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Raised by a single father, AJ felt a strong desire to learn about relationships and the elements that make them successful. However, this interest went largely untapped for many years. Following the path set out for him by his family, AJ studied biology in college and went on to pursue a Ph. It was at this time that he began to feel immense pressure from the cancer lab he worked in and began to explore other outlets for expression. It was at this point that The Art of Charm Podcast was born. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam.
Learn how your comment data is processed. Opening the Conversation What to say after you approach a girl — how to pick up a girl at a club? Leave a Reply Cancel reply. Something is wrong with your submission.
Sign up for the Thought Catalog Weekly and get the best stories from the week to your inbox every Friday. Your on a […]. More importantly, having fun will make it easier to meet someone, as you won't feel as nervous and will have the confidence to talk to others. This is less a compliment and more a comment about what you like. Remember to commit to whatever it is. What if you could live a life that would make YOU jealous?
You may want to check the place out online or ask a friend before you head out. To look polished but still casual, try a pair of dark wash denim jeans. Blues, grays, and solid color shirts or basic patterns look clean and cool. Bring a group of friends with you.
While you don't want to spend the whole night talking to people you already know, having friends around makes the whole evening more fun and gives you people to talk to when things get awkward. Most people go to the club with friends, and if one of your friends makes a connection with someone, the rest of the group often gets introduced as well. Avoid calling your group an "entourage" or your "wing-men.
Just try to have fun, meet people, and dance. Despite the rumors of alcohol as "liquid courage," sloppy drunks are no fun for anyone. There is nothing wrong with having drinks throughout the night, but you shouldn't need to get hammered in order to talk to women.
Pace yourself so that you are clear and coherent. You should be able to hold a conversation with someone and dance without stumbling. Have a good time, whether you meet someone or not. No one likes a person who is clearly just looking for someone to hook-up with.
It alienates your friends and, more often than not, comes off as visibly creepy. More importantly, having fun will make it easier to meet someone, as you won't feel as nervous and will have the confidence to talk to others.
Having fun exudes positive energy! It's fine to want to meet women when you go out. But if the only reason that you go clubbing is to meet women while intoxicated, then you will usually go home disappointed. Part 1 Quiz What is the best reason to avoid getting drunk at the club? So you don't need to pay high drink prices. So you don't overheat while dancing. So you can hold a conversation with a girl. Find women who aren't busy with someone else. Finding the right woman to talk to might be the hardest part of the whole process, but try not to overthink things.
Head up to the bar and chat in line while you wait. Say hello to a woman sitting along the wall or at the edge of the dance floor. Focus on quiet areas where you could actually have a conversation. Smile and introduce yourself. It is remarkably simple and yet remarkably effective. More often than not, they've heard it before and it won't be funny or charming. If she smiles back and introduces herself, offer to buy her a drink. Make sure, however, that she doesn't have a full drink right in front of her. Keep the conversation light.
You aren't trying to determine if someone is your soulmate, you're just trying to break the ice. Mention something about the club, her drink, or the music. Humor is one of the best ice-breakers on the planet, so throwing in a joke here and there shows that you are spontaneous, fun, and laid-back.
Remember that flirting is supposed to be light and fun, not serious. Saying "you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen" is bland and unspecific and she will, more likely than not, not believe you. But if she has beautiful eyes, a great fashion sense or killer hair, tell her. You don't want to rain compliments down on her, but a genuine compliment can go a long way.
If she complements you back, don't deflect or ignore it. Thank her politely and accept the compliment. Be direct and ask for a dance. Sometimes a simple, confident approach is all you need to get the girl on your arm. Alternatively, you can use direct lines like:. Most guys that go to bars are absolutely unaware of multiple openings for them to approach and even more oblivious to women who are obvious targets. When I go to bars there are two types of women I look for mainly.
The first are women who are doing shots and the second are women who are looking around. Women doing shots are only doing it for one reason; they want to get uninhibited as soon as possible because its a special night.
Women who have their head on swivel are the second types of women I keep my eyes peeled for. Women in bars are usually in groups. Some might be interested in hooking up, but thanks to most guys lacking the courage to approach, a lot of women get impatient and begin to search for guys to make eye contact with to expedite the hooking up process.
Make solid eye contact and approach, knowing that the chances of making a connection with this girl are very high. So many guys walk around the bar without realizing that there are women who are specifically interested in your physical appearance.
She may be attracted to your race, your looks, your hairstyle or your body type. Always make an effort to arrive at a bar or nightclub as early as possible. If the bar opens at 9PM, try and be there at Arriving early at the club allows you to avoid the lines and gives you access to the women who already are at the club without the barrier of competition.
The rule of thumb is: When in the club, realize that you have a specific purpose — to get laid. As time goes on, the bar will fill up with men. Drunk men fueled by liquid courage who will become your competition. Most women would have paired off with the guy who they will be having sex with that night and the rest will be most likely unattractive or no planning on leaving with anyone.
If logistics pan out, I usually spend the rest of the night with her and leave with her at the end of the night.
Find a woman who is ready to go, and whose logistics pan out, then stick with her till the end end of the night or till you can leave the club with her. As I stated earlier, mindset is key. Ever been at the bar with your group of guys, swapping stories and having a good time ignoring girls and suddenly realize that there are a suddenly a bunch of women close to you? Be fun and loud at the bar. Women gravitate towards men who seem to be having a great time, they want to be a part of it.
Those who want to be approached will give openings to guys and they are more likely to make openings available to men who are having a great time.
Sure, you will get rejected, but that should not stop you from smiling, laughing when possible, and having a great time. If you are at a bar alone, most guys you will meet at a bar are not going to be good wingmen. I might talk to a group of guys a or a guy to keep myself in a social mood, but I will rarely introduce myself to a guy unless he is part of a group that includes a woman I am trying to get that night. Chances are the guy will end up cockblocking you which means stopping you from getting laid for some reason or the other. Usually jealousy, or a bad habit of cockblocking.
Stick with guys in your group or go alone and try to avoid winging with other guys.