The Institution of Marriage: Betrayal of Sacred Trust
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Clergy Sexual Relationship is a relationship between a clergy person and any otherperson when:. Sexual acts or contact between clergy and lay , within the same congregation, even whenconsensual, are strongly discouraged. There may exist an inherent imbalance of powerbetween the clergy and the lay person which may undermine the validity of consent.
All clergy and candidates for ministerial orders, employees, appointed or elected officials,and volunteers of the AME church shall be required to attend a seminar by professional subjectmatter experts on the issues of sexual misconduct. The following factors inno way excuse or mitigate clergy responsibilityfor acts of clergy sexual misconduct:.
The African Methodist Episcopal Church does not tolerate sexual abuse of any child with or without consent under any circumstances. Incidents of sexual abuse of a minor is a crime in all states, towns, provinces and districts and must be reported immediately to civil authorities. The African Methodist Episcopal Church encourages reporting of all concerns relating to sexualmisconduct through thefollowing means:.
If the accused is the Bishop, then the person insupervisoryauthority is the Presidentof the Council of Bishops. The accuser may make a verbal complaint to the person in supervisory authority. The accuser has seven 7 days to submit a written and signed statement of the alleged misconduct to the supervisor to whom the verbal complaint was made.
Such communication is essential so that the victim spouse can be reassured that intense work is being done to protect the marriage and the family. This situation has caused me to take an inventory of my whole life in this area. The accuser may make a verbal complaint to the person in supervisory authority. No later than thirty 30 days from the date on which the complaint was received,the MEC shall in writing, via certified mail, return receipt requested, notify the accuser and the accused: The accuser has seven 7 days to submit a written and signed statement of the alleged misconduct to the supervisor to whom the verbal complaint was made. They often recognize, too, they fail to address weaknesses within themselves or within the marriage such as a lack of balance or lack of healthy self-giving to the marital friendship. In the absence of face-to-face communication, people tend to be more open about sharing intimate feelings.
The supervisor shall immediately informthe accuser in writing that the complaint wasreceived and refer the accused to this Section Of the Doctrine and Discipline of the AMEC. The accuser must prepare a written record of what happened. The written record should include: It must be sworn underpenalty of perjury.
This writtenrecord is your official complaint. The Accuser must send the completed complaint via certified mail, return receipt requested,to all three of the following persons: When matters relating to Sexual Misconduct by a member of the clergy are at issue, the Ministerial Efficiency Committee hereinafter referred to as MEC must include two women. Each member serving on the MEC must have completed the education and training under. Confidentiality is mandatory in matters relating to all complaints of sexual misconduct. Any person making any unauthorized disclosure of any matter pertaining to any allegation or hearing of same pursuant to the provisions described and particularized herein is a breach of theDoctrine and Discipline and order of the A.
No later than thirty 30 days from the date on which the complaint was received,the MEC shall in writing, via certified mail, return receipt requested, notify the accuser and the accused: You show compassion to everyone involved in an affair, including adulterers and their lovers.
The Institution of Marriage: Betrayal of Sacred Trust, unveils the lives of women who have made the decision to remain in marriages where there have been. The Institution of Marriage: Betrayal of Sacred Trust - Kindle edition by Barbara Stuart PhD LCPC. Download it once and read it on your Kindle device, PC.
We are much more willing to blame the person who went to seek sex elsewhere than to hold accountable the person who has been refusing sex for years — men or women. Many of those who stray have spoken up many times over many years. I have compassion for all the parties involved. There is zero condoning but there is also zero judgment.
For some people, this nuanced, dual perspective is very welcome.
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When you write about this, people instantly think that you must be justifying infidelity. I have my enemies. None of these people have actually read my work or been at a presentation of mine. You expect people with differences of opinion to reach out and try to find out why their colleagues think the way they do, rather than distorting the whole thing based on one very misunderstood idea. The last thing that one can say about me is that I promote affairs.
People actually perceive affairs quite differently around the world, from "bitter condemnation" to "outright enthusiasm. I'll never forget the woman in Morocco to whom I said that in America, you're encouraged to leave your partner if they stray. She says, "All of Morocco would be divorced if we had to lose our straying husbands. In Mexico and Argentina, women talk about the rise of female infidelity as a challenge to the chauvinistic male status quo.
