How to be Happy

---

I was in danger of wasting my life. As I stared out the rain-spattered window of a New York City bus, I saw that the years were slipping by. My husband was the tall, dark, handsome love of my life; we had two delightful girls; I was a writer, living in my favorite city. But too often I sniped at my husband or the drugstore clerk. I felt dejected after even a minor professional setback. I lost my temper easily.

Is that how a happy person would act? A little intense, I know. In the end, I spent a year test-driving the wisdom of the ages, current scientific studies, and tips from popular culture. If I followed all the advice, I wanted to know, would it work? Well, the year is over, and I can say: I made myself happier. And along the way I learned a lot about how to be happier. Here are those lessons.

When I began my Happiness Project, I realized pretty quickly that, rather than jumping in with lengthy daily meditation or answering deep questions of self-identity, I should start with the basics, like going to sleep at a decent hour and not letting myself get too hungry. Science backs this up; these two factors have a big impact on happiness.

I had always scrupulously aired every irritation as soon as possible, to make sure I vented all bad feelings before bedtime. Studies show, however, that the notion of anger catharsis is poppycock. Expressing anger related to minor, fleeting annoyances just amplifies bad feelings, while not expressing anger often allows it to dissipate. Fake it till you feel it.

This strategy is uncannily effective. Realize that anything worth doing is worth doing badly. Challenge and novelty are key elements of happiness. The brain is stimulated by surprise, and successfully dealing with an unexpected situation gives a powerful sense of satisfaction. One of the most relevant for your happiness is increased resilience, or how you deal with unexpected challenges.

By routinely challenging yourself to push past your comfort limits, you develop the adaptability and flexibility to handle change when it arises. Science suggests that when you smile, whether you're happy or not, your mood is elevated. This is especially true if all your facial muscles, including the ones around your eyes, get involved. Smiling is like a feedback loop: People who smile during painful procedures reported less pain than those who kept their facial features neutral.

Remember that different cultures interpret smiling differently. For example, Russian culture views smiling at strangers in the street as suspicious, while Americans will readily smile at almost anyone.

5 Simple Ways to Be Happy

In one study, two groups of people were asked to pick a poster to take home. One group was asked to analyze their decision, weighing pros and cons, and the other group was told to listen to their gut. Two weeks later, the group that followed their gut was happier with their posters than the group that analyzed their decisions.

The stress of weighing all the options endlessly can make us unhappy, though. Intuition can be honed by experience. For example, experienced nurses are often good at identifying symptoms in an individual and using a combination of their medical knowledge and intuition — built up from past experiences — to make the right decisions for their patients. Follow intuition in three domains or areas by using: Enjoy learning something on your own using your experiences heuristics — and draw on those experiences when making a decision. If you are trying to buy a new car, you already have a set of assumptions schemas you are taking with you into the decision-making process domain before you set foot at a dealership.

Start with small decisions and practice following your gut so that you know exactly what following your intuition feels like. The more you practice this, the more in-tune you will be with that gut instinct. Treat your body like it deserves to be happy. Your brain isn't the only organ in your body that deserves to be happy.

Assure vigorous exercise, a healthy diet, and regular sleep — key factors in growing to be happier and to stay that way. Achieve high levels of life satisfaction, better physical health, for improved longevity. Eating healthy foods — fruits and vegetables, lean meats and proteins, whole grains, nuts, and seeds — gives your body and brain the energy it needs to be healthy. Research indicates that unhealthy diets, especially those rich in processed carbohydrates, sugars, and industrial vegetable fats, is responsible for some cell death, brain shrinkage and contributes to certain diseases like depression and dementia.

Study after study confirms it: Part 2 Quiz True or False: Stepping outside of your comfort zone will help you become more productive, which can help you feel happier. You must stay within your comfort zone in order to feel safe and stay happy. Stay close to friends and family. We live in a mobile society, where people follow jobs around the country and sometimes around the world.

We do this because we think salary increases make us happier, but in fact, our relationships with friends and family have a far greater impact on happiness. Compassion is all about doing something kind for someone in need, or someone less privileged than yourself. A brain-imaging study where scientists peek into people's brains while they act or think revealed that people gain as much happiness from watching others give to charity as they do receive money themselves! Countless children are looking for someone to teach them and act as a role model.

A microloan is when you give someone usually in the developing world a very small sum of money for an economic project of their own. It's so basic, we often forget to think about it, yet so easy to do. Increase the happiness of those around you by giving small gifts. This will increase your happiness as well - in fact, the one giving the gift usually feels a larger pulse of dopamine the neurotransmitter responsible for feeling happiness than the person receiving the gift!

This type of meditation stems from Buddhist traditions that focus on increasing compassion for others. In a study published by Harvard researchers in American Sociological Review , people who went to church regularly reported greater life satisfaction than those who didn't.

Header Right

The critical factor was the quality of friendships made in church. Church-goers who lacked close friends there were no happier than people who never went to church. When researchers compared people who had the same number of close friends, those who had close friends from church were more satisfied with their lives. This research shows just how important it is to make friends with similar values and outlooks as you.

