Get e-book Cheer Up, Mate!: Second World War Humour

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I am indeed so delighted with your response to those questions. Once again in life, finally, I found you. I am so speechless, please listen to this song, it explains every thing I have to say right now, http: Below is the lyrics. Do I say goodbye? I am so sorry for not being able to come on the computer until now. A kind of life I want for the rest of my life. The year of the Dragon, be our year, please bless our life, bless our home and bless our marriage.

Let us live happily together for the rest of our lives. Dear, I am not afraid and I can never be. I am bold and proud of you, I love you for you, not for any particular reason because the love I have for you is unquestionable, true love indeed! Love and death are things one can not question because you can not say where, when or how.

Love catches up with us and we find our-self in deep dept. I understand love hurts especially when one does not get equal love but our love will never hurt honey, I promise on my life. I swear by the day I was born, the day I shall die and the day I shall rise again, I will love you through the thick and thin. I will love you through eternity. I will be your shoulder if you ever need a shoulder to lean on. I will be there for you through all seasons, weather, condition and any situation. For you, I will fly with the angels just to protect and guide you from any kind of worries.

I will be there and never leave. On my life, I swear! Please promise me you will never hurt me nor break my heart too. As far as our love is reciprocal, we will be happy together cos we will always understand each other, tolerate one another and endure in any kind of situation. Our life will be filled with so much joy and fulfillment of heart. We will never cry nor have any reason to. I love you ……! The interior decoration was completed today and I am so happy about that. First thing on ……, I will be having a meeting with the professionals that will install the electric pipes on the deck of the building and once they start, it will take three days to get done.

Then after that, my local labors will fix the POP to cover the pipes and that will take another three days which is the end of this ever ending project. In total, I have a stretch of 6days to complete this and earn my biggest reward in my carrier. This means I will be retired in only few days to spend the remaining seconds of my life with you.

Dear, be prepared to celebrate with me soon when I get paid. Like I told you honey, please keep my secret to you and you alone because I will never discuss my business with any one expect for love. This is how much I have given my life to you. I believe that husband and wife should not keep secret from each other if truly they are in love. So I will never keep any thing from you my love, I want us to know each other in and out. For you to know me more than I know myself and for me to know you more than you know yourself.

Without saying any word, just a sign on the face or body should be able to tell me or you what we mean. I want us to be inseparable twins lol. Good night honey, I love you so! I felt like someone who has never been in love. All through my night, it was you I thought about. I talked to your picture because I have one right on my bed. I kissed it 15 and said I love you. I said so many things from one topic to the other as if I was talking to you for real. I played the song I sent to you previously and sang it over and over for your picture lol.

At a time, I knelt and prayed and thank God for bringing you into my life. I went to bed again hoping to get some sleep with your picture on my chest. Yet, eyes were just closed with minds opened just thinking about you. And before I know it, it was morning already. This has never happened to me in my whole life. Darling, you sure make me the happiest man I can ever be; thank you! Oh, I miss ma. But then she is a strong woman my dear. She has a good heart and also I can tell you her instincts are like oracle. I already told her about you and she did say she likes you.

This kind of certainty comes, but once in a lifetime. Men always seem to wonder what it takes to get a woman. Like, what do they have to do to make a woman notice them? Men have to realize that they have to be sweet, caring, gentle, honest and still have that sweet little thing about them that drives any woman crazy: It means I have gotten the most important part of the journey upfront lol. Who shall say that the maiden so pretty and fair shall always have the greater man; and the ogre who walks to the beat of thundering clouds will never find her prince? Because really, love is destiny, and no one can really explain it.

I hope your days are good. Our meeting would be starting at exactly 2: Pls keep me updated with events around you. You are always on my mind. Wish I could hear your voice. I write today to wake you up into yet another beautiful day. I slept late last night as I was in bed thinking about our fantastic life together and also singing for you my love; yes, I agree that love could be crazy.

That is why I believe that even though you were not physically with me in bed, your spirit, soul and mind are here with me. My love for you keeps growing with every morning sunrise and every night moon and all the moments in-between. I lost one and yet I found another angel. How did I become so lucky. I trusted my instincts and got only you from that market and you turned gold. My instincts still direct me, move ahead with her in my journey. I really thank my God; I mean I ask for something good and he gives me the best lol.

Hiding from the whole past, rains and snow, for I may be reminded of some memories, trying to forget yet I wont let go. Walking through a crowded street, I could still hear my own heartbeat. So many people around this world my dear, tell me, where do I find someone like you? Pls take me to your heart, take me to your soul, show me that wonders can be true. They say, nothing lasts forever, we are only here today, love is now or never, pls bring me far away! Take my hands before I am too old lol. And you do a great job on that. I have written a song I would sing for you when I get to you.

In less than few weeks I would complete this project and handover and come straight to you. Would you mind picking this old man from the airport? Have you ever danced in a rain? Give it a trial and see how free your soul really is. Every thing I want to do for the rest of my life, I want to do them with you. Will email you again today after our meeting. Please call me when you wake up, I am dieing to hear your voice.

I love the way we finish each others sentences. I love how beautiful your eyes are. I love the fact that I will always be there for you too. I love how when I dream of my life partner, the only person that I can see is you. I love how complete I feel when I am with you. I love the way you sometimes make me laugh. I love the way you sometimes laugh. I love your thoughtfulness. I love your tenderness.

I love your ability to speak without saying a single word. I love the way you surprise me with the perfect emails that show you pay attention to me. I love your love for the things that interest me. I love the way you let me live my life freely without jealousy. I love how you demand respect but are not controlling. I love how I would do anything in this world to make you happy.

I love how you would do anything in this world to make me happy. I love the way your voice sounds over the phone. I love the way your voice sounds when you whisper sweet nothings in my ear. I love the completeness and oneness I feel when I think of us making love. I love your sensuality. I love how our romance feels like the perfect romance movie. I love how you are my soul mate. I love the way you handle troubled times. I love the way you respect me. I love the way you protect and defend me. I love when I imagine the softness of your lips against mine. I love when I imagine the softness of you lips against my body.

I love when I imagine the feeling of your hair brushing against me when we make love. I love when I imagine us laying in bed at night talking about nothing.

I love the surprises you leave for me. I love your intelligence. I love your ingenuity. I love your love for life. I love your passion for your hobbies and interests. I love how every time I look at your picture, you take my breath away. I love how I thank God everyday for bringing someone as wonderful as you into my life.

