Close but No Cigar: Humor and Homicide with LP Cinch

2013 $50 Fifty Dollar Bill Star Note Federal Reserve U S Currency

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But as his retirement day looms on the horizon, one of his probationers is murdered; suddenly Cinch's humdrum existence is much busier. With the case at a dead end, Cinch is drawn into the task of solving the crime. He receives information that the probationer left a handbag behind and opens the bulky purse to discover the stuff dreams are made of: While acquainting his replacement with the job and the parade of people in his world, Cinch sifts through a caseload that consists of the underbelly of society and soon unmasks a murderer.

But something far more complicated remained unresolved-what should he do with the large sum of money now in his possession? In this mystery laced with intrigue, humor, and high-stakes crime, a probation officer struggles with a life-changing dilemma as he finds out once and for all if he again comes close but no cigar. Subscribe now to be the first to hear about specials and upcoming releases.

Synonyms and antonyms of cinch in the English dictionary of synonyms

Cinch Anchoring Specialties threaded. Pin at each end Pin excess tie length in center Step 16 16 With the right side of the patchwork Cinch Front facing up, lay each of the raw-edge ends of the ties at each end of the Cinch Front and pin in place. Fold and pin the excess tie lengths Anna Maria Horner, No matter what kind of diamond, you first throw over and around the pack horse a rope and lash cinch to secure the load to the horse.

This may be Greek to you at first, but after a few trips when you do all the work, you'll sure see the point. Preliminary competitions will take place before each rodeo, Emily Ratajkowski displays plenty of cleavage in sexy Instagram snaps. This figure-flattering number will cinch you in at the waist and draw attention to your, ahem, assets too. So if you're looking to make an Clothing lines include Carhartt, Wrangler, Under Armour, Cinch , Key, Justin and more, and footwear ranges from sandals and flip flops to tennis Maybe we need to have a poll about which social Not only does it provide high factor protection it is a cinch to rub in, leaves skin feeling moisturised and there is no chance of ghost face or body.

For most Destiny veterans, these challenges should be a cinch , and luckily the reward tracker will account for past progress. We go on route marches, which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A 'route march' is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks. The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and Colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Then we have what is called hand-to- hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys.

I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake I only beat him once He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6 and pounds and he's 6'8 and nearly pounds dry. Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellas get onto this setup and come stampeding in. Things went soooo smooth and everyone seemed to have a great time. The free hors d'oeuvres were a big hit and I think most people were able to make a tasty meal of them.

We discounted the draft beer prices and they were the best sellers. When this big event comes around again next year we will do things the same, as everyone seemed more than happy. The cooks always do a great job with this special. This Wednesday is Mike Wood and Nate Lawton's birthdays and we will be shooting pool at the Red Oak Lounge so stop by and wish the boys a happy birthday.

Hopefully she and our customers will be happy with the addition. A lot of family and friends have been retiring lately. With all the trouble I get into while still working I can't imagine what would happen to me if I had any free time on my hands. After reading the following letter I think I'll hang on to my job for now. Dear Citizens, Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, Congress has decided to implement a scheme to put workers 50 years of age and above on early retirement. Special Help After Forced Termination.

Congress has always prided themselves on the amount of SHIT they give our citizens. Should you feel that you do not recieve enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your Congressman, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle. K - here's the story you've been waiting for since Saturday.

Yes, I was the idiot whose truck went through the ice on Sanford Lake. Now I'd like to explain how I accidentally ended up in a spot with thin ice and I'd like you to know that most the area I drove on was fine with 12in. After the constant questions and deserving ribbing at least now I know what people really want to know.

The water was about 3 ft. Problem was the water got deeper and the ice much thicker as we sawed toward shore, flooding the truck worse that it originally was. There was nothing frightening about it.

I knew the water was shallow and even when I got out of the truck and saw the rear tires had broken through there was no cracking noise and I walked away feeling it would be a cinch to pull out. I never dreamed, even then, it was going down. We live in a world where friends are more than willing to give a hand and the help kept coming and coming. I harbor no bad feelings toward those who had a good time at my expense.

