Shrine of Her Dead Lover

Diana’s boyfriend Dodi’s London flat left UNTOUCHED 20 years after his death

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This was my life with her. I also have had couple in the bedroom for many years. But then I saw the movie Last Vegas, and the Robert DeNiro character plays a widower about a year out, like me, and he has pictures of his late wife all over his apartment. I should also mention that I have no interest in dating or even further, living under the same roof with anyone.

Am I going crazy? You are not going crazy, brother. I lost my wife of 23 years last summer July and dating divorced, insecure women jealous of the deceased, and any memory we have of our wives and us sharing this thing called life looses its shine fast. The barrage of questions. The pop psychology that these women run on you. They bash their ex, a guy we never met, and we have nothing bad to say about our late wives except that we miss them.

They have venom and bitterness.

We have memories of real love, valleys, mountains, and boredom. I would rather live my life remembering my best friend and the man she allowed me to become, remaining in the company of friends, than have discussions about erasing her memory to make a divorcee happy. Widows are coolest for guys like us. We share the same walk between the world of memory and the world of right now.

Knowing how the loss feels, as we do, we need to find somebody that respects the loss. I doubt I could ever work with a divorcee. But on an up note, every day is one day closer to the day we both see our wives again. I do think, or hope, there are women other than widows who could be good and understanding partners, but I do think takes an extremely open and understanding and it also takes a lot of really strong communication. Best to you both as you navigate the complicated waters of grieving after losing someone you love so deeply. I am a divorced woman.

There are many circumstances why people divorce….. Everytime I look at pictures of past Christmases or birthdays I remember good times that were had, and I have kept photos of my ex husband to be given to my kids when they want them. Grief comes in many forms. When I first starting dating my partner he had a picture of his deceased partner on his living room wall. A short time after we started dating I noticed the picture was gone.

We have been together now for 3 years and have bought a house together. Just recently, when moving totes around at his cabin, I came across photos of her I will call her P and him D and cards that were saved from her to him and from him to her, she will have been gone 6 years come this December.

I said either him or her mother. I kick myself now for looking at the cards and reading them. Wished I had left well enough alone. P married one of his best friends. I can see why she did, he is a very special man. It has really affected me seeing those totes.

Death at Love House - Wikipedia

Not only the totes but also when cleaning up the camping trailer I came across one of her journals. I put it back in the drawer it was in, mentioned it to my partner in passing…but it is still there. After coming home from the cabin I happened to notice the pictures were in the vehicle. He kind of hid them in the vehicle. After seeing the cards I realized that she was his soul mate, his other half.

This is a man who loves deeply, to his core. Why do I now feel like I am living in a shadow? Am I being oversensitive? He calls me sexy and have always felt very special when he does…. Although we may move forward with our lives and make space for new people and new experiences, we often remain connected with those who die an different ways.

This is especially true if there are children involved as the woman who died will always be their mother and a part of their family, whether she is alive or not. And that it is normal to hold onto notes and photos, this does not mean that he is unable to move forward and have perfectly healthy relationships in the here and now.

I agree that divorce can cause very deep and significant grief, regardless of the circumstances, and that grief comes in many forms. I disagree, though, that having photographs of a deceased spouse around the house indicates you have no business entering into a new relationship. This is especially true if there are children involved. In these instances it would not be beneficial for the belongings or photographs of the deceased to be secreted away to a private room. The person who died is still a part of the family and should be recognized and honored as such. This may be one main difference between the grief or divorce and the grief of a death.

When the person is dead, photographs, memories, belongings, etc are all that people have left to remember them by. Hi My best friend passed away March January she gave birth to their son this boy was a miracle baby she was told she could not have kids. She dealt with depression on the night of her death she supposedly was on antidepressants and sleep meds. He has told all of us never to show pictures of our best friend or refer to her as mommy near his son so the boy does not become confused. The little child calls the new woman mommy.