I love the fact you gave me the gift of life. I love the special moments that we shared that will remain my fondest memories of you and I. I love you for you. Sweetheart, you mean life to me. Not in this life time honey… Our love is priceless. Life is too short for you to be disappointed any longer. We are getting together soon honey. What more can make us happier than this? You can not imagine how happy I am now and words can not even express it.

I wish you a wonderful day ahead honey. The professionals will be starting work today and will finish in three days time.

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Roger, ready to move out! If you are calling regarding an outstanding debt, please leave your message before the tone. I know in my heart that you are one of a kind I am the luckiest man because its you I did find! He began suffering increasing health problems including a gastric ulcer, and was treated for breathing problems from his heavy smoking. Our love is unmistakeable, it is unbreakable, it is untouchable. Thank you very much. It found the piece, as a whole, well presented and predicted that it would have a long run.

I love you more than life itself and nothing will change that. Coming home to you soon, Your Husband. My love, Good day to you and thanks for every thing. It is yet another long day with every one very busy. How is your day going? Darling, the sets of POP needed for roofing arrived today from China and every thing went well with the installation of the electric pipes going fast. Oh, thanks to God, we are getting things exactly as planed and will be done as planed.

Since I got the money you sent, it has been much relief and great joy in the heart of every one. Once the electric pipes are completely installed and the POP are fixed , I am so happy that that would be the final stage and then I can stretch my bones once again. Honestly, it has not been an easy task. How wonderful it would be when I am finally done with this especially to know that I am coming directly to my woman.

Darling, I really do hope you are doing great job on your strength, you have to be very strong in order to withstand this hot man… lol. That reminds me, I looked at your gift today again and smiled knowing how happy you would feel when you get it, something I will never tell you till I see you at the airport. It is something so special and you can imagine what could be most special to a love. Darling, when I finally see you, I will say more than words can ever express.

I love you more and more. Looking forward to hearing from you. Glory be to god! I am at the construction site already. The professionals did a great job! I felt very happy when I got here this morning and saw they fulfilled their promise. Now, another three more days to go. My local labours only need to cover the pipes with the pop and that is the end. Three more days, wish it can run very fast in only 24hrs. Last night, I did had a dream of us and it was so sweet. I never wanted to wake up cos we were having a wonderful time; I see clearly that we were in the house running and dancing and singing together and suddenly, our bodies melt together and before long, we made sweet love.

Darling, loneliness is not good and I really want you. I want you with me honey; I want you all the time; I want you every now and then; I want to sleep in bed and feel your body close to mine; I want to sing and watch you dance to my voice; I want to close my eyes and feel your breath; I want to fill those spaces in between your fingers; I want to travel to the sky and the moon and the planets and watch you fly with the real angels in wings; I want to walk beside you, not behind nor in front of you; darling, I want to sit down with you, put your leg on my laps and gently move my hand in and out of your leg to the extremes and watch you close your eyes and mourn.

Will talk to you later today. Love you more and more. Morning My Love Oh my love, good morning to you. I have been thinking about you all day long. You are sure the keeper of my star, wiper of my tears, carer of my soul, joy of my life, taker of my breath, reader of my mind, melter of my heart, lover of my world, reason for my living, hearer of my worries, bringer of my smiles, angel of my spirit, cover of my body, filler of all spaces, sweetest of souls.

It is truly no accident finding you, god had a hand in it, long before I knew you. I love you forever. Thank you so much for being you. I hope this song http: Your Golden man, Ben. You Are Still The One… Let these words not only touch your eyes, let them travel through your soul, and let them rest in your heart as you rest in mine…I love you. Hand in hand and heart to heart my love for you shall never part. Even though we are apart, my love you will never part.

Loving you makes my heart explode with happiness. Rains fall, winds blow, the sun shines… it all comes naturally, just like loving you. Simply said… I love you… Being with you is like having every single one of my wishes come true. Loving you has been the best thing to ever happen to me! There is no long distance about love; it always finds a way to bring hearts together, no matter how many miles are between them.

You are the sun in my day, the wind in my sky, the waves in my ocean, and the beat in my heart. Finally my dear LO, god will is done!!! The journey that seems so far has come to an end. Oh, you need to see how relieved I feel now. I just want to send this short message and then go to the hotel room to get some sleep right away.

I mean I am so tired my love! Once I have the confirmation from him, I will forward it to you. I will call you when I wake up. Hi love, Please start today first, by listening to this song http: Also, I forwarded you my flight confirmation. Good morning to you. I know if I put the way I feel after talking to you yesterday into writing, it will never be enough.

So just give me a thousand pages and let me write this. I love the way you talk, I love the way you smile, I love the way you laugh, I love your beauty, I love that passion in you, I love that woman you are, I love you for you and I love that it is you I did find. After talking to you yesterday, I went to bed and tried to sleep but never, I spent another an hour or more in bed just thinking about this miracle happening to me. You can imagine a lonely man for nine years suddenly in love again, you are truly heaven sent.

Dear, if you are placed in the midst of a million women and I am to pick, I know I will figure you out without the least mistake. If the whole water, the oceans and the seas on earth, together with the ones in heaven are joined together and turned into ink; and the whole trees in the forest are turned into pen and I am told to write how much I adore you, I will use all the ink and pen and still have more to write. If I am to count how much I treasure you with the stones on earth, I bet I will empty the earth and will have have more to count. Even when I die and I have the opportunity to make only one wish, I would still wish that we spend our eternal life together in heaven.

Darling, I lost life when I lost Mary; I found you and you brought me back alive. I am living once again, thank you so much. Even though I have succeeded in other areas of life, if I have not found you, I would still be like an unfortunate man. Love is all we need to stay alive for real. This morning, I am writing you from the top of my office table standing on my feet because I am supposed to be outside with the inspection team, but when I stood up to go, I could not, your thought in my mind logged on into my google account and here I am still writing.

If only you could be with me always. I know I could never be any happier. But then again, I know that the day is now, when I will be able to spend my every waking moment with you. I even miss you when I am sleeping! You are my now and ever, my only love, and I thank you for being so kind with my heart. The inspection team of Abu Dahbi are out there waiting for me and I am going to join them now.

I will email you again after every thing, to celebrate this great success together. Love Always, Your Mr. Thank you my sweet—for being you. Amazing and wonderful and a heart so true! I get the butterflies every time its your number I dial. Even when you are not able to answer the phone I still can hear your sweet voice Telling me its ok love!