It's always funny when it happens to someone else and no one gets hurt. It's nice to know people can trust me - I still haven't got the wrecker bill. Yes, at least with Auto Owner's insurance and full coverage, a vehicle is still covered regardless where you drive and how stupid you are. Yes, a cell phone can sit under freezing water for 5 hours and still work if you disassemble it and set it on a furnace register for 3 days before turning it on. No, you don't get a ticket for being a dumb-ass Yes, a small ravine with a small amount of water flowing can create a very large area of unsafe ice.

Yes, chainsaws can cut a remarkable amount of ice at a fairly rapid rate. And finally, when taking risks always do it alone so you can make up a good story that covers your ass and makes you seem like a victim or you'll regret it for a good long time! Having a laptop, Doug, of course, wants wireless in his condo. I purchase the stuff he needs, hook it up and get on the web. In order to activate his Charter account and set up a Charter e-mail he needs a pin number off his cable bill and the account number. He has an envelope with the bottom "pay portion" ready to send out in the mail but the number needed is on the top of the bill.

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I tell him we need the upper portion of the invoice which he says is in the garbage. He claims he hasn't taken the garbage out since detaching the stub so it has to be close by. He digs through one of those plastic bags from a grocery store through lots of junk mail, empty envelopes, newspapers and lots of that type of dry paper stuff. I go to his closet and pull out his garbage can but it has lots of trash in it so I hold off hoping he hits the jackpot. I soon become impatient and start digging through lunch scraps, down through bits of breakfast, lots of coffee grounds and whatever rotted before he devoured it.

Now I'm swearing and telling that this was way beyond what I had agreed to.

The number was where they had described it and we entered it and now he is a bona-fied, totally discouraged computer user. He is in that stage where he not only wishing he'd never bought the thing but also wonders if he does learn it what possible good will come of it.

We all went through that. Like the rest of us, in a year he will not be able to live without it but there is no way of explaining that to him right now. Well, it was just his brain that wouldn't work. Then he said he didn't know he had to hit enter once he did remember it. That's what we're working with. Friday he showed up at lunch, I easily logged on his laptop then hooked him up to our wi-fi so he could surf the net. Then Mike Wood proceeded to give him a 2 hr.

He still hasn't got through his head why he needs an internet provider at home to log on but is becoming aware the high cost of technology. He has gotten several e-mails all from the same person and has no idea what he is in-for in the future, you know, the hundreds of e-mail jokes, porn and unwanted solicitors. We are going to get him hooked up at his house Monday, I've given several people his address so soon the fun will begin - if he can figure out how to turn it on!! Uncle Dougly, Kohlschmidt decides it's time he owns a computer. He's seen me on one before so thinks I must be an expert.

He cons me into surfing the web for a deal and we head to Best Buy shopping. Fortunately while there we were waited on by a nice young gal with a great sense of humor and just enough smarts about computers to seal a deal on one, I insisted he get a wireless mouse due to my inability to use the mouse pad on my laptop. We then discuss what tavern with wi-fi we are going to go set this up and try it out.

We ended up at Frick's and the fun began. We initially booted up the computer and getting Doug to think of a password he could remember took an hour. I thought I set it up like mine, where no password is needed to log on. I made him start entering the info after a long bout of frustration for both of us and after several cocktails and a burger both of us were blaming each other for "the fine mess we were into".

Apparently typing and spelling are not like riding a bike. He claimed he was the best speller and fastest typer in his class. It was comical watching him lay his fingers across the keyboard like a typewriter then realize that was the full extent of his typing abilities. I tried to show him the one finger method that I have mastered but he was too bull headed to follow suite. Anyway, time went on, he sent a couple e-mails, surfed the web a little, then I showed him how to shut down and boot up. Everything worked fine, we parted ways and I assumed he would head home for that first night of computer frustration where you lose your soul regret your purchase.

