How to Start a Widowers Group: A Manual for Men

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The men's touching efforts to care for their families, grieve for their wives, and reimagine their futures will inspire anyone who has suffered a major loss. Written by a man whose mother, wife, and young daughter were killed in motor vehicle accident. Instead, the defining moment can be our response to the loss.

The Young Widower's Handbook

Grief Day by Day offers supportive readings and exercises to help you move through life after loss, one day at a time. It is ever changing and may come to us differently on any given day. Grief Day by Day offers reflections and practices that address the day-to-day feelings that accompany the ever changing process of grief. In Grief Day by Day, Jan Warner draws on her own extensive experience and the experiences of the 2 million followers on her Grief Speaks Out Facebook page to offer hope in its most practical form.

This book does not look to offer a solution to grief. Rather, it provides supportive, useful guidance to help you create a life in which peace, and even gratitude, can coexist with your grief. Whether you follow it page by page, or select that which seems most relevant to you at the moment, how you use this book is less important than why you are using it.

Deals with the emotional, financial, physical, and other relevant issues facing seniors when considering a new, intimate relationship. Should one fall in love again — at an advanced age? What will the children say? What rewards are possible? What happens when love fails? How does one express, and receive, love? Do seniors love, and make love differently? Bereavement Resources in Print and on the Web A comprehensive list of resources on bereavement and grief in both print and on the web.

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Finding and Keeping Love in Later Life. Basic Books Purchase. Butler and Myrna I. When Men Are Left Alone. Prentice Hall, New York Purchase. Navigating the logistics after a loved one dies 5th Edition. Transcending Gender Stereotypes of Grief.

Old, but a classic. How young widows and widowers can cope and heal. Support guide for young widows and widowers, advice and shared experiences. New Horizon Press Purchase.

The Gift of the Masculine Side of Healing. With Deborah Carr Ph. Fulcrum Publishing Purchase. By Elizabeth Levang, Ph. Fairview Press Purchase. Transcending the Loss of a Spouse to New Love. By Gloria Lintermans and Marilyn Stolzman. Thanks for making this available! View all 8 comments. Apr 17, Amber rated it it was amazing Recommends it for: Anyone who loves Heart-warming Stories. Recommended to Amber by: Debra Lynn from Algonquin Books. I received a Complimentary copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

Unfortunately, Kaithlyn suddenly passes away after going to the hospital. Full of heartache and grief, Hunter after receiving his wive's ashes decides to keep a promise he made to his wife. He takes her ashes out west to see the sights and try to find himself again.

In-Person Local Widower Support Group

Will the journey last? Read on and find out for yourself. I w I received a Complimentary copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. I was recently asked by Ms. I said "yes" and she sent the book my way in the mail. Thank you so much to Debra Lynn of Algonquin books for sending this to me and to author Tom McAllister for writing this. This book is a very heart-warming. I enjoyed reading this. If you like tales like this, then definitely look for this book at your local library and wherever books are sold in bookstores and online.

Apr 29, Lee rated it it was amazing Shelves: I generally avoid novels with roses on their covers but I made an exception in this case since I've been friends with the author since MFA writing school hence "potential conflict of interest" tag and was curious about his first novel. It's a grief novel with not much in common with the last novel I read, a comparatively super-unconventional grief novel replete with ghosts Lincoln in the Bardo.

This one is steadier ground for grieving, although it's not entirely straighforward formally -- th I generally avoid novels with roses on their covers but I made an exception in this case since I've been friends with the author since MFA writing school hence "potential conflict of interest" tag and was curious about his first novel. My reading was spurred on by thematic conflict more than traditional narrative conflict ie, where characters with mutually opposing desires go at it -- there's some conflict with Kait's family but it doesn't drive the novel forward: Hunter only skimmed Kerouac, otherwise his Dean Moriarty would be a box of ashes talking non-stop beside him at the wheel.

This is a road novel more interested in the internet than the freedom of the freeways. I also liked how the ending undermined the expectation of a predictable positive uptick, how he clicks "ignore" on friends met on the road so he can move on although he ultimately seems like he'll always happily retreat into the past and imagined alt-realities in which Kait hadn't died if this were a French or German novel, Hunter would've killed himself or someone else at the end.

