Hope, Healing, and Help for Survivors of Sexual Abuse: A Faith-Based Journey to Healing

The Journey to Healing

---

How can you create something youve never experienced? That is exactly my problem. She praised my older sister for being gorgeous and slim and always told me that I was fat and ugly. She has had a major impact on my life. I have been working out for her approval and I wear make up to seem prettier.

Now, I fear I might date someone that is similar to my parents and how they treated me because that is what I was accustomed to as a child. Thanks Laura, your article was spot on. Its always encouraging to find pieces of information that can help to put the broken pieces together. I just reposted this on Facebook and my heart is racing because everyone will know. But this information is too powerful to hide away in my own heart and mind.

Keep up the good work, it is severely needed. A letter about the hard truths of healing from child abuse FotoJennic. And thank you for letting me know this post resonates with you. Responses like yours keeps me writing.

Thanks for writing this. A lot of the time I feel more or less recovered but sometimes I get obsessed with what an inferior person I feel since then. Your paragraph about Texas and the New Testament ideology broke my heart. It is the OLD Testament theology that wags the finger and dumps shame, harps on strict obedience, and is the one you were steeped in. The New Covenant New Testament replaces the Old Testament covenant the Levitical one with grace, forgiveness, erasure, and restoration.

But I lament that there are so many people that have been poisoned by wrong theology. I was raised very secular actually hostile to God. My father was raised in a crippling environment similar to yours. So I grew up with the same impression of the Bible Belt and Christianity that you voice here. Knowing I was forgiven for everything I ever did, thought I was to blame for, or had done to me and was shamed for, was the very thing that kept me from ending my own life.

In this case, that would mean the very people that rammed such cripping and demoralizing doctrine on you. I encourage you to take a second look at that dogmatic, controlling upbringing, and try to seperate it from the God they claimed to represent.

The Wounded Heart: Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse

Any theology that breeds fear and self-loathing is a fraud, and a very damaging one. There is nothing more healing than a restored relationship with God based on His goodness and unconditional love rather than my imperfections. The things which I never received from my family of origin are being restored to me by the Father of us all. I was a very spiritual child, as children tend to be, and intuitively knew what I was being taught was anathema to my natural sense of wonder and appreciation. But I found a silver lining in these experiences.

In an effort to regain that sense of wonder, as an adult I have explored many world religions and spiritual practices, including learning more about Christianity. This has been a very rewarding exploration. Reblogged this on chrys muirhead and commented: A powerful post that cuts right to the heart of the matter and yet brings hope.

The powerlessness of child abuse is unimaginable except for the child who was there. I hope that their voices keep on speaking out and no silencing allowed. Thanks so much for your reply, Chrys. I like how you are talking about powerlessness as well as hope.

I think they exist as opposites — much like dark matter! And I think such fears haunt many survivors and make it difficult to hope to ever really feel safe in ones own mind and in relationships. But hope itself can be pretty damn scary after early life victimization. Reblogged this on Child Protection Center, Inc. Trauma-focused psychotherapist Laura K. Your essay was profoundly moving and provides such deep insight into the minds of our victims. I intend to share this at our next team meeting. Thank you for sharing. This is beautifully and thoughtfully written.

Thank you for this important contribution to the healing journey of so many. I just finished a book I think you might enjoy: You are commenting using your WordPress. You are commenting using your Twitter account. You are commenting using your Facebook account. Notify me of new comments via email. Notify me of new posts via email. Oldangelmidnight from Northampton, MA. Thanks for this useful advise. Thank you for your thoughtful words! Aimie Like Liked by 1 person. This does not even come close to the realities of surviving severe child abuse.

Then educate us with your wisdom by elaborating. Thankyou for writing this…. Thank you for that.. I believe it is a must read for anyone involved with ministry. Allender's book is a great introduction to the complex issues surrounding the horror of sexual abuse. He never gets too technical but he does share some hard to read stories. I believe it is an important book and af I had to read this book for a class at Ashland Seminary and I have to say it has been eye-opening.

I believe it is an important book and after reading it I can't help but to raise awareness about this subject. The church has to be a safe place for victims of sexual abuse, and it all starts with knowing the information so please read it. Sep 27, Joe rated it it was amazing Recommended to Joe by: You might have the same reaction as Anita did when she first saw me pull out this book on a recent vacation. She was wondering if I was trying to subtly tell her something about my past. Thankfully, that isn't the case.

