Memoirs of a Battered Womans Son

Child abuse as entertainment

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I really enjoyed this memoir which I listened to via Overdrive. Alan Cumming does not tell the story of his stardom but rather of his hard upbringing with a physically and mentally abusive father, bullying at school and the search for answers regarding his missing maternal grandfather.

Luckily he has a wonderful and supportive family including his mother Mary Darling - you have to love the name , brother, grandmother and husband, etc. I loved listening to his Scottish accent! He seems to be a v I really enjoyed this memoir which I listened to via Overdrive. He seems to be a very down-to-earth person. View all 15 comments. I love Alan Cumming, so I was really looking forward to this.

However, I'm generally suspicious of celebrity biographies, so I approached it with cautious optimism. By the end of the book, I just loved him more. Not so much a biography but a memoir focusing on Cumming's reaction to being told that his father was not, in fact, his father. Instead, I love Alan Cumming, so I was really looking forward to this.

Instead, an admission by his father leads Cumming to resolve long-held memories of verbal abuse. Cumming is extremely open, revealing genuine thoughts and feelings that allow the reader to share in his pain, and ultimately, his strengthened relationships with his mother and brother. Picked this up on a whim when I was skimming the new books at the library, and read it in an evening. The other half is about his abusive childhood with a violent father, and how that has effected him today. He also talks about how he has worked on it - thera Picked this up on a whim when I was skimming the new books at the library, and read it in an evening.

He also talks about how he has worked on it - therapy, confrontation, release. I can't decide if I don't recommend or highly recommend this for people who grew up in similar situations, but definitely were the parts I felt more connected to than the military darling. On dealing with an abusive parent as an adult: This change in him allowed me to pack away much of my past in a box that I never wanted to open.

For ten years I kept it closed, pretending that my family was no more difficult or trying than anybody else's. I didn't begin to forgive my father - far from it. When my dad was absent As our silence grew, so did our denial. So it nicely ties together and it does seem like he ended the book more whole than he started. That is always nice to see. I think it was a book he needed to write for himself even if for nobody else. May it bring him strength and closure. This was pretty disappointing. Cumming clearly had a lousy childhood and I found him at his most articulate and interesting talking about the abuse he suffered at the hands of his father, but the rest of it just made me dislike him.

It seems bizarre to criticize a memoir for being too self-involved, but that's definitely what this felt like. There was a focus on minute details here that felt self-absorbed, like we were supposed to care about what happened at what time, and which episode preceded This was pretty disappointing. There was a focus on minute details here that felt self-absorbed, like we were supposed to care about what happened at what time, and which episode preceded which at which precise moment only because it was Alan Cumming, not because it was actually interesting or he had taken the time to make it so through his writing.

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It may be just the way he wrote about his life, but I got the unfortunate impression that pretty much everything revolves around him, that during parties at any of the three Cumming residences, one just sits around and listens to him tell stories about himself. I've always been a fan of his acting especially on The Good Wife, the best television show currently on the air; I said it , but this book did not endear him to me.

Instead it felt self-indulgent. I understand that memoirs are self-indulgent pretty much by definition but the best ones manage to make you forget that. View all 11 comments. A Family Memoir written and read by Alan Cumming. Alan Cumming's father Alex was a man who held his family hostage, who meted out violence with a frightening ease. Alex was the dark, enigmatic heart of Cumming family life. But he was not the only mystery. He had a secret to share. And he does so with such style and grace' - Stephen Fry 'This is a beautiful book - sad, funny, haunting, surprising, suspenseful, gut-wrenching, endearing.

It will linger inside of you long after you turn the final page' - Harlan Coben I have always like Alan Cumming - in his TV roles, his hosting positions, his dramatic readings, and his stage presence. I am drawn to his honesty and accountability regardless of what he is working on. And now, I can add book author to that list of his accomplishments. The story starts out when Alan was very young. He is from a family of four, father, mother and one sibling, Tom, a brother.

It tells of his 4. It tells of his painful childhood and how he has reacted as an adult from that experience. It is during his filming of that TV reality show that Alan was able to unfurl and dissect not only his own shocking reality, but also that of his Grandfather. He takes you on his journey, shows his vulnerability, shows his anger and disappointment, and explains exactly how this has made him the man he is today. He has walked that proverbial, hard row to hoe , and came out a better man for it.