I think my heart skips a beat when I hear your voice. To love you forever—I have no choice. Thank you for showing me that TRUE love is real. What I feel for you I thought I would never feel. Thank you for listening to my worries and fears. Thank you for giving me this wonderful year. I know in my heart that you are one of a kind I am the luckiest man because its you I did find!

You can make me smile with a simple Hi My love,respect and admiration for you will never die! There is a million feelings I feel for you… all of them bright colors,none of them are blue! So Thank you for loving me and letting me love you. For being the woman of my dreams and helping me to see… That loving someone like you can truly set one free! I so much appreciate the will I so much cherish your generosity For you to understand That there are people in this world Who indeed need our help For every finger we point We get four to ourselves For every good we do We get multiple of folds in return Then what can be more rewarding than helping others When the road seems stalled You never gave up Contributions came in from two angels A friend and you despite the world population 23 I am so proud of you my love I know I will ever appreciate your kindness You are truly a light in the dark May the reward of God be with you Above all promises… Is my True love for you It is endless!

On my life I swear…. The Sun goes away at night The Moon goes away in the morning Darkness and Brightness alternates But my love for you is still in all weather, condition and situation To go nowhere until the end of time. Please enjoy your day. Thank you for every thing and I promise to refund all your money soon. Hope you all had fun? I am fine over, just been thinking too much about you and missing you so badly. Honey, I love you with every part of my being. I want to marry your soul and I have.

I dream of nobody else. If I could conjure up all the power in the world to translate my love to every form of living: You are my everything, and I love you more than life itself. I love you truly! I will be out of the door straight to the bank soon. I attached the copy of my check to this email and you already have my flight confirmation. Please remember this check is a secret I will never share with any one else so please keep it to yourself. Flight is scheduled to take off at ……PM today while we arrive tomorrow at …..

My luggage is packed and the truck man is set to take my equipments to the airport. I will also have enough money to pay the taxi man, the truck man and my deficit at the hotel. Dear, you bring to me a happiness no one else has before. You bring to me a love I have never known before. I could not imagine what my life would be like without you.

You have touched my heart in ways no one could ever comprehend. I love being with you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. My Wonderful angel there is nothing on this Earth that I could ever give you that would ever come close to how I feel about you. I want to be with 24 you for the rest of your life, and I know you feel the same. If only you knew how much I want to stay in your life. Gold LO, Good day to a beautiful world. I woke up today with you on my mind just like every other day and when I think of you, I feel alive.

You bring to me a happiness that no one else ever could. I love thinking of you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Every day I wake up thanking God for you. You have given me so much, and I know I will be able to give back all that you have given me.

You have been my guiding light when I was lost. You have been my comforter through all my trials and sorrow. You have been my rock. Your voice soothes me. I want to tell you that the love I have for you is undying. It is a love that is strong and enduring and will stand the test of time. I truly feel blessed that you have become a part of my life, and I cannot wait for the day that we can join our lives together.

I want to lie next to you at night and fall asleep in your arms. I want to wake to your beautiful smile. I want to share in your joys and sorrows. I want to be your everything, because you are everything to me. I promise to always love you and always hold you in my heart. I will always be there for you when you need me, and I will love you no matter what life brings us. You are my soul mate, and I vow to love you all eternity. I love you, babe. I am going now to the Embassy and the Tax office, wish me well honey. I will get in touch with you when I get back.

Please take good care of yourself for me and thank you for every thing. They always make me look down my heart and see you there. Today I sat and thought, with every breath I took, of only you. I remember when we first found each other like it was yesterday. Two people in two different worlds, 9 long years that I lost my family and was all alone, not knowing what life had in store for me. And then an opening of the door and there you stand, a woman with a heart the size of the heavens above.

One day lead to the next, and then days turned into weeks and and so did our love grow and keep growing, we made a family. To lay next to you in bed and bring an end to the misery of empty pillow. Days go by and nights get longer. It makes me stronger and stronger. One thing I want you to know is I love you and you will forever be in my heart. Good morning my love. I think the song below and the lyrics says my way of waking you up today, into a world of solid promises. I am here in the office thinking of nothing but you my dearest. I am missing you more than I can explain. I place eyes on the clock and keep watching as it moves.

There is nothing I want more, all I want is to be on the flight taking me to you. Play the song, read the lyrics and open your heart, you will find me holding your hands and looking straight into your bewitching eyes. I love you so! I asked you if you believed in soul mates and you said that you believed that God does make a special someone from every man.

Whether that man finds that someone he was created for or not, I know I was created for you. Here I am, heart and soul, confessing to the world how I feel about you. I would walk to the ends of the earth to meet you, and even though we are yet to meet, I already began the journey for love, for you, for us. I sure never expected to neither meet nor find someone as amazing as you. Without further making it harder on the two of us to be together, I need to tell you that I love you and I am here waiting and hoping a miracle happened for me to get on the plan.

I have my fingers crossed, waiting and waiting. Dreaming of you always … I want you yesterday, now and forever. Did you ever get some sleep last night? LOL Was it good? Sorry I was not all there. LOL I have prayed last night and again this morning —I asked God and Archangel Michael to surround you- your work -your house and family with 65 million Angels to protect and guide you. Stop and take a moment to visualize this honey — — wall to wall Angels everywhere —just for YOU. You are so very awesome honey -do you know that?

You are sweet -kind-generous -loving-adorable -brilliant-intelligent-funny — beautiful -sexy — sensual — and all the good stuff. You my dear put a smile on my face everyday!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love you more today than yesterday! Your Angel Man xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxx Dearest One, Just had time to check my emails now and I just want to quickly reply to your message. Thank you for taking the time to read my long emails and replying to them.

You are the best thing happening to me in many years honey and I pray that soon, I will sit in front of you as you watch me cares you and tell you sweet words from my innermost heart. This is the way I want to live for the rest of my life, to be happy with my hobby, with you. I also love that fact that both you and I will retire and do nothing but enjoy and celebrate each moment of our lives together. Have you thought of where in the world you want us to live? I want you alone to make that decision because honestly, wherever you will be happy is where I want to live for the rest of my life.

Our love is unmistakeable, it is unbreakable, it is untouchable. It will live and grow each second of our lives and the world will write a story of us. You see that kind of love that makes you feel like you are just somewhere under beautiful trees, dancing to the beautiful melody of the leaves. And if the world write a story of our love, we will be known until the end of time. I hope you can see inside my heart now, you and you alone lives in there.