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Still, the double standard is alive and well in many parts of the world. Straying is a male privilege backed up by all kinds of theories to explain why men are "natural roamers. You've seen a surge of heterosexual wives cheating in recent years. Women's infidelity could only occur in greater numbers because of contraception. They could finally experience sexuality without the threat of pregnancy. Also, mobility, economic independence, greater equality which allows her to finally say, "I want something too," a greater sense of entitlement and individualism in the society at large and less fear of the consequences.
You describe cheating wives who are bored with "mothering" their husbands and with the role of "house manager" that's been foisted on them. I'm not saying this to justify their affairs but for quite a few women, if you really want to know what they want to experience emotionally and sexually, you have to go look at those affairs. They have a truth about themselves in their affairs that they often do not have in their marriages. You believe that for some, infidelity can actually restart a marriage that's been stuck in a domestic rut.
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An affair can be a make it or a break it for a couple. It can be the death knell that finishes off a relationship that was dying on the vine. Nobody has an affair to improve their relationship, just as nobody would recommend getting sick because it reinvigorates your perspective. You've found that a not insubstantial number of married couples experience an erotic charge after one person cheats. Polly, one of your patients, tells you that since her husband's affair, "sex has been the most erotic we ever had — frantic, ardent and urgent.
It is the story that is less told. People are reluctant to share this, but crisis and the fear of loss can reignite a desire in them that they haven't experienced in years — not for everybody, for sure, but for some people. When your partner has an affair, the desire of the third person sheds a new light on that partner. She described some complicated, postcheating sexual dynamics with her husband, including orgasms "heightened by grief. She wasn't a victim. She was a woman who was hurt and who claimed her passion. It hurts no less, but she took the pain to a place where she wanted to fight for something, to say, "I want you back.
Your patients are embarrassed to admit that marital sex can, at least momentarily, get better after an affair. The majority of people who write to me are straying women and wounded husbands — the shame of staying is even bigger for men whose wives have affairs. These are the two groups that are now most vulnerable and speak the least. Meanwhile, in the clinical literature, "the other woman" is never mentioned. She's not a human being. Another quiet cohort is the man in my book whose wife has Alzheimer's.
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He goes to visit her daily at the nursing home. How many years is he going to live with her not recognizing him? He wants to have a connection and meets another woman at the home. The two of them are in a beautiful relationship with each other while they are each taking care of their partners. They are facing the ambiguous loss of their partners: The majority of the people we work with are not actually chronic philanderers.
They are people who have been faithful for years, decades.
Betrayal and Forgiveness
Ending a friendship or a marriage because of a disagreement is also very much a betrayal. When trust is given to another to form a friendship or a loving relationship, part of that trust is that the persons in the relationship will be able to disagree without ending the relationship. The love of money is the impetus for all kinds of betrayal, in families, between friends, in the workplace. The love of power also provides the motivation for often very public betrayals; and violent betrayals which end in physical injury or death often see the love of money and power working in tandem as the energy behind them.
Sometimes the betrayals are social. The most obvious example of a social betrayal is slavery. Slavery in all its forms is a betrayal, a handing over of a person or persons into ownership by other persons or institutions and thus depriving them of their freedom as human beings. That we respect the freedom of one another is a sacred trust we give, not just in individual relationships, but to our society as a whole. When we take away those freedoms for our own self-interest, we betray our whole society including the human race of which we are a part.
Betrayals can only occur when trust has been exchanged in a relationship. Usually trust is exchanged in the closest relationships —friendships, families, and professional therapeutic and spiritual relationships as outlined earlier. The closer the relationship is, the deeper the betrayal will be felt and thus be more potentially damaging to the one betrayed. Most people also give trust over to service institutions such as a hospital, a government entity of some type, the police and fire departments, schools, churches.
Therefore, service institutions, which typically receive and hold much human trust, can also be guilty and often are guilty of betrayal. How do we face it? How do we live in the midst of the suffering it causes? And finally, how do we forgive it?
DRAFT [Revised] Policy on Clergy Sexual Misconduct | Religious Institute
I have seen how others have dealt with betrayal; I have experienced it for myself; I have reflected much biblically and theologically on the subject. Therefore, what I have to offer is more experiential and spiritual than scientific and practical.
And, in the end, the experiential and spiritual path is the one most likely to provide the way through the storms that betrayal thrusts into our lives. I have experienced my share of betrayals in the past six decades. They have had various causes and impacts in my life.
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One which I am experiencing at this time is by far the worst I have ever experienced. It is a betrayal by a family member and occurred because of the death of my father five months ago. The love of money, power, and control is the impetus for this betrayal.