Kudos to Cumming for his forthright, detailed story and his ability to not only survive, but thrive. View all 4 comments. Mar 27, Chrissie rated it did not like it Shelves: I went into this book without preconceived expectations. My sole contact with him is having heard his narration of A. In Not My Father's Son the author reads his own book and tells about events in his own life. I knew only that he was gay and that he had been physically abused by his father.

We are given a view into a dysfunctional family. However I went into this book without preconceived expectations. However the person telling us of the events is involved in them too. For this reason the book cannot give its readers a balanced, impartial view of family dynamics. This is the first problem I have with the book. When I hear about a family that is a mess, I want to fix it. I will instinctively support those who are not being heard, simply because they are not heard. Not being able to do anything about the problem frustrates me.

Alan Cumming and his mother and his brother have for years been physically and mentally abused by the father. It is horrible to observe. I vehemently dislike the father but one has to go beyond this to resolve the problem. You can fix nothing by hearing only one side of a conflict. It is the TV show that dictates the flow of the book. If you are a person who enjoys looking at such a show, yeah, then you will probably like this book too! I am not a fan of these programs. That presented is meant to draw tears.

We are supposed to feel sorry for the guy. We are supposed to laugh on cue. It is not constructive. The close tie to the TV presentation is another reason for my dislike of this book.

The author complains about his dislike of media coverage. Sure, that is a legitimate complaint, but he should have realized that in choosing a career as an actor he would have to deal with this. I could have done without his griping. I listened to the audiobook narrated by the author.

Being an actor, it is not in the least surprising that he dramatizes as he reads the lines. People seem to love feeling sorry for the guy and for this reason love the book. There is absolutely nothing special about the writing and issues that should have been discussed are merely skimmed over. View all 20 comments. Dec 02, Michelle rated it really liked it Shelves: When you Google Alan Cumming the search leads to such descriptors as: Imagine the courage it took to not only face emotional and physical abuse at the hands of his father but to expose himself to the masses in this way.

To say the least, this is not at all When you Google Alan Cumming the search leads to such descriptors as: To say the least, this is not at all what you would expect from a typical celebrity memoir.

Child Abuse: Books: www.farmersmarketmusic.com

On one hand he is curious to know what happened to his maternal grandfather who died under mysterious circumstances while serving in the military. The cost of those secrets and the shame that they bear affect not only the person who carries them but all of those around them. Apr 19, Andrew rated it really liked it Shelves: Not only not his father's son, and not only a really interesting and appealing actor, but Alan Cumming is an openly bisexual celebrity.

Not too many openly bisexual men in the world of fame it seems, unless I've missed something. But I have to be honest: I picked up this audiobook because the price was appealing and I like the guy's acting. Coming across it like I did was a happy accident because I really enjoyed it. What a treat that Mr. Cumming read the book himself, and that he's darn good at Not only not his father's son, and not only a really interesting and appealing actor, but Alan Cumming is an openly bisexual celebrity.

Cumming read the book himself, and that he's darn good at it, and that he has a real-live Scottish accent. I'm being shallow, aren't I? Maybe it's a bit of a breather for me, as the subject matter herein is pretty heavy. Cumming's father - well, not his father, dammit - was extreme in his physical and emotional abuse of Alan and his brother, Tom, and there were scenes described I found difficult to get through. These scenes gave me an inner rage.

I wanted to log into Facebook and write diatribes about child abuse. But I didn't do that. Ultimately the way Cumming reaches his resolution with this is so satisfying I'm not giving any details, so don't ask, and I'm not going to explain the book's title either and uplifting that I needn't jump to his defense. The dude's got this, and doesn't need me to do it for him. This is a memoir built around a nice set of parallel themes: This isn't "just" an autobiography; it has a shape.

I was cheering him on all the way through.

Top movies about child abuse/domestic violence

I felt my chest tighten as the book neared its ending, because it was like saying goodbye. Though with me the stories of WWII military heroics created an eye-glazing reaction, I snapped out of it, Cumming's enthusiasm becoming irresistible. I suspect it might be a hard read or listen for those who have experienced abuse themselves and find themselves easily re-traumatized. But that's not for me to say. Some may find this book to be cathartic.