Rather, the pastor I have recently begun seeing for weekly private confession and absolution recommended it to me as something that's helpful for those dealing with issues of shame and the need for restoration. The opening chapters on shame and contempt are incredible, and really h You might have the same reaction as Anita did when she first saw me pull out this book on a recent vacation.

The opening chapters on shame and contempt are incredible, and really help the reader to see how techniques originally developed as survival skills are, in the larger picture, sinful and causing great harm in life today. As a means to dealing with these issues, Allender prescribes a diet of honesty, repentance, and bold love. Jan 05, Kyna rated it it was amazing. I would give this book 10 stars if I could.

It is an amazing masterpiece on the subject of surviving sexual abuse. I have read other books by allender, and they are not the masterpiece that The Wounded Heart is. The workbook is equally good. I have every client who comes to me for this reason read this book. It is thorough, gracious, relentless, bold, challenging, Biblical, and necessary. If you or someone you know has been abused Visit me at K I would give this book 10 stars if I could.

Visit me at KynaMoore. This is a difficult topic, but I think this book would benefit everyone. Feb 23, Jeremy Manuel rated it it was ok Shelves: Before getting into my thoughts about the book I feel I need to make a couple things clear. First, this is a book geared towards those who have experienced sexual abuse, and that is something that I have never experienced.

I have also never known anyone who has divulged such abuse to me. So I'm coming at this book from a very outside perspective. The second is that this book is geared towards Christians. The title doesn't really indicate that in the least, but it views belief in God as the ultima Before getting into my thoughts about the book I feel I need to make a couple things clear. The title doesn't really indicate that in the least, but it views belief in God as the ultimate way to have hope.

I am a Christian so this doesn't bother me, but I simply think this needs to be made clear at the beginning. With these out of the way let's proceed. To be honest, I had very mixed feelings about The Wounded Heart. I found some of it useful, but other aspects of it troubling. I'll start with what I found helpful and move to some of the things I disliked.

First, I give him kudos for tackling such a difficult topic. Reading some sexual abuse stories over the past few years, Christians tend to be pegged as people who avoid the reality of sexual abuse and offer few resources to help those who have experienced it. Yet, here was a work that was originally published in So I give Allender a good deal of respect for offering this resource, even if the execution didn't set well with me for the most part.

The other aspect of the book I found helpful were the sections where he was focused on the psychological and very little of his theology was evident.

I found learning about the dynamics of abuse and also the damage that sexual abuse could do enlightening even while difficult to read and comprehend that such abuse and damage to others happens. When he focused on the psychology side of things, I found him to be more professional in tone. That said, these positives give way to the negatives rather quickly.

The major problem I have with the book is the way he injects Christianity into this process. It seems that his major goal is to make the victim of abuse realize that they are sinners who need God. While admittedly we are all sinners and I understood where he was coming from, the way it was presented troubled me. I could see people who have experienced abuse recoiling from the way it was presented as more burden being placed on them. I also questioned some of the things that he was labeling as sin.

One such example was regarding a woman who was waiting for her father at an airport. They had agreed to meet during a two hour layover she had at the airport. She was looking forward to this meeting and was disappointed that he didn't show up. This led her to be ashamed of getting her hopes up in the first place, because it appeared this was not new behavior for her father. Allender declares this exchange idolatry. That the woman's worth was being tied up too much to her father's appearance. I found this very troubling.

To simply look forward to a meeting with a parent is idolatry? To feel bad and silly for looking forward to it when it falls through is idolatry? This seems dubious to me.

13 Healing Lessons from a Sexual Abuse Victim

Yet so often this is the way he handles the theological side of the book, with questionable connections like these and a heavy hand. As I said it is not that I always disagree with his theology. Often I either disagree with some of his theological conclusions, or question the way that he is presenting it in a work like this.

I think his work would be much more helpful if it focused on the positive aspects of God's love for us, his grace, his mercy even for those who have experienced abuse. He seems to focus on the victim understanding their sin as the only path towards receiving God's healing. I don't find that in the ministry of Jesus.

