Grieving: A Mothers Point of View

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No matter the age or cause of death, no matter the story, this book is for you, sweet mama. It's the book you can reach for in the middle of the night, when you feel like no one understands your pain.

It's the book you can carry with you anywhere and everywhere, to give you a lift of hope, a sliver of light in the darkness. It's a balm for your broken heart, a comfort for your aching soul. It's an elixir to combat that feeling of failure, a way to lift your heart and soul, again and again, whenever it needs to be lifted with some gentle, loving encouragement from someone who knows.

It's a way to replace the insidious lies with a truth that will resonate with all your broken pieces, a truth that will settle deep into every crevice of your being. Whether today, or years from now, some day, some how, I hope you know what I know to be true: Check items to add to the cart or select all.

Death of a Child Rating: Naming the Child Rating: When Hello Means Goodbye Rating: Helps families during the early days of their grief. Bereaved mothers live with so many of these confusing contrasts. They are like undercurrents that tug at and toss about our hearts and minds. I am a mother to a child who is not alive.

This is a difficult concept for others to grasp. Sadly, mothers who have experienced the death of their only child may even wonder whether they get to call themselves a mother at all in broader society. So, in addition to the pain of grief, these mothers have to cope with a sense of being left out, forgotten, and ignored.

Can you imagine how that might feel?

You are the Mother of All Mothers

This mother loves each and every one of her unique and special children in unique and special ways, but one of her children has died and so her love for this child looks a little untraditional. Mothers do not have a finite amount of love to be shifted, divided, and spread around depending on the number of children they have on this Earth. This day will forever be hard for me. I live with an emptiness that no one can fill; so I may be sad, I may be unsociable, and I may need to take a break to be by myself in a quiet place. Whatever shape my grief takes on this day, please allow me to feel the way I feel and please follow my lead.

Beyond that, acknowledge me as a mother.

No More Dead Mothers: Reading, Writing, and Grieving

It makes me feel forgotten and as though my child has been forgotten when people act as though my child never existed. Honestly, I find it really comforting when someone talks about my child. I love hearing their name spoken out loud! I love hearing stories about them. Try not to get overwhelmed or wrapped up in anxiety.

You may actually find that the anticipation of the day is worse than the day itself. You may want to plan a whole day of activities just to stay busy, or you may feel like doing nothing at all. You may want to reach out to others who are struggling with the day and, if you can, it always helps to face the day with people who love and support you. Whatever you do, believe you will make it through the day. With time, the grief storms will grow smaller and less frequent and you will find a little more balance and room to breathe.

Thank you to all the women who offered their honest and genuine words of wisdom. The next day, my younger son and I found him dead in his bedroom. No cause of death. The pain is unbearable, impossible to fully explain. My surviving son and I are trying our hardest to navigate these muddy, unpredictable waters. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you who have lost a child. The grief is ever changing but always constant. It is a different sort of love. I am comforted as I sit in the palm of GOD when my grief begins to overwhelm me. My love and understanding goes out to every mother who outlives her children whether she gave birth to them or not.

Fred is my foster son and he could easily have been a twin to my birth son Ed. Ed and I live on without Fred in our physical lives but every instant something brings back memories to treasure. My boys are always there in my heart.. I might be smiling on the outside, having a seemingly good time, but they are never far away from my mind. My psychologist shared this with me this week. I is always good to hear others thoughts who have experienced such a great loss. I lost my 39 year old son to suicide on March 8, Being able to read others thoughts and talk to others about my son is comforting.

Thank you for sharing this article. Thank you for sharing this. He was rock climbing with friends and fell to his death. Thank you very much for writing this. It resonates deeply with me. He was the 3rd of my 4 children, all boys. He was a very special man. After his passing someone said to me, well at least you still have 3 other sons. The death of a child is like the death of a part of your being, your existence. All I could do the first two years was relive each and every stage of his life, I would even dream about him as a child.

I love my other sons dearly and they each have a special place in my heart.

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I hold them close and let them know I love them regularly. I let him know how much he is missed and loved and I ask God why, why did he take my son at such a young age, why did he take a part of my being, why did he tear a part of our family from us. Certain days are worse than others, his birthday, the day of his death, Mothers Day, Fathers Day, Christmas his favorite holiday.