Despite the rose on the cover it's not really a sentimental novel. Hunter's mourning is nuanced enough to include suggestion of sex in an alley with a drunk bride-to-be probably the novel's most kinetic scene, with the prose method-acting the drunken blur of it. Although it is willing to wallow in precious memories, most of them are mundane in a way that nicely animates their lost shared life. A seemingly difficult novel to pull off but energetic and emotionally charged opening chapters create enough momentum to push Hunter across the country and back again to ultimately deal with his mess.

Nov 23, Elise rated it it was ok. The first few pages were the most adorable thing I have ever read, and the beginning gave me good hopes for the rest of the book. But the main character's negativity, passivity and pessimism quickly became wearing. I kept waiting for him to have a big eye-opening moment that would make everything worthwhile, but in vain. He just accepted everything that happened to him, and then inwardly complained about how pathetic he was, how sad his life was, how much better his wife was than him, how he did The first few pages were the most adorable thing I have ever read, and the beginning gave me good hopes for the rest of the book.

He just accepted everything that happened to him, and then inwardly complained about how pathetic he was, how sad his life was, how much better his wife was than him, how he didn't deserve her, how he never could do anything right If you're looking for an uplifting story, keep looking, because this is definitely not it. Nov 03, FrumpBurger rated it really liked it.

Beginning this book was a slightly stressful experience for me, being, as I am, a big fan of the Book Fight podcast, of which Tom McAllister is a co-host. I listen weekly, often chuckling at my desk at work, and have come to appreciate McAllister's sense of humor, intelligence, and input on books. So reading his book stressed me out.

If I read this book and it sucked, then my opinion of the author would be tarnished, and future podcast listening would be tinged Beginning this book was a slightly stressful experience for me, being, as I am, a big fan of the Book Fight podcast, of which Tom McAllister is a co-host. If I read this book and it sucked, then my opinion of the author would be tarnished, and future podcast listening would be tinged with sorrow.

However, this fear didn't stop me from quickly requesting the book on NetGalley when I saw that it was available. It just gave me a moment's hesitation when I saw that I had been approved. Lucky for me, this book decidedly does NOT suck. The premise--young widower embarks on pain-fueled cross country road trip with his wife's urn--wasn't independently exciting to me. I am not married. And Kerouac kind of ruined road trip novels for me, at least in theory seriously, fuck you, Jack. But I started the book and was immediately impressed by the prose thank you for being a good writer!!

So I was all in. But still a little worried that the book would pull an A Little Life-style screw job and leave me angry. Now, I know that we all have different predilections and tastes, and I try to not be of the mind that people who dislike something I like just "don't get it. How many times have you had someone think you "don't get" their humor when, in reality, you get it--they just aren't funny?

But I really feel like most of the negative reviews of this book are written by people who simply DON'T. It's not a feel good love story. It's not supposed to be an uplifting tale of redemption and healing, so far as I can tell. Hunter Cady is an imperfect, immature character like most dudes in their late 20s, he's in many ways a kid trapped in a big boy body who lucked into a relationship with someone who had her shit together more than he did as far as adulting, but who, at the end of the day, was just as fragile and flawed as he is.

Because that's reality, people. We're all fucked up and the most we can hope for is to find someone whose fucked up complements our fucked up and makes us better. So when Hunter's wife, Kait, dies unexpectedly, he has nobody to steer him in the right direction, and so he acts like an asshole. He runs away with her urn.

He posts seemingly glib pictures of himself and her urn on social media during his road trip. He probably fucks the bride to be when he gets swept up in a Girls Gone Wild-level bachelorette party, he lusts after a girl in her early 20s whose boyfriend is very much right there.

People are often assholes when they're beset by grief. And while some Goodreads reviewers do not seem to see a point in Hunter's road trip or are made uncomfortable by the fact that he's not an entirely sympathetic character neither are you, reviewer; neither am I , I think that's the where the book is strongest. The characters read like actual human beings, not characters in a novel, and you can empathize with Hunter's grief and his sense of complete loss without excusing or liking the fact that he's being a big ol' dick.

