The Compatibility Matrix: The Qualities of YOUR Ideal Mate

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I'd hope we could work things out together and compromise when we can. That we can find a comfortable area where we can both cope and feel cared for. My ideal partner would be someone that is deep and passiomate like i am. I dont want someone who is the same as me at all..

I want someone who will support me in all my endevours and encourage me but also get excited when i am excited about something.

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I want someone who is kind and caring not just to me but to other people. I will not be with someone who treats other people badly. Someone who puts time and effort into me in every way to show me i am loved and cared for just like i would with them. Someone who is abit of a dreamer and likes art and poetry, music and watching the stars not absolutely necessary but would work well with my personality and someone who is willing to put effort into maintaining the relationship.

Someone who will communicate with me instead of just fighting with me because they can because in the end id rather talk things out. He would be warm, caring and kind. He would never be scared to display affection whether in private or in public. He would be strong, a good listener, deeply passionate about what they believe in. I want him to be imaginative and creative with their thoughts, not scared to stand strong behind them. Someone who on a cold winters night is more than happy to just cuddle under a blanket on the couch watching a movie.

Someone spontaneous, who in the summer would take me on surprise road trips to secluded beaches where we could play around in the surf under the sun. He would be my soulmate, a perfect match yet two different people. Someone who can lay out watching the stars dreaming of what life could have been.

We would argue, we would fight sometimes cry but he would be someone who at the end of the day would never sacrifice our relationship for anything.

He would be a good communicator but also sometimes vague in order to create surprise leaving life entertaining. He would be happy to go on romantic picnics in the country or by the water. We would complement each other perfectly. He is my best friend. He likes to talk to me about books we both read, about life, hopes and plans.

He likes to play games and watch movies with me when the kids are tucked up in bed. We explore thed world together. He is a great father abd he tells bad Dad jokes. He grows with me and learns with me. But most of all he is there for me. He met me when my Dad was dying of cancer and he supported me and wasn't scared away.

This was when I moved interstate without him to care for my Mum who was diagnosed with lung cancer and given 3 months to live. He cared for me when I had a broken coccyx during the birth of our second child. He learns as much as he can and he gives as much as he can. He is sad at the moment, he says because he is used to me being his rock. When all along he has always been mine. To be honest, I have no idea, and I highly doubt I'll ever meet that person, as I've consciously constructed an ideal that is too perfect to ever exist.

To be honest, I don't believe in love, at least not for myself. I've experimented with romantic cohabitation and, while it has its plusses, it doesn't feel like my natural comfort zone and I don't see what I'd gain from it. So I'd prefer to live with others non-romantically, and this probably rules out most women who might otherwise be interested in pursuing a serious relationship.

I did the online hookup-dating-meeting people thing. I had long mental lists of what I wanted. I even met a guy who at least on paper should have ticked all the boxes, and yet somehow it didn't work out. I gave up looking. About the time I gave up looking, I was messaged by this guy from another city. We chatted online as I had with dozens, if not hundreds of guys.

He was coming to my city on holiday, but we didn't meet - it didn't work out for some reason or other, but we kept chatting. I had no feeling that it was anything other than a friendship. We were building a really nice friendship. Since I had no expectation that it was anything else, I had nothing to hide - no good impression to make. Months later, he was coming again to my city on holiday, and we met up, and spent most of the evening smiling at each other. A year of so of long-distance relationship followed, which was good for me - slowly and gently, with lots of time for reflection apart.

That was three years ago. He now lives in Melbourne, and its wonderful. Why is he ideal for me? Because he is very steady and copes with my emotional ups-and-downs history of anxiety and depression here! Neither of us is perfect, but we don't expect that. I guess if I had to nominate the biggest thing about why he is just right for me you can call that ideal if you like , is that he wants me to be me - just as I am, not some ideal that he has in his head about how I should be; and I likewise for him. Hi Paul, what a great post. I just want to be appreciated and loved for who I am I think thats a big ask though If I can quote you on a good point you made My stress levels elavate when I am in a relationship I feel like there is so much expected of me when I ask for so little in return I was told by a boss years ago that relationships are stressful and me thinks he was spot on.

My boss and I were in the fashion retail industry when wearing flares and cheese cloth shirts were huge. This is an interesting thread. To be honest, I'm not sure if I personally believe there's such a thing as an ideal life partner or maybe I just haven't met him yet ha, ha. I think that we can have an ideal image in our head. But sometimes someone who is "ideal" for us in the real world might turn out to be very different to the ideal in our head. Ultimately, my take on it is I'll know it when I feel it. But the basic things would be that he's patient.

