RHYMES OLD AND NEW

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Full text of "Tirra Lirra Rhymes Old And New"

This cute book is 40 pages long and except for one story at the end titled, "The Traveling Sales Mouse", contains short poems. The concept behind the book was to juxtapose modern themed poems like the one above with old favorites. On the plus side, the poems are a good length for very young children.

Even the old ones are only a single verse or two long. The print is also large r , an Hickory, dickory dare. The print is also large r , and so is good for children who are reading for themselves.

I would guess that the vocabulary in the old favorites is at the 3rd Grade level. On the less than plus side, I'm not sure that all young people are going to "get" the new messages. I'm sure, for example, that neither my 6 or 8 year old knows about the 'blue screen of death' referred to in the poem above. I think many of the newer poems are very funny, and it's nice to have a book that all of us can enjoy. Plus, I'm using the new poems to teach my small fry some computer topics. I'd suggest this book to families like mine, where the old poems are well known, and where new poems can be appreciated.

Older children, 4th thru 6th grade, might especially enjoy the computer humor. I also planning on ordering a copy for a computer engineer friend. Oct 18, Mary rated it really liked it Shelves: This book definitely has a unique look to it. Sing of the passionate poodle! Sing of the penitent panther! He lived for three weeks Upon lemons and leeks, Because he was rude to his gran'ther.

They have not been behaving welL For ere they took a single bite, They all began to scold and fight. My Uncle Jehoshaphat loved this pig, And the piggywig he loved him ; And they both jumped into the lake one day. To see which best could swim. My Uncle Jehoshaphat he swam up, And the piggywig he swam down ; And so they both did win the prize, Which the same was a velvet gown. My Uncle Jehoshaphat wore one half, And the piggywig wore the other ; And they both rode to town on the brindled calf, To carry it home to its mother.

His uncles were a skate, And a little whitebait, And a flounder, and a chub beside ; And a lovely pickerel, Both a beauty and a belle, Had promised for to be his bride. You may think these things are strange, And they are a little change From the ordinary run, 9 t is true ; But the queerest thing to me Of all appeared to be, That he was a kangaroo! You can't cure a fit, or save it, If there 5 s nobody to have it. Anyhow it 's rather far ; Let Ynot go to Bogota! In the mighty town of Rio, There are wondrous things to see, oh! The occiput is a part, you know, Of the head which does on my shoulders grow ; And it 's very unpleasant to have it hit, Especially when there 9 s no hair on it.

I took up my gun, and I said, "Now, why, Little black Monkey, should you not die? I '11 hit you soon in a vital part! They went to sail on some floating logs ; The logs rolled over, the dogs rolled in, And they got very wet, for their clothes were thin. Jippy and Jimmy crept out again. They said, "The river is full of rain I" They said, "The water is far from dry! They said, "On the river no more we '11 roam ; And we won't go to sail until we learn how, Bow-wow! The witch said, "Oh!

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To the Wizard of Wogg I advise you to go. A specialist he, Of the highest degree ; The noses he growses are wondrous to see. The Wizard was frightfully busy that day, He glanced at the knight in a casual way ; "What shape? What shape, what shape? Or will you have the transformation Specialty of mine Known to each admiring nation As the Great Combine? Mayhap, my good chap, I will try the Combine.

Something fairer far than these I can show you, if you please. Where the jam-pots grow! Where the jelly jolly, jelly jolly jam-pots grow. The fairest spot to me, On the land or on the sea, Is the charming little cupboard where the jam-pots grow. There the golden peaches shine In their syrup clear and fine, And the raspberries are blushing with a dusky glow; And the cherry and the plum Seem to beckon you to come To the charming little cupboard where the jam-pots grow.

The fairest spot to me. On the land or on the sea, Is the charming little cupboard where the jam-pots grow. There the sprightly pickles stand, With the catsup close at hand, And the marmalades and jellies in a goodly row ; While the quinces' ruddy fire Would an anchorite inspire To seek the little cupboard where the jam-pots grow. Never tell me of your bowers That are full of bugs and flowers!

Never tell me of your meadows where the breezes blow! But sing me, if you will, Of the house beneath the hill, And the darling little cupboard where the jam-pots grow. Feathers brushed all smooth and neat, Yellow stockings on their feet, Tails and tuftings all complete, Cackle wackle wackle! Such our form and such our face, Such our Cochin China grace, We must win in beauty's race, Cackle wackle wackle V 9 Met an elephant large and wise, Looked at them with both his eyes: Caused these chickens great surprise, Cackle wackle wackle!