He has also told us he does not want to see us or even let us visit with our best friends baby so we do not confuse him. Also, he has told the sister of his dead wife the same thing. How do we deal? This little boy is all we have as a memory that connects us to her. I think you are a little hard on this woman insecurities, you do ask yourself these questions at the beginning of a relationship, just wondering, is this normal, and I think the answer to her is yes.

Not sure that makes her such a giant shrew. I am dating a man who was married 38 years also. I have no problem with the pictures around, and also no problem if they talk about her. However, I am younger than he and divorced, have 3 kids of my own and am struggling with the complexity. It never occurred to me that I was giving up having a family. Is that so wrong? And I also have a nice one of my spouse and I in the hallway and on my bedside table, to make him know I have moved on emotionally. He is also widower and has basically done the same.

I think he has two in his house. One is a really cute one of his ex and his son. I can respect that. But definately, OUT of the bedroom! So keep some, but many is tasteless. I dated a man who still had Christmas cards up from the year his wife died…which was 7 years ago…the calendar was up from the month she passed…. So there is this wonderful gentleman a widower whose wife passed away two years ago. She has two children who are his children now and he cares for them.

So we met a couple months ago he approached me at the grocery store. He was very sweet and I gave him my number. Since that day we have talked every single day and he comes to see me atleast every other day. We became sexually active and I have grown to really like him. He seems very genuine, hard working, a great father, honest and very caring. But I can also feel and sense he still loves his wife, which I completely understand and would always understand that and expect.

So I expect it to be difficult for him and his children. So I am always there to listen if he wants to talk about her or how he is feeling. And I want him to feel comfortable talking to me about anything.

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But with sensing he has not moved on from his wifes passing and sensing he has a fear to completely let me in. I felt that before I get too attached to him I should tell him how I feel about him and see where his head is at. So last week I told him that I really like him a lot and why. And let him know that I am hoping to grow into a relationship as that is something I want and am hoping to have again.

What’s Your Question: Should my boyfriend still display photos of his late wife?

I proceeded to tell him that I needed to know how he felt about that and if that is something he was also leaning towards with me or how exactly he felt. I told him It was okay to be honest with me that I would be understanding and I would never judge him but that I needed to know were his head was at. He was honest and told me he loves my conversation and companionship, that he does like me a lot and feels very comfortable around me. He told me he was sorry that he should have had this conversation with me sooner.

He also said he would like to be friends still if I wanted too. I understand why the conversation was hard to have and I understand him not being ready to move on or get into a relationship. He was understanding of that. He still comes to see me on a regular basis still brings me sweet treats it us non sexual now. We just sit and hangout and talk a lot about anything, every day things, and about her.

But as I spend time with him I can feel us grow closer as two people and I can feel my feelings for him getting stronger. And there is this part of me that kind of hopes that if I am patient and continue to show him he can trust me with his feelings for her and that I would never to push her memory out then maybe down the road he will be ready to date me. Continue to be there for him as a friend even though my feelings for him are growing? Or to just let him out of my life completely to protect my own future feelings?

And if I stopped talking to him would that be wrong or make things more difficult for him? What should I do. I am dating my boyfriend for the last 11 months. He has been a W for 9 years he said I am the first serious relationship since his Wife died. I spend lots of weekend with him at his house. He constantly talk about his LW when we get together with his friends.

Sometimes I wonder if he is over the grief. It gets easier, it gets different, and it definitely comes up less often. But when you lose someone who is so important to you, that is with you forever. That is not a problem or unhealthy, it is just a reality of how grief works. Unfortunately there are many myths and misconceptions out there about grief, including the idea that we reach some sort of closure and our grief ends. Part of continuing bonds is sharing memories and stories about the person we have lost.

Research shows us that this is actually healthy and not unhealthy, but it can sometimes make other people uncomfortable with many years of past and someone is still talking about their loved one. Personally, I think it important part of dating a widow is keeping in mind that the person will probably always want to continue bonds in someway with their late husband or wife. It is about coming to terms with the reality that that is not a problem, but rather a product of natural and healthy grief. All that said, Lake with anything else in a relationship communication is crucial. I would just encourage you before doing so to learn about grief and understand why he may be doing things he is doing.

