Silken Jane


I must wait for my master to give explanations; and so must she. I ate what I could, and then I hastened upstairs. I met Adele leaving the schoolroom. I gladly advanced; and it was not merely a cold word now, or even a shake of the hand that I received, but an embrace and a kiss. Is this my pale, little elf?

Is this my mustard- seed?

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This little sunny-faced girl with the dimpled cheek and rosy lips; the satin-smooth hazel hair, and the radiant hazel eyes? Do you hear that? I did, and I could not quite comprehend it: The feeling, the announcement sent through me, was something stronger than was consistent with joy — something that smote and stunned. It was, I think almost fear. Human beings never enjoy complete happiness in this world.

I was not born for a different destiny to the rest of my species: I shall begin to-day. This morning I wrote to my banker in London to send me certain jewels he has in his keeping, — heirlooms for the ladies of Thornfield. In a day or two I hope to pour them into your lap: I don't like to hear them spoken of. Jewels for Jane Eyre sounds unnatural and strange: I would rather not have them. Don't address me as if I were a beauty; I am your plain, Quakerish governess.

You are dreaming, sir, — or you are sneering.

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For God's sake don't be ironical! I would as soon see you, Mr. Rochester, tricked out in stage-trappings, as myself clad in a court-lady's robe; and I don't call you handsome, sir, though I love you most dearly: He pursued his theme, however, without noticing my deprecation.

I told you we shall be married in four weeks. The wedding is to take place quietly, in the church down below yonder; and then I shall waft you away at once to town. After a brief stay there, I shall bear my treasure to regions nearer the sun: Ten years since, I flew through Europe half mad; with disgust, hate, and rage as my companions: I laughed at him as he said this.

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I will be myself. Rochester, you must neither expect nor exact anything celestial of me — for you will not get it, any more than I shall get it of you: I suppose your love will effervesce in six months, or less. I have observed in books written by men, that period assigned as the farthest to which a husband's ardour extends. Yet, after all, as a friend and companion, I hope never to become quite distasteful to my dear master.

I think I shall like you again, and yet again: Jane, you please me, and you master me — you seem to submit, and I like the sense of pliancy you impart; and while I am twining the soft, silken skein round my finger, it sends a thrill up my arm to my heart.

I am influenced — conquered; and the influence is sweeter than I can express; and the conquest I undergo has a witchery beyond any triumph I can win. Why do you smile, Jane? What does that inexplicable, that uncanny turn of countenance mean? You don't talk very wisely just now; any more than those gentlemen acted very wisely.

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As the leader of a notorious outlaw gang, beautiful Harmony Harper rode hard for justice and vengeance. I had rather be a thing than an angel. I crushed his hand, which was ever hunting mine, vigorously, and thrust it back to him red with the passionate pressure. I'll be married in this lilac gingham: He chuckled; he rubbed his hands. I had as good a right to die when my time came as he had: Have you accepted him?

However, had they been married, they would no doubt by their severity as husbands have made up for their softness as suitors; and so will you, I fear. I wonder how you will answer me a year hence, should I ask a favour it does not suit your convenience or pleasure to grant. But if you look up and smile with that countenance, I shall swear concession before I know to what, and that will make a fool of me. I will remand the order I despatched to my banker. But you have not yet asked for anything; you have prayed a gift to be withdrawn: What do I want with half your estate? Do you think I am a Jew-usurer, seeking good investment in land?

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I would much rather have all your confidence. You will not exclude me from your confidence if you admit me to your heart? Don't long for poison — don't turn out a downright Eve on my hands! You have just been telling me how much you liked to be conquered, and how pleasant over-persuasion is to you. Don't you think I had better take advantage of the confession, and begin and coax and entreat — even cry and be sulky if necessary — for the sake of a mere essay of my power?

You soon give in. How stern you look now! Your eyebrows have become as thick as my finger, and your forehead resembles what, in some very astonishing poetry, I once saw styled, 'a blue-piled thunderloft. But what had you to ask, thing, — out with it? I had rather be a thing than an angel. This is what I have to ask, — Why did you take such pains to make me believe you wished to marry Miss Ingram?

Thank God it is no worse!

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You glowed in the cool moonlight last night, when you mutinied against fate, and claimed your rank as my equal. Janet, by-the-bye, it was you who made me the offer. Now you are small — not one whit bigger than the end of my little finger. It was a burning shame and a scandalous disgrace to act in that way. Did you think nothing of Miss Ingram's feelings, sir? Were you jealous, Jane? Answer me truly once more. Do you think Miss Ingram will not suffer from your dishonest coquetry? Won't she feel forsaken and deserted? I am afraid your principles on some points are eccentric. I turned my lips to the hand that lay on my shoulder.

I loved him very much — more than I could trust myself to say — more than words had power to express.

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I was again ready with my request. Give her some explanation before I see her again. It pains me to be misjudged by so good a woman. Did she think, Janet, you had given the world for love, and considered it well lost? I was soon dressed; and when I heard Mr. Fairfax's parlour, I hurried down to it. The old lady, had been reading her morning portion of Scripture — the Lesson for the day; her Bible lay open before her, and her spectacles were upon it. Her occupation, suspended by Mr. Rochester's announcement, seemed now forgotten: Seeing me, she roused herself: She put up her spectacles, shut the Bible, and pushed her chair back from the table.

I have surely not been dreaming, have I? Sometimes I half fall asleep when I am sitting alone and fancy things that have never happened. It has seemed to me more than once when I have been in a doze, that my dear husband, who died fifteen years since, has come in and sat down beside me; and that I have even heard him call me by my name, Alice, as he used to do.

Now, can you tell me whether it is actually true that Mr. Rochester has asked you to marry him? Don't laugh at me. But I really thought he came in here five minutes ago, and said that in a month you would be his wife.

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She looked at me bewildered. He is a proud man: He, too, has always been called careful. He means to marry you? She surveyed my whole person: How it will answer, I cannot tell: I really don't know. Equality of position and fortune is often advisable in such cases; and there are twenty years of difference in your ages.

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