Finding something you're deeply passionate about and making friends with those who share similar interests will result in the same intimacy. If your ideas and understandings would continue dissension in a family squabble, or in your group of friends, or at a meeting of an organization such as on the job in a workplace, or in a church group, do something else. Be agreeable as much as it is up to you, applying yourself where you can be happy without unnecessary argument, anger and discord. Interact with people who share your interests, and feel happier due to sensations of reward and well-being.

This is because during such interactions, serotonin and dopamine — neurotransmitters responsible for feelings of happiness and relaxation — are released into the body. In other words, your body is designed to feel happier when engaged in social interactions. Have deep, meaningful conversations. A study by a psychologist at the University of Arizona has shown that spending less time participating in small talk, and more time in deep, meaningful conversations can increase happiness.

Psychologist Arthur Aron has done a lot of work on how to generate meaningful communication between people. The next time you experience something wonderful, go start a conversation about it with a friend. Find happiness in the kind of work you do now, even while you are seeking a new career. Many people expect the new job or career to dramatically change their level of happiness.

But research makes it clear that your levels of optimism and quality of relationships surpass the satisfaction gained from your job. You'll find meaning in interactions with the people you care about. You'll use your job as a crutch instead of relying on it for meaning.

Manage your stress levels

Find your flow at work. Flow is a state of mind where a person is fully absorbed in what they are doing. They have next to no trouble concentrating on the activity because the activity is challenging enough to hold their attention but not so challenging that it exhausts them. This might not be possible for every activity you do, but find ways to make it happen frequently and try out different strategies to make it work. Some people find their flow by using a timer to keep them focused for a set amount of time and others find their flow by setting up the work environment a certain way.

Find what works for you. Studies have shown that employees who can find their flow have greater work satisfaction. It just means you should understand that the capacity of your job to make you happy is quite small when compared to your outlook and your relationships. In a study of college students, an attitude of forgiveness contributed to better cardiovascular health.

You could say forgiveness literally heals the heart. While it is unknown how forgiveness directly affects your heart, the study suggests that it may lower the perception of stress. Fortunately, there are steps you can take to learn forgiveness. Holding on to anger and hate can cause you immense hurt. For example, consider Auschwitz survivor Eva Kor, who has publicly forgiven the Nazi guard who kept her and many others imprisoned during the Holocaust. Think about what you want to forgive.

How does that wrong make you feel? You may wish to write down your thoughts and feelings. Reflect on the experience. What could have been done differently? Can you learn from this experience? What would you want from the other person? Write a letter to the people you want to forgive. What did they do that hurt you and why are you forgiving them? What do you want for them now?

Where do you stand in the relationship? If you make forgiveness contingent on a particular result or action, you could be waiting forever. It can be hard to forgive others because they may never admit or suffer consequences from their wrongdoing. Value forgiveness as a way to let go of something that can hurt you, not as a way to ensure anything happens to the other person. Forgiveness can be a very spiritual experience.

By practicing forgiveness, you may end up discovering something sacred about yourself or the world around you. Part 3 Quiz What are some ways in which you can interact with others in order to improve your happiness? Engage in small talk. Avoid deep, meaningful conversations, as they can be too draining. Be more compassionate and giving. Sometimes, helping others can help you feel better about yourself. Focus on the job you want, and if you are unhappy with your current one, focus on your unhappiness and use it to fuel your job search.

Forgive those who hurt you, and accept the way they are treating you. A, Clinical Mental Health Counseling. Instead, strive for contentment, commitment, and perseverance. Not Helpful 34 Helpful Think about everything that makes you yourself. The good, the bad, everything. Make a list, write it all down. Every day, look at that list. Read it to yourself in the mirror.

Think about yourself without any one of these qualities and see how different you would be. Don't care about what other people think of you. Just wake up every day with a smile and be the best you you can be. Not Helpful 30 Helpful Try to communicate with others you love, get a hobby, and try to forgive, because letting go is easier than holding on. Smile as much as possible, even if you're not that happy, and attempt to care about yourself and your health, as well as others.

Not Helpful 0 Helpful Think about why you are being negative in the first place. Then, you might see it wasn't for the best reason ever. Also, "just be positive" is not a good way to think of this because you will feel pressured by positivity which will make you even more negative. When you start to think negative thoughts, catch yourself and either stop the thought process or attempt to change it into a more positive outlook.

Not Helpful 9 Helpful Practice repeating a positive thought to yourself every time you think a negative one. This will be tough at first, and it's best done alongside other mood elevation techniques. Try meditation, exercise, or doing something you love. Not Helpful 42 Helpful Consider the elements of your personality and talents that you most care about and that make you happy.

