PDF When a Loved One is Dying

The Top 5 Things to Do When a Loved One Is Dying

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How to Say Good-bye When Someone You Love Is Dying

That only adds stress -- they have to think about others' needs instead of dealing with their own. It helps to reassure the dying person that you understand and are ready; in a way, you're granting the person permission to set aside the troubles of this world. That's not to say you need to use direct language about death.

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The dying often use symbolic language that indicates preparation for an imminent journey or change, Callanan says. Especially common is talk about travel, preparing for a trip, or seeing a particular place, "as if they have a foot in two worlds. One year-old North Carolina woman's mom, in the hours before she died, was worried about getting on the right plane and kept saying, "Let's go!

If the person talks about impending death either directly or indirectly through metaphor, go along. Don't correct the person "No you're not dying. Expressing anxiety about finishing certain tasks is akin to that did-I-turn-off-the-stove worry we all feel before going on a trip, she says.

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When your loved one's health care team recognizes that he or she is likely within 6 months of dying, they may recommend switching to hospice. The dying process usually starts well before death actually occurs. Learn how to recognize the signs of approaching death from one month to.

Follow the metaphor with reassurance: Sometimes the person may ask, "Am I dying? Instead of attempting to play God with a yes or no answer, reflect the question back: How are you feeling? Others refuse to directly discuss death. Jo Reichel's dad was one, despite being recommended for hospice more than once as his heart failed. He died at 6: He knew, and I'm so glad we followed his lead. When her mother, dying of lung cancer in Pennsylvania, asked her if she and her brother had reconciled after a long feud, she replied, "No, not really.

Things are still rocky. Being reassured that their loved ones will fare well in their absence helps people feel they can go peacefully, hospice workers say.

It's common to seek reconciliation with or between other people, with God or the universe, or within themselves. Kim Mooney, a certified thanatologist and owner of Practically Dying , an educational source for support and information on dying, death, and grief often works with families and organizations to help them understand the dying process and better support those who are at the end of their lives. This is done by being present with your loved one.

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By sitting with them quietly, listening well, and, when appropriate, sharing important conversations. Through this innovative training HomeCare of the Rockies caregivers receive hours of classroom and practical, hands-on training that covers dozens of topics impacting older adults.

Caregivers learn about the aging process, approaches to dementia care, safe transfers and fall prevention, caregiver wellness, and what to expect and how to help an older adult in the dying process. Knowing how to care and support an older adult at the end of life is essential to helping them transition in a meaningful, more comfortable way, says Sandi McCann, president of HomeCare of the Rockies, which provides in-home caregivers to older adults and families living in Boulder, Longmont, Louisville, Lafayette, Broomfield, Loveland, and all surrounding areas.

When we begin to talk about grief and dying then we are better able to understand and help our loved ones be emotionally and physically supported at the end of their lives. Each of us has unique ideas and views about death and dying that are shaped early on by how we are raised, our personal experiences, and attitudes, and beliefs. Many of us grew up in households where death was rarely discussed and there were strict rules about how to grieve, Mooney says.

In some cases, you may have to put your own beliefs aside to best help your family member. Your father, for example, may be a Christian who believes in Heaven or an afterlife while you are agnostic. Sometimes, the older adult may have little to say and you can help maintain a quiet, peaceful, comfortable environment. Other times your loved one may need and want to reminisce, tell stories, share regrets, or express love, sadness, anger, fear, and other emotions. You can help by listening well, without judgment and being present and open.

It might be difficult, or unfamiliar at first — especially if your loved one never shared much emotion previously — but recognize that this is part of their transition and honor their need to share. Many times, people just need to be listened to. Be sure to intersperse your own feelings and stories with quiet. Talk no more than 60 seconds at a time to leave room for your loved one to share.

Sometimes, the older adult will come up with a seemingly, out-of-character statement.

The long goodbye

You may also want to assure them that they have lived a meaningful life and that they are loved. Dying is a natural and normal process and by being present and open to these conversations and experiences, you allow your loved one to go through the transition in the way they need. Your loved one may want to eat and drink a little, or not at all as the body begins to conserve energy. Do not force the older adult to eat or drink.

About this information

The fact that your loved one is dying can be overwhelming and scary. Or at the very least, we're likely to be ill at ease because we don't know what to do or not do. Communicating with family and friends Other people are likely to be very concerned about your friend or family member and yourself. If you are struggling with the loss of a loved one, support from others can help. This information is not intended to replace any advice from health or social care professionals. In reality, most do not. For more by Judith Johnson, click here.

Instead, help them be comfortable. Ice chips, frozen Gatorade, or juice might feel good in their mouth. A cool, moist washcloth placed on the forehead may be a physical comfort.

How to Say Good-bye When Someone You Love Is Dying

As death nears, the older adult may spend more and more time sleeping and might be uncommunicative or difficult to wake. Touching the person e.

Any new pain or changes in pain levels should be reported to the health care team immediately. There is no reason whatsoever that the person should put up a brave front and "tough out" the pain unless that is their preference. Palliative care and hospice doctors are experts in pain management. However, they can't help if they are unaware of the problem. Incontinence losing control of bowel or bladder function is not uncommon as death nears. Avoid embarrassing the person by becoming exasperated or belittling should this occur. To avoid painful skin sores, keep the person clean and dry using incontinence pads or adult diapers.

You can also make clean up easier by padding the bed with layers of disposable waterproof pads and protecting the mattress with a plastic sheet. Your health care team can also recommend other strategies such as a catheter to address this issue. Some dying people experience episodes of sweating. Using medication to control fevers, remove extra blankets and coverings, adjusting the thermostat, opening a window, sponge baths, and applying cool moist cloths on the head, face, or body are all strategies that can help.

As death nears, the dying person will typically start to withdraw and decrease his or her interactions with friends and family. At the same time, the person will usually spend more time sleeping. During this period, it is important to respect the dying person's need to rest, and limit the number and length of visits by friends and family. It's okay to take advantage of the time when the person is awake, but again, resist the temptation to try and keep the person awake to prolong the time left. Towards the very end, the dying person will show a decrease in consciousness and responsiveness.

You will have great difficulty rousing the person and they will stop speaking and responding to questions. Research suggests that hearing is the last sense to go; so continue to talk to the person even if they are not speaking. Comforting loving words, reminiscing, and giving the person permission to die are all appropriate.