As far as I'm concerned, this is a really good first novel, and I'm glad that I was able to read it. And that I can still listen to Book Fight in peace and love. Feb 11, Aoife rated it it was ok Shelves: For Hunter Cady, his wife Kait was always going to be the rest of his life. She was his everything. So when she dies suddenly, hunter is at a loss.

It completely drew me out of the story. I felt for him and for his grief - not to mention his completely awful in laws - but god he was so…pretentious and annoying. It actually made me feel uncomfortable at times because Hunter was so obviously not coping with his grief and seemed be started to suffer from mental illness. Yet no-one seemed to care that much about him. His wife was only dead a little less than eight weeks but his family treated him like crap, except his mom.

There were some nice things in this book such as the real descriptions of Kait. May 17, Ruthiella rated it liked it Shelves: This book was definitely quirky, sometimes sentimental and it had some really sharp cultural critiques which I appreciated. But I never once believed I was reading about real people unfortunately. View all 3 comments. Jan 07, Dorie - Traveling Sister: Young Hunter Cady, at age 29, thought that he had finally found a place for himself in this world.

He loved and adored his wife Kait, whom he never felt he was good enough for. The unthinkable happens, the young Kait dies, and Hunter is left floundering. I really enjoyed the first half of this book. There were some very moving passages as Hunter is musing over his dead wife and all that she meant to him. There is some beautiful writing in this book.

When he remembers that he has some insurance money to fall back on he decides to go on a road trip, one that he and Kait had planned to take, cross country. Kait has already been reduced to ashes and there is an argument as to who gets to keep the ashes, Hunter or her family when he just decides to clear out. Hunter makes up a story that he is going to meet up with his wife who has started a new job.

I laughed while reading some of this novel and felt a really dull sad ache in my heart for Hunter in other parts. I think this is a great debut novel and would recommend it. Jan 23, Debbie rated it it was amazing Shelves: His wife died way too soon and he just wasn't ready. When he got Kait's ashes the only thing he could think of was the trips and vacations that they dreamed about and that had never happened. So, a day or two after he received her ashes he spun the globe that she had bought him before he died. A present which he had found gift wrapped for an occasion three months away.

He spun it 5 times and all 5 times it landed on the United States. That made up his mind. You can't really see Poor Hunter Cady. You can't really see the world until you really know your home country. He loaded up his car, put Kait's ashes in the passenger seat next to him and headed west. Never mind that Kait and her mother didn't really have a great relationship. The people and activities that happen on this journey are absolutely hilarious and outlandish. He is still receiving threatening phone calls from his in-laws one that shows his house where they have broke in and trashed the place.

His parents are giving him grief and at one time his dad even flies out to bring him home. At one point, he even loses Kait. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book, while parts of it were sad, the journey Hunter took was a testament of a great love. Remembering bits and pieces of their lives together showing how hard it was for him to let her go. Truly a love for the ages, an enjoyable read which I am so glad I got the chance. Huge thanks to Algonquin Books for approving my request and to Net Galley for providing me with a free e-galley in exchange for an honest review.

Jun 15, Brendan O'Meara rated it it was amazing. A book about a millennial's grief, regret, inadequacy, a scathing satire on social media and the Internet, and trying, trying, trying to seize the day. Hunter isn't transformed by the end because most people don't change. You hope he can get out of his own head, but you're left thinking he's frozen. Hunter has no social net partly because he's surrounded by terrible people, but also because he's incapable of letting positive people into his life, aside from his joint-tokin' A book about a millennial's grief, regret, inadequacy, a scathing satire on social media and the Internet, and trying, trying, trying to seize the day.

Hunter has no social net partly because he's surrounded by terrible people, but also because he's incapable of letting positive people into his life, aside from his joint-tokin' mother.

