My Bipolar Mind
Contents:
After you read each example, ask yourself what actions might be taken to help ensure a positive change in mindset. No one is to blame. Watch your internal dialogue, and stop pointing fingers at yourself. At one point, I could not have imagined enjoying the recovery that I do today. It was when I started to envision the best, not the worst, that I started moving more quickly toward a brighter tomorrow. A self-limiting stance keeps you from seeking out a known solution. Logic tells you that people at a support group are well equipped to offer understanding and encouragement.
The only thing you have to fear is the possibility of getting better. Sometimes, a particular prescription is just not the best fit. Even when you have bipolar, life is not so cut and dried.
Black and White Thinking. In my life, having bipolar has meant making blunders. No one is perfect. When you make a mistake, learn from it and move on. In time, you can reprogram negative thoughts.
Bipolar Disorder & Untangling ‘Twisted Thoughts’
Begin to replace the negative self-talk in your head by writing a more positive, realistic affirmation on an index card. Refer to it regularly whenever you find yourself embracing a convoluted thought or fostering a bad belief. I have to examine the facts. I have to use good reason and judgment in making decisions. I have to learn from past mistakes and be willing to make tough choices to keep my recovery moving in the right direction.
Doing so will help ensure a more rewarding and fulfilling life. The first psychiatrist I ever visited asked me to carry around such a card and read it 50 times a day for 30 days.
Negative thoughts pop into my head—and then I will have a conversation about this experience.
Initially, I thought this idea was absurd. Over the course of the month, I was astonished by how my thinking changed for the better. You can retrain your brain. There have been times when my illness resulted in my thinking or saying things or developing beliefs that were extremely destructive, with devastating consequences.
I had to learn to seek out and accept honest feedback from family or friends who noticed my distorted thinking. Surround yourself with people who can profoundly and positively help you reprogram your false perceptions. Be open to their suggestions, and be willing to take action. Give yourself a mental makeover: Untangle your twisted thoughts and break down your bad beliefs. The more what you think and believe is aligned with genuine reality, the more balanced and healthy your life can be.
I think, for me, the most heart breaking part of my bipolar illness is how easily the ability to judge right from wrong gets so lost and crumbles in the bipolar episodes. Guilt and shame can plague a good soul terribly. I finally gave my struggles to my Creator and have been able to rediscover the good I have done for my children, friends, and even a stranger at times.
I am going to be 69 and went 12 years without hospitalization before my last two episodes ending three years ago.
My Life with Bipolar II Disorder—The Other Side of Me
I feel better about myself but struggle with making good use of time. A college professor asked me to consider writing a book someday, and I feel it in my heart while it plays out in my mind. My stories make people smile or laugh, or make them cry. I lack organization skills now but wonder how much medicine is affecting me. I want my story read…from my early years, to finally being able to stop blaming God for giving me this disease.
By the way, my son wrote a book, and I am so proud of him for finishing it and getting it published. At the age of 36, after decades of struggle with erratic mood swings—periods of mania followed by debilitating depression—and ample doses of anxiety and frustration, Julie Kraft, a mother of three, was finally diagnosed with bipolar II disorder in One question that her diagnosis answered was why, whenever she would drive on unfamiliar roads, she would experience severe anxiety, irrational fears, and emotional outbursts.
She now understood the reaction to be symptoms of her bipolar disorder. Accepting her diagnosis took time and was difficult at first but today she says she is thriving thanks to the support of family, friends, daily medication , and becoming aware of her triggers. Julie wrote her memoir in order to share her struggle and give hope to others living with the challenges of coping with a serious mental illness.
Today, Julie lives in Canada with her husband of 22 years and their daughters ages 10, 17, and Listen to our candid interview with Julie, below:. My husband and children were always the innocent victims of my episodes.
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It was my train wreck, but they were caught in the wreckage with no escape. The ones I loved the very most always got my worst. I was utterly incapable of looking outside myself, of seeing the forest through the trees. I prayed they would be patient and wait for me to reappear. Perhaps by then, I would have the courage to tell them it was my problem, not theirs. But could my relationships and marriage be salvaged, repaired, and restored? I was risking everything with my volatile words and actions, playing Russian roulette with myself and others.
Why such insanity, desperation, and drama? What was going through my mind in the moments before, during, and after my episodes? I loved the attention and follow-up feelings my irrational indiscretions always brought. I loved having control and holding power, even if only for a few moments and for the worst reasons.
There was always a rush of adrenaline.
Bipolar Disorder: What does it feel like?
And I always wanted more. Just how far could I take my craziness? How risky could I be, yet still smooth things over with an apology, a romp in the sack, or some of my best behavior? Selfish, sinister, sick, and twisted? But what had set my wrecking ball in motion?