just sit with you and let you let out your emotions without criticizing.

Unfortunately, in the midst, we get more confused with the wealth of information and emergency hotlines Google sends […]. Or anything else on http: This entry made me think a lot about my own experiences of both living with depression and dealing with it in someone else. The central idea is the same though. My partner is a kind, hard working and decent man who until recently worked full time in customer service for a major European bank.

He had been upfront with his manager and line manager about his treatment for PTSD and the company had actually provided and financed some of his treatment. Shortly before Christmas he was having a bad time of things, lots of episodes and finding it really hard to maintain motivation and actually get himself up and into work in the morning. Between Christmas and New Year he got the chance to speak to his line manager about the difficulties he was having. He was signed off work shortly after that and has not been able to go back yet.

He wants to be working for a living and helping me to provide for our future and save for our wedding and plan our lives together. Yet he cannot go back and face his place of work now knowing that when things get rough, this will be the response he faces from the person who is supposed to support him. And that is on our minds a lot as we are in our early thirties now and the clock is ticking. Thanks for sharing this story — very powerful and very true.

But you are right, no one knows what triggers. What looks like from outside to be happy may not be the case really. Everyone thought I was happy and had it all. And I felt bad I was depressed. We try very hard to do what we can even with depression. I was told at work, by the Employee Assistance Worker, that there are children starving in India. She continued to tell me all about India. I love my job I am currently on long-term disability. I miss my job. It is a great job. The working conditions became unbearable. I was treated sub-human. My office manager and his boss I have so many bosses told me that I just need to get over things and forget the past.

They proceeded to chart out my every sick day over the past three years and tell me and my peers, behind my back why I was not going to be getting an acting managerial opportunity. Because I am weak, I was told. When really, I do my job very, very well. I had put up with this for years. Harassment, humiliation, being held back from opportunity. They are just so busy with their own crazy life. This made me feel like a huge, huge burden, completely unimportant, unwanted, not worth any kind of effort, selfish, stupid for even trying… everything of that sort.

I have been fighting this since diagnosis in I want a life. I have no children. I have no husband, no boyfriend. All I have is fear and insecurity, self-loathing. I am spending so much money trying to fix all of this. Trying every therapy out there. All I have been doing is crying. I want to feel vital and useful, part of society again. Perhaps you are on a correction course. Instead of fighting it, let it happen. Let go of the fears, let go of trying to control or fix it.

Allow life to bring you to where you need to be. You will know when you get there. Sorry I butted in… Just felt compelled to reply to the comment. Sorry for the late reply. I was taking a break from blogging as I got married this past weekend. It makes me sad to hear your story but thanks for sharing your feelings. I understand that confusion and helplessness.

I had a period like that too, questioning everything, what I did wrong, why did it happen, and everyone had an opinion on why and what and how. It was very confusing and annoying. But like Vlad said, perhaps to let it unfold. My shrink also said I had to feel the emotions, let it happen. And after all the pent up frustration is let out, it will then get better. Please write to me if you are comfortable. My husband called him stupid. That made me feel much better.

I love you, Babes. I feel like this is an illness that needs to be treated. One person loves me. But I forgive him. I agree with you. Clinical depression is misunderstood at times. I used to think the same: And I hope you will pull through this challenge. Thanks for sharing the above. Personally I have been told all of the above and all they ever served were to make me feel even worse! I felt more worthless than ever and ever more convinced that world is better without me. However, I was determined to get out of the serious depression that I had.

There must be more to life! Sad to say, I had been battling this difficult journey by myself. Lost 2 relationships along the way, a promising career and greatly misunderstood. I think you enjoy being depressed! It has been the worst nightmare of my life! Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. Made me cringe… those things you got said to you.

You are not alone in this indeed. I used to feel very alone. This is exactly what my friends tell me, i dont wanna talk to them when they start up saying things like this…. My friends also tell me that i like being depressed and thats y every other day i am sad and moaning about something, they also say that i m a cry baby… i wish they wud know exactly how i felt… i hate them for being like this with me… i hate them all.

Are there other new friends you can make? A support group in your vicinity? Maybe they will be better help and comfort for you? You are not a cry baby. I have faith in you that you will pull through. I understand… As you can see from the comments, you are not alone in this. We all understand Perhaps distance yourself slightly from your friends who make you feel bad, let yourself feel the emotions and deal with them in your own time and space Take care Noch Noch.

When I was little I was bullied constantly, and eventually decided that if emotions did nothing but hurt me I was better off without them- I managed to detach myself. I eat little while inside my house and only a tiny bit more than that while outside of it. The only thing that helps me sometimes.

Anyways, I just wanted to say that this list was very helpful. What can I do, as merely a sibling without any real power to get him professional help, to help him? Thank you for your time- it really does help to see that others understand. Thanks for sharing your experience, and I hope your family can come to read this blog post too and learn how to communicate with you. So I hope the situation improves for you. Feel free to rant if you need to here, or via email to me. As a sibling, I think being there to listen to him is the best.