If you're the average of the five people you hang out with—and Hunter's in that group—your GPA drops. Hunter is judgmental and critical, but hasn't earned the right because he can't see anything through. His greatest and only talent was loving his wife. He's not in the "arena," to loosely quote Teddy Roosevelt, and as a result, you can't take Hunter seriously. Hunter makes you look at yourself and want to make better of the time we have with our own loved ones. And that's really the point of the whole thing. Tom's afterword about the inspiration for the book is as good as it gets and some of the best writing I've read from him.

Mar 14, Sian Griffiths rated it it was amazing Shelves: You know that old song that goes "I want to know what love is--I want you to show me"? I feel like this book tries to answer that question. Feb 17, Alyssa Lentz rated it it was amazing Shelves: I heard the first chapter of this book read before it was released, and it was the kind of thing that can make you believe in love. It gave me really high expectations for this book because it was romantic and sweet without being unbearable, still down to earth and funny even as it deals with love and loss, always staying unique and original.

As I waited for the book to come out and read the summary, I was worried it was going to get into John Green territory--simplifying the themes, MPDGing the I heard the first chapter of this book read before it was released, and it was the kind of thing that can make you believe in love.

As I waited for the book to come out and read the summary, I was worried it was going to get into John Green territory--simplifying the themes, MPDGing the love interest, etc. But thankfully, the rest of the book is just as lovely and fresh as the first chapter I heard. It becomes wonderfully weird, a manic road trip novel which forces Hunter to reconcile himself with his very imperfect relationship, and slowly learn to face the future in the face of loss. The second-person chapters are also startlingly honest and intimate. In all, this book did not disappoint my very high expectations, and Tom McAllister shows off not just his sense of humor, but also his heart.

Feb 21, Nada rated it it was ok Shelves: Given the topic and enormity of the loss depicted, I so wanted to like this book and the main character Hunter Cady. I wanted to marvel at the strength of hope and to cheer for his survival. A journey such as this is often one of healing and self-discovery, but that self-actualization does not seem to happen for Hunter. His journey seems rather to drift from thing to thing, making this not the book for me.

Read my complete review at http: Aug 28, Ceillie Simkiss rated it did not like it Shelves: Damn this character is useless. Apr 19, Trevin Sandlin rated it it was amazing. Ignore the comparison to Tropper and Quick. This is an amazing first novel. Now, I have to confess I was predisposed give it a favorable review.

McAllister is the co-host of one of my favorite podcasts, which I have been listening to since Episode 1. His co-host on Book Fight!

Organizations with Information About Grief

This is also the kind of literary fiction I am generally drawn to. Not overly p Ignore the comparison to Tropper and Quick. Not overly pretentious or experimental - just well crafted prose with interesting characters and a story to tell. My wife bought a copy of the book for me for my birthday. And when I finished it, I said to her No, what thrilled me was that McAllister's novel is fantastic.

Well written, moving, sad, funny This is the kind of book I love reading - and it just so happens to be by someone I "know" if only on podcast and through my wife's HS friend. It thrilled me that it wasn't just a mediocre book - it's a wonderful book. The jacket summary compares it to Jonathan Tropper and Matthew Quick. Which is odd since I don't think it's necessarily much like either. I'd read Quick long before Book Fight launched, and I'm aware of McAllister's "feud" with him it's one of the more consistently hilarious things about the podcast. And while I like Jonathan Tropper quite a bit, this novel is not nearly as intentionally funny as those.

It's far more melancholy and sad - certainly more painful if I didn't know better, I'd think McAllister had lost his wife - the grief is that intense. In many ways, more moving. And certainly more realistic - McAllister doesn't wrap everything up in a neat bow. This is not a novel about pithy lessons learned or the power of football to overcome everything.

This is a very real novel about how grief can consume you if you let it. About how hard and how necessary "letting go" can be. Mixed in with McAllister's wonderfully wry observations on the modern age - and on a certain kind of person. The characters are well developed, the interlude chapters are fantastic and the prose is often stunningly beautiful. I was predisposed to like this novel. I loved it instead. And I would have loved it even if I didn't listen to Book Fight!

I very much look forward to reading more from him.

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