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Just over a year ago, my best friend dropped dead. Chris had no money, no real job, precious little hope. We first met as new boys aged eight at our boarding school, where he went on to become one of the best sportsmen the school had ever had and sat a scholarship for Harrow.
Early success might have played a part in what was to come. We all know people who peak prematurely. On leaving school, Chris and I and then shared a tent while hitchhiking through Canada and America.
For the next four decades, we would speak most weeks on the telephone, latterly at length as loneliness gripped him like a cancer. I say that Chris was my best friend, but he was also deeply infuriating: If I had come across him when we were in our thirties or forties, I would have grown weary of his wild money-making schemes that always came to nothing; and if I had met him when we were in our fifties I would have given him a wide berth.
But I miss him terribly. And I feel guilty that I did not do more to sort him out.
Come to think of it, I miss my father more in than in , when he died shortly after his 70th birthday. Our conversations would be far more interesting today than they were 30 years ago, and he would have got to know my children.
The post-war generation has never quite done that. While our Victorian forebears died at home surrounded by members of their family, along with some close friends and most likely a vicar, death today means a hospital bed and tubes, wires and bleeping machines.
Until my father died, I had not seen a corpse. There was a time when women wore black and men sported black armbands or a black tie for a while after someone close to them had died, and it would be no bad thing to bring back that tradition if we really want to address death.
Because life expectancy has increased, so too has the expectation of longevity. She is all for talking about death but recognises that for some people, denial is a tool that helps them cope. My own lament is that so many funerals are now private, with friends, cousins and acquaintances of the deceased being encouraged instead to attend upbeat memorial services followed by boozy drinks parties.
Talking about the dead and grieving for the dead are two very different things. Mark Palmer 5 May 9: Our Word of the Year justice , plus 10 more. Yeggs, jackrollers, footpads, and more. How we chose 'justice'.
And is one way more correct than the others? How to use a word that literally drives some people nuts. The awkward case of 'his or her'. Identify the word pairs with a common ancestor.
Test your knowledge - and maybe learn something along the way. Definition of good grief. Learn More about good grief.
Resources for good grief Time Traveler! Explore the year a word first appeared. Dictionary Entries near good grief Good Friday Good-Friday grass good God good grief good guy good-hearted good heavens.
Diffusion of responsibility is a social psychology concept that says people are less likely to take action or responsibility for something when multiple people are present. An interview with Frank Field Lynn Barber. The question to ask is: Alone, I began to weep. Of course you can probably guess how that effects your marriage.