The fact that you are researching this and taking the time to think about it shows how much you care about him and I am sure he knows that! Wishing you the best! He was with her for 27 years, they have a son and daughter.

We met 3 years after she died. We have two children of our own. He refers to her as an Angel and apparently she was. As I deal with my insecurities, I want to talk to him about how his response made me feel. However, I think I need to. My question is, is grief ever completely gone?

Bebe, I am so sorry you are feeling insecurities. The short answer to your question is no, grief is never completely gone. When a person has been such an important part of our lives and we lose them their impact on us and that loss stays with us in some way forever. It may and most likely will change dramatically with time. It may get easier, it may get different, but it is always still there in some ways. Certain triggers will always come up — a song the person loved, their favorite food, those tough days — birthdays and anniversaries.

When we lose someone there is such a deep fear that we will forget them, and the last thing we want to is to think we have replaced them.

It is important to remember that you can be completely and totally different than his late-wife was, but that has nothing to do with how he feels about you and how much he loves you. We love people for who they are, not for reminding us of someone else.

But if you are feeling bad and are not able to resolve it, keeping emotions bottled inside is not ideal. I am sorry there are no clear answers. Again, the fact that you are researching how to handle this is a sign that you are thoughtful and caring. Eleanor, thank you for the response.

People want us the survivors to be the anchor for you lost loved ones. The glue that keeps the memories alive. Every place I go people want to speak about Susan and grieve. It is an ever daunting task. I just when I encountered this situation it makes you rethink am I crazy. She love to see the candle lit for mom everyday. I was faced with the same situation this week. My new girlfriend of 3 months confronted me about the pictures of my wife in my home. I told her I would be happy to put the things away and remove some of the pictures. I stated that the reason her things are here still is because of my 9 year old daughter.

I feel she needs to have pictures and to be close to her mother. I was also told I have a codependent relationship with my daughter and again should seek help. This is due to the fact I asked my daughter where she would like to go to dinner before I asked my friend. I reached out to a therapist and was told your grief is fine. When I told this to my new friend.

Then I came across this post on my first attempt for information and you seem to confirm what I have been told. What causes someone to be so hurtful and so disrespectful? What can you even say to someone like that? I was truly heartbroken that someone would discount my grief in such a harsh manner.

I was told call me when you get your life in order and the things are gone. Which includes a really cool convertible I bought my wife when my daughter was born. I was really hoping to save the car for My daughter.

She sounds like wicked step-mother material. I am so sorry you had this experience. I am just so sorry you had to experience this first. Perhaps she would want to help to go through the things, perhaps not. This is just a personal opinion, but if I were in your position I would leave the photographs out. It is important for your daughter to feel a connection with her mother and to know that even though she is not physically present she is still a part of your family. This topic is always so interesting to me because for some reason people treat romantic relationships as the one relationship in which they expect the griever to just erase the deceased from their life.

You should honor and celebrate the past and I know you will find someone who fits comfortably into that next chapter. I was really hoping to save the car for daughter. My situation with the pictures is similar its not easy to compair.

I however would like to mention that I really hope he sees how unbelievably selfish, shallow and a lot of other things that add up to a breakup this woman seems to be. Anyway I lost my wife of 18 yrs to overdose and because its a very long completed situation that involved us being abused molested and other things that left us damaged confused seeking comfort in anything that helped all of us have abused drugs very young to hide from our emotional distress.

Things have changed a little here bi girls is fairly common and my girls were openly bi and together.

Anyway there is enuf to be confused. Lol we lost lyd jan30 12 to accidental overdose we think but who can say for sure. Of course kids these days are far more open sexualy than I wish they were. I love her kids as if they were mine. Hesther and I spiraled further and further out of control spent 3 yrs heroin addicts I found her Feb 3 15 my world is shattered I did more heroin than ever trying to join them without doing it totally on purpose. I have been a good listener and am pretty good at helping others even though i dont care for myself and am so alone,affraid, confused, drsperate for anything to make me feel better or something.