I love you …… and I want you to say that word to me next time we talk on phone. Please do not over work yourself, leave some things for us to do together when I return. Long kisses and hugs! Hello the great heart robber lol , I want you to know that everything you do for me reassures me that I am appreciated. I want you to know that you mean so much to me. From the first day we found each other, we were determined to get to know one another. From that very moment, I knew it was you and we quickly grew on getting to know each other. I want you to know that every moment since that first day holds a special place in my heart.

You tell me how precious I am. You tell me how you love every shape of my body. You just make me feel extra special; make me feel a sense of warmth inside. I want you to know that I love you for a reason which can never be known because my love for you is unconditional! I love you for being so caring and genuine. I love you for the happiness and joy you bring to my life. I love you for you!

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We needed good communication and we have done excellently on that. I want you to know that I want the best for you as well. I want you to succeed and I want all your dreams and fantasies to come true. I know that in me you see a matured man full of kindness, understanding, and compassion. An adult with an open-heart. A man who puts a smile on your face everyday. But ultimately, I want to be the man who is your everything.

You have brought so much joy to my life and you give me so much to look forward to when I wake up every morning. You make me feel like entering into these words and just come out from your computer when you log on into your email to check this message. I really need to exercise myself enough to receive all the hugs awaiting me.

I wonder what to call you my love, I think you are the number one criminal in the world. How wonderful you are my heart robber! Please take good care of yourself and have a splendid day. And I love you! You have done for me, what no other person can do. You have loved me the way no one can ever do. You have brought to me, a kind of happiness no one can ever bring. You have walked with me in the darkest night no one else could dare. You have crossed with me, the most dangerous bridge. You have shown me, a commitment no one else could ever show.

You have proved beyond doubt the reason for me to wanting to wake up every day. You have said to me, the best words ever. I feel like someone in paradise as the King of Kings and you the Queen of Queens. To love you through eternity, is no doubt. Good morning greatest of lovers.

You are the absolute best thing to ever happen in my life. And, you are the most sensitive, caring, tender, considerate, loving woman I have ever met. You are simply amazing. I know you believe that good things come to those who wait, but my wonder is … why does it take so long for those good things to arrive, and why does the wait have to come with all these obstacles of hard and testing times? All I have right now are my dreams of you, so I will close now to dream of us, and wait for that precious tomorrow when I can wake up to my dream come true — YOU!!

Stay strong, and I will always love you, and I will wait as long as it takes. It is you and me, Jo-Ann, forever. Thank you for loving me; I have never truly lived until the day I received your love. I love you always. No matter how much things screwed up, you were determined to keep our love alive. You are the reason I live, breathe, love and laugh. You mean everything to me. It means so much to me. There will be no looking back, no second thoughts and no regrets. I want you and need only you … and that love will only grow stronger. Do not be scared my love. Sometimes life hits you with unexpected things that take you totally by surprise.

Thank you for writing me. I just got back from Johannesburg Hall of Johannesburg for the meeting. After a long day of discussion with the professionals who are to instal the electrical pipes at the deck of the building, they have given me a condition that has set my brain resonating for hours.

This is the most critical part and the very last difficult stage of my project and I need only professionals to get this fixed. Like I told you before, it would take them three days, non stop, to get it all done.

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Once they are done, the last stage is the fixing of the POP to cover the pipes and that would be done by the local labor I already have. It would take another three long days, non stop, to fix the POP so I have a total of only six days to complete this project. How I wish that could be the next six days. Yes, they are very good at what they do but life is not just about only money. One has to be considerate at times and have human sympathy. I told them I would sign whatever paper they may want and gave them my word.

We had this conversation for over four hours and when we were all too tired, we had shifted the meeting to tomorrow. Since I left them, I have been thinking so hard and asking different questions. What if they change their minds and say they need the whole money? What would I do? I have invested so much, I mean I have put all I have in this project and this token amount should not delay my success at this point of my life. It should not draw me back because I just want to complete this and retire and enjoy for the rest of my life.

You may not know, I will be spending my life and eternity with you. All that I have and will ever have is also yours because I believe we are one. We will resume a world of laughter, happiness, joy, fulfillment of heart as soon as I arrive. I just want us together every moment of our lives. To love one another the way the world has never experienced.

Any one could think it is a hotel but no, it is a house. I was part of this huge project, worked on the bathrooms and toilets. We built the house 5yrs ago. The last two pictures is an Audi A8 car, made out of pure silver for one of the Sheikhs. Like I told you before, they will pay three times the money invested after the project. I want to give you things you never dreamed of. Even though these people spoil my mood today, I feel different since I got to write you and I am getting happy just because I looked down my heart and find you smiling at me. I love you so much than words can ever express.

Just know that you mean a lot to me ok? And I really appreciate you dear. We are such a perfect match. The joy I feel in recent days is my best. Please let me know how you are doing. Those five simple words always bring a smile to my face and song to my heart. The day you came into my life a miracle happened. One minute I was resigned to the fact that love was a part of my past, 33 something although painful to think about, was nothing more than mere memory.

And then there you were. You opened my heart in ways it had never been opened before. You awakened a part of me that had lay dormant all of life. Although I had loved and been loved before, never had it been so intense and so deep as what we feel for each other. This much I am sure of, we share a love so true that I have never before experienced the true joy of complete empowering, soul-felt love as we share.

I will take it to the pawn shop tomorrow and see what I can get on it. Who else do I turn to? I have thought over this again and again but what can I do? I believe from that very moment we fell in love, we have become two bodies that dwell in only one single soul. Your smiles and your worries have become mine and so have mine become yours.

I believe by now, even if the whole world would be against me or you, you and me only will comprehend and stand by each other. The path to success can never be walked alone but who do we walk with? Who could be there when it seems like hell was let loose upon us? Of course, our second half. It would take only death to separate one single soul. You are my love so understand what I mean here more than I have said it because really, there can never be any word to say exactly what I mean. Only powerful minds in love will understand this. My love, here I come on my kneels, I will never ask you any thing if I have other options.

Though you come first but I hate to take my woman through stress. Here is our trial time honey, we should be one all through the thick and thin of life. We will have a good testimony to tell in only six days once I have the complete money and let these professionals resume work. One thing you must have in mind is, I will refund all your money the same day I get over. My appreciation to every one will last forever but most of all, my greatest appreciation will always be yours, I love you. I am secure in your love as I know you are in mine. What more could we ask for than to be truly loved as we do each other and have found the one we have both been searching for all our lives.