May God Bless each and every one of you. I lost my son David this past September. He was 33 years old, a remarkable young man who loved life. He lost his life to cancer, he always thought he could fight it and had the best outlook even though he suffered every day. He never let on that he was in pain. He was my hero and always will be. I miss him every minute of every day. I bought a locket to wear that I put some of his baby hair in, and I wear it every day.

It makes me upset when the talk about cancer or death so nonchalantly. I feel like they are insensitive. I do have two other beautiful children a son and a daughter. Loosing my son has changed me. I cant explain how, I wish I knew. I just know it has. He was pronounced healthy and then 3 days later they found a bowel blockage which was a rare symptom of Cystic Fibrosis, a terrible genetic lung disease, At the time the median age of survival was 14 years.

Our hearts were broken and we lived in fear of losing him. We also feared trying to have other kids since there is a 1 in 4 chance of having it happen again to another child. He was ill to some extent all his life as the disease is progressive. But he was a great kid [all boy] and he grew to be a kind young man and a best friend to my husband and I. He became more ill just as he was about to complete a college degree and was close to being listed for a lung transplant. He experienced bleeding into the lungs and was hospitalized and started to improve then took a turn for the worse and was sick with sepsis.

He was on a ventilator and died about 2 weeks later, a month after his 38th birthday in It has been almost 4 years but seems like yesterday. We still miss our only child every day. Life is very hard now after all those years with him at the center of our lives. It is hard to go on. I am so glad though to have had him with us for so long. We are both over 70 now and hoping to be reunited with him in the not too distant future. Life now though feels empty. It is now 3 months since my adult son passed suddenly.

He lived alone when we found his body. He pops up in my mind all the time. He always chose the exact right thing without me knowing how he did it. He was the 2nd of 4 kids and my first son. I am grateful that my wonderful friend M shared this post. What a beautiful compilation of the hearts of hurting mommas. Learning to find beauty in the pain is so difficult; but it is possible. Three years ago today my sweet, loving daughter died. It feels like an eternity has passed but the pain never leaves.

I love talking about her and when people ask about my children I still say I have three because I do, one just lives in my heart. She was 30 years old and left behind her beautiful 3 year old daughter. She was one month away from getting her associates degree.

We take care of our granddaughter. I miss her so much. I always tell people to love their children and give them hugs. Really well done, well expressed. Such a stupid holiday. Nobody there knew my son. Thank you for posting this. Very difficult to watch your child go through this and suffer. I still am grieving my loss and the pain is absolutely insurmountable.

I have found that I too have changed as a person. Those who have not gone through this do not understand and have no clue of what people who have been through this deal with every day. I am fortunate I have a daughter, but this is not something that will ever go away. I liken it to a prison that you are in for the rest of your life. You cannot get away from it. Everyone has their own way of dealing with it. You will never get over it, you have to learn to live with it. I am still searching for a way to do this. I have a lot of faith in God and I hope one day to somehow come to better acceptance of this and also realize life is not fair.

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Someone finally described the pain of losing a child accurately. It is like getting hit by a train and living to feel the pain. I lost my beautiful 26 year old daughter last year to a heroin overdose. I will never forget the horror of that Friday afternoon phone call from the coroner, telling me that she was dead. I cry every day for her loss! Yes, I have 3 younger children who I love greatly, but she was my oldest, and the mother of my grandchild. What about a mother who has lost more than one child?

Gave birth to four sons. The youngest died when he was 31……. No way can you explain the loss…hurt….

Derek leaves his wife , a son cole at 11yrs, and a daighter Kallie at 9 years! That was so peaceful the actual Death. The last two days were very upsetting to watch him literly bleeding to death! April 2 , Derek was 12 years old and his Sister was 14 years old! The day before Mothers Day this year, i was just so wanting to get a message on Mothers day or a sign from Derek! I have one Daughter 43!

My Daughter wrote me a lovely letter about how i showed my Love and helped care for Derek as he wanted to die at home! I Never slept the night before Mothers Day. Mothers Day i spent in bed till late afternoon then got up and went out for supper with my husband. My two stepdaughters Tracy called me and my other Step Daughter came over for a visit!

My Step Grandson called and 2 days earlier had brought me a Ultrasound picture, showing his Girlfriend is pregnant! So that was good news. So i got through Mothers Day Thank God!! I cannot imagine the pain people who have lost children are going thru. But her father never mentioned it EVER after I came home from the hospital, and we divorced a few years later.

