In And Out Of Love

SONGTEKST: Silvy - In And Out Of Love

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Falling in and out love is as cyclical as the tides of the ocean. We take this to mean that the heart-pounding, exhilarating feelings that characterize the first stage of a relationship have faded.

The eternal beloved who, just days or weeks before, made life worth living, is now a regular, flawed, sometimes annoying human being. While the first round of falling in love may be characterized by strong feelings of love, a desire to spend a lot of time together, butterflies, and even a feeling of ecstatic bliss, the subsequent rounds are usually much less exciting.

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If we knew to expect the eventual fall from grace that occurs with every couple in a committed relationship, we wouldn't feel so shocked when it happens. But because we're inundated with the Hollywood ideal of "happily ever after," we subconsciously believe, even if we rationally know better, that the in-love feelings should last forever. The good news is that, once you fall out of love, you can begin the satisfying work of learning how to sustain real love which, in a healthy marriage or long-term partnership, grows over time.

Some people seem to possess the art and skill of love effortlessly. Perhaps real love was modeled in their family of origin, or perhaps they're just lucky enough to know naturally how to enact the love laws and loving actions that will sustain love throughout a lifetime. But for the rest of us, a little help in this department goes a long way. Here are some basic love laws that will help you reignite your feelings of love and attraction for your partner: We carry a strong cultural misconception that love is something that happens to you.

In other words, it's your partner's job to "make" you feel alive, loved, and happy. While we do need a loving partner in order to share love, you and only you are responsible for your feelings of aliveness and joy. And here's the great and empowering secret that our cultural mythology keeps hidden: The best way to feel love is to give it. I'm not talking about a codependent love where your good feelings are dependent on making someone else happy.

I'm talking about a real and true love that arises from a genuine desire to bring joy to your partner and offer support in the ways that feel loving to him or her. When you can reverse the conditioned mindset that love is something you get to the idea that love is something you give , miracles happen. At any moment, we can focus on what we don't love about our partners and what's missing in the relationship OR what we love and appreciate.

In and Out of Love (Armin van Buuren song)

When you proactively move toward gratitude and engage in loving actions like writing and sending gratitude lists or letters to your partner, you carve out the pathways to your heart that will infuse you with loving feelings. Because we've all been hurt by love rejected, shamed, judged, abandoned , we know the risk we take when we open ourselves to loving again. Sometimes these hurts have occurred in past relationships with parents, siblings, or exes, and sometimes you've been hurt by your current partner. Either way, it takes enormous courage to open your heart once you've been hurt.

Yet it's the only way of sustaining real love. Once you can start to identify the ways that you shut down and protect, thereby barricading your heart behind a ironclad wall, the faster you'll be able to soften that wall and move toward your partner once again.

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When you know the love laws and commit to putting the loving actions that open your heart into practice, you can sustain a lifetime of a loving, honest, satisfying relationship. It's not always easy or fast work, but it's work that is well-worth the effort.

For, in the end, all we really want is to feel love and be loved. When you've found yourselves in a fighting routine, whether it's on a daily or weekly basis, it may be a sign you are falling out of love with your partner. But knowing what you're fighting about it one of the keys to falling back in love. Are you picking fights because you want a way out? Are you really angry with them?

In And Out Of Love (Feat. Sharon den Adel)

Stepping back and analyzing why you're fighting can help you figure out if you want to make it work or not. You are no longer looking at your significant other the way you used to. In fact, you may not even be looking at them at all. Instead, you're looking at just about anyone else who strikes your fancy.

Once you realize you're doing this, it can be an issue. Catching yourself and reminding yourself as to what caught your eye about your partner in the first place may be one way to fall back in love with them. Whether you found something or just want to find something, there is a serious lack of trust. Not wanting to trust your partner or looking to find something that will get you off the relationship hook is definitely a sign you're falling out of love. However, fixing trust may be a struggle. Therapy is one of the best ways to do this, but even just taking a step back and realizing that you're trying to sabotage your relationship may help you take steps to heal your relationship.

Your goals have changed. Your hobbies have changed.

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Your desire to have adventures or not has changed. Beginning to realize there is more outside your relationship - and not wanting your partner to be a part of things - is a sign you're falling out of love.

Try including your partner in your plans or asking them to get involved in choice activities to see if your partner is still who you want to experience your dreams with. Your friends have been there for the extent of your relationship: However, your friends have realized that something just isn't right. Maybe you're not happy and it shows or maybe you're complaining about your partner more consistently or aggressively. When your friends start asking questions, it may signal that you're falling out of love with your partner. While this may be hard to combat, it may be a really important indicator for you to realize something is up in your relationship.

But tapping into your friend group about what has changed or what you may be missing could help you take steps to fix what's broken.

In and out of love - Olivia Arthur

Your gut is the biggest indicator for just about everything in your life, from taking a new job opportunity to knowing you are falling out of love. And, at the end of the day, you gut is going to know what it takes to fix your relationship. From a few date nights to an intense therapy session, listening to your gut is the very first stop on the roller coaster of love.

Is Canada on the list? Royal family holiday traditions you didn't know about. Communication Is Lacking When you begin falling out of love, you both unconsciously and consciously start communicating less. Your Sex Drive Is Stuck in First Gear Once you realize you've not had sex for an extended amount of time - and it's not just one of those dry spells that happens when life gets busy - you may begin to realize that you're not as into your partner as you once were.

Time Together Dwindles While this could be literal time together beginning to lessen, it could also mean the time you have together is less. You're Not Craving Closeness At the beginning of a relationship, the cuddles and sweet, stolen kisses are things you may not be able to get enough of. Seeing Them Isn't Fun Anymore The butterflies are gone, and the feelings of dread, exasperation, or boredom are creeping in.

Your Social Life Is Yours Again You may be spending more time out of the house or away from your partner in an effort to avoid them. The Future Is Bleak You find yourself thinking of or mentioning the future less and less. Distance Doesn't Make the Heart Grow Fonder While you have spent some days or weeks apart, not missing your partner after being apart is a clear sign you are beginning to fall out of love.

Fighting Is Usual Now When you've found yourselves in a fighting routine, whether it's on a daily or weekly basis, it may be a sign you are falling out of love with your partner.

My feelings are valid.

Trust Is an Issue Whether you found something or just want to find something, there is a serious lack of trust. Your Friends Start Asking Questions Your friends have been there for the extent of your relationship:

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