So very conveniently it grows! Sing of us and sing of you, Sing of corn and barley too, Beauteous beast with eyes of blue, Cackle wackle wackle V 9 Elephant sang so loud and sweet, Chickens fell before his feet ; For his love they did entreat, Cackle wackle wackle!

Would we all might elephants be! Capered about with a stately prance Learned from his grandmother over In France, Cackle wackle wackle! Elephants have lovely eyes, But to woo them is not wise, For they are not quite your size! I don't let many people see him, And it would not be wise to free him. For when he opes his jaws so wide, People might try to look inside, And then the things that they would see Are known to none save only me.

The maiden may linger and listen full long, But she never will hear the last words of the song: A pity, upon my word! Jiggle joggle, jiggle joggle! What does the train say? Will the little baby go Riding with the locomo? Ring for joy because we go Riding with the locomo, Loky moky poky stoky Smoky choky chee! Each chasing t' other one, Jiggle joggle jee! Are they running for to go Riding with the locomo? Over the hills now, Jiggle joggle, jiggle joggle!

All the cows and horses run, Crying, "Won't you take us on, Loky moky poky stoky Smoky choky chee? Now it 's fast and now it 's slow, Jiggle joggle jee! He was full of fun and frolic, But his wife was melancholic, And he never could divert her into mirth, mirth, mirth. He had tried her with a monkey And a parrot and a donkey, And a pig that squealed whene'er he pulled its tail, tail, tail.

But though he laughed himself Into fits, the jolly elf, Still his wifey's melancholy did not fail, fail, fail. And he saw the Linking Gloon, Who was playing the bassoon, And the Octopus a-waltzing with the whale, whale, whale. All these the little gnome Transported to his home, And set them down before his weeping wife, wife, wife ; But she only cried and cried, And she sobbywobbed and sighed, Till she really was in danger of her life, life, life.

Then the gnome was in despair, And he tore his purple hair, And he sat him down in sorrow on a stone, stone, stone. But when this his wifey saw, She loudly cried "Haw, haw! Here at last is something funny you have found, found, found. And since then, through wind and weather, They have said, "He, he I" together, For several hundred thousand merry years, years, years. I cannot to-day Take the trouble to follow your lingo I" His lingo! A cruel remark for Bingo, He knew how to bark In the dawn and the dark, And he almost had learned how to sing, oh!

Flamingo, Flamingo, Paid no more attention to Bingo. Alphonso possessed neither manners nor grace, He made at this person a hideous face ; But how different the conduct of sweet Arabella, Who praised with politeness the gingham umbrella. How shall I get there, oh? A hop and a skip, a flop and a flip, And up through the clouds I "11 go. Off he went like a streak of lightning, Lit on the moon like a thunderbolt ; Naught could he see but a man with a lantern, Riding about on a pea-green colt. Why did I come here, oh? Off he shot like a blazing rocket, Down he came like a falling star ; What should he meet but a gay little goshawk, Flying up from the earth so far.

Poor little Grasshopper, oh! A snap and a squeak in the bonny bird's beak, There was an end of him, oh! She had pigs and she had poultry, She had lands and she had gold ; And she loved the Burgomaster, Loved him more than can be told. You shall be my pouter-pigeon, I will be your turtle-dove. Keep your pigs and keep your poultry! I will take your gold instead. Mango tea and coffee, too. He drank them both till his nose turned blue.

Wollypotump, the queen so high? She used to eat the Gumbo pie. Gumbo pie and Gumbo cake, She ate them both till her teeth did break. Bobbily Boo and Wollypotump, Each called the other a greedy frump. And when these terrible words were said, They sat and cried till they both were dead. When I lived in Timbuctoo, Almost every one I knew Used to play upon the sackbut, singing "toodle-doodle- doo", And they made ecstatic ballads.

And consumed seductive salads, Made of chicory and hickory and others things that grew, When I lived in Rotterdam, I possessed a spotted ram, Who would never feed on anything but hollyhocks and ham ; But one day he butted down All the magnates of the town, So they slew him, though I knew him to be gentle as a lamb. When they were out of season, He never asked the reason, But banging on the butcher's Arrested him for treason. In a skipaway flipaway boat ; And who so merry, so merry as he, As soon as he got afloat? He sat on the poop to gobble his soup With a spoon, with a spoon of the best ; And part of his fast he broke on the mast, And smashed on the bowsprit the rest.