I doubt it would catch on, though…. I lost my only child, my son, when he was 14 years old. I think of him every day often, I always will. I also like that idea of using Kidow and Kidowers. I got off of those meds to protect my unborn baby. After I lost my baby, I began to suffer severe multiple withdrawal symptoms from getting of my meds. I started the Whole30 diet in early February and have lost 37 lbs!

And now my health is so much better because those meds made me feel dead inside for so many years!!! I hope to see my baby in Heaven one day!!! I now set my hopes on things above, not on earthly things. I believe God does not cause our loved ones to die. He cares more for us than we can even begin to fathom. My prayer life has changed. This site also helped me so much!!!

I lost my strong proud handsome hard working son at age He became depressed and chose drugs to soothe his anguish. He made the discussion the take his own life. Michael has been gone now for 14 years. The pain that gets a little less severe, never will leave me. I keep him in my heart and pray that I will see him again. Thank you for continuing to educate others about grief, especially child loss. You helped us through our journey, for which we are eternally grateful.

To know that there are wonderful people working on helping others who have not experienced loss understand those who have is hope for the future! I am broke, I have a real fault line on my life now. I have lost loved ones to all kinds of death, how they died had a lot to do with how i felt, how long it took me to get back to life as i knew it, etc. Losing your child is a grief all its own, no matter how it happened. It stays like a gash across your face. I am a fractured parent.

My boy is what used to be in that crack. Sadly, so many of us have! Just get up…get up…hurry. He also sent his son to suffer and die the way he did….. When my sons ashes were placed on my friends table, I looked at that box and knew at that very instant there is something very wrong in this universe when I am starring at my son in a box. I appreciated reading others posts because I could relate very closely to some of them, especially the woman who said every day is a little closer to being with your child again and she is no longer afraid of dying. I used to be such a scary cat about dying.

Vivian, I lost my son Tyler on September 5th, He was 21 years old. He and a friend went out kayaking on Platte Bay and both capsized. He has not been found still. I read your post and I feel your pain and anguish!!! I struggle with a lot of the same. So sorry for the loss of your sweet boy! Please take care and know that you are not alone! Let God, Our Father, help you in your struggle and grief. Give him a chance to wrap his arms around you in peace. I truly believe he will hear your heart. I lost my youngest child Joeseph July 6, He hung himself with his service dogs leash in his garage.

He suffered from manic depression for over 14 years.

He was 34, married for the 11 years with 3 chilren 2 sons and a daughter. My heart just does not understand, but Ii still love and miss him. Many say we will never know WHY! Thats for the short understanding, it helps! My daughter died from suicide in and my life has never been the same. I think of her and miss her every day. I am so fortunate to also have a wonderful son; cannot begin to say what comfort this is. Thanks for this amazing site. I have miscarried three times.

A Mother’s Chorus: Grieving a Child on Mother’s Day

The agony of it is excruciating. I lost one child who was 17 months old, and had a miscarriage after that… I think that the miscarriage was just as hard as the loss of the child that I held… and in some ways it was worse because I never even got to know if the second was a boy or a girl, I never got to hold him or her… There were just so many broken dreams. Both losses were hard and both were different. You are not alone. I posted it on May We should be able to mourn our unborn babies with no judgement from others who cannot understand our grief!

This article is so true. I lost my 35 year old son suddenly on January 26 I have 2 other children that I love a lot, but I feel my life will never be the same. The pain is so overwhelming sometimes I wonder if I can go on. I had a miscarriage years ago and never wanted to go through that pain again. And with this loss I am thinking back to that baby. It is my hope as the months and years go by that the pain will get better, I know it will with Gods help.

Its been 3 months since my eldest took her life at 21 yrs old after struggling with mental illness for 6 yrs. I feel like a pice of me is missing and cannot be replaced and i feel imcomplete. I hold onto the fact that she is no longer suffering , out of pain and has been reunited with her twin brother who i lost when i was 14 weeks pregnant and with her other siblings who never got to breathe plus my sister who passed 11 yrs ago suddenly aged The letter is so spot on and people dont understand and expect me to move on but i cant i need to hold on to her for as long as possible im scared that as time passes memories will fade.

I do not run into other women who have lost children. Folks had no idea how she struggled with addiction. This has been a blessing to hear other moms express their grief. Hugs to all of you. I am the mother of a mother who loss her daughter. She was such a special child, and if you ever met her you would love her. I heart aches for my grand daughter, but also for my daughter. For my love of both of them, breaks and fills heart.