It takes me years to actually believe someone likes me and isn't just "being polite". I need someone who would understand that and know it's not his fault if I can't trust him yet. Nothing feels worse than people giving up on you just because you need extra time.

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Also someone who's ok with little or no sex. Someone who won't give me that "but if you really love me Also not one of those "I Love Dick" gay guys trans people are a thing. Someone who can read my emotions. Just someone who can actually tell if I'm having a bad day, and even help me feel better. Someone who won't cluelessly say "yeah I noticed but I didn't think it mattered". Someone who will put time aside for me But my last relationship was just 4 years of them telling me they're too busy for me or "didn't feel like" spending time with me, and that just didn't feel very good on my end.

I get people are busy but this person never wanted my company and complained about me and criticised me more than anything then played the suicide card when I said I felt neglected and that our relationship was pointless. My ideal partner would not pull that shit and actually enjoy my company and let it be a 2-sided thing. Someone who is creative.

Musician, illustration, I don't care. I'm an illustrator and it's just lonely not being around other creative people. It takes two, so without looking at myself also, it's pie in the sky stuff. Once upon a time, sounds like a fairy-tale romance and sex were high on my list. These days it's more practical characteristics that form my ideal.

Questions might include; Is this person open, honest, reliable, likeable and respect themselves? Will this person carry their fair share of responsibilities? Will they tear my head off for not being perfect or wanting time for myself? Are they jealous or prone to unexpected outbursts?

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Looks aren't as important as how they care for themselves. But then, what's the point in wanting someone who's willing to spend time on self care when I don't? Do I feel worthy of them and are they worthy of me? Or am I going to lower my standards to just have someone 'there'?

What I've learned about myself, is that peace and 'calm' have to be in their nature to meet my needs. Working out disputes and conflict must be done with respect and focus on the issue, not me personally; because that's what I expect from me. I've learned the hard way, that trusting myself is just as important as trusting them.

That way I'll act on my own behalf to protect and promote my needs first. Then my match won't be so oppositional to my ideal. If that makes sense Being idealistic probably isn't practical, but it helps to stick to my expectations and not settle for less. You're very welcome to post, ask questions, or chat. Your comment; " Is it safe to come out at my age " is worth delving into if you're up to it.

I was in my late 50's Discuss on the rainbow thread or start your own? I'll be happy to talk as will others there. My 'ideal' partner is my husband. We drive eachother crazy sometimes but I would rather deal with his crap than anybody else's. Yes I agree with many of you. Ideal may not be the best word, however due to my dyslexia and probably poor vocab it would be the only word I could think of using. So my ideal partner male or female would be someone who is loving, caring and humble. I want someone who loves me for me.

Blaming and drama are unnecessary. How one woman learned to let go with love. Yes, his collection of Game of Thrones figurines is super-weird, but if you love him, make room for it. Want to rock his or her world? Start with opening up to your raw, tender truth and paying full attention to each moment. I really appreciate and love this article. It is so clearly written, making it easily digestible and applicable. Notify me of follow-up comments by email. Notify me of new posts by email.

Your Ideal Mate Does Not Exist The phantom image that comes between you and your partner-—your fantasy mate—is actually the cause of your pain. The gap between your real partner and your internal image is where pain lives. How do you get around this?

Here are a few ideas: After all, your partner has an internal image as well, and you are definitely coming up short! Understand that your internal images are not going anywhere.

You and your partner are both going to have moments of comparing one another to your internal ideals. If you notice your partner appears to be doing this, wait a bit and gently bring them back to the moment. Going on the offensive during these times will likely drive your partner further into comparison mode. Have you noticed how fights often revolve around what each of you thinks the other should be doing better?

Notice that your suffering exists in the gap between the ideal and your perceived reality. The essence of suffering is resistance—we can call it fear, anxiety, or stress. Finally, consider that just as you experience your ideal mate as an internal image, you do the same with your actual partner. One tricky bit about the human condition is that we experience reality internally. We selectively store memories and construct our reality from images of the past.

As as result, you have more control over your experience of that image than you give yourself credit for. Erik Newton is the founder of Together. The noonday demon weighs a marriage down, but it can also build strength. The Beauty of Breaking Up. Two Journeys, One Relationship.

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