Work on enhancing those and giving them the best opportunities to shine. Remember that all human beings are a balance though; some of your less desirable traits will surface on occasion but the trick is knowing how to manage them successfully. Not Helpful 27 Helpful Calls back home will only take you so far. Sieze opportunities to meet and befriend new people, including finding a group of people who share your hobby, or who will teach you a new one. Not Helpful 20 Helpful How can I be happy when my crush is in a relationship and she's the only one I care about?

Find more people to care about. Focus on people you already know, and love them. Make new friends , and love them too. Love is not just a feeling: Not Helpful 19 Helpful Focus on your relationships with others, your hobbies, and the things you're grateful for. Plenty of celibate and asexual people lead happy and fulfilling lives. Not Helpful 33 Helpful What would you do if you had no obstacles and there was no chance of failure? Answer that question and you'll be on your way to figuring out your personal outlook and goals.

Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered. Already answered Not a question Bad question Other. Tips Don't replay bad experiences of your life except to understand the events. Think often about the good ones and the new ones; remember every day is a new chance. Talk about love, dreams or anything that makes you feel happy.

Avoid dwelling on negative emotions and practice being positive. If being around someone is making you feel bad, avoid that person if possible. Working toward your own personal goals , don't confuse yours goals with ones of parents or friends, but follow your vision. Figure out what will make you feel accomplishment, and make one step at a time to get there. You feel the way you think.

A simple way to look at this is the following equation: Your beliefs also contribute along with the triggering event to how you feel. So changing the way you look at things such as an attitude will result in a big change in how you feel in response to situations that trigger negative emotions in you.

As a rule of thumb, remember that anything that makes you feel bad for longer than than several minutes is self-inflicted. It's your thought process, and not just the actual event that largely makes you feel the way you do a concept from cognitive behavioral therapy. Don't be ashamed ; when and if you fall, get back up and dust yourself off and go again Remember that most of what you're stressing over now will be irrelevant in a year.

And when you had a bad day there is always a new chance to make next time or tomorrow better. When you fall, you may get a scratch or a broken bone but it will heal. Take deep breaths, and smile , even if there is nothing to smile about. Relaxation and meditation or prayer can be very helpful, if you believe in it. Even getting a massage is a way of taking just a bit of time out for yourself, as a way to reward yourself for all that you do.

5 Simple Ways to Be Happy

Try to love others as you love yourself a little more. Happiness stems from feeling good about the things around you and how they affect you. Look in the mirror, and feel happy that this one who is looking back at you is a survivor. Don't let what people do or say to you affect you negatively. If somebody says something to insult you, do not respond back, as they will tend to bother you more. Don't ever be bored with who you are.

Choose to appreciate your opportunity. Boredom is a personal problem. Take action to improve issues. Always look on the bright side. The past is gone and you can't change it. Be purposely cheerful and talk positively, then people will enjoy being around you, and you can enjoy their appreciation! Talk it out with someone that you trust, if you are unhappy, even if you don't know why.

The exchange of ideas and feelings is healing and usually provides some level of satisfaction or peace. Focus on making the best out of each goal you have. Be content with who you are because nobody's 'the perfect one'. Finding time for you is important. Think about how lucky you are, by expressing gratefulness for anything you have.

It depends on you, whether you would rather sulk in the darkness than appreciate the many little things life has to offer.

Know the thing which makes you happy whenever you do it. It may be listening music, painting, writing poetry and do it whenever you are depressed. Give your self a hug and appreciate that you got chosen to live and do something great! If you are constantly unhappy or depressed, seek professional help. Hedonic relativism and planning the good society. Affective and social self-regulatory efficacy beliefs as determinants of positive thinking and happiness.

European Psychologist, 10 4 , pp. Cross-cultural correlates of life satisfaction and self-esteem. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 68, pp. Is gratitude a moral affect? Psychological Bulletin, , Cognitive-behavioral therapy for adults. The architecture of sustainable change. Review of General Psychology, 9 2, pp. Becoming happier takes both a will and a proper way: An experimental longitudinal intervention to boost well-being.

Emotion, 11 2 , p. Pastoral Psychology, 62 4 , — A process and outcome framework. Review of General Psychology, 15 4. Handbook of positive psychology pp. The effects of being recovered on work-related flow between and within days. Journal of Applied Psychology, 99 4 , pp. Effect of kindness-based meditation on health and well-being: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 82 6 , pp.

Positive emotion dissociation, social connectedness, and psychological functioning. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 4 , pp. Psychology of Religion and Spirituality, 5 4 , pp. Did this summary help you? Time 60 Score 0.

• Constitutive Modeling of Soils and Rocks
• Fast Simulation of Electro-Thermal MEMS: Efficient Dynamic Compact Models (Microtechnology and MEMS)
• Dowager Faux Spat Leg Warmers
• For the Islands I Sing: An Autobiography
• Kommunikative Aneignung von fiktionalen Filmen während Open-Air-Kino Vorführungen: Eine Diskursanalyse (German Edition)
• No One Tells Everything
• Senilità (Mondadori) (Oscar classici moderni Vol. 81) (Italian Edition)