Please get back to me as quickly as you can so I could call the head of the professionals and let him know when I want them to resume work. Thank you for being there for me. My love, Been on this computer for hours thinking of how to tell you this but what can I do? The only person I can share my life with is you, you come first and then Nelson. You are the second half that completes me. We argued over this for long and at a point in time, they almost got incensed with my explanation and concluded they only came with my check as issued from the head quarter in Dubai and no way for them to pay a part of the money.

Right now, they left with my check after almost giving it to me. They said I will get it in few days if I fix the loop hole in their project. Dear, I really do understand what it feels like to know that a man you share a soul with is going through all these. Right from that moment we fell in love, our worries, our problems, our happiness, our joy, our life has become one. I thanked him and show serious appreciation.

I really do owe Nelson big time. You can see honey, the road to success is such a rough road. Nothing good in life comes easy!!! But I know in the end of every struggle, it will all be fine. I don't know the future. I didn't come here to tell you how this is going to end, I came here to tell you how it's going to begin.

I'm going to hang up this phone, and then I'm going to show these people what you don't want them to see. I'm going to show them a world, without you. A world without rules and controls. Without borders or boundaries. A world where anything is possible. Where we go from there, is a choice I leave to you.

I'm sorry, I've been trying to break the record for "the most calls missed" if its a emergency or your dieing or something, please hold on till the record is broken. And I will call you back. If this were the best of all possible worlds, I could come to the phone right now, but I can't, so if you could leave your name and number If you are hearing this tape, then I'm not here now. Please leave your name, number, D.

B, address, social security number, age, height, weight, how many children you have, what sex you are, your mother's maiden name, and the date and time when you called me. If you are still listening, then whatever you have to say must be very important. Please leave a message after the beep. I'm not at home today, and I might not be home tomorrow. So please leave a message after the tone. I didn't take a shower today, and I might not take one tomorrow. So if you don't leave a message after the tone, you might have to deal with me in person. I'm only here in spirit at the moment, but if you'll leave your name and number, I will get back to you as soon as I'm here in person.

I'm sorry; my answering machine is out of order. May I take a message? I'm unable to take your call in person because I'm having an out-of-the-body experience. In fact I'm standing right behind you and I can hear everything you say. But leave me a message anyway to help me reconnect when I get back. I'm writing the definitive work on pain. I would like you to tell me how this machine makes you feel. This is for posterity. In Japan, the hand can be used like a knife.

Sound of smashing box of kleenex. But this method doesn't work with a telephone call Introducing the all-new Ginsu answering machine! It cuts, it chops, it slices, it dices your incoming calls! How much would you pay? All I can say is leave me a. Kemosabe no in tipi now. You leave'um message after little smoke signal, and Kemosabe get back for pow-wow real fast.

Caller thinks, "Who's there? Please leave a message Leave a message or I'll send 30, volts through your phone. I am an electrical engineer. I can do that. Lindsey's not home now. This is his domestic droid speaking. I'm not programmed to answer the phone, so just leave a message, and Lindsey will get back to you as soon as possible. Please begin your message with your MasterCard or Visa number, card type, and date of expiration.

I'll get back to you pending credit approval. Please leave your credit card number at the tone Anything but the beep! Please leave your name, phone number, the time you called, and your favorite color of underwear. We'll get back to you if we like the color. Prepare for alpha test of Beep Software revision 2. Rub-a-dub-dub, Just got in the tub, Rick is out playing; the kids are misbehaving, and can't come to the phone.

Starship Enterprise, Uhura here, can you hold please? Steve has been captured by a flying saucer and can't come to the phone right now, but if you leave your name, phone number, and a message, I'll have him call you back as soon as he gets away. Read all about it in next week's National Enquirer. Steve is reassembling Elvis' brain and can't come to the phone right now, but if you leave your name Susan and I are not here right now.

We're in the bathroom having some fun. She likes it up and down and I like it back and forth. Leave a message at the beep and we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished brushing our teeth. Thank you for calling Santa's workshop. Santa can't come to the phone right now, and the elves are out back barbecuing Blitzen. After the tone, please leave your Christmas list, and maybe we'll get back to you! Thank you for calling the Confessional Hotline. Father Durway's not here right now, but if you'll leave your name, number, and confession at the tone, he'll get back to you with absolution as soon as possible.

And remember, confession doesn't count unless you confess all of your sins in vivid, graphic detail! Thank you for calling the Metropolitan Church of the Holy Bible. Today's commandment is Number 6, Thou shalt not Shalt not witness thy Neighbor's ass, Oh, I mean, false Shalt not commit a bear Thank you for calling the Satanic Hotline. All of our operators are busy at the moment.

If you would like, leave a brief message after the tone, and someone will get back to you When hell freezes over. Thank you for calling Uncle Tom's Mortuary and Delicatessen. You stab 'em and we slab 'em. We have specials on Mondays and Thursdays. We are currently unable to come to the phone, but if you leave your number and address at the tone, we'll be by to pick up the corpse as soon as possible.

Thank you for phoning the Save the Sasquatch Hotline. Our operators do not exist at the moment, but if you wish to make a contribution, please leave your name, number, and the amount of your bequest at the sound of the beep, and something will get back to you shortly. Your help will enable us to bring these delightful creatures back from the brink of fantasy and find them suitable positions in the forest product industry.

Your gift is, of course, reality deductible. Thank you again, and have a nice day. Thank you for reaching out to us. Nobody is home now.

George Formby

However, if you leave a message, we'll reach out and touch you. Thanks for calling Dial-An-Asshole. Right now, all our assholes are busy. After the tone, leave your name and number, and we'll have an asshole return your call as soon as possible. Thanks for calling Dial-A-Shrink. I can't come to the phone right now, so after the tone, please leave your name and number, then talk briefly about your childhood and tell me what comes to mind when you hear the following words: I'll get back to you with my diagnosis as soon as possible.

The machine answering this message is connected to a volt power supply, and a relay which is wired to this small kitten. Sound of a kitten meowing. If you hang up before you leave a message, it will complete the circuit and fry the kitty. The President is not in his office at this time. Please leave your name, phone number, the name of the country you wish to invade, and the secret password. These are the messages of Chad's answering machine. Its two semester mission: To seek out your name and your telephone number. These words are lovely dark and deep, but I've got promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep, so leave a message at the beep.

This is , and no, it's not Pete's Pizzaria. It's not the Credit Union either, and no one named Pam lives here. You can leave a message though. This is a test. This is a test of the Answering Machine Broadcast System.

