Love Is For Keeps (Santos Brothers)

Love Is For Keeps

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Just talking about whatever came in his head… but it just felt normal to him for a minute. They talk as if nothing is going on… he tells her that her hair is coming in good, or they talk about how library day will work next year at Marvin, what happens when people have surgery, his new Spider-man book…whatever. He just wants to be there. Just a couple of days later, we took our last bath together.

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I laid her on top of me and not much was said. I knew she wanted to talk to me but it was hard for her. It was the last conversation we had. For the next 24 hours she was still there in her mind but this too would go soon. Her heartbeat is slowing down but sounding different because her heart is working harder. Her oxygen is slowing down a bit too. Her breathing is slowing down so much in fact that I just stare at her. She will take a breath and then it will be so long until the next one that I find myself holding my breath until she takes one again.

She sleeps most of the day and gives me small glimpses of what is in her mind. I lay with her so quiet and still and listen to the things that she says in her sleep. She asks me if I see things or tells someone to wait on Mommy. She flinches and smiles, makes gestures with her hands and squeezes my hand softly. Each night Stuart and I snuggle in beside her and tell her things just in case she is not with us when we wake up. We have been told by hospice that we are lucky. She is relaxed, comfortable and not in pain. Two days later she died.

She died in the morning on June 28 th at the age of 7 years, days. So on February 23 rd , I crawled into bed with my now oldest daughter Sophia. We snuggled for a bit and then she got a piggyback ride downstairs as she got ready for school. I dropped her off and continued to torture myself throughout the day. I talked to my Mom on the phone and cried. I sat in the sun quietly and waited for Sophia to get off the bus.

I gave her a big hug and told her that today she was 7 years and days old.

She shrugged me off as usual. I took her for a haircut where the stylist walked right into my nightmare. The stylist laughed at how cute she was. I knew when she asked her if she had any brothers or sisters, that we were in for it. The stylist turned and looked at me.

How old was she? I then proceed to weep on the couch of Pigtails and Crewcuts. I took Sophia back and we walked on the trail together, holding hands and laughing. I would catch myself looking down at our hands together and thinking how unbelievably similar that view was.

40 years after Santos Rodriguez’s murder, scars remain for family, neighbors and Dallas

She is healthy and running barefoot ahead of me in her purple dress with her blonde hair bouncing up and down. I am looking at a child that Isabella should have been on that day. Happy, cancer free, without a care in the world. But instead she is gone and Sophia is now older than Isabella. But, as Sophia ages each day — it gives me a small glimpse into a piece of who she would have been on that day in history too.

I always say Sophia is a gift from Isabella.

Her little sister who has in one day, all of sudden, become her big sister too. Want to help our fight? You gotta love them. I feel like I have written so many blogs about how amazing my kids are, but we know that is not how kids are all the time. Grant is killing me right now.

Needless to say, he is killing me every day lately so I thought I would share the darker side of Grant for all those parents out there who feel this pain. So I spend quite a bit of time in the gym doing squats to have something that resembles a tush. This kid will stand there naked and talk to me for hours. He turns around to walk away and his butt is like two gigantic grapefruits. It really is unreal. How can I be jealous of his rear? It is the butt that I strive to have every day, and he just walks around with it.

I think he knows he tortures me with this ridiculous backside. I could probably go on for a couple more pages here. It was one of the best decisions I ever made, but one of the hardest. We had just had our first Christmas without her. She was only gone 6 months. I kept thinking of all the things I was going to do with my life without cancer. I was finally going to do all the things I was never able to do.

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I was finally going to take the Foundation by the reins and turn this little project into something. I spent the entire day of that first September race, after she passed away, hiding out. I would just stand uncomfortably in front of people, thanking them with tears rolling down my face. I was looking at all that we had built over the years and I was staring at a crossroads.

None of them was an option for me. I was only looking at one viable option to survive. I had to hire someone.

You think supporters will treat you differently like you are somehow no longer what you say you are. The mission is the most important thing and anything that takes away from that feels like you are doing your supporters wrong. All I wanted to do was run from it, but I could feel her hand on my back pushing me to continue.

It was a Wednesday. Why I chose to schedule an interview on a Wednesday morning after my cemetery visit is beyond me, looking back. I asked my head of Marketing, Rachel Wood, to join me. I wanted us to seem professional like we had our shit together. I arrived a couple of minutes early to grab a coffee and compose myself.

I had of course been crying that morning after visiting her on a cold January morning. January in a cemetery is always depressing, cold and dead. There she was… early. Little did I know that for the next three years she would always be the one who was early. Always saving me from being late.

I walk up looking like I just had the shit beat out of me. She was, of course, gracious and sympathetic and as professional as she is today. Rachel arrived a few minutes later — glancing at me and realizing that I was in no shape for this interview. But, what was she to say to me? She just smiled and gave me a hug. Thankfully Rachel ran most of the interview for me, asking all the right questions.

The woman across the table had no real non-profit experience to speak of but was looking for something in her life that was missing. She had followed the story and seemed passionate to help. There was no real social media or fundraising experience either, just something about her that made me feel like I was home.

The interview ended and we waited to discuss our options until we conducted a few more interviews that morning. But without even speaking, we knew she was it. We tried to Google her, we tried to dig up her dirt — nothing could be found. Everyone who spoke of her spoke of her highly. So we went for it on our gut… and we hired Maitland. Maitland had never met Isabella once. What we asked of her was all over the board.

I needed someone to be the first line of defense on ISF. I needed to get things organized and scheduled. The things we asked of her were so random and new to her, but she took it all on with a smile. The pay was embarrassing. It was hard for me to look at her, knowing that we were paying her so little. Ashley rated it liked it May 01, Brandy rated it it was amazing Jun 18, Rana Borden rated it it was amazing Mar 02, Marquita rated it really liked it Jul 06, JMoss rated it really liked it Aug 21, Paula Davis rated it really liked it Oct 07, Nicole Stoddart rated it liked it Apr 15, Susan rated it it was amazing Aug 27, Joyce rated it it was amazing Dec 17, Gay Harris rated it really liked it Dec 02, Shonna White rated it really liked it Jan 05, Nett Robbens rated it it was amazing Apr 13, Prissy rated it really liked it Jan 14, Kay rated it it was amazing Jan 14, Keisha Oliver rated it it was amazing Mar 02, Wendolynne rated it it was amazing Nov 11, Ashely McWhorter rated it it was amazing Dec 26, Patsy rated it it was amazing Jul 08, Dalia Henry rated it liked it Jan 14, Tucker Davis rated it really liked it Apr 06, Nicole V Drakes rated it liked it Dec 01, Jennifer Coleman rated it really liked it Apr 29, Get to Know Us.

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