I realized hoe right I was when he called at 8: He couldn't remember the password. I blew about 50 ideas at him and finally told him to bring the damn thing up in the morning and I would help him. I know it is case sensitive and needs a symbol or something but I don't get why it asks, I'm sure I set it up to boot without one. This could be bad. I'll let you know what happens. You know, instead of A lot of changes ahead this year. Everyday someone comes in the Bar and asks me "What do you think of the Smoking ban? Some were doomed from the start, many did well, others seemed like they'd found a niche in the bar scene then abruptly went out of business.

One thing for certain, times are nowhere as good as they once were. I believe our food business will increase after the ban. I know many people who don't frequent my place due to the smoking issue. Or one member of a family or people with kids may avoid us due to smoke policy. The problem is when you enter our tavern you walk through the smoking section to get to the non-smoking - not smart. Not of that will matter soon. What the hell is next? American's have to be careful what we wish for when it comes to laws. That's all I'm saying. Now the good part? Well, I should be remodeling the bathrooms, painting a lot of areas, replacing a lot of carpet and replacing a lot of ceiling tiles but now I can say "I'm gonna wait till the ban so my new stuff doesn't smell like a bar.

And smoke does do nasty things to nice stuff.

So cleaning will be easier. Also, it will be a good time to enforce employee "break rules. Maybe some will be able to quit smoking. I'm not sure how they afford it now. I've been looking into how the law will work and I've found some surprising things. Here are some basic questions and answers. What do I need to do when the Smoking Ban goes into effect? The Smoking Ban requires you to: Clearly and conspicuously post "no smoking" signs or the international "no smoking" symbol at the entrances to and in every building or other area where smoking is prohibited.

Remove all ashtrays and other smoking paraphernalia from anywhere smoking is prohibited. Inform individuals who are smoking that they are in violation of state law and subject to penalties. If applicable, refuse to serve an individual smoking in violation of the law. Ask an individual smoking in violation of the law to refrain from smoking and, if the individual continues to smoke, ask him or her to leave the establishment.

You are not required to call law enforcement to report violations of this law, though it is your right to do so if you wish. Can customers smoke on my patio or outdoor seating area? The MLBA is currently examining all aspects of the new law to determine the legality of outdoor service. Due to conflicting interpretations, we are awaiting more information regarding whether or not smoking will be allowed on patios and outdoor areas that are licensed for foodservice. There is agreement that a patio that DOES NOT have a food license extension would able to allow smoking, but no food or alcohol service can be allowed this includes prohibiting individuals from bringing alcohol onto said patio.

Please note that the determining factor is where your business is licensed to serve, so simply deciding not to serve food on your patio does not mean your patrons may smoke there. We are working around the clock with different state departments, attorneys, and other interested parties to ensure we are giving our members correct information regarding all aspects of the new smoking ban, and we will update members as soon as a final determination regarding outdoor service has been made.

Does my business qualify for an exemption? The only exemption for liquor-licensed establishments besides the three privately- owned casinos in Detroit is for "Cigar Bars. You must have a built-in Humidor on the premises for inventory and rental space.

Cigarette smoking must not be allowed; Only cigar smoking can be permitted. The exact guidelines and process for obtaining a "Cigar Bar" designation have not yet been defined. Please check this space often, as soon as more detailed information is available, it will be posted here. As with patio and outdoor service, there seems to be conflicting messages in the legislation on this issue. The MLBA is working to develop a final interpretation of the law with regards to all outdoor areas, including golf courses. Are Private Clubs and Country Clubs exempt?

Private clubs, Fraternal organizations, Veterans clubs, Country Clubs and other establishments with Club Licenses are subject to the same restrictions as all other licensees. Smoking is not allowed at these establishments. Is smokeless tobacco allowed? Smoking is defined as the buring of a lighted cigar, cigarette, pipe, or any other matter or substance that contains a tobacco product. You are free to set your own policy regarding smokeless tobacco products.

If they go outside, do smokers have to be a certain distance from the door? There is currently no regulation that dictates how far from the door smokers need to be. It is possible that a guideline will be put in place as enforcement rules are determined by the Department of Community Health. Will people be able to smoke in their hotel rooms? Smoking is prohibited in all hotels, including bars, dining areas, common areas and guest rooms.