This is only a test. This is Dan Cassidy's answering machine. Please leave your name and number, and after I've doctored the tape, your message will implicate you in a federal crime and be brought to the attention of the FBI. Put your sister down. Sound of window breaking. I'll have to get back to you later. This is not an answering machine -- this is a telepathic thought-recording device. To initiate destruct sequence, call the CIA with today's password. Today's password is "baby booties.

And God only knows where Lisa is! Fortunately resurrections and divine revelations do tend to occur from time to time, so leave a message and we'll let you know when the next miracle occurs. But we're not home right now. So leave a message at the tone, and we'll assimilate you later. We can't get to the phone right now because we were killed in the earthquake. But, leave a message anyway, someone is sure to get it eventually. Well I finally got an answering machine. Now how does this thing work? Press record button, I did that, and the light should be on. I wonder why it's not working right.

Hmmmm, I wonder what this button does Leave a message and we'll call you back and tell you what we got. You have reached an imaginary number. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again. I ain't here at the moment. Leave a message at that silly beep and I'll get back Hey, what are you cooking? You are listening to This is the Canadian Broadcorping Castration.

I am your host, Fred, and I will be with you for the next 20 seconds. After that we'll play your requests. Leave yours with us, and we'll try to fit it in, given programming constraints. Thank you for listening to our show. This is an answering machine. This is the nineties. You know what to do. You can try to. Please hold while I process your call. Our extremely sophisticated computer system performed a trace on your number and was able to match it with our list of important callers. None of our staff is authorized to speak with you except for Fred, who is not here right now.

Please leave your name phone number and a brief message at the tone. Thank you for calling and have a nice day. You have reached our secret underground hideaway. I'm afraid we're all out just now on a desperate mission to save the Planet from boring answering machine messages, but if you know what The Shredder has done to April O'Neill, or if you know where he is, or if you can think of a decent pizza recipe, just leave your name and number and we'll ring you right back.

But don't say anything yet! Enemy agents may be listening. When the computer has checked they're not eavesdropping, it will make a bleeping noise and you can speak freely. Once this is done, our computers will be able to use the sound of YOUR voice for literally thousands of illegal and immoral purposes. You have reached the offices of the planet Zarton.

All our agents are busy undermining the governments of the Earth and cannot come to phone at the moment. However, your name and number can be left at the tone and a representative will gladly contact you shortly to arrange for your assimilation into the new order. Long groblint the ultimate blenstron. You have reached the Suicide Prevention Hotline.

All our lines are busy now, but if you leave your name and number, someone will get back to you as soon as possible. You've called our number, but we don't care. If we did, we'd be here. So leave a message at the tone, and we'll call u back, when your not home. All our operators are tied up right now, so if you leave a name, number, a list of transgressions, and bark like a dog, we'll get right back to you with your penance.

This is our answering machine. Switch to heavy metal racket: This is our answering machine on drugs. Demented, screechy voice; occasional background screams: Thank you for calling Last Straw Chiropractic. We can't come to the phone right now because we're making a couple of adjustments. Break a few small twigs; big scream. Please leave your name and number and we'll get back to you as soon as it is humanly possible. Thank you very much. Now, shum people, dey shay dey don' like 'em, but I shay it'll shave you a lotta trouble if you jusht leave a message.

We are currently unable to answer because we are either chasing, or being chased by, bats. French monologue in the background: Around the world today, millions still speak French as either a first or second language. But with your continued support and help, we can wipe out French in our lifetime. Please leave a message in English at the tone, and remember, if someone tries to speak French to you, just say, "non". This is Sa-to, If you leave message, I call you soon. If you leave "sexy" message I call sooner!

Gregorian chants in background; serene voice: Hello, Brother or Sister. You have reached the Cubicles of Curtis, Chris, and Jim. We are at Vespers and therefore answering other calls, but if you will leave your name, number, and a brief message, we will consider breaking our vow of silence to return your call. Please speak loudly, clearly, and in tongues. I'm in the Neighborhood of Make Believe right now, so I can't come to the phone. Can you leave your name and number when you hear the sound of the tone?

I knew you could. In a good Australian accent: Can't come to the phone now because I'm a bit tied up with this crocodile. Just leave a message, and I'll get back to you. In British voice Hello! I'll be eating lunch on my yacht, but I might be able to clear my schedule if you'd like to do something In Joe Friday voice: The phone line you have just dialed is currently under investigation on a warrant issued by the Attorney General of Canada.

To facilitate our investigation, we would appreciate you leaving your name, number, a brief message, and any affiliations you may have made now, or in the past, with communist or terrorist organizations. In the background can be heard springs creaking and various moans; husky, soft female voice is best: You've just reached Sharon's Pleasure Palace.

We're all busy as I'm sure you can tell, but when we're done I can't come to the phone right now. Me and Guido are trying to stuff a body in the trunk. I think we're going to have to size it a little Anyways, leave your name and a message. If I like it, you'll hear from me. If not, you'll hear from Guido! This is the city. I carry a tune. I was changing my name to protect my innocence when I got a call about a It sounded like good information to me. But I needed more. A name and a number. So leave yours and I'll return your call.

Or I can send you a FAX. Nothing but the FAX, ma'am. Hum the "Dragnet" theme Jimmy Buffett's "This Hotel Room: Thinking you were making an ordinary phone call, you have instead reached Leave your name and number, and we will get back to you as soon as we can. Loud heavy-metal music in background; raspy voice: Hello, this is the executioner. Joe can't come to the phone right now because he's DEAD! Leave a name and number and IF we decide to resurrect him, he'll call you back. Loud sounds of a massive battle; calm voice: Due to the breakdown in the nd truce, the inhabitants of village are cowering in their bomb shelters.

However, if you leave your name, number, and a message, any survivors will get back to you when the rd truce begins. There Dale sits, reading a magazine. Suddenly the telephone rings! The bathroom explodes into a veritable maelstrom of toilet paper, with Dale in the middle of it, his arms windmilling at incredible speeds!

Will he make it in time? Alas no, his valiant effort is in vain. The bell hath sounded. Thou must leave a message. The bathroom explodes into a veritable maelstrom of toilet paper, with Dale in the middle of it, his arms wind milling at incredible speeds! Noisy pick-up of phone.