Or just kept me company at home. Maybe this is what your brother needs, to know he is not alone. Is there some support group around your area for teenages as well? I try to just be there, or I drag him out of the house to go somewhere, because I know that helps me- thanks for the advice. It was irrational, I know. My friends told me to get a grip and pull myself up. My parents and seniors told me I was committing a fatal mistake by quitting my […].

You just need to get away from what makes you upset or sad. We have to work on our thoughts and emotions consciously to come out of it! You have taught me about consciously thinking and subconsciously thinking. I agree that if we change our thinking to consciously thinking that it will help a depressed person to get better. I was in the hospital this April with lithium poisoning for 11 days. First or second night there I just started a crying bout not uncommon this was a general hosp not a psych hosp and the nurse got all snippy and told me to snap out of it shes a 60 year old grandmother and came home one day and found her son dead.

She proceded to tell me to watch someone elses joy on TV if I had none of my own and I had no reason to be crying. Needless to say I requested to not have that nurse care for me any further. I was Baker acted state of FL but had to stay in regular hospital for hemodialysis and other tests. Thank you for sharing everyone. Sorry to hear about the bad experience but good to know you are better. And good on you for standing up for yourself. I can understand where this 60 year old grandma is coming from — she has seen it all!

I too suffer from depression. Lately it has been particularly bad. I totally agree on those 10 things she says, and I totally feel the same way too and how I think of everything…. Hi Miguel Many of us feel the same and no one really understands unless we tell them either. I hope you find some comfort in knowing you are not alone….

Please write anytime you need to NochNoch. I found this helpful. Should I remain quiet in a situation where a friend is seeking sympathy? They would just remain quiet and sit in the room with me or come check in on me every now and then in case I do something drastic. But sometimes I just wanted to talk and they would listen, without judging, without any advice, they just listened. And that helped me a lot. Timmie also dragged me out for walks and literally dressed me and put shoes on me, and that made me feel better too.

Other times, I told them to talk about random things, and they just told me about TV shows they had seen, or things they had done that day…. Sometimes, all we want, I think, is for someone to try to see things from our irrational standpoint and not think we are crazy…. Sometimes my mother would personally attack me for no reason. But I need to be more considerate and not try to lecture her about it, or treat her depression as a problem.

I do my best to help her out as much as I can, but reading this has shown me a few things I need to improve upon…. Thanks for sharing this. Yes I think it is hard for those who are not going through the challenge to understand. Thank you for taking care of her. Under the right circumstances, or the wrong situation, I will plummet backward. I understand that understanding depression is hard.

It gets frustrating, it sometimes is just too much. The human condition is not meant to be attracted to negativity. If not for you, but for themselves. It helps to give people with depression a wide berth and respect the space they are coming from, but pressure too fast or too soon, tends to make them bottle up or retreat inwardly. This kind of self-sacrifice is very risky for your own well being, not by any physical means, but mentally and spiritually as in your actual energy, not your beliefs or what have you.

Whether they want it or not. Look into Somatic Psychology to learn more about that. Just remember whoever you know who has depression, friend, lover, family, adult, or child. They just want to be loved, but may not know where to go. Please keep in mind that this post is based on personal experience and practice with helping children of depression, and in no way shape or form reflects proven theory. Slowly the self reflections made me more self aware and know myself better. The invisible support works very well. I have been bi-polar and on meds for 15 yrs approx. Still get up and down days. I have had to learn how to keep me going without sliding downhill.

It is not easy considering that your life is always in constant change. People really do try to understand but it is hard if they themselves have never experienced depression. So at the same time we have to learn to give some slack or at least not to take it so personal. Accept the fact that some days you do not feel like even moving and have a lazy day or two. Then kick yourself in the butt and at least start moving again. Sometimes I have to stop and go through what has been running in my mind. Fix what is doable and throw the rest out.

It is not easy but very necessary. Each person is an individual. What works for one may not necessarily work for another. I wish more people understood depression. It feels like no-one understands. I saw this and now i feel liek theres someone who truly understands what it feels like. Thanks for both your comments on the page. I am glad you are sharing your thoughts and feelings too and thank you for sharing it on Facebook. I think we need to facilitate more understanding between ourselves and those who do not understand the illness.

I hope you feel less unhappy though and somehow walk through this tunnel like I am doing. There are bad days and there are some not so bad days… Feel free to write to me any time.

Hi Amy for me, I had to alienate myself from some of these people who did not understand because the criticism got too much for me to handle. I tried to explain but decided I should spend the energy to get better instead. I hope you will get better too in your own time! I react completely the same way as you do. I even posted these steps on facebook, because there are some people who just think i CAN help how i feel, like i want to be miserable and lonely or something. So i posted this on there, also said about how people with the same problem might react and how i would react and how the poster you react.

By the way, im so greatful you posted this, i really am. Everything you said is the truth. Trust me, what we deal with it is not a choice. Saying be positive or snap out of it will make it better. It makes the situation worse. Unfortunately, people are uneducated and ignorant to know or understand mental illness. Then wonder why people are killing themselves. You put it succinctly. But also like you, I had no idea what it was about until I experience anxiety and depression myself. I hope at least! I was very naive about depression and mental illness. A time when I should having fun and making friends but I had to deal with depression.