The gaming floors of Detroit's three casinos were specifically exempted from the ban, however bar areas and restaurants will be smoke-free. The smoking ban has no effect on the many Native American casinos in the state -- as sovreign tribal entities, they are not subject to this law and can continue to determine their own smoking policies.

As I said earlier, I'm going to get through the next few months before I start worrying about the ban. I'll keep you posted. I'm one of those type that wouldn't want anyone I'm responsible for to do some of the holiday stunts I did yet I don't regret most of what I pulled when I was younger. The reason I say I don't regret is because one would think that every time I see a Christmas tree I'd recall the time I knocked over the Schoenherrs tree in , but only think of it when my wife reminds me.

I, not single handedly, am the perfect example of why the drinking age went back to 21 and probably should be Straight was not used to describe your sexuality. Straight kids didn't drink or smoke pot or tobacco and did well in school. Every once in a while a straight kid, due to peer pressure, would do a night-out with the normal kids and the normal kids were always reminded why you don't let straight kids in your element.

By midnight a small amount of smoke combined with a mix of beer and liquor and they were either puking or passed out. I'm also partly responsible for closed school campus. At 18 I was a senior in high school and as soon as the lunch bell rang we would climb in a car and head for the Downtowner Saloon.

We'd order a pitcher of beer and a burger to go, pound down the beer then return to school and eat the burger in study hall. That's what was so cool about it. That type of behavior brought me to what I was initially writing about. One day I spent the entire afternoon at Chris's Bar and we were celebrating the holidays and enjoying shots. I caught a ride to Sanford where Sharlyn was home waiting for me.

When you walked into their house you immediately turned right and went down two steps into the living room. I was thoroughly wasted. Did not negotiate the steps. Body slammed the Christmas Tree. Couldn't get up, hell, they wouldn't let me up. I'd already destroyed enough. Anyway, a few hours later I awoke. Still on the floor.

Bucket next to me. Very few clothes on. No one in the house except a very angry future Father-in law. The rest of the family went on to obligations and left him stuck there with me. It wasn't that he cared, he just wanted to make sure I died of natural causes. There was no Would I want a kid of mine to act like that? Would I be impressed or amused if my Son-in-law did that? Would I think my Grand-kids would behave in such a fashion? Yet I seem to have no regrets and can almost chuckle thinking about it. That means we made it another year and still in business.

Up until two years ago I never really worried that we'd still be in business, just regrets I didn't work a little harder and a little smarter so the rewards would be better. That was called operating a business, seemed like the sky was the limit. Now we don't operate, we survive.

Over and over people ask me about the smoking ban. It takes affect in May. My answer is simple - I'm going to put all my efforts and thoughts into getting through January, February and March. Then in April I'll starts planning for May. The affects of our economy are far from over and more fat has to be cut to stay in business. To put it plainly, I predict it will take two more years to be back to the "success" I enjoyed 5 years ago. I no longer feel the need to have so much or spend so much. And I understand the two basic ways our economy works - Y ou want more, you work more.

You work less, you gotta settle for less. Taking on a little responsibility goes a lonnnggg way and gives you leverage. How you spend your time between punching in and punching out is directly related to your take-home. Treat a job as an education for maximum rewards. Remember, if you skip school, you flunk!! I learned right from the get-go the most important path to success is location, location, location.

I have none of those. But I've also learned that size matters and downsizing is the way to go - currently. Barring layoffs, few employees I have would argue that less and leaner will be better for us and our customers. Hmmmm, now how do we get there If you saw the game you know why I use the term resurrected.

They were down, out, no pulse. Then, with no time on the clock they won. I watched 50 grown men and 10 women jump out of their seats and for a brief moment relish in the rare victory. The dozen or so who left with minutes to go are probably still in shock, still regret leaving and missing the final countdown. I wonder what those who'd given up at the stadium and were escaping through entrance ways thought when they heard the crowd erupt in celebration. Hopefully this bit of luck will help sell enough tickets to keep Thursdays game from being blacked out.