Hi, I'm a burglar and I was just about to steal Troy's answering machine. If you give me your name and number I'll Uh, I'll post it on the fridge where he'll see it. By the way, where did you say you live? Ominous electronic background music: In honor of Halloween, I'm about to perform an unspeakable pagan ritual. So please leave a message. Unless you're a virgin, in which case, why don't you stop by? Operatic music like Rossini's "Stabbat Matter": Hi, you've reached Hell. Screams in the background. We're busy being cleaned by the light of eternal truth right now, so if you leave your name, number, and a brief message, we'll get back to you at the end of time.

Pink Floyd's "Nobody Home": When I pick up the phone Hello, you have reached the Brown residence. You now have two choices. Number one, you may leave a message. Hey brother, you have reached the Narcotics Information Hotline. None of us can answer the phone right now, 'cause we're trying to decide if it exists. Welcome to Susan's Message Parlor of Delights. We would be delighted if you would leave your name, number, and of course a message that doesn't rub us the wrong way Theme from "Raiders of the Lost Ark" in the background: You've reached the residence of John and Tom.

We can't come to the phone right now, because we're cleaning the refrigerator.

Editorial Reviews

Editorial Reviews. About the Author. Alan Weeks was formerly Senior Lecturer in History at St Second World War Humour - Kindle edition by Alan Weeks. Between and the world witnessed what is generally agreed to be the most horrific war in history. Millions died and millions more were physical or.

Please leave your name and number, and we'll get back to you. Theme music and voice from Alfred Hitchcock Presents: I'm sorry, but Steve can't come to the phone now, as he's quite tied up. Sounds of struggle in background, and voice heard through a gag. I tied him up. But leave your name and number, and he'll return your call if he manages to get free.

And speaking of things that are not free, we now have this word from our sponsor Uh, hello, Mike and Brian aren't here right now. So at the beep, leave your name, your number, your message, and ten thousand dollars in a brown paper bag. To scare off annoying liberals: Hello, and thank you for calling the Bush in 50 Campaign.

Your five dollar donation to get George Bush re-elected in all 50 states will automatically be charged to your phone bill. If you would like to leave a message To the tune of "Heartbreak Hotel" with appropriate music: I just left home baby, I'll be out fer a spell, and if you don't leave a message baby, you can go to BEEP. Don't feel stupid, Its no big fuss, Leave a message, You can reach us. Well, anyway, I'm here to answer the telephone on behalf of I mean, he can't come to talk to you right now, but if you leave a message after the, umm oh, the uhhhh Whole family crowds around, including screaming babies and noisy pets; to the tune of "Frere Jacques": We're not here now, We're not here now, Don't hang up, Don't hang up, Leave your name and number, Leave your name and number, We'll call back, We'll call back.

With strong east Indian accent: Hello, you have reached the existential hotline of Ransheesh. I am currently meditating, but if you leave your name and which lifeline you are currently inhabiting at the sound of the Om, I will send good karma waves and contact you when the stars align properly.

You know, it can be really lonely when you're a fashion model. Sometimes I just have to Oh come on Linda, give me the damn phone Ask them to leave a message. Please leave a message as soon as possible and I'll get back to you at the sound of the tone. We are not able to respond due to uninevitable circumcisions. But if you leave your name and noomber, we won't be in wonder If you give me your name and number, I'll I pledge to you, my caller, that you will never have to suffer through another long answering machine message when you call me.

We know how you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang up. I can't come to the phone right now because I'm down in the basement printing up a fresh new batch of twenty dollar bills. Hi, This is Dave. Open a drawer and shuffle stuff around. OK, what would you like me to tell me? You have reached Bob's hotline. Hello, this is Marlin's answering machine reminding you that yesterday was the last day of the previous period of your life. Hey -- that's a nice phone you have there. Star Trek theme in the background: Room 17, the final frontier.

To boldly inform you to wait for the tone. Keep your hands, feet, extremities and obscenities inside the car at all times. A bubble in the space-time continuum has connected your line to a channeler in the 23rd century. Any message you leave will be broadcast into the future. This is a boring answering machine message. Leave a message anyway. Useful to keep people from calling at odd hours to hear your latest exciting message. Classical music in background, slow stoned voice: Don't you ever wonder what life would be like?

Hey, Rocky, somebody called while we weren't home. Sound of vicious dog barking, stops abruptly. If I die before I wake, Remember to erase the tape. Kemosabe no in teepee now. Next on Public Radio 91 we'll be hearing music of Antonin Dvorak. After the tone, leave your name and number and recite a sentence using today's vocabulary word. Bwana fella no home now, so you fella leave talkie-talk.

Using the forms below, you can post your comments about this page or even your own ideas for creative answering machine messages. Please don't post anything below that's already posted above. That'd be pretty pointless, don't you think? If you'd prefer to make a general comment about phonelosers. We are out-standing in our field right now. AND the 2nd prize winner gets a call back! You have reached single hot chick's phone. The only way i might call u back is if u have lot's of cash,a nice car,and a will with my name on it.

If u don't apply then too bad. Here is the best one: Hello we're not home right now To enter into the contest you must answer the following questions: Your Name, Your Number, and why you called. The spring has sprung, the grass has ris but no ne knows where stanley is. Hello and thank you for calling the confessinal hotline at the moment father durways out but if you would leave your name number and confession we will get back to you as spiritually possible. Remember to leave all your sins in vivid graphic details for our enjoym I mean so you can help us help you have a blessed day! Well im not going to tell you my name, since you called me, and im not going to tell u to leave a message and all that, since u should know to do that.

Im also not going to say ill call u back, because maybe i wont. So just do what u please. I'm probably in jail again so can you come bail me out before you leave your stupid message you duechbag. Hey can you hold on for a min.? I can't come to the phone right now because I'm doing something I really enjoy. I like to do it up and down, and I like to do it left to right really slowly. So leave a message, and when I'm done brushing my teeth I'll get back to you. Nice voice oh hello this is john im not in so leave a message and have a great day, bye. Yeah I'm out redboxing some long distant call so leave your message after the hz tone and I'll beige box and third party bill the call when I get back to you.

Oh I knew you were gonna call Na im kidding i cant come to the phone right now so leave your message and i'll get back to you when i feel like it. Hi You have very bad luck because we arent in right now I would also like to inform you that I have wondeful news.. I just saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching to geico Leave a message or don't, its up to you. Just don't blow up my phone because i didn't answer. If i didn't want to talk to you the first time I won't want to the tenth. Sorry I can't answer take your call right now.

