Getting Your Husband to Talk to You
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This prevents blaming on your part and defensiveness on his part. Ensure that you listen to him in turn. Your husband may not listen to you because when he speaks he does not feel heard.
How to Get Your Husband to Listen to You: 12 Steps (with Pictures)
Observe your own listening behaviors to see if you could improve in this area. Instead of listening to figure out your response or defense, really listen to what he is actually saying and acknowledge it. Understanding what he is saying is very different than agreeing, you may not always agree with him but you can always hear him. It also serves to validate his feelings. I am not stupid.
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See a marriage counselor. Unfortunately, you can make a wide range of changes to your communication and still experience problems with your spouse not listening. Sometimes, your husband not listening can point to a deeper issue. The two of you should contact a marriage counselor in your area who can help you work through more serious barriers to communication.
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For example, if your partner has an undiagnosed case of ADHD, you may often feel like he's not listening. Any of these issues can be recognized and managed with professional help. Learn his love language. Men and women simply communicate very differently, but that does not mean one is better than the other. Women tend to be more flexible in their communication styles so they are able to adapt to how the men need to be communicated with.
Women want to be appreciated in a relationship while men want to be respected.
Women can be more flexible when it comes to adapting because men are wired to be leaders not caregivers in a traditional sense. Knowing that a man is seeking respect and working to talk to him in a respectful manner goes a long way. See if he prefers to talk over shared activities. Choosing an activity where you can be active together like taking a walk or playing golf gets his kinetic energy flowing and may open him up to talk. If he is already feeling that you will not listen to him, an intense conversation is not going to be his first choice in communicating.
Find out how he feels most respected. Showing him adequate respect in the way that is fulfilling to him could be the ticket to having him listen more.
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Showing him you respect him may include taking the special effort to give him space when he first gets home because he needs time to unwind. You can discuss issues and suggest marriage counseling, but ultimately, your husband has to want to change. Not Helpful 1 Helpful Don't, unless you want to divorce your husband.
Otherwise, you are just pointlessly hurting him. If you do want to get divorced, sit down with him calmly, tell him there's something you need to talk to him about, and be honest. Not Helpful 1 Helpful 7. My husband stays out until 3 am and sometimes he doesn't come home at all. I don't think this is the character of a married man, but when I try to talk to him, he doesn't want to hear it.
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What do I do? If he still won't listen, tell him you're considering divorce. Not Helpful 10 Helpful How can I get my husband to listen if he is very talkative and doesn't listen well? Not Helpful 3 Helpful 9. Talking to him may be like talking to a wall. This is tough situation because there is usually no resolution to your problems with him because he is unwilling to try to fix things. You can either try couples counseling or decide if this marriage is worth saving. Not Helpful 2 Helpful 7. Communication is one of the foundations of marriage.
Try to suggest marriage counseling. When we feel that our spouse has hurt us and we refuse to forgive them, we look for ways to protect ourselves from being hurt again in the future. Closing off our heart from the other person is an easy way to do this, but it has deadly consequences. Unforgiveness always leads to isolation. Overcoming unforgiveness requires a willingness to humble ourselves and seek forgiveness when we have hurt our spouse, and it also requires that we be willing to graciously extend forgiveness when our spouse has hurt us.
This forgiveness step is based on a desire to re-unite. When I am careless in how I treat my spouse, it gets old really quickly. To avoid this, each partner needs to look at their own behavior regularly and consider whether they are treating their spouse well. A mate, above all people, needs to be treated with gentleness and respect. Remember, your spouse is a gift to you, and they deserve to be treated as something precious. Sometimes the problem is a little less obvious than unforgiveness or harsh treatment. We start to take our spouse for granted , leading them to think that they are not important in our lives.
When the marriage slips from being one of the top priorities in the heart of one or both spouses, the other person feels abandoned. This causes them to feel unwanted and then to withdraw into their own world. Many of us simply try to pack too much into a day. Ruled by the urgent, we fail to make time for the truly important: A marriage relationship cannot thrive if our contact with one another is limited to a quick bite of supper or a brief chat before bed.
A good marriage requires weekly face-to-face time — both talk and fun. Emotional detachment does not just happen out of the blue; there is always something behind it. If one or both of the spouses has an inability or fear of talking through the issues in their relationship, then this kind of disconnect will be the likely result.
Without these skills, and a real courage to step up and deal with problems, the emotional distance will just continue to grow. Often the person truly needing to make some significant changes is most content to deny the existence of any real issues. The first step to dealing with emotional abandonment is to identify the root cause and to begin to deal with it. Ask God for more in your marriage and then trust him as you faithfully try to make changes. Here are some suggestions for re-establishing a loving connection with your spouse: At some point you have to agree to talk about the problems that exist between you.
What are your concerns in the relationship? Where were you in !!?? Talk about taking the high ground! Baby falling down the stairs? That would be a tough one. My hat goes off to you Laura if you can have that kind of patience. I love this Laura.
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Thanks for the reminder! I just got on with it and started thinking of all the wonderful things I love about my husband. Intimacy with my husband and emotional safety is my priority today — not something so insignificant as a knife. Thanks again, my marriage is going great thanks to you!!
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My only question is dealing with him doing it to me. Behaviors create cultures in the relationship. What i find in my houseshold is things will be fine, i wont be berating or saying anything but my husband will berate or correct me here and there. Jill, I hear you——and we all slip up from time to time.
The only part I have control over is my words, actions and attitude. And then he forgot to pay the parking fee which incurs a fine! Is this bait Laura? What if what he shares with us is about doing illegal business. Am I totally uptight? It works wonder to keep the peace and the intimacy. Thank you for your reply! Yes, I just finished your new book and then read the Surrendered Wife afterwards. I have already tried using some of the skills in the last few days and already noticed a difference!
Congratulations on having the courage to practice the skills. So happy to hear of your success.
The secret to getting your man to talk to you is the same critical ingredient that skyrockets the intimacy and connection. This is how to get it in your relationship. Editor's Note: The following is a report on the practical applications of Bob and Cheryl Moeller's new book, Getting Your Husband to Talk to.