Before depression, I was dealing with panic attacks. I was scared when it start happening to me because I felt I was having a heart attack or going to die. I was able to open up about my past, dealing with insecurities, my father and his drug abuse, emotional abuse as a kid. Even though I was going to therapy, I still had to deal with anxiety while going to college and that affected my school work and grade.

I had to drop one of my classes because of my anxiety. I was angry and stressed out about it. Then my mood began to change. I stopped hanging with my friends, stayed at home, moody, angry, lonely. Granted I did try snapping out of my depression but only made my situation worse. I can cope with my anxiety but depression is a battle I have to face everyday. Sorry for the long rant but I had to get it out. Thank you so much for sharing your story here. It has inspired me and I am sure also those who come to my blog.

Thank you for being opened with your experience. I am sad to hear of the history though but at the same time encouraged because you have hung on this far to battle it and address the issue. We all have different background and triggers for our depression and I know all of us want to get better and not indulge in it. It is not fun. It took me a long time and I still relapse and debate with myself why I should stay alive. I am not sure. But I am alive today so I hope I can help others with my writing, if only to help myself think and get through this rut.

We are all support for each other and I am glad you found me and I found you. I had to spend the last of my school years at home, i became so afraid of school and did homeschooling instead after being so scared to leave the house or go school. I started keeping myself in the house at 15 and only now have i started going for walks and getting a lil fresh air and even going shopping with my mum and her special driver who is really funny. But for 2 years i spent confined in the house i refused to go anywhere, apart from going doctors and going to the dentist.

Other than that i never left the house. I became paranoid, tired, dizzy, boiling hot and angry at the world. But worrying about that doesnt get us very far. W learn to live with the depression and anxiety eventually. I have learnt to manage it better slowly by experience too. Amy — I SO know how you feel. I never want to leave home. I am scheduled for shifts that run 3pm til midght. Anyway, I had such a bad panic attack from thinking about driving home a 40 minute drive in excellent conditions that I gave myself a mega migraine that lasted for almost 3 days, so I missed my first midnight shifts.

Luckily, this week, my manager is in town, and I took her aside, explained my anxiety and depression, and asked if I could work my late shifts from home. Of course today went back to being terrible, but the fact that she accommodated my fear of being out so late alone, I was my old self again for the rest of the day. I hope you feel better. I hope we ALL feel better…. Thank you so much! I just saw this one was a continuation! Sorry if i replied to late, hope you had a nice christmas and have a great new year!

Well part from anxiety, extreme depression, paranoia, ocd and hallucinations i have extreme anger. Thank you for this reply! I do research too, did it help any at all, the research your husband did? If I had a quarter for every time someone close to me said one of these very unhelpful things….. Haha then we would both be quite rich now! I used to cringe all the time I hear it. This all left me very depressed. Now I have to figure out how to just make it through life on my own without any support or value. I was talking and talking, the I looked over at him and he was rocking back and forth in his chair tapping his temple with his eyes closed.

Then he kept asking if I could find another job. Sorry to hear you have had such a bad time and experience. Where I live, a lot of women follow the pattern of a. Thank you, Natalie, for helping me break the pattern. You truly are a lifesaver. Thanks for the Party and this post as a Party favor will be well used. You have defined sysinctly exactly how we find ourselves in percarious situations when it comes to relationships with dubious characters. I will always be so thankful.

Happy Birthday Natalie, you genius! How do I break the addiction? There is light at the end of the tunnel. There are many, many women here who have done it and are going through the process. Sign up to the 3-month email support that Nat is offering, read her ebooks. Hope you have a wonderful birthday celebration, Natalie! Happy birthday NML and thank you many times over for your wonderful and informative blog. You have saved my sanity and made me a much more grounded person. I bought all of your e-books and they have been way more helpful than all my hours of therapy.

In my defense of me.. However, just going thru arseclownitus does not make one know these things. In the middle of arseclownitus its hard to be anything but just plain dazed and confused. This site helps one gain clarity and power over the situation. My attempts at writing thanks and buying your ebooks to financially say thanks cannot not fully express my gratitude. Thanks for this work Natalie, I hope it brings you much success.

Thanks to Natalie I hope I am recovering from this painful affliction. Now free for 14 months! Happy Birthday, huge hugs and thanks to you, Natalie! May you continously grow in your heart and in your mind, but not in your butt, May you have more sunshine than rain, May your mind be at peace when your head hits your pillow at night, May your smile get brighter each day as you see your children grow, May you continously be blessed through the years.

Happy belated birthday Nataly! Hope you had a wonderful day! Thank you for your hard work in sharing your thoughts in these blogs. Sometimes we need reminders.. Every single point just nails it right. I wish you all the best in everything you do. Green Sex - Eco-Sex Kit. Hi Natalie and happy 33rd birthday day to you! Thanks for another great post, Natalie.

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