Because learning to trust life again is a lot like learning to walk for the first time. For those of us who are fixated on how things should happen and how life should unfold, things can get quite challenging at times. And you know why? But we have to! If you want to learn how to trust life again, you have to learn to let go of fixed plans and concepts, and you have to learn to put your trust in something bigger than yourself.
And you have to learn to surrender. Be wise enough to listen to your own Heart and Soul. Surrender yourself to the wisdom of Life and humble yourself before your own Heart and Soul. No such world exists. One of my favorite sayings on patience comes from Saint Francis de Sales: Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset. Focusing too much on the end result and how you want things to be can make you feel scared and overwhelmed — you look at where you are and where you want to be and the distance seems so long, and of course you want to give up.
But you have to be patient. There is no need to rush.
No need to be in a hurry. Try saying, "I made a mistake when I did not carefully proofread those documents. I know it cost the company money. You should also use specific examples when talking to a friend. For example, you could say, "John, it was wrong of me to lie and say I had to work late. If I'm going out with other friends, I should just be honest and tell you that. A constructive conversation is one that has more than one participant. After you have said what you want to say, give the other person a chance.
Take steps to show that you are listening. Nod your head and make eye contact while the other person is talking. Rephrase the main points. This will show that you are retaining what is being said. For example, you can say, "I hear you saying that you have lost faith in me and that it will take time to rebuild that trust.
A face to face apology is always the best option. Unfortunately, that is not always possible.
Maybe you live far away from the other person, or maybe they are not willing to speak to you. If that is the case, you can try an apology letter. This is more personal than an e-mail. You should never make an important apology via text. It might take you a couple of drafts to get the right tone and content.
Your letter should be concise and to the point.
Try to make it about 3 paragraphs. Your first paragraph can offer the apology, the second should acknowledge responsibility, and the third can describe how you would like to solve the problem. Part 1 Quiz When you apologize, you should: Approach the person the next time you see them. Plan what you want to say ahead of time. Make sure you fill the silences. Avoid taking the blame. Your words are very important when trying to reestablish trust.
Your actions are equally important. You can demonstrate that you are trustworthy by being dependable. If you promise to stop being late all the time, show that you have changed by being punctual. Call when you say you will. Remember, you're trying to rebuild trust.
Make a point to stick to everything that you say you will do, even if it's just making a phone call. Show that you can be counted on.
If your boss asks you to file some important papers, get the task done right, and on time. Allow the other person to have space. When you break someone's trust, that can cause both of you to become emotional. You might be feeling guilty, and the other person might be feeling sad or angry. Remember that they might need some space to heal. But respect the other person's need for space. You can try saying, "Amy, I really want to start working on our relationship. But I understand if you need to take some time. If someone asks you not to call for a few days, then allow them to have the time out that they need.
Practice the three A's. If you are trying to mend a romantic relationship, you can take some extra steps to show your partner how much you care. The three A's are Affection, Attention, and Appreciation. Figure out ways to demonstrate these feelings daily. For example, make it a point to offer a hug when your partner comes home from work. You can give attention by being mindful of the little things. If you notice that your partner needs more coffee, get it without being asked. Use words to illustrate how much you appreciate the other person.
You can say something like, "I really appreciate how caring you are. Take on extra responsibility. One way to show that you are trustworthy is by going the extra mile. Whether you are rebuilding trust in a personal or professional relationship, taking extra responsibility is a great way to rebuild trust. It shows you are willing to work hard. Volunteer to stay late if he needs someone to help with the end of month reporting. If you are trying to rebuild trust in a friendship, consider going out of your way to do something nice.
For example, bring lunch to your friend when you know she's having a busy day at work. Perhaps you are working on your relationship with your partner. Try doing the dishes or taking out the trash without being asked.
When you are working to rebuild trust, it is important to show that you are willing to make changes. However, it is also important to demonstrate that you are genuine. Don't try to completely change your personality. For example, if you're trying to regain your parents' trust, don't suddenly begin acting like a different kid. For example, maybe your parents want you to help out more around home. That doesn't mean you should stop hanging out with your friends completely. It just means that you should work to find a balance.
Don't attempt to change your personality. If you've always been able to joke around with friends, don't stop now. Becoming completely serious all of the time will not seem sincere. Part 2 Quiz How can you show you are dependable? Stick to your word. Call them on schedule. All of the above.
So stop being so harsh on yourself and start treating yourself with the kindness, respect, gentleness, and compassion you need and deserve. Try to mentally prepare for a variety of outcomes. But the truth is that Life loves us a great deal. Life is a great friend and a powerful ally. And you know why?
When you first started this relationship, trust was not immediate. Trust has to be earned over time. It is natural that when trust is broken, it will take some time to repair. Acknowledge that the other person might need time to start trusting you again. Try saying, "I know that this process might take time. Take all of the time you need. It's important, but once you have apologized and started taking steps to repair the trust, you don't need to think about the situation constantly.
If you are trying to repair a personal relationship, it might feel like a very complicated process.
You are likely going to feel a wide range of emotions. Remember that the other person might be emotional, too.
Give yourself permission to feel a wide range of emotions. Acknowledge your emotions and move on. Say to yourself, "Today I'm feeling pretty guilty. But I know I'm taking steps to fix it, so I can't be too hard on myself. They might be hurt, angry, or sad. Create a new relationship. Trust is the bedrock of what makes relationships work.
It is the fundamental process of love and intimacy. In the intervening thirty or so years of doing therapy, there is not a thornier issue than the loss of trust, in whatever form it may take. Trust can be lost through lies, rage, violence, drug and alcohol abuse, and, most prominently, sexual infidelity. Usually the behaviors that created the distrust are difficult to change, because they are complex and convoluted.
These little critters skip and jump through our system like ciphers popping up in unexpected places, while giving our mind the best of reasons to be doing whatever it is that our bodies are pushing for. The body certainly does vote, and when it comes to sex, nothing is more powerful.
I have seen very wealthy and powerful people literally spending millions of dollars on sex, drugs, and rock and roll—all the while being in the midst of a marriage with children. The level of guilt is staggering enough to kill a herd of horses, but it generally does not stop the offender. The reasons why men or women cheat are multifaceted.
Our society is also rife with willing males and females who know full well that a roll in the hay will quintuple what they could otherwise earn, not to mention shoes, jewelry, apartments and cars. It says something about our world and the steady decline of moral imperatives. Coming clean does work—but not completely clean. Denial only leads to more distrust, so the truth has to come out along with the willingness to take responsibility for your actions. However, detailed truth can sometimes make the hurt even worse and compound the pain, and therefore the healing process. Couples can spend tons of time on details while losing the thread of what needs to be done to correct the misconduct.
Being defensive, righteous or casual about the problem never works. There must be a sincere effort to work out the issues, or the wall will never come down. The angrier you are, the less you are able to hear what the aggrieved one has to say, and the worse what they feel will get. Talk about what made you do it. Opening up about your own struggle, the need to get help, and the awareness of what got you there in the first place will help to prevent further infractions.
If there is a sexual addiction problem, you must be willing to attend SA sexual addiction meetings or do what is necessary to make it better. If there is loneliness in the marriage, take the initiative to make an appointment with a counselor. Talking about your feelings of alienation is the best way to connect again.
Be an open book. That means open your cell phone, email, and appointment book for a period of time. This is usually the hardest part, because any person who has lived that clandestine underground life of secrecy likes it that way. They feel entitled to privacy, and they become righteous and indignant. At this point, you will need to take a moment and ask yourself what is really important: