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As a parent, it might be tempting to send a child to his room for acting out in anger or to yell at him to stop being mad. But it's better for your child if you help him develop the ability to cope well with anger.
Here are some strategies to use. The information on this Web site is designed for educational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for informed medical advice or care. You should not use this information to diagnose or treat any health problems or illnesses without consulting your pediatrician or family doctor. Please consult a doctor with any questions or concerns you might have regarding your or your child's condition. Parents may receive compensation when you click through and purchase from links contained on this website.
Calmly ask your child to explain what has caused her to become so angry. Talking through the issue can help some children work through the anger and calm down. The challenge for parents is to help your teen cope with emotions and deal with anger in a more constructive way:. Establish boundaries, rules and consequences. If your teen lashes out, for example, he or she will have to face the consequences—loss of privileges or even police involvement. Teens need boundaries and rules, now more than ever.
Is your child sad or depressed? Does your teen just need someone to listen to him or her without judgment? Be aware of anger warning signs and triggers. Does your teen get headaches or start to pace before exploding with rage? Or does a certain class at school always trigger anger? When teens can identify the warning signs that their temper is starting to boil, it allows them to take steps to defuse the anger before it gets out of control. Help your teen find healthy ways to relieve anger. Exercise is especially effective: Even simply hitting a punch bag or a pillow can help relieve tension and anger.
Dancing or playing along to loud, angry music can also provide relief. Some teens also use art or writing to creatively express their anger. Give your teen space to retreat. Take steps to manage your own anger. As difficult as it sounds, you have to remain calm and balanced no matter how much your child provokes you. If you or other members of your family scream, hit each other, or throw things, your teen will naturally assume that these are appropriate ways to express his or her anger as well. It only takes a glance at the news headlines to know that teen violence is a growing problem.
Movies and TV shows glamorize all manner of violence, many web sites promote extremist views that call for violent action, and hour after hour of playing violent video games can desensitize teens to the real world consequences of aggression and violence.
Of course, not every teen exposed to violent content will become violent, but for a troubled teen who is emotionally damaged or suffering from mental health problems, the consequences can be tragic. The first step to doing this is to find a way to connect with what he or she is experiencing emotionally and socially.
Positive face-to-face connection is the quickest most efficient way to reduce stress by calming and focusing the nervous system. That means you probably have a lot more influence over your teen than you think. To open the lines of communication:.
Unless your teen wants tattoos, avoid criticizing and save your protests for the bigger issues. Helping families manage difficult emotions. These symptoms usually appear at an early age. How did your parents respond to you when you were angry as a child? As kids grow and change, so does their behaviour. Did they punish you?
Be aware of your own stress levels. Be there for your teen. Insist on sitting down for mealtimes together with no TV, phones, or other distractions. Look at your teen when you speak and invite your teen to look at you.
Fathers and sons often connect over sports; mothers and daughters over gossip or movies. Listen without judging or giving advice. Your attempts to connect with your teen may often be met with anger, irritation, or other negative reactions. Stay relaxed and allow your teen space to cool off.
Successfully connecting to your teen will take time and effort. If your teen is under the influence of alcohol or drugs, their ability to connect emotionally or socially will be compromised. See How Addiction Hijacks the Brain. If your teen is taking antidepressants, make sure the dosage is no more than absolutely needed. Teens may scream and argue with you about rules and discipline, or rebel against daily structure, but that doesn't mean they need them any less. Structure, such as regular mealtimes and bedtimes, make a teen feel safe and secure.
Sitting down to breakfast and dinner together every day can also provide a great opportunity to check in with your teen at the beginning and end of each day. There is a direct relationship between violent TV shows, movies, Internet content, and video games, and the violent behavior in teenagers. Even if your teen isn't drawn to violent material, too much screen time can still impact brain development. Limit the time your teen has access to electronic devices—and restrict phone usage after a certain time at night to ensure your child gets enough sleep.
Discipline tips to use with your tween Take a coach approach: Coaches use questions beginning with what and how to help team members reach their goals, says Carson. Push the rewind button: When possible, give your child a second chance. And thank her when she gets it right, says Carson.
If your eight-year-old is late for school because she had trouble getting up in the morning, make bedtime earlier the next few nights rather than revoking her TV privileges. The best consequences are the ones whereby your child learns something.
A seismic power struggle. Typical trouble spots Backtalk: These are prime years for backtalk as tweens gain independence and want to see how you respond if they exert control, says Michele Borba, author of The Big Book of Parenting Solutions. Explain your position, listen to his, and then compromise where you can. If your year-old wants to bump up his bedtime to 10 p. Use when and then: Whenever your tween uses a sassy tone or engages in yelling, name-calling, put-downs or insults , call her on it immediately, says Borba.
Typical trouble spots Major attitude: Keep setting appropriate limits: Sit down with your teen in late August and hammer out the rules for the upcoming school year. Remember as well to build in more freedom and responsibility as your child grows. If you can do that, you can do no wrong.