The spiritual aspect

Jesus healed, but you don't see him requiring a confession of sin before he acts. That doesn't mean that our sin never needs addressed, it means that God can heal us before our sins are realized. It may even be from that healing that we are able to then confront our sins. All this to say, that while I found The Wounded Heart helpful in understanding some of the dynamics and damage from abuse, I wonder if it is really that helpful of a book. You may find healing in the pages, but you could also find more pain.

I probably wouldn't really recommend it, but unfortunately I have no other books on the subject I can offer in its place. Jul 23, Dee Dee Smith rated it it was amazing. As a survivor of Childhood Sexual Abuse, The Wounded Heart struck a such a resounding cords of the familiar that I had to put the book down. I would not pick it up again for months, haunted because the exercises represented re-living the shame and guilt.

Yet, once I pushed through I finally get that in order to get through such an awful thing in your life you really must endure for a time some serious pain. You have to do the work to "have a life". And no, you will never be normal but I learned t As a survivor of Childhood Sexual Abuse, The Wounded Heart struck a such a resounding cords of the familiar that I had to put the book down. And no, you will never be normal but I learned this is okay. In a way it makes you better at loving others and forgiving; because you've seen the worst of human nature and choices you can love the best.

Oct 21, Angel rated it liked it Recommends it for: Another hard to read book The book gives specific examples of common outcomes of people who've been through abuse. Tear provoking, but healing at the same time. The positive side is that it helps the individual to overcome this experience, but I would recommend having a counselor to talk to while reading this if one has experienced this kind of abuse.

“My Grace Is Sufficient for Thee”

All kinds of feelings and thoughts are dredged up. May 01, Rod White rated it really liked it. I admit that I reluctantly give this book such a high rating because it has tragic flaws: He's a Westminster guy influenced by "biblical" counseling. Nevertheless, he is periodically brilliant and I have used many of his helpful images and practical suggestions in dealing with traumatized people.

He is making a good effort at coming at the practice of I admit that I reluctantly give this book such a high rating because it has tragic flaws: He is making a good effort at coming at the practice of counseling from a standpoint of faith and that needs to be honored. He writes clearly and passionately. He obviously has done a lot of his own internal work. Not all participants who had made a Spiritual Connection described a Spiritual Journey; those who did were those who had a particularly powerful connection to a divine being or robust ties to a spiritual community.

The Spiritual Journey could involve three paths: Some participants followed primarily one path, whereas others followed more than one. Many participants described being accompanied, protected, shielded, healed, and unburdened by a divine being. Whatever I go through, You [are] right there with me going through it. If you talk to God about it, and in a sense give it to him, give him that problem, it takes a lot, and it did, it takes a lot from you to lift, like a weight been lifted off your shoulders.

He took that from me, I mean, before I did that I cried about it a lot. Being sustained was also a crucial path for a participant without traditional religious beliefs:. Another path of the Spiritual Journey is being awakened. Participants described experiencing new ways of thinking, seeing the truth, or coming to view events from a divine perspective. A man who had survived child-hood sexual abuse, physical and emotional abuse by his mother, drug addiction, and three rapes while in prison, shared an experience of being awakened:. You know I have a little hope today that you know if I stand up for myself then I can get better.

Being tested was also a path of the Spiritual Journey. Participants referred to experiencing trials, tests, and tribulations from God and growing stronger as a result of these challenges. A man who had been sexually assaulted as an adult offered a poignant reflection on being tested:. I look at it like this, God tests us, you know.

For a few participants, a Spiritual Journey resulted in the third dimension of Being Delivered, which is labeled as Spiritual Transformation. This type of change was described by some participants who came to view their violence in a spiritually meaningful way and who experienced a profound sense of divine intervention in their lives as a result of the violence.

Spiritual Transformation was experienced as lasting and permeating. Those participants who described a Spiritual Transformation had Spiritual Journeys that were particularly intense and life-changing. For the most part, those who did not experience a Spiritual Transformations had had their Spiritual Journeys interrupted by ongoing abuse or other life challenges.

More titles to consider

As Being Delivered is a progressive and life-long process, many participants may have the potential to experience a Spiritual Transformation, but had not yet done so. Spiritual Transformation is manifested in two ways: Some participants described coming to believe that the sexual violence they experienced, while traumatic, had served an important purpose in their lives.

