When You Walk Through the Fire: The Bethany Rivas Story

Bethany's Story

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Sharon Rivas

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In fact, He helped them keep it. Finally, as I have done much thinking over these past few months, I realize God was preparing Bethany, too. This year Bethany had moved out and told us she wanted nothing more to do with God. To our surprise she called and said she and her boyfriend had decided to come to the Christmas Eve devotional after all. The next day I was reading a story in a devotional book. It was about Judas betraying Christ and how, instead of repenting when he felt remorse, he had gone out and hung himself.

In contrast, Peter had denied Christ three times, but when he heard the rooster crow and felt remorse, he wept bitterly and repented. Both men betrayed Christ. Both felt guilt and shame Judas went to a tree in the woods, hung himself and was lost for eternity. Peter went to the old rugged cross, found forgiveness, and became one of the most powerful disciples in the Bible.

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The book said if only Judas had realized God would forgive him I told my family God had asked me to give a different devotional this year. I apologized for not reading the Christmas story. I apologized that my devotional had nothing to do with Christmas, except that the tree of Christmas eventually becomes the cross of Easter I gave the devotional and I could see Bethany staring at me uncomfortably. I ended by telling them about a strange event that had just taken place a few days before.

Months earlier I had received a letter from a girl who had been one of only two teenagers in the first little church Clark and I pastored in Lufkin, TX. Since there were only two, we took them under our wings and both of them had spent a lot of time in our home. I immediately wrote but misplaced her letter with the address on it so I could never mail mine. I tore the house apart looking for her letter but never found it. It had now been six months and as Christmas drew near I felt an overwhelming burden to reach her. Occasionally he would write us Exactly 15 minutes later the phone rang.

I dried my hands and picked up the receiver. I did not recognize the deep voice on the other end of the line. Do you remember me, Mrs. I almost dropped the phone!!! Thank you for calling David said he told God he would do it as soon as he got back to the station. God said it so forcefully that I pulled over and started looking up your number on my computer. Why did God tell me to call you? I told him about Elise, her letter, and why I needed to find her. He said he could give it to me but that Elise had just walked in the door and I could talk to her.

When she got on the phone we both broke down and cried. We had a wonderful time talking and she specifically told me how she was now trying to be a good Christian wife and mother by following the examples she had learned form me years ago. He had two people tell me that Dad and I made a difference in their life and that one day we would see them again in heaven.

All dad and I want out of life is to see all of you saved and to know that we will be a family together in heaven forever.

God will forgive you right where you are. God will be waiting. And if you ever need to get a message to someone He will do it. I believe God may have brought back that Christmas devotional to her mind. And in those final moments she may ave asked Him to get a message to us.

In closing, thank you again for your kindness to me and Clark during these past few months. I hope the following pages of this booklet will show it. I cannot end this thank you note without also expressing our sincere appreciation to the Fisher family for comforting us during this tragedy. Our shared sorrow and loss has created a bond of friendship that will never be broken. Kevin, we want to especially thank you for your vigilance in keeping track of the legal proceedings and updating us.

Our thanks to all of you for attending the memorial service at our church last month. It meant so much to have you sitting with us. I believe it would mean a lot to Bethany and Crystal to know we are comforting each other down here Mother's Letter To Bethany placed on coffin. March 11, Dear Bethany, You can not fathom how much I love you or how much I am going to miss you. I will miss sharing a mocha freeze with you at Borders, going to the mall, and putting up the Christmas tree together. I will miss planning the wedding we were going to do soon and helping you decorate the new apartment you were going to get.

Most of all I will miss being with you when you had your first child, something every mother looks forward to. There will always be an ache in my hearrt and an empty chair at our Thanksgiving table. I no longer dread death Bethany, because I can not wait to see you again. Sister's Letter To Bethany read at funeral. If I only could tell you how much I love you, how sorry I am. Nineteen years is too short, but you enjoyed life and inspired everyone who knew you to love as you loved, to laugh as you laughed except maybe for the whole snort and lean to the left till you fell our of your chair thing.

Your life should not be remembered by one fateful night, but by a fountain of joyful memories. I walked the labyrinth at the funeral home today; I remember how you loved that movie with that freak, David Bowie. I kept thinking you were walking it right up ahead of me and that it was like we were kids at Daytona Beach again, burying are feet in the cool wet sand. I remember you and Shane daring me to do the crab walk over a sewer grate when I was 3. When I fell in and got stuck, I remember you told me the alligators in the sewer would eat me before dad could pull me out.

I remember feeding you tomato soup when you were 11 and had just gotten 4 teeth pulled. I remember you said that God told you that me and Jonathan were going to get married some day. It might not always have been clear or felt, but you are treasured by so many. You will never be forgotten. I hope I can live up to being the oldest child and the best sister to Clinton now.

When You Walk Through The Fire

Mom and dad are so sad right now. God will help them. I keep trying to think of what you would say to people right now if you could. Your vivacious presence is captured in every single one of them. Approach thy grave like one who wraps the drapery of his couch about him and lies down to pleasant dreams. Nothing will ever be the same without you here. May God grant us all grace, and to you, peace to rest in His arms which have eternally longed for your return to Him.

Hey Clark - I just wanted to share with you a couple of thoughts I had when praying this morning for you and your family. I began reflecting on Bethany and what she meant to you as her dad. I know this feeling by the way my daughter feels about me, looks at me, and loves me. I know that you must feel so empty sometimes because Bethany came from you; now a portion of you is dead. I must be hard. It compels me to want to wrap my arms around you now and tell you once again how much I love you.