I have went to every grief class therapy session or anything that may help but nothing has helped im so so happy to have came accross this site it is the first thing on loosing someone to overdose that sounded good in these last years. I felt terrible for ever and eventually Lydia and I confessed every little secret and we were so alike we were okay with it and got even closer. I really feel for those who are looking for answers why this person did this to you or themselves or both. I can at this time only see myself healing by helping others heal then maybe I really hope I can manage this guilt confusion sadness and every emotion u touch on here on this site.

Realizing it may have been better suited here, apologies if I put it in the wrong place, was desperate to get it out! Feel free to move it, etc. My husband died suddenly 3 months ago. Is it normal to keep yourself so busy at work and at home that you do not have time to think? I am so sorry about your husband. This reaction can be very common, but it is important to be aware that it can become problematic if it turns into avoidance over the long-term. Avoiding things can be an important coping mechanism, because sometimes thinking about things too much and deeply feeling emotions can make it hard to deal with the practicalities of daily life.

But ultimately we have to face our grief eventually, or it can create problems in the long term. We have a post about this that you may want to check out. The photo of a lost loved one displayed is natural and okey…in the case of moving on to finding another love, respectfully if one chooses to move on and open his heart to allowing a space to be filled with new love, then choices will have to be made.

Keep beautiful memories of your lost love in your heart and do not make a new love feel intimidated by your past. Only a strong and affirmative decision to move on requires changes to be made. If not do not selfishly lead another heart along. As for the new love..

If you belong with this person, completely and honestly, the decision to remove the photo will come naturally from your partner and you would know you are in a geniune and progressive relationship.. You are there to love not to live a painful journey. My widower boyfriend was happily married for 40 years. I too am a widow, so I do understand the need for pictures and blending them into what we have now. I can see having many family pictures with them and their children, but those of just the two of them alone is what I am dealing with now.

We have been together 2 years, and there are still portraits in full view of them alone, and a few other ones of them alone scattered throughout the house as well. Would like your thoughts on this. I guess my question would be, what do these photos represent to him and what do they represent to you? There is a difference between holding onto photos because your pining for a love that is gone and holding on to them because they represent a part of the past that the family still remembers with love and affection. Either way, you know your situation better than anyone.

What does your gut tell you about the photos? Do they seem harmless or do they seem like a symptom of something bigger? Denise concludes to reveal that Lorna contacted a healer for eternal beauty and youth, and could not sleep ever since: Back at the mansion, Joel finds a book about witch spells, and becomes obsessed with Lorna, fantasizing about her Marianna Hill. Moments later, the same man who scared Conan tries to murder Donna through carbon monoxide poisoning in a locked bathroom, and Joel and Clara are only just in time to save her. Donna initially insists on leaving, but decides to support her husband as he explains that he is near discovering Lorna's secrets and thus can't leave yet.

She tells them about "Father Eternal Fire", a spiritual man, though refuses to elaborate on the witchcraft blade that Donna found. After the conversation, Donna claims that Marcella is the woman who ran past Lorna's shrine on the first day of their arrival, and wants to continue meeting with Marcella.

Joel, however, forbids her from doing so, explaining that Lorna deserves to have secrets. That evening — in an obsessed rage - Joel breaks into Lorna's bedroom and reads about details of Joel Sr. Donna, meanwhile, has again spotted the woman from day one and reaches out to Joel for help. The next morning, Donna pleads to leave, but Joel again protects Lorna and refuses to go. Donna then meets with Oscar who reveals that part of the healer's activities involved fire, and that her husband is not safe in the mansion.

Donna hurries to save Joel, and finds a terrified Marcella at the mansion along with the witchcraft blade cut through a photo of her. As she looks around, she finds out that Clara Josephs is actually a very alive Lorna. While under her spell, Joel kisses her at the shrine and fire breaks out.

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