And wouldn't it be cool if they beat Green Bay? Whoops, there go my human instincts taking control - the Lion's give me an inch and now I want a mile. Happy Thanksgiving everyone - and thank you for your interest in our website and your continued support - we've much to be thankful for. God bless those serving and protecting us worldwide. It's a relief because when I look in the mirror I see a dozen reasons I might flunk a physical but thank goodness the doctor doesn't see it that way.

Well, thanks to deer hunting and the effort of my good employees I had only 3 10 oz. Just made a fresh batch for tonight and now I'm killing a little time waiting for the Grandkids to get out of school and come visit. Have you ever read the U. If not you don't know what your missing. I'm only on page four and must stop to share a couple stories. Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three year old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.

One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands it was very busy, with a full dining room. While eating I smelled something funny and checked my 7 month old daughter, she was clean. Then i realized Danny had not gone potty in a while so I asked him if he needed to go and he answered "No. Then I said "Danny, are you sure you didn't have an accident?

I just KNEW that he must have had an accident because the smell was getting worse. Sooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident? An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had. This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for two days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks.

What happens when you predict snow but don't get any? We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: Friday Meridian will host Sutton's Bay and we're betting on victory. We'll have to get some extra tv's out in case the coaches show up. Then Saturday is our Halloween Party and that, hopefully, will be as popular and busy as ever.

Now I'm thinking there is a good chance of a blacked out Lion's game this week which, if there is, we'll be busy Sunday broadcasting the game. Yes, there are still loyal fans. Next month I need to get my bi- annual physical for my pilot's license so I scheduled an eye exam, making sure I can at least pass the sight requirement. I left for my exam early and stopped in a computer shop, bought fuel, had the oil changed in my truck, stopped and made an appointment at Dr.

Woodruff's, then went to the Midland Eye Clinic. When I left I opted to take Eastman to U. As I exited my truck I caught my image in the large, tinted windows lining the hallway and couldn't help but notice my fly was wide, I'm talking WIDE - open! Of course I panicked at first and tried to think of the last time I had used the john. Actually, I hadn't since I left the house. In the last two hours I'd come in contact, some face to face, with, I would guess, 25 people. Not one said a word.

Now I assume most of the people in the eye clinic had pretty good vision yet made no comments. Friday was Meridian Schools Homecoming and 50 year anniversary of the school district. After the football game many fans, a few past Homecoming Queens and the coaching staff came in and I'm always honored by that due to the state of the economy and the fact there are many choices in today's world for after- parties.

So I 'worked' a little over 16hrs. Saturday was unusual because not only was the football game excellent but our crowd was huge and energetic. The free snacks and hors 'douvres went over really well. Then that evening we had birthday parties for a 90 year old gentleman, an 80 year old gentleman and a 69 year old gentleman. I can safely say we had every age from infants to 90 year olds throughout the course of the day. Try catering to a spectrum like that! Anyway, I was there for 14 hrs. Sunday I was off to a slow start and so was the crowd.

I promoted a new type of cheeseburger and between myself, a server and a cook we screwed the first order of them up so I put that idea aside until another day. Slowly more and more showed up for the Lion's game nowhere near a crowd and at the end of the day found myself hanging with some good-time customers. I stayed until 7: Gotta be home for the Simpson's.

So that made for a 9 hour day and I admit I was tired: So was my liver. As I lay back on the couch I couldn't help but remember some of the jobs I had earlier in life: There was an IGA Grocery across the street and they owned a garbage truck they used for refuse and when it got full an employee would drive it to the landfill and empty it. One night the manager, whom I worked for in my teens, took a woman out after the bar closed and went parking in a cornfield. I don't recall if he got lucky that night but I do know his luck ran out because when he went to leave he was stuck.