I am laying on the beach, drinking mojitos and getting a rub down by a sexy brazillian boy And if this the Psychic Hotline, you should already know. I'm in the middle of the Arctic Ocean getting frozen, the last thing I want to listen to are a bunch of asseholes who can't hurry the fujck up and leave a message. Mate you've reached the Taylor's silent number, leave a message you wanker and I'll decide if I should pick up We all be on the poop deck, so leave a message afterrrr the Arrrrr or ye be walkin' the plank.

Hey if u are the person that keeps ringing my phone and leaving annoying voice messages then stop! I know you can rap, I know you can spit. But if you think you cant, dont tell me that shit. I will call you back, Probly later today. And if you can make, your little message rhyme, Ill call you back, In half of the time. But no one is at home.

Hello, you have reached the Cedar Hills Retirement Center. We can't come to the phone right now, so please leave a HAHA i got you again!

What's Your Status - Web Series - Episode1 - Sunday - Cheers!

People keep calling my prayer phone give me a message that will make them STOP calling. Hello I cant hear speak louder hahaha gotch ya leave me a message at the beep. Flagg from Stockholm, Sweden: Absolutely great stuff, Y'all take care now, you heah? We're not home now but you can just leave a message!

Youve reached the psychic line. After the tone I predict u will speak. But if you dont you will Leave me a message and if your lucky i will get back to you! Haven't heard from you in a long time!

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Hi I'm not here so leave a message cause that's what it's there for!!! Hey there, this is u know , so leave the know what at the u know when.. Talk to ya later. Hi you've reached Jim and Susy Not at the phone. Hi you've reached my phone. You know what, what's the fucking point? You know what to do, uness your fucking stupid. Why am I even recording this? I could be doing something important. You know what, whoever the hell you are you mght as well hang up because I'm gonna ramble a lot.

I may even cry. It's just too much pressure. What the hell am I supposed to say? I mean oh my god. This is just too much. I'm gonna go take a bubble bath. Hi im not here right now, i mean im here now but imrecording so i might not be here later, i mean now but later, like after i record the message, i mean im recording the message now but after its recorded you might call, i mean if your calling now then i already recorded the This site is like not so cool cant you think of something els to take up space on the net for fuck sakes. NMH so leave my a word and ill c wat i kan do!! Hey wanna find out if we really like talking to you then leave a message and you'll find out if we call you back.

Sorry we're not here to lend an ear, so leave a word and you'll be heard. Roses are red, violets are blue,Sugar is sweet, and so are youThe roses have wilted, the violets are dead, The sugar bowl's empty, and so is your head,The roses stink, sorta like sheep But leave your name, number, and message after the beep The roses are molding, the violets are rotten And I might call you back, if I haven't forgotten. Hey, If you're a bill collector we sent the money, if you're a telemarketer this call is gonna cost you money, if you're our parents send some moeny, if you're our friends you owe us money, if you are a man you'll supply the money No one is avaliable to take your call, so leave a message, don't make it long, and we'll call you back when you buy a thong!

However if you are one of the many guys that's looking for a PlayGirl job slip in to something comfortable and come on over. Who are u again There's no point in leaving a message since by now I'm probably dead. See Ya in Hell! Hi, you've reached the sucide hotline, please hold on the line and I'll get some one for you!

Similar to one below, but more refined "Hey, this is Dan. Leave your name, phone , address, Social Security , Credit Card , and the expiration date. I'll get back to you if I need anything else. Hello this is my answering machine. I know you're supposed to leave a message, but I really prefer you don't. I'll just get back to you when I can. The truth is I just don't want to hear it. So I'm going to think about callin you back.

I know you're supposed to leave a message, but I prefer you don't. Speak up I cant hear you!!!!? This is an asnwering machine message so leave your message after the tone!!! You're mission, should you choose to accept it, it to leave your name, number, and a brief message after the beep.

This recording will self destruct in And now you talk message, Ya? Ok then, you talk now, ya? Hello, I am not able to come to the phone right now I was just kidding about the hell comment Since I already know who you are and why you've called, at the sound of the beep, you can just hang up. Thank you for calling. Leave me a message and i'll leave you with and abstract thought. Is a penguine a bird or a duck? Were not here at the moment, but you know what to do, how to do it, and when to do it You've got the machine, you know the routine, so leave a message after the beep!

To eliminate spam, please assure us that you are a human by typing what you think that picture to the left is. It starts with a T and ends with a REE. Do I like you? Oh, if I might do that, I will need your phone number to. That makes me feel better. When you are ready to record, press record. Oh, yes, Press record. Is there anybody there? If not then please keep up with the century!! I know your out there, I can feel you now. I know that your afraid, your afraid of us. Your afraid of change. I dont know the future, I didnt come here to tell you how its going to end.

I came here to tell you how its going to begin. A world without rules and controls, without borders and bounderies. Where we go from there is a choice I leave to you. You have reached my answering machine. Then and only then can I get back to you. Simply speak whatever is on your mind after the beep. Thank you for calling…. All of our residents are busy assisting other bill collectors, telemarketers and various unsolicited telephone calls. Please listen carefully as our menu options have changed…. If you know the extension of the person you would like to speak with, please dial it now. If you wish to access the resident directory, please press 1 now.

If you wish to obtain our address so you can send us a check, please press 2 and leave us a message. If you wish to obtain our address so you can send us a bill, please press 3, do not leave message and hold your breath until someone calls you back. If you wish to borrow money from us, please press 4 and leave a message and we might or might not call you back.

If you wish to request free car repairs, computer repairs or moving assistance, please press 5, hang up and try to remember how long it ago it was that you did a favor for us. If you wish to invite us over for dinner, please press 6 and leave a message with the day, time and menu If you wish to threaten, harass or otherwise cause drama or stress for us, please press 7, hang up and lose our freaking number. If you wish to speak with someone about your life and how depressing it is, please press 8, hang up, call the suicide hotline and remember to not burn your bridges next time.

If you wish to help us for a change, please press 9 and leave a message…. If you do not wish to leave a message, please press star to end this call…If you wish to bypass this greeting, please press pound…. Here are a couple that I composed: Well you have to leave a message if you want to talk to me pilgrum. By continuing to hold for the beep, you are agreeing to sign up for a 1 time pledge of In return, you will receive a beautiful Christmas card as a thank you from our family to yours.

After the tone, please leave your name, phone number and a short message. Thank you again for your pledge may your holiday season be Blessed. Hi this is name Answering machine. If a call make soon that means that i beep!!! My name is Tommy Thumbnail and I leave in this answering machine.