But I was reminded how God does not know time the way I do. Time is not relevant to God, what matters most to God is relationship. There is no doubt in my mind that you can live with the hope of seeing Bethany again. I understand this hope because I have been the recipient of so much grace from God myself. I was, and am, so undeserving of forgiveness.

I have screwed up so badly in my life.

I may not have acted out in my loneliest of days the same as Bethany, but rest assured, I was self-destructive. Even in the midst of all that, God loved me, and somehow I loved God - there was a true and genuine relationship. In fact, I believe the closest Bethany ever came to resting completely in the presence of God was in those final moments where she breathed her last breath. I say this with all humbleness, yet confidence, because of all the times I cried out to God for mercy, compassion, forgiveness, and grace. God was there, even before I uttered my words, even before I thought to ask for mercy, yes, even in all of my anger and frustration.

For me, the essence of who God is rests in my own weakness and fallibility. For in my weakness, God is made strong. And it is upon that same boundless mercy which leads me to believe, with confidence, that Bethany is with her Maker Letter To Former Pastor. Dear Pastor Wright, Six weeks ago my family and I suffered a terrible tragedy. My 19 year old daughter was killed in a car accident on March 6th. You were the pastor who dedicated Bethany to God and also laid hands on her for her healing later along with some seminary professors and church officials when it was discovered that her eyes were severely crossed and she needed to have serious eye surgery.

If you will remember, the operation actually failed and she had to wear little tri-focals strapped to her head. It was not until we moved to Texas that she was miraculously healed beyond anything science or medicine could explain. But I will tell you about that at the end of this letter. Knowing God was present during every step of this tragedy is the only thing that has helped us cope.

People ask me how I can go on. Every morning I wake to the realization that she is gone. I used to have nightmares where I thought someone was after me or one of my children was lost. I would wake up perspiring with my heart pounding and feel a wave of relief sweep over me when I realized it was just a dream. Now, for the first time in my life, I wake to a nightmare. It takes a moment for the truth to sink in. It is a supernatural strength that calms my breathing and gives me the power to face the nightmare and overcome my grief.

God has been just as close to us in this tragedy as He ever was before. As my husband told a friend, during our times of deepest sorrow, we have felt His love and comfort the greatest. It is an awesome phenomenon. Many years ago when we were attending seminary you preached a sermon about the three Hebrew children in the fiery furnace.

You said they were not alone, that there was a forth man with them. You said no matter how horrific the trial or how hot the furnace, God would always be with us. We were not exempt from the furnace trials , but God would give us strength to endure it. We would not be consumed by the fire.

For some reason that message moved me so deeply that I ordered the cassette tape. I would listen to it in the kitchen as I did dishes. I remember it distinctly. Bethany was one year old and had her tri-focals strapped to her head. The wheels squeaked so loudly that I had to keep turning up the volume so I could hear your message clearly. It was like I was soaking it up for some later use.

It has been 18 years.

My husband and I pastored for years until he took a secular job that paid more so we could save up to buy a home. We remained very active in the church and raised our children with family devotions and encouraged them to have their own as they grew up. Every one on both sides of our family are devout Christians. As a child Bethany was extremely spiritual, often inviting many of her friends from school to come to church. Several got saved through her efforts. Her greatest desire was to go into evangelism and reach the lost. In fact, the last entry in her journal was on a page that asked her about her hopes and dreams for the future.

Oddly, the message closes by saying that death is not an end but a beginning. It is the last sentence in her diary. After a while, however. Bethany began to struggle with her faith. When she turned 18 she moved out of our house and in with her boyfriend. Finally Clark and I went to a Christian counselor who asked Clark what Bethany would have to do in order for him to forgive her and have a relationship with her again.

He took out a list of things she would have to give up or change. We asked Bethany to forgive us and told her we would always love her no matter what. She asked us to forgive her and told us she loved us too. After that we remained very close even though she continued to live away from home. For 2 years every morning during my devotions I prayed that God would bring her back to Him. As I said, I do not remember hearing that exact same message you preached until about 7 weeks ago.

Once more it hit me like a lightning bolt. Once more I felt impressed to listen carefully.

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We had never been through any deep crisis and I saw none on the horizon, still I ordered it. I ignored it and kept doing the dishes. The feeling grew stronger but I wanted to get the dishes done before I relaxed and spent time with the kids. I had no idea why He was commanding me to stop doing the dishes and spend time with Bethany.

Instantly I threw down the dish rag and went into the living room. We spent the next 30 minutes looking at photos that had just arrived by mail of our family which we had taken for the church directory.

Bethany had agreed to go with us and even brought her boyfriend along and had one taken with him. It was the only formal picture they had ever taken together and the one we used on her coffin since it was a closed casket. I thought her comment was very strange and told her we would have plenty more chances, but agreed to buy them.

That night we framed some and put them up on the fireplace. When they walked to the door to leave I hugged Bethany good-bye, and as I did, I felt a strong feeling that I should tell her I loved her.

That was the last time I saw my daughter alive. Those were the last words we ever said to each other and those were the last family pictures we would ever take. Two nights later on Sunday, March 6th, I climbed into bed planning to go right to sleep. Instead I felt a sudden burden to pray for Bethany. I asked God if I could wait until 5: I began as I always did by asking God to bring her back to Him and to protect her while she was away from Him. It was very unsettling to feel that I needed to pray differently this time. It seemed like God was telling me to release her to Him.

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