He called one of his employees bear in mind this is long before cell phones, remember knocking on neighbors doors in the wee hours? Soon they had a car and a huge truck stuck. So he calls me, the go-to guy. Four in the morning I get out there with a big wrecker and he agrees to hook to the truck, which is a long way in the field, because he was already muddy and soaked. He hollers ready and I engage the winch. It looks like it's working because the cable is filling the spool but after about 3 minutes and a lot of cable they scream for me to stop.

I walk out to the scene and find that the drunken ass has hooked the cable to the big back door of the garbage truck and most of the contents, which had been packed under pressure as they loaded it daily, rolled out onto the ground. Now this is real garbage - paper, cardboard, sour milk, rotten meat and lots and lots of stinking produce. I crawled under the truck and hooked on a spring shackle and pulled the truck out, told them goodnight and have fun cleaning the mess up. Well, they didn't and the next day the cops showed up where I worked we were the only place in town with a wrecker followed soon by the farmer who used the term lawsuit over and over.

Never did get paid for that call. Not long after that a so called "buddy" woke me up at 3 in the morning and had rolled his car in a ditch. He'd already been busted for drunk driving and pleaded and begged me to extract his car, haul it to his house and not call the cops. You can get in a lot of trouble for that but what are you gonna do, I did as he asked.

Naturally he'd spent all his money in the bar but said he get with me first thing in the morning. Well, about a month later I ran into him in the local watering hole he was drunk as hell. He ran up to me and slobbered out "how's my hero, I ain't forgot you bro" and all that kind of bullshit. So he says to the bartender "get this guy a 6 pack of whatever he wants and put it on my bill.

I took the beer and got the hell out of there. Frankly, I'm glad that was all he gave me because those incidences made me realize I wasn't cut out for that work. I still chuckle every time I think about it, though. I don't like benefiting from others misery but I also believe in making lemonade when given lemons. Case in point was Sunday. The Lions were blacked out and it didn't matter if you had cable, Dish Network or Direct TV you couldn't get the game unless you pirated it.

Bars don't do that because if caught the fines are heavy duty. I still have an old Weingard antenna on the peak of the bar which I purchased hell, he probably gave it to me from Roy Thompson many years ago. Roy was one of our "original" customers who was quick to comment, bent over backwards to help, promoted us better than any advertisement and remained loyal until his passing.

Back when the Lions couldn't fill the Silverdome he suggested I try one of his super antennas. I never made so much money off such a small piece of equipment, drawing blacked out airwaves from Cadillac. We were packed every blacked out game for several years. So this week when it was announced the game would not be broadcast locally I immediately thought of Roy and wondered if that antenna had any life left.

You can't always believe what you hear. People told me that the new digital technology made reception much clearer but decreased the distance so I would not receive the signal. After several trips on the roof to make adjustments and many runs through the attic changing the coax configuration I finally got a signal. I'm sure it was running on a thread but it was there and it was crystal clear. The phone rang over and over and soon we were full.

So that was the first miracle. Then the Lions played well and won. Two miracles in one day. And on a Sunday, no less!! Mainly because I'm a slow learner. This year it was held in Detroit. The most fascinating thing about Detroit, to me is the fact that they don't give up. When you talk to a small business owner downtown Detroit you hear from people who've plugged along, some for forty or more years, and still continue!

They somehow survive in a setting that few people would. No matter how many times you experience it you never get over the surprise of walking down a filthy street, stopping in front of a shabby, worn down building which you more often than not enter to find a clean, unique, comfortable atmosphere with good food and drink.

Apparently too cool because I soon lose myself in the moment. Before long I've eaten and drank too much. And I do this for three days. This behavior always leads to a major dumb-ass move on my part.

2013 $50 Fifty Dollar Bill Star Note Federal Reserve U S Currency

I recall walking by the tables the first time and placing bids on a few items. It seemed innocent enough, I've done it year after year and never ended up with anything. There was nothing I really wanted and experience told me that the booty went to those with last minute bids at So what was I thinking when I circled the tables late that night? Obviously I wasn't thinking. The next morning as I programmed the GPS for our first stop on our long journey home a staff member stopped my wife in the lobby and asked when I was going to pick up the items I won in the bidding.

I was the highest bidder on something?

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