Because the meaning they attributed to the violence changed in a significant way, this process is labeled as transformative meaning. Transformative meaning has two elements that are referred to as redemptive revival and inspiration. Many expressed that their redemption came from God. A year-old woman who had experienced a lifetime of sexual violence described an experience of redemptive revival:. It was a healing process. Participants described having a deep urge, desire, or hope to do something, especially something creative, with the sacred gifts they had received as a result of the violence.

Participants had used several outlets for their inspiration, such as involvement in music ministry, volunteer work, and group Bible study. Some participants who experienced Spiritual Transformation did so through what they considered to be a supernatural experience.

Several referred to positive life experiences as miracles given by God. For many survivors of sexual violence, spirituality is an integral aspect of the healing process. The theoretical framework depicted in Figure 1 reflects a complex psychosocial process in which the survivors of sexual violence experience Being Delivered by a divine being. Having a strong spiritual connection creates for survivors the possibility of being supported and guided in their struggles, obtaining new insights that aid in their recovery, and acquiring strength as a result of passing spiritual challenges.

For some, these experiences result in profound spiritual changes as survivors come to attribute spiritual meaning to their violence and experience divine interventions that change the course of their lives. Many aspects of the theoretical framework are consistent with other research on spirituality and sexual violence.

Our finding that the process of Being Delivered contributes to healing is consistent with the results of a systematic review conducted by Shaw and colleagues that revealed religion and spirituality are usually beneficial to trauma recovery including sexual violence , and that experiencing trauma can lead to a deepening of religion and spirituality. Several dimensions of the framework resonate with constructs investigated in prior studies.

Support for the three Spiritual Journeys is also found in the literature. These women also reported making sense of the violence by coming to believe that their violence and abuse served as a test provided by God through which they could become stronger; this experience was consistent with the path of being tested. There are several limitations to the data. Ethnic groups of Hispanic, Asian, and Middle Eastern origin were not well-represented in the sample, and therefore the influence of a variety of ethnic influences on spiritual healing could not be explored.

Most notably, the sample did not include a diversity of religious faiths; most participants identified Christianity as their religion. While the experiences of Spiritual Connection, Spiritual Journey, and Spiritual Transformation may be shared by those of different faiths, this would need to be studied. In addition, the study is a retrospective study in which participants reported on spiritual experiences that may have happened many years ago, and the data therefore may suffer from recall biases.

Based on the findings of this study, several areas of future research are suggested. This study was based on a group of participants who experienced a wide range of sexual violence experiences, from ongoing and persistent episodes of childhood sexual abuse to one-time experiences of sexual assault in adulthood. More work needs to done to understand the relationships among the extent and type of sexual violence experienced and spiritual healing. Other potential influences on spiritual healing, including the relationship between the victim and the perpetrator, the age and gender of the victim at the time of the assault, and other coping variables also warrant further investigation.

This findings of this study have implications for clinical practice. The theoretical framework of Being Delivered can be used by clinicians to guide discussions of spirituality and healing with survivors. The findings indicate that spirituality in survivors is expressed as a multi-dimensional and dynamic process. If a survivor wishes to explore how their spirituality might aid in healing, the model can help identify where in the process of Being Delivered they consider themselves to be and open up the possibility of future spiritual growth.

Clinicians should appreciate that the process of Being Delivered will be unique for each survivor and each survivor may be at a different stage in the process. The model, however, represents common experiences shared by our sample, and these experiences can serve as a springboard to address the role of spirituality in healing among other survivors.

Full terms and conditions of use: This article maybe used for research, teaching and private study purposes. Any substantial or systematic reproduction, re-distribution, re-selling, loan or sub-licensing, systematic supply or distribution in any form to anyone is expressly forbidden. The publisher does not give any warranty express or implied or make any representation that the contents will be complete or accurate or up to date. The accuracy of any instructions, formulae and drug doses should be independently verified with primary sources. The publisher shall not be liable for any loss, actions, claims, proceedings, demand or costs or damages whatsoever or howsoever caused arising directly or indirectly in connection with or arising out of the use of this material.

National Center for Biotechnology Information , U.

• Complete guide for running a marathon under 4 hours (Finisherguide Marathon plans Book 400)
• LETHE : Book #1, The Squirrels
• Morgan And The Other Side Of The Stone
• Mes petits plats pour enfants (French Edition)
• Angels Fall
• Shakespeare et son double: Les sonnets de Shakespeare à la lumière de la théorie mimétique de René Girard (French Edition)
• La conquête de Plassans (French Edition)