I did not encounter abuse such as this myself, but I felt like I was there. Now I feel like I spent a good bit of time with a really friendly and interesting guy, and the films of his that I haven't seen, well, I'm going to have to address that. That which does not kill you makes you stronger Although i am not one to normally read books written by actors and actresses, this one caught my eye at the library and, given how much i like Allan Cummings work My goodness, nothing could have prepared me for the emotional roller c That which does not kill you makes you stronger My goodness, nothing could have prepared me for the emotional roller coaster that is this book, and the number of personal memories awoken by reading it.

Invited to participate in the TV show Who Do You Think You Are, in order to unveil a family mistery regarding his maternal grandfather, Allan ends up opening the box of his past and, along our own travel with him towards the truth about his ancestor, we are treated to glimpses of his past and his frankly horrible example of a father who for years abused not in the sexual sense of the word him, his brother and his mother. I wont go into many details because it would very much spoil the experience that reading this book can be, but i will say this much - Allan is a remarkable man, and if i already liked him, now frankly i love him!

To have endured all that and yet keep moving forward to fulfill his goal, through trial and error, establishing not only a loving relationship but also a very successful career, is worthy of respect and admiration. Truly an eye opener in many ways, i couldn't possible recommend this one more, might be an intensely personal journey for you dear reader, but its one every one should have once in their life. Dec 01, Sh3lly grumpybookgrrrl marked it as wish-list Shelves: View all 5 comments.

What a well-written and very unique memoir. Alan Cumming's story of estrangement from his father is multi-layered and so rife with his own, individual voice that I was completely engrossed in his story. He approached a lifetime of paternal-induced anguish with courage and honesty. I felt for the little boy who was so confused by his abusive and violent father and I felt even more for the man who had achieved all of the trappings of success but suffered from the effects of a horrifi I loved this.

I felt for the little boy who was so confused by his abusive and violent father and I felt even more for the man who had achieved all of the trappings of success but suffered from the effects of a horrific childhood. There were many moments of humor and descriptions of the discovery of the beauty of life, the historical facts of discovering the full history of his grandfather's life, intimate moments in his familial relationships and the interspersement of how his life has unfolded even around the incredible characters he has played.

Anyone who enjoys Alan Cumming on the stage will enjoy finding out about the life behind the performances. I think that the man Alan has become is due to this story that he's lived and, for that, I am grateful. So much of this book was based on Cumming's experiences in taking part in the British television genealogy programme "Who Do You Think You Are", that I just ended up getting frustrated. I saw the programme. I knew all the surprises and his reactions to them already.

R 95 min Comedy, Drama. Diary of a Mad Housewife - domestic violence it was well known in its time but largely forgotten today. R 88 min Crime, Drama, Romance. A transient young man breaks into empty homes to partake of the vacationing residents' lives for a few days.

Unrated 99 min Drama, Horror, Romance. After killing her abusive husband, a young woman finds that it is harder to move on with her life than she immediately thought she would be, which yields horrific results for those closest to her.

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The life of a boy in the streets of Sao Paulo, involved with crimes, prostitution and drugs. A rough, short-tempered patriarch of a working class family has his life and the relationships around him slowly unravel. Helene Regnier's husband Charles, who is mentally ill, injures their son Michel in a rage. Charles moves back in with his wealthy and manipulative parents, who blame Helene for their son's Not Rated 81 min Drama.

A young girl living in the French countryside suffers constant indignities at the hand of alcoholism and her fellow man. Not Rated 95 min Crime, Drama. An abused battered wife has had enough of husband beating up on her. Everywhere she turns for help, there's not much anyone will do. After he rapes her one night, she sets the bed on fire with him in it asleep. This movie shows another side to spousal abuse that not too many people thought is possible--the husband being abused and the wife the abuser.

PG min Drama, Thriller. A teen must protect his family when his mother's sinister new boyfriend begins exerting his authority in their home. The day is told up to that point from the viewpoint of six different students. Not Rated 93 min Drama. Ken Park is about several Californian skateboarders' lives and relationships with and without their parents.

Larry Clark , Edward Lachman Stars: Find showtimes, watch trailers, browse photos, track your Watchlist and rate your favorite movies and TV shows on your phone or tablet! Copy from this list Export Report this list. Refine See titles to watch instantly, titles you haven't rated, etc. IMDb user rating average 1 1. Little Children R min Drama, Romance 7. Gardens of the Night R min Drama 6. L'amore molesto min Drama, Mystery, Romance 6. Domestic Violence min Documentary 7. Domestic Violence Video 7 min Short, Drama. ChickenHawk 55 min Documentary, Crime 6. Postcard to Daddy 86 min Documentary 7.