He lowered his line in the deep, in the deep, And invited the fishlikins up ; Then he hung them in rows in front of his nose, And wished it were time to sup. Then the Bottlegreen Bovis arose, arose, And asked was he game for a fight ; But he seized on the anchor and threw it with rancor, And the foe-fish retired from sight. He danced on the deck with never a check Till the clock, till the clock struck nine. And his eyes did wink, and he sang "tink a tink I" In the mowl of the merry moonshine.

Its legs were four, its tail was one, So one gallant swore by the sun It therefore was a horse. The creature has no mane. T was Farmer Giles's one-horned cow ; Her other horn was broken Advanced, meanwhile, toward the four, And as 5 t was supper-time and more, Mooed loud, by way of token. With shriek and scream those gallants gay To London town fled back away, As fast as they might fare. How did she do it? Nobody knew it, She never, no never, no never would tell.

Tirra Lirra: Rhymes Old and New

He had gone to the Bazaar, sir, With his little cup and sarcer, For an emptiness was in him that he could not well abide ; And there he saw a Gorgon, Who was playing on the organ, A sight that 's rare in China, and in other lands be- side. The Gargoyle and the Griffin Gave a mournful, scornful sniff in The direction of the temple, then they followed on his track ; For they said, "There may be food there, And the cigarettes are good there, And if Confushy does not treat, we 11 treat him to a whack!

And they too saw the Gorgon, Who was playing on the organ, And they said, "What may this creature be, we do not, do not know! Said the Gargoyle to the Griffin, "Sir, I feel a trifle stiff in My joints, and I propose that we retire from this spot I " Said the Griffin to the other, " I would gladly go, my brother, But a feeling 's o'er me stealing that retire I can not!

My neighbors are converted into granite in my sight. Where all the flowers go niddlety nod, Nod, nod, niddlety nod! Where all the flowers go niddlety nod, And all the birds sing by-low! The gates are Ivory set with pearls, One for the boys, and one for the girls: So shut your bonny two eyes of blue, Or else they never will let you through.

But what are the children all about? Why, they all fell asleep, dear, long ago ; For how could they keep awake, you know? When all the flowers went niddlety nod, Nod, nod, niddlety nod! When all the flowers went niddlety nod, And all the birds sang by-low! And each little brown or golden head Is pillowed soft in a satin bed, A satin bed with sheets of silk, As soft as down and as white as milk. And all the flowers go niddlety nod, Nod, nod, niddlety nod! And all the flowers go niddlety nod, And all the birds sing by-low!

The brook in its sleep goes babbling by, And the fat little clouds are asleep in the sky: And now little Johnny is sleeping too, So open the gates and pass him through. And that 's the lesson for you and me. There was a man in New Mexico, He lost his grandmother out in the snow ; But his heart was light, and his ways were free, So he bought him another in Santa Fe. There was a man in Jiggerajum, He went to sea in a kettle-drum ; He sailed away to the Salisbury Shore, And I never set eyes on that man any more.

Looking so nice and neat! Clean little mittens on clean little hands, Clean little shoes on his feet. Jacket and trousers all nicely brushed, Collar and cuffs like snow. One shoe gone for ever and aye, T 5 other one stiff with mud, Dirt-spattered jacket half torn from his back, Mittens both lost in the wood. Higgledy-piggledy stayed in bed All a long, pleasant day, While his father fished for his other boot In the roadside mud and clay.

All day long his mother must mend. Wash and iron and sew, Before she can make him fit to be seen, Higgledy-piggledy oh! Her lips were red, and her eyes were blue, But to say she was happy would not be true ; For she pined for love of the great big Jack Who lived in the Box so grim and black. She never had looked on the Jack his face ; But she fancied it shining with beauty and grace, And all the day long she would murmur and pout, Because Jack-in-the-box would never come out.

The cupboard is shut, and there 9 s no one about: There soon was an end to all her doubt, For Jack-in-the-box really did jump out! Out with a crash and out with a spring, Half black and half scarlet, a horrible thing. Out with a yell and a shriek and a shout, His great goggle-eyes glaring wildly about. And unless you 're fond of terrible knocks, Don't set your heart on a Jack-in-the-box!

He lived in the town of Wumpston Wells, In a house made out of oyster shells.

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The oysters hung about inside, And when he wanted some, broiled or fried, He held his pipkin up a minute, And down they fell, all ready in it. The chairs were made of peanut brittle, Yes, every one, both big and little ; The cushions all of plummy cake ; And " " Did it make his tummy ache?

For Ninnycumtwitch, Or Niddlecumdinky, I don't know which The funny thing about her was She never could hold her tongue, because 'T was hung in the middle, and wagged at both ends, A serious trial to all her friends ; For when they wanted to ask her to dinner, They had to gag her, as I? He said, 'It is the proper fashion! He gnashed his teeth ; he screamed and roared, Until his uncles all were bored.