The exact bereavements are felt by alienated parents and grandparents inflicted by their adult children due to their own inabilities to resolve conflicts. We grieve our children everyday who are still alive. Death is overwhelming devastating and yet we will all experience that moment in our lives. It is not a choice for the deceased or those whom loved them. But estrangement is a choice, it is cruel, evil and without morals or integrity.

Ha, get the fuck over your petty bs. Ummm…you are an idiot. While I grieve the loss of my daughter, you can roll around the mud hole in which you live. I was a mother for 32 years but that all stopped one August day 6 years ago. I lost my son almost 13 years ago he was 23 and had two small little girls 3 and almost 2 years old. It seems like only yesterday. I do have two other children and I love them with all my heart. The loss of a child is horrible. Time does get better they say. Holidays are still hard for me. I still miss those breakfast no matter what it was. We just never know what the day will bring for us.

I lost my son on September 4th He was two days shy of being 8 months old. He was and still is my everything and always will be. He saved me and I know that he has been my angel since day one. I picture him sitting in the living room watching mickey or waking up to his adorable huge smile and his messy baby hair from sleeping on it. I never truly felt heart break or even had the slightest clue of what it felt like until I lost him.

A piece of my heart will always feel shattered and empty. I was so blessed each and every day to have him as long as I did. One day we will be together again forever… tomorrow is going to be extremely difficult as was his birthday Christmas and other holidays. How many more teeth he has? If his eyes are still that same beautiful deep crystal blue or if they changed.. I have so many unanswered questions.. Always and forever you will be my bear bear. You were too beautiful for this earth.

I do not know you and have never meet you but I do know is thst we share the same similar feelings. I could never get pregnant. My ex-husband and I tried but failed. He now has 2 of his own. I being the 2nd could not. He always blamed me for not bearing him a child. Well, years later and now with my 2nd spouse, we got help to figure out why. For me it was a chemical imbalance of to high of a ph balance in the uterus. After time, lossing a little weight, changing the diet a little and luck we were successful.

Everything went well until the last trimester when something was not right. We did some testing of our genes and found out that we were carries of the Tasack Disease that Jewish people carry. Our child had a very small window of surviving the pregnancy and making it past a few hours of living to a few months. We took the chance anyway. I had been trying for 15 years what more could I loose? Well, he decided to come early by a month. Then, he only lived 5 days after. We decided we did not want to know the sex of the child, so when he was born, my dream of having boys came true!

Yes, this is when we found out the full extent of his kidneys and received a punchered lung on top of it. I do not know what your child passed from but when you yern for something so bad and than granted with it. He than was ripped away from you and I. It is just a cruel, cruel joke. I ca now broadly say I have entered into the breeders circle and now can be called a mom BUT I too am now missing something that should be by my side. His name is Irvin Gideon Stockfish and would have been 7 months old by now. You know how many mothers are helpless to do anything about their abused and raped children?

Some of us have suffered from our children trafficked and unable to do anything. Since for me and thousands of other moms. No one knows the truth about Dv and family violence by proxy, court sanctioned pedophilia. I am so sorry for what you are going through and you are right, many mothers grieve losses of children that are not deaths, but that are excruciating and devastating. You can find a post of ambiguous grief grieving someone who is still living here and one on disenfranchised grief not getting support and validation from society here.

He was the best part of me, and I miss him. God took him home, and I know in my heart that Ryan is in Heaven, and he is at peace. Those that he left a wife, a son age 4 at the time, brother, and his mother, struggle with the passing of a man that dedicated his life to his family. All of us that are in the midst of this loss of a child know that each day is a challenge, and each day is also a blessing, because we were blessed to have our child with us for as long as God allowed that, in that way I find a little peace, because having never had the child that is no longer a part of this earthly life would that not have been equally as painful as losing them.

I loss my son and my daughter on May My hold world changed that day. It still seems like yesterday. I can still hear the phone call that i received on that day. I never could have imagine loosing one but two at the same time. Sometime the pain seem to be so unbearable. He was only 25 and served active in the USAF. My son was born a leader with passion and a huge heart. BUT darkness found him. He became a victim of domestic violence. He had the physical scars and notes to prove it. Recently, I have surrendered this battle to God.

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