Sybil TV Movie 89 min Drama 7. The Destruction of Privacy in America, as the blurring of the distinction between private and public. It's all of a piece with the popularity of Oprah and Celebrity Sleepover , with the widespread desire to be implicated in the exposure of what was formerly private, because it feels dangerous, transgressive, exciting. Serious writers Andrea Ashworth, Jennifer Lauck have shown no compunction in writing about their abused childhoods.

Martin Amis brought his cousin Lucy into his memoir, Experience, and was attacked for using her murder by Fred and Rose West to add a frisson of sex-crime-horror. Angela's Ashes offered up poverty as entertainment. Obviously, there are no improper subjects for literature; but brutalised childhoods written simply for shock effect are like the tabloid fascination with child sex abuse: It was inevitable that sooner or later someone would publish a book about being a victim of paedophiles.

Tony Thornton is the author of Nanin, a book originally written as therapy, which catalogues in terrible detail his abuse at the hands of his father at the age of six, and, when he was nine, by his uncle, who 'lent' him to other men. Nanin is unbearable to the point of being unreadable. Are we now so unshockable that we need graphic detail of abuse, including a child's erotic excitement as he is fondled, to understand and feel anything?

Thornton himself says, reasonably enough: But the child-sex-abuse industry aside, I wonder whether the most enthusiastic readers of this book might, in fact, be paedophiles? But those people have no morality: The book is graphic, but that was my life. I did feel excited sometimes. Thornton says that, having written the book, he now feels better. I feel at 48 that I can finally put it away and start life. But penises, mouths, thrusting movements: It's only conjecture, but I wonder whether by describing his childish pleasure in these things, Thornton isn't in some sense normalising abuse.

The problem with victims, of course as Princess Diana well knew is that you feel a louse attacking them. Pelzer and Thornton have already suffered unimaginably, so who are we to make matters worse? This certainly seems to have been Pelzer's response to an article in March in the Mail on Sunday, under the headline, 'Did he make 'It' all up? One refused to comment; the fourth is writing his own account of how really bad it was, entitled You're It.

Pelzer spent much of an interview in which he was challenged about this impersonating Robin Williams and Bill Clinton. As a result of the subsequent article, he no longer talks to the British press. He calls everybody "sir" or "ma'am" and hides behind characters. He protects himself and tells jokes all the time. He is a terribly injured man, there's no question about that - very intent on pleasing. I always say, you can meet people and think, "What a pain", but you don't know their stories.

Well, we do know his. I think it's sloppy, lazy to misinterpret his behaviour. All I can say is, he believes it to be true. And he is a person who genuinely wants to use his notoriety to help others.

Unfortunately, the books' omission of background detail makes the foreground harder to trust. If, between the ages of four and 12 when he was admitted into foster care the abuse were consistently as bad as he describes it, he would have died. So there must have been lulls. In the second book, he seems to place its onset closer to when he was seven.

In the third, he talks about his 'eight years of constant torture,' but only a few pages on, describes an idyllic interlude fishing with his mother when he was seven. And if he hated her so much, why did they talk for an hour on the telephone when he got into the airforce? It is also unclear why he was finally removed from the family home. In the first book there is no attempt at explanation. In the second, we infer that it's because he has been thrown down the stairs; by the third, it seems to have been because his arms were thrust into a bucket of ammonia and bleach an incident not previously described.

Pelzer would no doubt argue that this confusion arises because each book is written from the perspective of the time as he rather inelegantly puts it, with 'the language and wisdom that was solely developed from my viewpoint as well as that particular time period'. Whatever, it gives him alarming licence to change his story and leave things out.

Why, for example, did no one intervene when these appalling things were happening? He describes his icy baths: Their friends often scoffed at me. My brothers just shook their heads saying, "I don't know. My own hunch is that, substantially, he's telling the truth: No charges were ever brought, however, and it is left unclear on what terms he was removed; his mother appears to have had the right to see him if she wanted. But there is a definite feeling of exaggeration in the later two books, which, in turn, slightly throw into question the first.

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