They wopsed him up within his toga, And sent him off to Sara- toga, I Ve heard no further word about him, But we do very well with- out him. Painted with his silver brush Every window-pane ; Kissed the leaves and made them blush, Blush and blush again. Now take them off, I pray ; Roll up thy trousers, Samuel, And come with me to play. And hand-in-hand with Reginald, He hied him to the beach ; Each little boy a shovel had, And eke a pail had each. Then down upon the shining sand Right joyfully they sat ; And far upon the shining sand Each tossed his broad-brimmed hat.

Then valiantly to work they went, Like sturdy lads and true ; And there they built a stately fort, The best that they might do. The creeping tide came up the sand, To see what it could do ; And there it found two broad-brimmed hats, With ribbons red and blue. The ribbons red and ribbons blue Streamed gallantly away ; 1 60 The straw did glitter in the sun, Was never craft so gay!

The mother of these little lads Was sailing on the sea ; And now she laughed, and now she sang, And who so blithe as she? They rowed her well, those gallants gay. They rowed her to the land ; They lifted up that lady pale, And bore her up the strand. The balls began to fly, And hit those gallants on the nose.

And hit them in the eye. They looked here, they looked there, To see whence this might be ; And soon they spied a stately fort, Beside the salt, salt sea. And straight from out the stately fort The balls were flying free ; Each gallant rubbed his smitten nose, And eke his eye rubbed he. They looked within the stately fort, To see who aimed so well ; And there was little Reginald, And youthful Samuel. They lifted up those little lads, Each by his waisty-band ; And down beside that lady pale They set them on the sand. And first that lady waxed more pale, And syne she waxed full red ; And syne she kissed those little boys, But not a word she said.

Then up and spoke those gallants gay, "You naughty little chaps, Your poor mamma you Ve frightened sore f And made her ill, perhaps. To please the people of Boston town. He wore them east, and he wore them west, But he never could tell which he liked the best. He looked upon the rocking-horse, Who proudly prancing stood: Know, that of every living beast, The elephant is king! I hate your bits of brass! But more, oh, more than all, I hate Your gleaming eyes of glass! Go to your closet-shed, And there, behind the wood-basket, Conceal your ugly head! Said one to the other, "Your spots are wrong, brother!

The leopard does not, sir, Make change in his spot, sir ; The world knows the proverb, I wot and I wis. And each for the other Ferociously went, With impetus savage To ramp and to ravage, With lashings and bashings Of dreadful intent. Every great Cat in the jungle, jungle, Every great Cat that could be, Hearing the noise, as if he 'd been stungle, Came loping along the lea. But a lordly Tiger, strolling From the jungle of Bengal, Saw them where they lay a-rolling, Heard them screech and heard them squall. Stripes are what Dame Fashion features, Spots, I hear, are n't 'in' at all!

Wiggle and Waggle and Bubble and Squeak, They cooked their soup every day in the week ; They cooked their soup in a chimney-pot, For there the water was always hot. Wiggle and Waggle and Bubble and Squeak, Each gave the other one's nose a tweak ; They tweaked so hard that it took their breath, And so they met an untimely death. Bridle him and saddle him, Quickly then bestraddle him ; Go, and don't come back! If, as is quite possible, you are not a Janissary, do some- thing entirely different. There are plenty of things!

If you are a Functionary, Don't be brusque and bunctionary ; Be benign and bland! When you meet a cross curmudgeon, Don't bethump him with a bludgeon ; Spank him with your hand! Functionaries are of various kinds; the bunctionary ones are never popular; in this case I mean a policeman, but he has not syllables enough. They could n't pull out the cork! The ginger beer was bright and clear, It sparkled in the bottle. But there it was shut As close as a nut, And never a drop for their throttle.

A portly hippopotamus Came rolling down the lane ; And "Oh r they cried, "Now well betide! He '11 ease us of our pain. Then with a wink, "A pleasant drink I" He said, and off did roll. If we don't buy them, he moans and groans, Old Joe Jones and his old dog Bones. But the camel could not swim, you know, It disagreed with him, you know, He waved his hinder limb, you know, And yelled ferociously, To Araby, to Araby, To Araby the fair, They turned their faces home again In anguish and despair.

But the camel, they 'd such grief of him, They wished to find relief of him, And so they made corned beef of him, And ate him then and there. Here we go skilfully skipping, Riding the resonant rail. Clankety clankety clank, Clinkety clinkety cling ; Five little boys on a bank, One little girl in a swing.

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